Anyone ever lose a friend after moving in with them? Vol. Debbie Downer

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What's good, NT.  It's ya boy Comparison Ford and I got a problem.  I got an apartment with a longtime friend (20+) years last summer and it's been a slow downward spiral ever since.  I made a post about it in The Depression Thread at the end of last year that will give you some insight to his problems:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Comparison Ford  
 
"I've had my issues with depression in the past, but my roommate is really worrying me.

He admitted to being depressed after about two months of living together and ever since then it's been downhill.  When he told me about it I gave him the number of a few doctors from my job and told him to make an appointment.  A few weeks pass and I notice he's getting worse and worse (sleeping all day, drinking, not leaving his room, etc.). It got to the point where he was drinking himself to the point of being sick, calling into work so he could drink all day, and repeating the cycle.  By the third day I basically made him go see a doctor.  I scheduled the appointment and everything.  He went, but they didn't do anything for him other than refer him to a psychologist.  He ended up going to the psychologist once, but he said his insurance didn't cover it so he stopped going.  When I asked him if he tried to find a new psychologist/psychiatrist covered by his insurance he said no.  He stayed at a baseline level of depression for a while, but the week before Thanksgiving it got really bad.  Slipped into the cycle of drinking and calling in sick to work.  I finally got his brother and a few friends involved and we staged a quasi-intervention where we addressed his depression, drinking, missing work, burning bridges, etc.  He seemed receptive to it all and spent a few weeks getting better (started going to the gym, bought some stuff to help spruce up the apartment, was drinking less, etc.) but he's  back to square one again.  He spent the whole weekend drinking by himself and sleeping.  I grilled him about his behavior last night and everything I said was met with a sarcastic "yep."  I asked him if he had followed through with getting an appointment for a psychiatrist/psychologist and he flatly said "nope."  When I asked him if he was going to he said "nope."  

At this point he's hurting himself just to spite me (I give him crap for never cleaning up after himself/other various inconsiderate behaviors).  I just feel like I've hit a wall with him.  I've tried to help him over and over but he just won't help himself. At this point I'm thinking of breaking the lease agreement and moving out.  It sucks.  My apartment is beautiful and it's in an amazing location, but living with him is getting unbearable.  

If any NTers have been in a similar scenario or have any words of wisdom, I'm more than willing to listen."

Fast forward to today: he's still up to the same BS.  The only difference now is that he's getting a lot more bold with his inconsiderate behavior and selfishness.  Dude constantly makes messes and never cleans up, asks me for favors that he needs done immediately and expects me to drop everything I'm doing to help him out, drinks all the time and gets puke all over the toilet/bathroom floor, and never takes responsibility for his actions.  He actually told me it's my responsibility to make sure he doesn't drink too much anymore because I know that he can't control himself 
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.  He clearly has a drinking problem that has caused him to burn bridges his ex and a lot of friends, but he refuses to change his behavior.

I try to cheer him up, try to get him to go out and socialize, and try to get him to meet girls (he got out of a serious relationship 4 years ago and hasn't gotten any play since 
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), but I hit a brick wall every time.  Today was the breaking point though.  I gave him a proper airing of grievances (word to Frank Costanza) and told him to start looking into finding a new place once the lease is up.  Sucks...but I can't let him bring me down anymore.  Dude can literally only handle the most basic activities of daily living and he expects me to be his mommy to pick up the slack.  What makes it worse is that we share friends (one of which is his twin brother) and I don't want that to drive a wedge between anyone in our circle.

Anyone else ever lose a friend after moving in together?  Anyone else have any nightmare roommate stories?  Post them here.  Misery loves company. 
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Guys move in with guys like that?
yup, at least thats how it seems they do it in NYC  ...you never watched Friends, or How I Met Your Mother? both were set in NYC...

Friends had Chandler and Joey living together (they were really tight) til Chandler married Monica, and Marshal and Ted Mosby lived together...
 
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Watched both them shows, don't know anyone in real life that actually does that in nyc
 
That's something cats not from ny who try to sneak in here do. If you're from or got lineage in nyc that probably ain't happening
 
are you saying its taboo for males to room together in NY lol



u did the right thing op. "you shouldn't have to light yourself on fire to keep other people warm"


Ive cut lots of long friendships because of positive changes in my life and stagnancy in theirs. I still love em, but i just cant be a part of certain things anymore.
i actually had a similar roommate experience.....he got really addicted to cocaine and H and got sick and skinny....i tried doing what you did but nothing could get him out of that funk..........eventually his parents came and took him home.

Its hard seeing a buddy go through that, but what more can you do. they gotta want to help themselves.
 
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You can't make people change .they have to want it and take action themselves. If they do that,I have no problem helping them get to where they want to be .

Drop em op and don't feel bad about it you tried to help and apparently he didn't want it.
 
You gotta realize how stupid it is to be bothered by young dudes having roommates (ever heard of college?). It's not like dudes are getting married, and you still live at home.
 
I dunno how moving in with your friends is weird. A lot of my friends have done it and my guy friends have asked if I wanted to be roommates for a few nice apartments. We're all from NY btw.

Anyway, sounds like your friend doesn't want to get better any time soon. Tell his fam they better keep a close eye on him before they find him dead or in bad shape.
 
You gotta realize how stupid it is to be bothered by young dudes having roommates (ever heard of college?). It's not like dudes are getting married, and you still live at home.
my personal rule, I ain't trying to live with other people like that
 
Didn't read, but one of my cousins got into meth and other drugs back home so he moved up here to the bay area. Moved in with another cousin of mine and got kicked out less than a year later. Now he moved in with me and my old man and he pisses me off so much.

He's a complete idiot. He's clean now, but stupid as ****. Dude put his dirty towel that he used to dry his car, in the cabinet with the clean towels. He really is just a stupid ************, **** that guy.
 
That's fine my g, but don't act all incredulous and say **** like NY dudes don't do that.
for the most part they don't. I'm not saying it's never happened or never will happen. I'm just saying in general
 
Didn't read, but one of my cousins got into meth and other drugs back home so he moved up here to the bay area. Moved in with another cousin of mine and got kicked out less than a year later. Now he moved in with me and my old man and he pisses me off so much.

He's a complete idiot. He's clean now, but stupid as ****. Dude put his dirty towel that he used to dry his car, in the cabinet with the clean towels. He really is just a stupid ************, **** that guy.
That ***** personal when you **** with the towels
 
This dude buying Kane shorts but judging dudes with roommates :lol:
the idea of roommates makes me wanna stab someone, real talk :lol:


how do u even know this ?
just making a late night Sunday assumption based on personal experience and way of thinking. Although maybe people have roommates on the low, I wouldn't know, I don't ask people them type of questions. Really any questions cuz I don't talk to people like that :lol:
 
I would never want a roommate. Especially friends, because of this. Plus I need my space. I need to be able to walk around naked or talk to myself any time i want to lol.

Ideally, it would be awesome to have friends in the same building or even floor. Then you can just hang or shoot the **** basically whenever.
 
Moving into a house with a friend from work next month. His room is on the first floor, mine is on the 3rd, and we share the kitchen on the 2nd. I'll save like $400-$500 a month this way and I'm able to get a way bigger place than I could if it was just me.
 
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