Letter to a Simp (aka 75% of NT males) vol. FriendzOWNED

[fantastic4our]

[h2]But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them[/h2]

I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me %$@#! about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once-would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other !*$%$%! guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
source: (http://www.theonion.com/c...if_we_started_dating_it)

 

[ripfan8i6]

cliffnotes

 

[elpablo21]

 

[uter zorker]

 

[early90s]

Originally Posted by Fantastic4our

[h2]But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them[/h2]

I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me %$@#! about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once-would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other !*$%$%! guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
source: (http://www.theonion.com/c...if_we_started_dating_it)

at the dudes SUCKAS who let chicks play them like a $%#@!%% fiddle.

chicks know EXACTLY what they be doing, suckas of NT don't let them convince you otherwise when you call em out on it and they try to act all innocent

 

[i nasmatic i]

 

[million dollar stacks]

One u know ur in the friend zone u back out ASAP.

 

[reginald noble]

 

[jeyel]

" I knew you would understand. You always do."

 

[produccionfrescos]

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? [color= rgb(255, 0, 0)]The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.[/color]

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. [color= rgb(255, 0, 0)]But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.[/color]

[color= rgb(255, 0, 0)]YIKES! and to think there are dudes in such a position[/color]

 

[illwill8710]

Hilarious.

Dude put in years and a party for nothing but this broads selfishness of wanting a man for every occasion. The worst thing about is that she knew what hewanted to get into when he met her.

 

[DownByLaw]

 

[swizzc]

Originally Posted by MILLION DOLLAR STACKS

One u know ur don't get in the friend zone u back out ASAP.

 

[je ne sais quoi]

 

[do be doo]

Originally Posted by Reginald Noble

 

[eye see soles]

Cold-blooded.

 

[Master Zik]

The best way to get out of the friendzone is to not be the chick's friend and ignore her and get another (hot) gf. If you had any impact on the chickshe'll try to reconnect and get with you in some way. Then the situation is changed.

Now if she never saw you that way and never will, sucks for you

 

[oidreez]

i can't even laugh at that

 

[jayadict92]

RUTHLESS!!!

my brothers... my fellow NT brethren, if you are in this position please acknowledge it and leave! you musn't allow yourself to be played like this anylonger.

as soon as i see signs of being friendzOwned, im out of thereeeeee.

 

[mextra45]

Funniest thing ive read all day

 

[dirtylicious]

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
cold.

 

[starzinoureyes]

...but what about the dudes who know they're friend zoned from the get, then have the audacity to get butthurt when they start to crush on you & thefemale is left to remind them that their friendship was platonic?

what then? our we the bad guys in that situation, too?

 

[fantastic4our]

Originally Posted by Fantastic4our

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

the worst part

 

[blackmagnus514]

this is why I have only 3 platonic female friends.

 

[moeree5e]

this has happened to me once when i was talkin to this shorteeabout 3 years older than me, and for some reason she let me book her and all, but when we started chillin...she started to look at me like a younger brother,or just some real cool dude around the way. then i knew we was on friends status when she kept refering to me as "my ninja" alllll of the time

....then while i was begining to lose interest in her, i started to crushher 38 year old hair stylist that always used to flirt with me everytime she was over the crib...

so i didnt lose really...just missed out on one of many...