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- Aug 8, 2005
I can't get anything done at all. I'll procrastinate until the last minute, pull an all nighter, and not have anything to show for it in the morning. The only thing that sometimes works on me is ABSOLUTE DEADLINES. even then, the adrenaline rush only gets me going a few hours before it's actually due. but still I'll turn in assignments late if I can.
I tell myself I'll change my habits, but I never do. I've pulled so many fruitless all nighters. When I go to bed, I can't fall asleep. I'll be on my bed using my ipad just reading things on the internet until 3,4, 5am every night. I can read about a bunch of different things on the internet all day, but i can't read a book or study for more than half an hour.
I hate this feeling. It doesn't feel like normal laziness..but how can I tell? how can a psychologist or psychiatrist tell?
anyone with experience or feel the same way?
supposed to be writing a paper that been due right now. also have a final research design that's due tomorrow. but I can't seem to get anything done at all.
I go to UC Davis, and I'm barely passing my classes right now because I have pretty good study partners. the hell is wrong with me...|I
/vent.
read the spoiler for a spot on description of what I'm going through. found it on reddit.
I tell myself I'll change my habits, but I never do. I've pulled so many fruitless all nighters. When I go to bed, I can't fall asleep. I'll be on my bed using my ipad just reading things on the internet until 3,4, 5am every night. I can read about a bunch of different things on the internet all day, but i can't read a book or study for more than half an hour.
I hate this feeling. It doesn't feel like normal laziness..but how can I tell? how can a psychologist or psychiatrist tell?
anyone with experience or feel the same way?
supposed to be writing a paper that been due right now. also have a final research design that's due tomorrow. but I can't seem to get anything done at all.
I go to UC Davis, and I'm barely passing my classes right now because I have pretty good study partners. the hell is wrong with me...|I
/vent.
read the spoiler for a spot on description of what I'm going through. found it on reddit.
From the moment you wake up, it feels like you're engaged in a constant antagonizing battle with yourself. And you're always losing.
.
You want so badly to succeed. Always picturing yourself accomplishing things. Always imagining yourself living up to your full potential... I've got this ****. Today, I get serious.
.
You've got an extremely important deadline coming up. You've had weeks to prepare, but you've procrastinated on it. Whatever, nothing new. You're smart. Really smart. It might take other people 24 days. All you need is 24 hours. Seriously just give me 24 goddamn productive hours and I'll crush this ****, I swear to ******g God...
.
You're trying so hard to summon the resolve to start...
.
The clock's ticking. It's been 2 hours. You haven't started yet. You're starting to get a headache. Turn the fan on, the noise of the motor will help soothe the dull pain in your head.
.
Look, you just need to relax. You still have plenty of time. You're hungry. Grab some comfort food. Those gummies. They're kind of healthy. 200 calories or whatever, but 0 from fat. Plus they're made with real fruit. That way you won't feel guilty as **** for not going to the gym today. Or all of this week. ****. Whatever. I'll start going again tomorrow.
.
Yo, what was that one TV series episode? The one that you love to watch. It always gets you pumped up to do work. Or maybe that one song. The one from the Rocky Balboa movie. No. **** that. Listened to it too much. Maybe go for a quick run? It'll wake you up. Help with the headache. Eh. Maybe later. ****. Get up. You still need to grab those gummies.
.
Nah, hold on. Lets see if any new episodes came out for any TV series you're into. Not to watch it. You know, just to know if it's out. Oh **** yeah! There is a new one. Just a 30 min one. It's cool. You're kinda tired right now anyway. After this 30 min you'll feel rejuvenated and you'll def start working.
.
What a great episode. Good ****. Oh - whatever happened to those gummies? Wtf? You ate them? When? Whatever. No problem. Except, you're still hungry.
.
Lets see what's in the fridge. Wait. Check the cupboards first. Might have some snacks. No dice? It's cool, grab a tv dinner from the fridge. What? All out? Oh god The only food left is stuff that you actually have to cook. And it takes like 30 min to make. You've gotta be ******g kidding me. Why do I even by this ****? It's not like I'm ever going to make it.
.
The sudden realization that there is no food readily available has made you inexplicably hungrier. You're starving. Fuuuuccckkkkk. You can't work on an empty stomach. You-
.
What? There's popcorn? **** yeah!! Fukken saved.
.
You can't just eat popcorn though. You just got out of a tight spot. Gotta celebrate. You should watch that one episode while you eat. Nah hold up. Been a while since you've checked that one site. No, the other one. Oh wait, no it hasn't. You've already checked both like 10 min ago. Hey lets see what's good with that movie. Wait, what's that smell? **** yeah! Popcorn's done!
.
Oh god. Oh ****. It's been 5 hours. You've done no work. It's getting dark outside. ****. What the ****? Why are you doing this to yourself? Fuuccckk. Almost crunch time. Gotta get serious. ************, I have been serious. I've been thinking about starting to work every ******g 5 minutes for the last 5 hours. It just keeps getting put off.
.
You feel sore. Stressed. The ache in your head has gotten worse. Your thoughts are becoming more cluttered. Less focused, more widespread. Less specific, more abstract. You start imagining random scenarios. Creating random characters. Playing out random stories in your head. Interweaving all the things you are thinking about into one giant cluster****.
.
****. God. Why the **** is this happening? How the **** have I not started working yet? Seriously, what the ****. Where the **** is my adrenaline, my second wind, my spark? Like, if I don't start working right now, I might actually ******g fail.
.
The clock reads 10 PM. But it feels like 2 AM. You're tired. You've done next to no work. It's looking like you're going to have to pull an all-nighter. What the **** man? Again? Every ******g time. You put yourself through this **** every ******g time. And every ******g time, you promise yourself that it will never happen again. And yet, here we are...
.
Whatever. Man the **** up. This is happening. And you can't afford to crash and burn. Not now. Not like this. This is not how your story ends. ************, stop dozing off. It's time to kick it into another gear.
.
You glance at the clock. 2:00 AM. The bits and scraps of work you've done throughout the day are starting to come together. But you're nowhere near finished. Just thinking about the remaining workload makes you more weary. You're tired. So ******g tired... ************, what the **** did I say about dozing off!
.
4:00 AM. You're too stressed and tired. Every time your eye lids close, you can feel your eyes burning from staring at the monitor for too long. And they're so tired. You don't want to open them again. Better to just take a quick snooze.
.
Going to sleep will be a sweet mercy. God knows you could use the much needed rest to clear your head and restore your energy. You'd love to sleep for the next 20 hours. But you know that you're going to have to wake up in just a few hours. You're going to wake up extremely tired and with a headache. But you're going to have a productive morning. You're going to somehow finish this ****. You always do. Sheer adrenaline will get you through it. Sweet dreams, you unproductive little ****...
.
Even as you drift off into slumber, you know that you're most likely ******. The deadline is just too close. Sure, you've pulled off miracles before. But that's only because you've had to. And it's getting harder and harder every time. There have been times where you've barely scraped by. One of these times, you're bound to crash and burn. Will it be this time? God, this is your ******g life you're screwing with kid. What the **** is wrong with you? Get your **** together.
.
You want so badly to succeed. Always picturing yourself accomplishing things. Always imagining yourself living up to your full potential... I've got this ****. Today, I get serious.
.
You've got an extremely important deadline coming up. You've had weeks to prepare, but you've procrastinated on it. Whatever, nothing new. You're smart. Really smart. It might take other people 24 days. All you need is 24 hours. Seriously just give me 24 goddamn productive hours and I'll crush this ****, I swear to ******g God...
.
You're trying so hard to summon the resolve to start...
.
The clock's ticking. It's been 2 hours. You haven't started yet. You're starting to get a headache. Turn the fan on, the noise of the motor will help soothe the dull pain in your head.
.
Look, you just need to relax. You still have plenty of time. You're hungry. Grab some comfort food. Those gummies. They're kind of healthy. 200 calories or whatever, but 0 from fat. Plus they're made with real fruit. That way you won't feel guilty as **** for not going to the gym today. Or all of this week. ****. Whatever. I'll start going again tomorrow.
.
Yo, what was that one TV series episode? The one that you love to watch. It always gets you pumped up to do work. Or maybe that one song. The one from the Rocky Balboa movie. No. **** that. Listened to it too much. Maybe go for a quick run? It'll wake you up. Help with the headache. Eh. Maybe later. ****. Get up. You still need to grab those gummies.
.
Nah, hold on. Lets see if any new episodes came out for any TV series you're into. Not to watch it. You know, just to know if it's out. Oh **** yeah! There is a new one. Just a 30 min one. It's cool. You're kinda tired right now anyway. After this 30 min you'll feel rejuvenated and you'll def start working.
.
What a great episode. Good ****. Oh - whatever happened to those gummies? Wtf? You ate them? When? Whatever. No problem. Except, you're still hungry.
.
Lets see what's in the fridge. Wait. Check the cupboards first. Might have some snacks. No dice? It's cool, grab a tv dinner from the fridge. What? All out? Oh god The only food left is stuff that you actually have to cook. And it takes like 30 min to make. You've gotta be ******g kidding me. Why do I even by this ****? It's not like I'm ever going to make it.
.
The sudden realization that there is no food readily available has made you inexplicably hungrier. You're starving. Fuuuuccckkkkk. You can't work on an empty stomach. You-
.
What? There's popcorn? **** yeah!! Fukken saved.
.
You can't just eat popcorn though. You just got out of a tight spot. Gotta celebrate. You should watch that one episode while you eat. Nah hold up. Been a while since you've checked that one site. No, the other one. Oh wait, no it hasn't. You've already checked both like 10 min ago. Hey lets see what's good with that movie. Wait, what's that smell? **** yeah! Popcorn's done!
.
Oh god. Oh ****. It's been 5 hours. You've done no work. It's getting dark outside. ****. What the ****? Why are you doing this to yourself? Fuuccckk. Almost crunch time. Gotta get serious. ************, I have been serious. I've been thinking about starting to work every ******g 5 minutes for the last 5 hours. It just keeps getting put off.
.
You feel sore. Stressed. The ache in your head has gotten worse. Your thoughts are becoming more cluttered. Less focused, more widespread. Less specific, more abstract. You start imagining random scenarios. Creating random characters. Playing out random stories in your head. Interweaving all the things you are thinking about into one giant cluster****.
.
****. God. Why the **** is this happening? How the **** have I not started working yet? Seriously, what the ****. Where the **** is my adrenaline, my second wind, my spark? Like, if I don't start working right now, I might actually ******g fail.
.
The clock reads 10 PM. But it feels like 2 AM. You're tired. You've done next to no work. It's looking like you're going to have to pull an all-nighter. What the **** man? Again? Every ******g time. You put yourself through this **** every ******g time. And every ******g time, you promise yourself that it will never happen again. And yet, here we are...
.
Whatever. Man the **** up. This is happening. And you can't afford to crash and burn. Not now. Not like this. This is not how your story ends. ************, stop dozing off. It's time to kick it into another gear.
.
You glance at the clock. 2:00 AM. The bits and scraps of work you've done throughout the day are starting to come together. But you're nowhere near finished. Just thinking about the remaining workload makes you more weary. You're tired. So ******g tired... ************, what the **** did I say about dozing off!
.
4:00 AM. You're too stressed and tired. Every time your eye lids close, you can feel your eyes burning from staring at the monitor for too long. And they're so tired. You don't want to open them again. Better to just take a quick snooze.
.
Going to sleep will be a sweet mercy. God knows you could use the much needed rest to clear your head and restore your energy. You'd love to sleep for the next 20 hours. But you know that you're going to have to wake up in just a few hours. You're going to wake up extremely tired and with a headache. But you're going to have a productive morning. You're going to somehow finish this ****. You always do. Sheer adrenaline will get you through it. Sweet dreams, you unproductive little ****...
.
Even as you drift off into slumber, you know that you're most likely ******. The deadline is just too close. Sure, you've pulled off miracles before. But that's only because you've had to. And it's getting harder and harder every time. There have been times where you've barely scraped by. One of these times, you're bound to crash and burn. Will it be this time? God, this is your ******g life you're screwing with kid. What the **** is wrong with you? Get your **** together.
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. Remember OP this is not the end of the world, just have to adjust, sacrifice, and keep grinding. 
