Do we have any writers/poets up in this piece? Share and critic. Vol. The smoking section.

[chiefwiggum]

*puff of cigar, snap, snap, snap. remove the shades, puff of cigar. take off pimp hat, puff of cigar*
DO NOT GO ON IF YOU DON'T INTEND TO READ FOR %%%%.

Do we have any writers, poets on here? I write whenever my brain tells me to. I just wrote this a few days ago. It's a rap basically and a short story. 

I did not want to post in the music section..it's dangerous in there. They don't even listen to music. Just muzik.

Anyway, here it is.. a lil' long..but lemme know what you think. I look forward to reading some of your stuff. Thanks yall.

Today(is the day).

Woke up early in the mornin',

as to why, i'm uncertain,

yawn and stretch, then take a few steps..

to pull back the curtain.

Feel the breeze put me at ease,

watch the trees, the falling leaves,

means..

the changing of seasons.

So, without explanation for my reasons..

I take a walk, to take a hold of this feeling.

 

Usually my mind's racin', 

but today, I feel patient.

Right foot, left foot, a breath,

and a few more steps to no certain destination.

I let the wind just tell me where to go,

as I embark along this stroll,

the sun sparks my heart,

and I start to feel my soul,

..start to see a glow,

something so beautiful,

like I haven't seen before.

My eyes adjust, shake off the rust, now i'm lockin' in.

a few more steps and a few more breaths of the oxygen.

Now, I've been told all that glitters, it aint gold.

And to play my cards right, but i'm not about to fold.

I've only seen this kind of *@!@ in my dreams before,

I hope this is it, and not another scene of allure,

so before I take another step an inch, I pinch,

you know..just to make sure.

 

"Hey, hi, how you doin?

"You've got something about you, I have an interest in pursuin'

But, if you thought that line was whack..

i'll double back and keep it movin.

But before I go, just know you look so sweet,

somethin' I wanna sink my tooth in,

and i've been searchin' for years,

you look like someone I can find the truth in.

You see, i'm trying so hard to grow,

you look like someone I can dig my roots in."

 

Her teeth, a grin! But quickly she wiped the smile off her face.

Let's cut to the chase.

She said "Cute, but let's cut the small talk"

"You wanna know more about me? 

Then you'll have to race me to the boardwalk."

A few more steps, this time a little slower.

Like a gentlemen,

I let her win.

But I kept it close,

A little cold out now,

no jacket,

my arm to her shoulder, 

I had to attach it.

 

I could feel the warmth in my ventricles,

her heartbeat and mine..

they were identicle.

i'm usually good with words,

but she's got something I can't define.

The type of eyes that send signs of shivers down my spine.

Knowing this is it, I can't rewind.

I say "Finally someone not see-through..

that I can see INTO.

If you're not the one, you are the stencil.

With you i'm able to recline.

Your face erased the clouds of doubt in my mind,

like the butt-end of a pencil.

I bet you're equipped with lips,

which form a kiss that's just lethal"

to pass the time, I pull the Casper line..

"Can I keep you?"

 

She pushed off, but with another grin.

We lock eyes for a second,

I notice the triangle of beauty marks on her chin.

If you want to hold my hand,

then you'll race me to the sand."

Damn, this girl is too smart.

Here we go again, I let her get the head start.

The whole time running all I could think about was..

how I thought love was a dead art.

All that changed when we reached the sand.

Hand in hand, love?

I knew her fingertips created it.

But my mind began cluttering when she spoke the words,

"I can only stay a bit"

Damn. Did I lose another to stuttering or smothering?

In doubt, I remained cool.

 

With our hands we built a castle,

in case anyone attacked, we built a moat.

If they came on boat for the battle,

a turret where our knights shot arrows.

We had all of the defenses. 

Unlike most girls..

she had no walls to get through,

barriers, or even fences.

The fact that her heart allowed me entrance,

rendered me defense-less.

 

From knight time, to night time, the moonlight shine.

I knew all I want is this.

A cloud over the moon, but when it passed..

a perfect kiss. 

All the birds sang, and out jumped the fish..

a black panther in the woods raised his fist.

This is what I want..

Time stopped.

We fell asleep by the ocean.

The alarm clock..

"Oh, no it's time to go" and

then she got up,

gave me a kiss on my cheek,

then moved her mouth to speak..

"I've got to go before the sun rise"

Now, with a frown upon my face, 

"You don't even have time for just oooone more race?"

 

Another grin, perhaps her last.

Fear in my mind, not ready to leave her in my past.

"If you aren't the one, you are the stencil"

before she disappeared she said..

"Listen I was just the beauty that's within you"

A few more steps and then she vanished,

I remained cool, a sudden sense of security 

removed the would be, panic.

I look ahead at the waves of the sea,

and sit happily because..

I know there's better days ahead of me.

 

[chiefwiggum]

*puff of cigar, snap, snap, snap. remove the shades, puff of cigar. take off pimp hat, puff of cigar*
DO NOT GO ON IF YOU DON'T INTEND TO READ FOR %%%%.

Do we have any writers, poets on here? I write whenever my brain tells me to. I just wrote this a few days ago. It's a rap basically and a short story. 

I did not want to post in the music section..it's dangerous in there. They don't even listen to music. Just muzik.

Anyway, here it is.. a lil' long..but lemme know what you think. I look forward to reading some of your stuff. Thanks yall.

Today(is the day).

Woke up early in the mornin',

as to why, i'm uncertain,

yawn and stretch, then take a few steps..

to pull back the curtain.

Feel the breeze put me at ease,

watch the trees, the falling leaves,

means..

the changing of seasons.

So, without explanation for my reasons..

I take a walk, to take a hold of this feeling.

 

Usually my mind's racin', 

but today, I feel patient.

Right foot, left foot, a breath,

and a few more steps to no certain destination.

I let the wind just tell me where to go,

as I embark along this stroll,

the sun sparks my heart,

and I start to feel my soul,

..start to see a glow,

something so beautiful,

like I haven't seen before.

My eyes adjust, shake off the rust, now i'm lockin' in.

a few more steps and a few more breaths of the oxygen.

Now, I've been told all that glitters, it aint gold.

And to play my cards right, but i'm not about to fold.

I've only seen this kind of *@!@ in my dreams before,

I hope this is it, and not another scene of allure,

so before I take another step an inch, I pinch,

you know..just to make sure.

 

"Hey, hi, how you doin?

"You've got something about you, I have an interest in pursuin'

But, if you thought that line was whack..

i'll double back and keep it movin.

But before I go, just know you look so sweet,

somethin' I wanna sink my tooth in,

and i've been searchin' for years,

you look like someone I can find the truth in.

You see, i'm trying so hard to grow,

you look like someone I can dig my roots in."

 

Her teeth, a grin! But quickly she wiped the smile off her face.

Let's cut to the chase.

She said "Cute, but let's cut the small talk"

"You wanna know more about me? 

Then you'll have to race me to the boardwalk."

A few more steps, this time a little slower.

Like a gentlemen,

I let her win.

But I kept it close,

A little cold out now,

no jacket,

my arm to her shoulder, 

I had to attach it.

 

I could feel the warmth in my ventricles,

her heartbeat and mine..

they were identicle.

i'm usually good with words,

but she's got something I can't define.

The type of eyes that send signs of shivers down my spine.

Knowing this is it, I can't rewind.

I say "Finally someone not see-through..

that I can see INTO.

If you're not the one, you are the stencil.

With you i'm able to recline.

Your face erased the clouds of doubt in my mind,

like the butt-end of a pencil.

I bet you're equipped with lips,

which form a kiss that's just lethal"

to pass the time, I pull the Casper line..

"Can I keep you?"

 

She pushed off, but with another grin.

We lock eyes for a second,

I notice the triangle of beauty marks on her chin.

If you want to hold my hand,

then you'll race me to the sand."

Damn, this girl is too smart.

Here we go again, I let her get the head start.

The whole time running all I could think about was..

how I thought love was a dead art.

All that changed when we reached the sand.

Hand in hand, love?

I knew her fingertips created it.

But my mind began cluttering when she spoke the words,

"I can only stay a bit"

Damn. Did I lose another to stuttering or smothering?

In doubt, I remained cool.

 

With our hands we built a castle,

in case anyone attacked, we built a moat.

If they came on boat for the battle,

a turret where our knights shot arrows.

We had all of the defenses. 

Unlike most girls..

she had no walls to get through,

barriers, or even fences.

The fact that her heart allowed me entrance,

rendered me defense-less.

 

From knight time, to night time, the moonlight shine.

I knew all I want is this.

A cloud over the moon, but when it passed..

a perfect kiss. 

All the birds sang, and out jumped the fish..

a black panther in the woods raised his fist.

This is what I want..

Time stopped.

We fell asleep by the ocean.

The alarm clock..

"Oh, no it's time to go" and

then she got up,

gave me a kiss on my cheek,

then moved her mouth to speak..

"I've got to go before the sun rise"

Now, with a frown upon my face, 

"You don't even have time for just oooone more race?"

 

Another grin, perhaps her last.

Fear in my mind, not ready to leave her in my past.

"If you aren't the one, you are the stencil"

before she disappeared she said..

"Listen I was just the beauty that's within you"

A few more steps and then she vanished,

I remained cool, a sudden sense of security 

removed the would be, panic.

I look ahead at the waves of the sea,

and sit happily because..

I know there's better days ahead of me.

 

[boss unk ii]

This one's called sunshine...

There ain't no way, to explain or say,
how painful the hangover was today.
In front of the toilet, hands and knees,
Tryin to breathe in between the dry heaves.
My baby made me some coffee,
afraid that if i drink some its probably coming right back out me.
Couple of advil's, relax and chill,
at a standstill with how bad I feel.
I think I need to smell fresh air,
so I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs.
Sunlight hit me dead in the eye,
like it's mad that I gave half the day to last night.
A bad site made me trip on my %%!,
right into that patch of grass
like THAT'S LIFE!

All of a sudden, I realized somethin,
the weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin.
Stood up, took a look and a breath,
there's that bike that I forgot that i possessed.
Never seen exercise as friendly,
but I think something's telling me to ride that 10 speed.
The brakes are broken...it's alright.
The tires' got air and the chain seems tight.
Hopped on, and felt the sunshine,
thanking God that this day is mine and only mine.

 

[boss unk ii]

This one's called sunshine...

There ain't no way, to explain or say,
how painful the hangover was today.
In front of the toilet, hands and knees,
Tryin to breathe in between the dry heaves.
My baby made me some coffee,
afraid that if i drink some its probably coming right back out me.
Couple of advil's, relax and chill,
at a standstill with how bad I feel.
I think I need to smell fresh air,
so I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs.
Sunlight hit me dead in the eye,
like it's mad that I gave half the day to last night.
A bad site made me trip on my %%!,
right into that patch of grass
like THAT'S LIFE!

All of a sudden, I realized somethin,
the weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin.
Stood up, took a look and a breath,
there's that bike that I forgot that i possessed.
Never seen exercise as friendly,
but I think something's telling me to ride that 10 speed.
The brakes are broken...it's alright.
The tires' got air and the chain seems tight.
Hopped on, and felt the sunshine,
thanking God that this day is mine and only mine.

 

[23islegendary]

Cliffs

 

[23islegendary]

Cliffs

 

[boss unk ii]

Originally Posted by ChiefWiggum



DO NOT GO ON IF YOU DON'T INTEND TO READ FOR %%%%.

Here's your cliffs.

 

[boss unk ii]

Originally Posted by ChiefWiggum



DO NOT GO ON IF YOU DON'T INTEND TO READ FOR %%%%.

Here's your cliffs.

 

[solemunchies]

Originally Posted by Boss Unk II

This one's called sunshine...

There ain't no way, to explain or say,
how painful the hangover was today.
In front of the toilet, hands and knees,
Tryin to breathe in between the dry heaves.
My baby made me some coffee,
afraid that if i drink some its probably coming right back out me.
Couple of advil's, relax and chill,
at a standstill with how bad I feel.
I think I need to smell fresh air,
so I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs.
Sunlight hit me dead in the eye,
like it's mad that I gave half the day to last night.
A bad site made me trip on my %%!,
right into that patch of grass
like THAT'S LIFE!

All of a sudden, I realized somethin,
the weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin.
Stood up, took a look and a breath,
there's that bike that I forgot that i possessed.
Never seen exercise as friendly,
but I think something's telling me to ride that 10 speed.
The brakes are broken...it's alright.
The tires' got air and the chain seems tight.
Hopped on, and felt the sunshine,
thanking God that this day is mine and only mine.

Oh dang, sounds just like this

 

[solemunchies]

Originally Posted by Boss Unk II

This one's called sunshine...

There ain't no way, to explain or say,
how painful the hangover was today.
In front of the toilet, hands and knees,
Tryin to breathe in between the dry heaves.
My baby made me some coffee,
afraid that if i drink some its probably coming right back out me.
Couple of advil's, relax and chill,
at a standstill with how bad I feel.
I think I need to smell fresh air,
so I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs.
Sunlight hit me dead in the eye,
like it's mad that I gave half the day to last night.
A bad site made me trip on my %%!,
right into that patch of grass
like THAT'S LIFE!

All of a sudden, I realized somethin,
the weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin.
Stood up, took a look and a breath,
there's that bike that I forgot that i possessed.
Never seen exercise as friendly,
but I think something's telling me to ride that 10 speed.
The brakes are broken...it's alright.
The tires' got air and the chain seems tight.
Hopped on, and felt the sunshine,
thanking God that this day is mine and only mine.

Oh dang, sounds just like this

 

[chiefwiggum]

haha you dirty dog. Didn't think anyone would catch it? Anyway, some criticism on my !+! would be cool. I ACTUALLY wrote it not even Slug.

 

[chiefwiggum]

haha you dirty dog. Didn't think anyone would catch it? Anyway, some criticism on my !+! would be cool. I ACTUALLY wrote it not even Slug.

 

[23islegendary]

Originally Posted by solemunchies

Originally Posted by Boss Unk II

This one's called sunshine...

There ain't no way, to explain or say,
how painful the hangover was today.
In front of the toilet, hands and knees,
Tryin to breathe in between the dry heaves.
My baby made me some coffee,
afraid that if i drink some its probably coming right back out me.
Couple of advil's, relax and chill,
at a standstill with how bad I feel.
I think I need to smell fresh air,
so I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs.
Sunlight hit me dead in the eye,
like it's mad that I gave half the day to last night.
A bad site made me trip on my %%!,
right into that patch of grass
like THAT'S LIFE!

All of a sudden, I realized somethin,
the weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin.
Stood up, took a look and a breath,
there's that bike that I forgot that i possessed.
Never seen exercise as friendly,
but I think something's telling me to ride that 10 speed.
The brakes are broken...it's alright.
The tires' got air and the chain seems tight.
Hopped on, and felt the sunshine,
thanking God that this day is mine and only mine.

Oh dang, sounds just like this

Boss Unk II......

 

[23islegendary]

Originally Posted by solemunchies

Originally Posted by Boss Unk II

This one's called sunshine...

There ain't no way, to explain or say,
how painful the hangover was today.
In front of the toilet, hands and knees,
Tryin to breathe in between the dry heaves.
My baby made me some coffee,
afraid that if i drink some its probably coming right back out me.
Couple of advil's, relax and chill,
at a standstill with how bad I feel.
I think I need to smell fresh air,
so I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs.
Sunlight hit me dead in the eye,
like it's mad that I gave half the day to last night.
A bad site made me trip on my %%!,
right into that patch of grass
like THAT'S LIFE!

All of a sudden, I realized somethin,
the weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin.
Stood up, took a look and a breath,
there's that bike that I forgot that i possessed.
Never seen exercise as friendly,
but I think something's telling me to ride that 10 speed.
The brakes are broken...it's alright.
The tires' got air and the chain seems tight.
Hopped on, and felt the sunshine,
thanking God that this day is mine and only mine.

Oh dang, sounds just like this

Boss Unk II......

 

[23islegendary]

OP, good stuff

 

[23islegendary]

OP, good stuff

 

[chiefwiggum]

Thanks. I got some less mushy $%+%.

 

[chiefwiggum]

Thanks. I got some less mushy $%+%.

 

[chiefwiggum]

por ejemplo: Da Buddha.
memories from my past relived, now my memories live like talib,

 who encourages me to reflect eternally,

and in retrospect... it's the thoughts on life that nourish me,

but worry me...like..will I ever see the flourished me?

The smarter me who know's it's hard-to-be the man I know i'll be,

the man I know I am,

gotta think out a building plan, so my children can

...grow and be successful, not stressful..or frightened,

i'm at the starting gates to my fate...becoming enlightened.

I'm a student of college, but does that mean a student of knowledge?

They are nearly the total opposite,

it's hard to think clearly,stay sane, when your brain is the apocalypse.

It's hard to think universally and wonder what this universe-could-be,

when the people you offer encouragement try to interpret-it and wonder where the earth just went?

And it's hard to be peaceful-when-people-aresogodamn-deceitful and eeeevil

that everyone surrounding becomes infected,

our whole surroundings are defected, yet it all goes un-detected?

You're sad? Well, it looks like you've been conditioned.

Is life set up this way? It would help if someone listened!

"We are all waiting for someone to pity us, while we findin beauty in the hideous"

So I close the doors of reality and open the ones of perception,

to watch the colorful thoughts fly by as I chose which ones to let-in,

armed to the teeth with words to speak but just...no body is tryna hear that,

so I fear that, some just wont reach their full potential,

but rather act like a stencil, cause they are so weak inside the mental,

realization will inevitably take it's toll but you can't let-it-be,

because when it leaves it takes your soul.

Some feel like they're...lost and theres no way to hitch back,

and they've already wished on all the stars so the sky is pitch black!

I'm positive, you've got to stay positive!

And get married to that state of mind, the ancient spiritual healings, here to this day of time.

da buddha!

 

[chiefwiggum]

por ejemplo: Da Buddha.
memories from my past relived, now my memories live like talib,

 who encourages me to reflect eternally,

and in retrospect... it's the thoughts on life that nourish me,

but worry me...like..will I ever see the flourished me?

The smarter me who know's it's hard-to-be the man I know i'll be,

the man I know I am,

gotta think out a building plan, so my children can

...grow and be successful, not stressful..or frightened,

i'm at the starting gates to my fate...becoming enlightened.

I'm a student of college, but does that mean a student of knowledge?

They are nearly the total opposite,

it's hard to think clearly,stay sane, when your brain is the apocalypse.

It's hard to think universally and wonder what this universe-could-be,

when the people you offer encouragement try to interpret-it and wonder where the earth just went?

And it's hard to be peaceful-when-people-aresogodamn-deceitful and eeeevil

that everyone surrounding becomes infected,

our whole surroundings are defected, yet it all goes un-detected?

You're sad? Well, it looks like you've been conditioned.

Is life set up this way? It would help if someone listened!

"We are all waiting for someone to pity us, while we findin beauty in the hideous"

So I close the doors of reality and open the ones of perception,

to watch the colorful thoughts fly by as I chose which ones to let-in,

armed to the teeth with words to speak but just...no body is tryna hear that,

so I fear that, some just wont reach their full potential,

but rather act like a stencil, cause they are so weak inside the mental,

realization will inevitably take it's toll but you can't let-it-be,

because when it leaves it takes your soul.

Some feel like they're...lost and theres no way to hitch back,

and they've already wished on all the stars so the sky is pitch black!

I'm positive, you've got to stay positive!

And get married to that state of mind, the ancient spiritual healings, here to this day of time.

da buddha!

 

[vietstar]

That's a long poem you got there
but are you really not aware
that NTers won't read your share
because they don't read long posts where
they can read shorter stuff elsewhere.
Long posts they don't really care
they just sit on their chair
and stare at the air eating some eclair
and laugh at NTers' despair
because of their girlfriend's affair
with some other square
and now they all swear
to toughen up and prepare
for their next bad nightmare.
Really though this poem went nowhere
but poetry is really my flair,
now I'm gonna go back to my lair
to cut some of my longhair
and look at some footwear
and of what clothes to wear.



lol

 

[vietstar]

That's a long poem you got there
but are you really not aware
that NTers won't read your share
because they don't read long posts where
they can read shorter stuff elsewhere.
Long posts they don't really care
they just sit on their chair
and stare at the air eating some eclair
and laugh at NTers' despair
because of their girlfriend's affair
with some other square
and now they all swear
to toughen up and prepare
for their next bad nightmare.
Really though this poem went nowhere
but poetry is really my flair,
now I'm gonna go back to my lair
to cut some of my longhair
and look at some footwear
and of what clothes to wear.



lol

 

[king sole]

Nice stuff guys *snap fingers* 
Here is mine. It is not finished yet. 

With each breath form slippery respiration pearls
that rejoice and dance like a suddenly awakened Sufi saint
adorned for his lover in garb of screaming yellow and orange,
restlessly they glide unto the resplendent life-thread
connected to the percussion of my heart and
thump by thunderous thump they gather to
its rhythm and align like a cosmic rosary
and on each of these evanescent beads I sew my lover's name. 

My gateways I lock from this ignoble, terrestrial world
and spin this fragile, golden rosary of life-pearls
my thumb caressing and teasing each gentle knot momentarily
while my lips quiver, pining for my lover's name
I trudge through my beloved's abandoned garden
in throes like a dying sinner seeking forgiveness,
our paths are intertwined like air and fertile earth-
ones breath for the other, ones prayer for the other. 

For some, love rests in temples ornamented by precious stones
or in sacred mosques with marble walls or it lies behind expensive
oak doors ordained with life-less crosses but mine lives  
within these tenuous respiration pearls, flooding out like prayers from
a dying murderer haunted by his evils through a disease.
So upon this blessed rosary of breaths I sew my lover's name.

 

[king sole]

Nice stuff guys *snap fingers* 
Here is mine. It is not finished yet. 

With each breath form slippery respiration pearls
that rejoice and dance like a suddenly awakened Sufi saint
adorned for his lover in garb of screaming yellow and orange,
restlessly they glide unto the resplendent life-thread
connected to the percussion of my heart and
thump by thunderous thump they gather to
its rhythm and align like a cosmic rosary
and on each of these evanescent beads I sew my lover's name. 

My gateways I lock from this ignoble, terrestrial world
and spin this fragile, golden rosary of life-pearls
my thumb caressing and teasing each gentle knot momentarily
while my lips quiver, pining for my lover's name
I trudge through my beloved's abandoned garden
in throes like a dying sinner seeking forgiveness,
our paths are intertwined like air and fertile earth-
ones breath for the other, ones prayer for the other. 

For some, love rests in temples ornamented by precious stones
or in sacred mosques with marble walls or it lies behind expensive
oak doors ordained with life-less crosses but mine lives  
within these tenuous respiration pearls, flooding out like prayers from
a dying murderer haunted by his evils through a disease.
So upon this blessed rosary of breaths I sew my lover's name.

 

[missinpieces]

What do you do when the road gets dark
And ya lights get dim
And ya gas get low
You got nowhere to go
And ya friend turn foe
ya girl turn %$$
And everything just seem to be moving so slow
The water gets deeper
while ya arms get weaker
students teaching teacher
followers leading leaders
and the preacher needs a preacher
cost of living is high whole ya boss gets cheaper
...... LET ME TAKE A BREATHER
then ya son turns to drugs and
ya daughter needs a hug
she in search of some love
he inserts in to her
a seed that they dont even need
..... LET ME BREATH