Meditative Thought #4 - Do we micro-manage too much of our life, too much of the time? Flow with it

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

I went into my local Barnes & Nobles yesterday and I was going through the "Men's Interest" section and I came across the usual...FHM, Details, Maxim, GQ, Men's Health,...etc. And most of them featured articles on how to get women, what women are looking for, how to change yourself to find the girl of your dreams....etc.  Also what you get with these magazines and a crapload of useless factoids like how much beer does the average scot drink for the year and what not but I digress...
How much of our lives do we have to "micro-manage" so that we can get the reactions we want from our environment or more so the people we come into contact with?  I feel like we spend so much time living a life that isn't actually our own but what pop culture deems is piff.

Why is it so important for some of us to OVER-curtail ourselves to what others expect of us?  And when I say this I don't mean all curtailing to the self is bad...obviously we have to look and act a certain way at our workplace and in class but why for instance does it need to be men changing who they are on the inside  to appease/front to someone who would never give them the time of the day if they were just being themselves: acting the way they normally do, dressing the way that makes them feel comfortable...

Alot of the time I feel that on one side you only have one life to live so if your gonna stunt you might as well stunt hard...but on the other it's like you don't really like any of this nonsense and you'd rather do something you find/feel is worthwhile...the latter of which i've been going towards for the past 5 years...maybe it's a sign of maturity.  BUT theirs always the allure of the "shiny/expensive" club always calling your name in this era.

And this also goes for women as well vice versa.

I realize how much of an impact that magazines, t.v., music, billboards, posters and what have you really determine for us what we need to be changing for ourselves instead of us feeling what we WANT to do/change about ourselves.

Instead of trying to fix all of what some might consider "flaws" which never really get fixed just suppressed...why not just micro-manage what we need to when we need to instead of a 24/7 thing?  Why don't we just flow and live in the moment right now instead of worrying about copping this or that, something which we really never wanted nor needed but would give you the pleasure of having the homies/girls doing double takes on the whip you just bought, or the kicks you know where fugly as hell but they were quantum-strike so something told you you had to get them...

This like all my threads might only be referring to a small population for all I know...but I think this is something of importance to talk about 

Alot of heads speak of these things as just being part of the "game" but what part of the game is it when you can't be 100% yourself?

Maybe it's an evolutionary adaptation where we need to seek out certain changes to keep up with the pack and elicit the types of responses we look for in others...

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

I went into my local Barnes & Nobles yesterday and I was going through the "Men's Interest" section and I came across the usual...FHM, Details, Maxim, GQ, Men's Health,...etc. And most of them featured articles on how to get women, what women are looking for, how to change yourself to find the girl of your dreams....etc.  Also what you get with these magazines and a crapload of useless factoids like how much beer does the average scot drink for the year and what not but I digress...
How much of our lives do we have to "micro-manage" so that we can get the reactions we want from our environment or more so the people we come into contact with?  I feel like we spend so much time living a life that isn't actually our own but what pop culture deems is piff.

Why is it so important for some of us to OVER-curtail ourselves to what others expect of us?  And when I say this I don't mean all curtailing to the self is bad...obviously we have to look and act a certain way at our workplace and in class but why for instance does it need to be men changing who they are on the inside  to appease/front to someone who would never give them the time of the day if they were just being themselves: acting the way they normally do, dressing the way that makes them feel comfortable...

Alot of the time I feel that on one side you only have one life to live so if your gonna stunt you might as well stunt hard...but on the other it's like you don't really like any of this nonsense and you'd rather do something you find/feel is worthwhile...the latter of which i've been going towards for the past 5 years...maybe it's a sign of maturity.  BUT theirs always the allure of the "shiny/expensive" club always calling your name in this era.

And this also goes for women as well vice versa.

I realize how much of an impact that magazines, t.v., music, billboards, posters and what have you really determine for us what we need to be changing for ourselves instead of us feeling what we WANT to do/change about ourselves.

Instead of trying to fix all of what some might consider "flaws" which never really get fixed just suppressed...why not just micro-manage what we need to when we need to instead of a 24/7 thing?  Why don't we just flow and live in the moment right now instead of worrying about copping this or that, something which we really never wanted nor needed but would give you the pleasure of having the homies/girls doing double takes on the whip you just bought, or the kicks you know where fugly as hell but they were quantum-strike so something told you you had to get them...

This like all my threads might only be referring to a small population for all I know...but I think this is something of importance to talk about 

Alot of heads speak of these things as just being part of the "game" but what part of the game is it when you can't be 100% yourself?

Maybe it's an evolutionary adaptation where we need to seek out certain changes to keep up with the pack and elicit the types of responses we look for in others...

 

[antonlavey]

I can honestly say the most important thing to me in life as far as achievement goes has absolutely nothing to do with women. In fact it seems to have a negative effect on my ability to get women

But yea a lot of what we do is motivated by what others think of us. I think I've gotten to a point in my life where I just stopped caring. Not a single damn has been given these past few years.

 

[antonlavey]

I can honestly say the most important thing to me in life as far as achievement goes has absolutely nothing to do with women. In fact it seems to have a negative effect on my ability to get women

But yea a lot of what we do is motivated by what others think of us. I think I've gotten to a point in my life where I just stopped caring. Not a single damn has been given these past few years.

 

[mr kuter]

Great post.

 

[mr kuter]

Great post.

 

[mf doomer]

Pro-creation, by any means necessary. I don't condone it, do you first.

 

[mf doomer]

Pro-creation, by any means necessary. I don't condone it, do you first.

 

[johnnyredstorm]

I've never been motivated by what other people think or doing something particularly to get women. If I need to be dressed like Kanye West to get a girl, I don't want her. Everything I do, I do for myself and the only time another person motivates me, is when I look at dudes like Brett Easton-Ellis and Nas who hustled their way to the top at a prodigal age and it makes me want to bust my +%@ so I could get there too. I'm not finna tryna be one of those dudes that gets his first novel published at 42, I want it now and I will get it now.

 

[johnnyredstorm]

I've never been motivated by what other people think or doing something particularly to get women. If I need to be dressed like Kanye West to get a girl, I don't want her. Everything I do, I do for myself and the only time another person motivates me, is when I look at dudes like Brett Easton-Ellis and Nas who hustled their way to the top at a prodigal age and it makes me want to bust my +%@ so I could get there too. I'm not finna tryna be one of those dudes that gets his first novel published at 42, I want it now and I will get it now.

 

[l0key jeenius]

nice post. this is the type of $*@$ I think about when I'm 

 

[l0key jeenius]

nice post. this is the type of $*@$ I think about when I'm 

 

[DCAllAfrican]

What bothers me is how much people CLAIM what others think of them doesn't matter. Just about anything we do outside of making sure we eat, drink, sleep, and have transportation can be traced back to pleasing others. No need to deny it to make yourself seem like this self-pleasing individual.

I mean, I hate to keep bringing it up, the basis of shoe lovers is to impress other men with your shoes. That isn't a self-pleasing hobby.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

What bothers me is how much people CLAIM what others think of them doesn't matter. Just about anything we do outside of making sure we eat, drink, sleep, and have transportation can be traced back to pleasing others. No need to deny it to make yourself seem like this self-pleasing individual.

I mean, I hate to keep bringing it up, the basis of shoe lovers is to impress other men with your shoes. That isn't a self-pleasing hobby.

 

[mht214]

But in all seriousness, just do you. So long as youre not breaking any laws...do you...

 

[mht214]

But in all seriousness, just do you. So long as youre not breaking any laws...do you...

 

[Smorgasbordgie]

Yea, you never want to be in a situation to change yourself in order to appeal to a woman. What appeals to a woman is relative and different for each woman. Of course you'll have some women that may share the same interest, but all women are different. If you feel like you have to change and conform, you'll be doing so forever. Be who you are. Who's ever right for you will appreciate that. Changing or altering yourself for appeal will ultimately have you missing out.

 

[bratz dos]

Originally Posted by AntonLaVey

I can honestly say the most important thing to me in life as far as achievement goes has absolutely nothing to do with women. In fact it seems to have a negative effect on my ability to get women

But yea a lot of what we do is motivated by what others think of us. I think I've gotten to a point in my life where I just stopped caring. Not a single damn has been given these past few years.

 agreed on all accounts.

 

[bratz dos]

Originally Posted by AntonLaVey

I can honestly say the most important thing to me in life as far as achievement goes has absolutely nothing to do with women. In fact it seems to have a negative effect on my ability to get women

But yea a lot of what we do is motivated by what others think of us. I think I've gotten to a point in my life where I just stopped caring. Not a single damn has been given these past few years.

 agreed on all accounts.

 

[Smorgasbordgie]

Yea, you never want to be in a situation to change yourself in order to appeal to a woman. What appeals to a woman is relative and different for each woman. Of course you'll have some women that may share the same interest, but all women are different. If you feel like you have to change and conform, you'll be doing so forever. Be who you are. Who's ever right for you will appreciate that. Changing or altering yourself for appeal will ultimately have you missing out.

 

[proper english]

Originally Posted by MHT214


just do you.

what does this even mean, really? esp when the majority of us don't really even "know" ourselves. 
x2 w/ DC's post, btw. 

 

[proper english]

Originally Posted by MHT214


just do you.

what does this even mean, really? esp when the majority of us don't really even "know" ourselves. 
x2 w/ DC's post, btw. 

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by Crispy Cream

Yea, you never want to be in a situation to change yourself in order to appeal to a woman. What appeals to a woman is relative and different for each woman. Of course you'll have some women that may share the same interest, but all women are different. If you feel like you have to change and conform, you'll be doing so forever. Be who you are. Who's ever right for you will appreciate that. Changing or altering yourself for appeal will ultimately have you missing out.

In response to this. Another thing that bothers me. The whole, "I am not changing for anyone. They need to accept me for who I am."

"Just do you." What does that even mean?

That totally dismisses the idea that a person can just not be a people's person. Someone can be a social outcast and a poor communicator. I don't see an issue with improving yourself to get higher quality women. I mean naturally, we have already had years upon years of "trianing" to be the person that we are.

It isn't as simple as saying, "Be yourself" when yourself is groomed by the world as well as what you naturally are. So if you want better women, and there are some things about yourself that you feel needs changing, I don't see the issue in it. It doesn't make you less "real" or less of a person. Everyone changes, it is called adaptability. Great people do it, silly people do things the same way and expect a different outcome.

So yea, I can't agree with that. If my goal is to pull better females, I will make sure I dress better and do whatever it takes to get the type of woman I want.

PS: just because you change your style up doesn't mean you will forever change and have an identity crisis like you alluded to.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by Crispy Cream

Yea, you never want to be in a situation to change yourself in order to appeal to a woman. What appeals to a woman is relative and different for each woman. Of course you'll have some women that may share the same interest, but all women are different. If you feel like you have to change and conform, you'll be doing so forever. Be who you are. Who's ever right for you will appreciate that. Changing or altering yourself for appeal will ultimately have you missing out.

In response to this. Another thing that bothers me. The whole, "I am not changing for anyone. They need to accept me for who I am."

"Just do you." What does that even mean?

That totally dismisses the idea that a person can just not be a people's person. Someone can be a social outcast and a poor communicator. I don't see an issue with improving yourself to get higher quality women. I mean naturally, we have already had years upon years of "trianing" to be the person that we are.

It isn't as simple as saying, "Be yourself" when yourself is groomed by the world as well as what you naturally are. So if you want better women, and there are some things about yourself that you feel needs changing, I don't see the issue in it. It doesn't make you less "real" or less of a person. Everyone changes, it is called adaptability. Great people do it, silly people do things the same way and expect a different outcome.

So yea, I can't agree with that. If my goal is to pull better females, I will make sure I dress better and do whatever it takes to get the type of woman I want.

PS: just because you change your style up doesn't mean you will forever change and have an identity crisis like you alluded to.

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

Alot of good insightful things being posted right now...I just wanna add a couple more things into this thought train:

I don't think I touched on this in my initial post but it was somewhat touched on by a couple of the above posters...I feel like we need to differentiate and separate what we need to do for ourselves versus what we need to do for others.

And all this really boils down to is happiness, doesn't it? But in order for us to know what happiness feels like we need to know what it's like to not be happy...how they usually say " you don't know what you've got until it's gone" or " you don't know what you have until the well runs dry"

They say confidence is the key to getting what you want out of this world...women, status..etc. But does confidence stem from the inside out or the outside in? Right now I feel like saying its both. You need to be both positive and firm that who you are, your character speaks volumes about what you've been through and what you have learned...but at the same time I would absolutely be lying if I said that I didn't like a nice pair of clean chucks or tennis sneakers in the summer to make me feel even better. Why? Was I "brainwashed" into thinking this by ads and t.v. that I needed a clean pair of kicks to feel better about myself? Possibly...but it's so far back that I couldn't tell you if something like that happened. But what I do know is what I feel in this present moment...and what I feel is an affinity towards clean sneakers.

But relating this to my original post...does this relate to me appeasing myself through appeasing other individuals with my clean sneakers so they have a better impression of me? Am I placing my control in external forces/objects/people? Truthfully speaking I would again say both...i'd be lying to say that the product of me liking to wear new/clean kicks while making me feel better does also increase my happiness if I do get a positive comment about them from others...

So the new question is not how much of ourselves we curtail for others...its how much do we curtail these things for ourselves. Therein lies some happiness in our existence. The ability to use our internal motivations towards things we genuinely like and create some happiness for us working from the direction of inside out.

Let's face it, in this world we need to get jobs in order to make money, in order to do things that we want to do... that's a given, unless you've found someway to win the lottery or make money doing nothing...It's a part of life...thats a fact...so we might as well do things that make us happy at the same time...right? No matter what the position is...(totally unrelated thought but I needed to say this)