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I'm sure most of you guys have heard about the Aziz Ansari sexual misconduct claims by now, if not here's the rundown (here's the article if you want to read it (https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355). He met a female photographer at last year's Emmys, after initially brushing her off he agreed to go on a date with her. After the date they go back to his crib, they start drinking, he gets handsy and this is where things get weird. She says he "ignored clear non-verbal cues” and “kept going with advances.” He says he must have read things wrong and apologized via text.
She ever admits that once she verbalized "no", he stopped:
“After he bent me over is when I stood up and said no, I don’t think I’m ready to do this, I really don’t think I’m going to do this. And he said, ‘How about we just chill, but this time with our clothes on?’”
after that he put on an episode of Seinfeld and called her an uber when she was ready to leave:
These are much murky waters than the more straight forward Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey situations. Those men were in positions of power and could ruin or end their victims careers. Aziz was in no such position. Does this qualify as sexual misconduct or is it simply a guy being an a-hole during a bad hookup? Many Op-eds have been throwing around the idea of "enthusiastic consent": the difference between a coerced, begrudging "ok, I guess" and an enthusiastic, "yes, lets do this".
As a guy, I don't know how to feel about this. First, how is Aziz supposed to be able to read your "non-verbal cues" when he's only met you twice? The moment he heard the word, "no" he stopped.
As for the idea of "enthusiastic consent", I'd argue that's a high bar to set. There have been times I didn't want to have sex with women but I've been convinced and just went along with it. Was that sexual misconduct on her part? So much of sexual relationships is navigating the unspoken. I feel like we're moving closer and closer to the sexual release forms that Dave Chappelle featured in his show.
She ever admits that once she verbalized "no", he stopped:
“After he bent me over is when I stood up and said no, I don’t think I’m ready to do this, I really don’t think I’m going to do this. And he said, ‘How about we just chill, but this time with our clothes on?’”
after that he put on an episode of Seinfeld and called her an uber when she was ready to leave:
These are much murky waters than the more straight forward Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey situations. Those men were in positions of power and could ruin or end their victims careers. Aziz was in no such position. Does this qualify as sexual misconduct or is it simply a guy being an a-hole during a bad hookup? Many Op-eds have been throwing around the idea of "enthusiastic consent": the difference between a coerced, begrudging "ok, I guess" and an enthusiastic, "yes, lets do this".
As a guy, I don't know how to feel about this. First, how is Aziz supposed to be able to read your "non-verbal cues" when he's only met you twice? The moment he heard the word, "no" he stopped.
As for the idea of "enthusiastic consent", I'd argue that's a high bar to set. There have been times I didn't want to have sex with women but I've been convinced and just went along with it. Was that sexual misconduct on her part? So much of sexual relationships is navigating the unspoken. I feel like we're moving closer and closer to the sexual release forms that Dave Chappelle featured in his show.
