fam i really need any kind of support right now (sorry long read)

[eightynine-sx]

I have never been a guy that shares about his troubles or personal life but right now i need advice and support more than ever. I am 20 years old and home from school on winter break. Late last night a message was left on my answering machine, My mother played the message first thing in the morning and my younger brother (freshman in high school) who was within earshot heard a man who remained anonymous explaining that my father has been having an affair with a women. My brother had a wrestling meet in the morning and my mother had work until about 3 in the afternoon. I had yet to hear the message...

When my mom came home i knew something was up, and thats when i heard about the message left. My mom called the number and the man confirmed the same story on the voice mail but would not release his name. Now my father and i have never had a great relationship but we managed. He has been an alcoholic my entire life and was mentally and physically abusive at times. So i was comforting my mom all day until my father woke up around 7 pm (He works midnight shift). My mom requested that i go upstairs and let her confront him alone. I stayed upstairs but within earshot. after i came down i was so close to beating the living $#!) out of that man. He basically said she was just a person he could drink with (she is apparently and alcoholic also).

my father has been hiding this from my mom for 2 years, hiding it by claiming he was with friends or doing business after work. He said he was going to change and i explained how much damage he has done to the family.

At this point i am trying to support my mother as much as possible but am very worried because i will be leaving for school in about 2 weeks. I doubt my parents will stay together after this. I guess im posting this because i dont really know who to vent to and was curious if anyone else has had an experience like this and what are the steps from here

 

[nationaltruckerdave]

Your father wanted some alternative yambs

Let him cook

 

[balloonoboy]

Never had any experience like this.

It does suck that you have to worry about this while you should be focused on the next semester. The best thing you can do is to be there for your mother. If at all possible have a family meeting before you return to school to get some kind of explanation other than the sorry one he gave your mother tonight.

In a way, it isn't your business, but it all of your business. After they have said their peace, try to walk the fine line between being a son to your father and an ally to your mother. They may work it out but you have to give them some space to work it out or to walk away on their own terms.

I'm interested in how this all pans out. Wish you and your fam the best. Sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[gatzbygordon]

if he goes to that chick just to drink then he will most likely just run off with her and then will probably come back begging your mom for forgiveness when he has that moment of clarity

if he ever does...

sounds like he really has some issues man..

things he hasnt had a chance to adress or things he chooses to keep bottled up inside and thats why he drinks and took it out on yall..

sadly your father will have to learn his lesson the hard way and he will probably get worst before he gets better..

i have never dealt with this situation since i never met my dad..but have had family members that were addicts and i myself was one.

he should attend meetings and start trying to cut down on the drinking, since stopping cold turkey could be very dangerous to his health..

you should just go back and hope that your father mans up and gets his act together, just call everyday to make sure your mom is OK..

 

[se73n0]

This being NT, a lot of people will probably advise you to stay out of it because it is none of your business and that it is their relationship.

However your dad is in the wrong and is cheating on your mom. Be supportive to her and do what you can.

 

[eightynine-sx]

Never had any experience like this.
It does suck that you have to worry about this while you should be focused on the next semester. The best thing you can do is to be there for your mother. If at all possible have a family meeting before you return to school to get some kind of explanation other than the sorry one he gave your mother tonight.
In a way, it isn't your business, but it all of your business. After they have said their peace, try to walk the fine line between being a son to your father and an ally to your mother. They may work it out but you have to give them some space to work it out or to walk away on their own terms.
I'm interested in how this all pans out. Wish you and your fam the best. Sorry you have to deal with this.

he apologized to my brother and i as well.. His explanation was that she was just another drinking pal he could go to the bars with after work. Like i said he has been a functioning alcoholic for about 25 years.  I said " what your saying is you chose this ***** and alcohol over your damb family, how can you expect me to look you in the eyes after this." He was devastated and explained that he regretted the past 25 years of drinking and regretted not being a better father.

 

[deleted]

Has your father ever made any attempts to get sober?

Like someone already said...all you can do right now is be there for your mother.

^ always knew your a lame, just like your NT homies, but you even seem to outdue yourself at times.

That's the only NTer I have on block.

 

[Master Zik]

You can't do anything about it, just choose who you want to support and leave it at that.

^ always knew your a lame, just like your NT homies, but you even seem to outdue yourself at times.

:x

 

[powerballin]

All I can say is a child has no place to tell a man about his relationship. My parents have been divorcee for years and both remarried but I would never ask or judge. Being a man myself I know how things can get. You don't know the ins and outs of that relationship even tho that's your parents.

 

[c hanna]

tought situation for sure. maybe try to get him help to stop his drinking, thats if thats what he wants to do

 

[mjgreatxii]

My parental situation is damn near same..

Pm me bro.

 

[got2havemykicks]

Just try to obtain a good job and take youre mom and bro under youre wing. the sooner you get ur stuff together, the sooner ur moms can get a divorce andleave that man. for now shes gonna have to suck it up and stay away from him.

 

[balloonoboy]

Never had any experience like this.

It does suck that you have to worry about this while you should be focused on the next semester. The best thing you can do is to be there for your mother. If at all possible have a family meeting before you return to school to get some kind of explanation other than the sorry one he gave your mother tonight.

In a way, it isn't your business, but it all of your business. After they have said their peace, try to walk the fine line between being a son to your father and an ally to your mother. They may work it out but you have to give them some space to work it out or to walk away on their own terms.

I'm interested in how this all pans out. Wish you and your fam the best. Sorry you have to deal with this.

he apologized to my brother and i as well.. His explanation was that she was just another drinking pal he could go to the bars with after work. Like i said he has been a functioning alcoholic for about 25 years.  I said " what your saying is you chose this ***** and alcohol over your damb family, how can you expect me to look you in the eyes after this." He was devastated and explained that he regretted the past 25 years of drinking and regretted not being a better father.

That's a tough spot to be in. Just stay strong. Addiction, whether to alcohol or any other controlled substance, is hard to kick. It breaks apart families and ruins lives because so much time is spent nursing and feeding the addiction. That's not to say your father is innocent in this whole situation but it may give you some insight on why he treated you the way he did and has been unfaithful to your mother for the last two years.

An intervention, possibly counseling, may be what is needed to free your father from his alcoholic chains, as well as regaining a semblance of a father and saving your parents relationship. You can hint at the option but don't beat it down either one of their throats. They still need their own space to meditate on things.

 

[dayman]

coming from a family with parents who fought nearly everyday and a dad who was physically and verbally abusive....sometimes, it is best if the parents gets a divorce to live a much more happier life for everyone.

While growing up, I wanted my parents to just get a divorce and that word has been thrown around so many times that it had no effect on me later on.

 

[space doodoo pistols]

he's only going to stop drinking if HE wants to.

he'll try it for his kids, for his marriage, etc. but it won't stick. he has to quit for HIMSELF.

y'all gotta understand that first and foremost.