NT, i need some life advice..

thizzbaby

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I always turn to NT, because it really feels liek a fam on here. and there are so many wise people that can give honest and sound adivce, amid the people thatjust post ignorant and belligerant things.
anyways, heres my situation:

my parents divorced when i was younger. at about the age of4 they split up. up until maybe the past year ive had a coo relationship with my father. that wasuntil he left the church and had an affair on his wife. After this event i lost respect for him as a father, but i respected him as a person. i felt this wayuntil he came to my job high as hell and in his own words "dude, im so stoned!". after this i complelty lost respect for him and decided it would bebetter to keep him out of my life and keep hustling by myself. I feel that i dont ned to hve that type of influence in my life. a 45 year old getting high anddrunk every weekend? what type of life is that. He's my father, yet im the one tha has to tell him what hes doing is wrong? needless to say, i currentlyhave no relationship with my father. i probably would not say hi to him if i saw him on the street.

Now, about 4 years ago my mother re-married. My step-father is not a bad man, he provides for the family. but he is distant from both my mother and myself.its wierd to me that they are married but only talk to each other maybe 2 hours in a day. I don't speak to my step dad because we just do our own thing. iwork, he works we just never se each other and we both don't put much effort to say hi to each other.

This was what happened yesterday:
my relationship with my mother is horrible. im only home about 2 hours when shes home, yet we lways seem to argue about anything. i try to maintain my cool andbe respectful. but after a while it just gets to me. shes always putting me down and i just dont wnt to talk to someone that is constantly saying negativethings. yesterday she was doing "the usual" putting me down, saying i looked like a *%*$%% (shell constantly say shes ashamd that i act liek im blackand wear *%*$%% shoes). and when i tried to was my clothes, she told me that i couldnt use "her" soap. She tried to take my phone (which i completlypay for myself every month) and it just made me blow up. as i said previously. ialwayss try to maintain my cool and be respectful, but theres a certain pointwhere i cant take it. shes the type of person where shell keep soming back to say something even when the conversation is over. my step dad heard me yellingand just came to tell me to leave the house. when i wouldnt leave he called the cops on me. the police came, asked questions and said legally i could stay(luckily, im still 17).

i decided it was best for me to leave so everything would cool down. so i packed some socks underwear, cdp 12's. and i was out. walking to my homies houseabout 3 miles away at 11pm.

anyways. NT. what am i supposed to do? Anyone been through my situation? im trying my best yo. i really am. im 17, turning 18 on the 28th of february. and imtrying to hustle to get mine. i mean i want to do something with my life. im getting scholarships from various universities, i dont smoke, dont drink. i feelas if my mother will never be proud of me, and thats all im trying to do. im doing my best to make her proud but it never feels like anything is enough. shealways has to knick pick at everything. im honestly scared that my birthday is coming upso soon. i feel like im going to be kicked out to fend for myself. icant say im prepared. because im not, but im going to do what i have to do to make it.

notes on a cliff:
no relationship with either parent
argued with mom
step-father called cops
walked to friends house at 11pm with a few clothes
staying at friends house
trying to make it to college, and be someone/ do something
really stressed and just need some advice/guidance from the old nt heads.
 
Originally Posted by ThizzBaby

thanks guys. im just really trying hard to stay positive but its hard....

All your hardwork will payoff.Just gotta go through loops and twists.
 
i think you need to try to path up the relationship wit ya moms & ya step pops. at least until you can go to college & then you can be done with themfor good. Just try 2 make things work until college starts
 
well the good thing is that you realize how other's have erred in their ways. the important thing is you keep that focus and determination.

a lot of people end up being just like their parents and treat their kids just like their parents treated them. just by being aware of what NOT to do,you're guaranteed a better life. keep off drugs n stuff and there's always a way.
 
You stride with the deck of cards in the hands of yours. It's tuff to look at that way I know, but it could be done. And trust itl'l payofftremendously. Best of luck.
 
Originally Posted by infamousod

well the good thing is that you realize how other's have erred in their ways. the important thing is you keep that focus and determination.

a lot of people end up being just like their parents and treat their kids just like their parents treated them. just by being aware of what NOT to do, you're guaranteed a better life. keep off drugs n stuff and there's always a way.
Agreed. Things will turn up how they're suppose to in the long run. You just gotta stay focused and do you for right now. You gon be iighttho my dude. Stay up
 
Man just stay cool till college then you can get away from all of that. You said you might get scholarships so that'll make your life easier. You'llget over it so just keep at it.
 
Well, thats pretty messed up. I see that you know how to handle your stuff, but you need to think about the whole picture. I mean you are 17 right now and planon going to college (which is great!), so you need to decide which way will held you to reach that goal. When you stay at home you need to be ready to getthrough all the negativity of your moms. If you leave, or get kicked out, you basicly on your own, so there going to be a lot o things to care about.

You probably know your moms best, so you have to know how to handle her. As for me shes on you about the small stuff, because she doesnt have anything biggerto complain. Some people are just like that. My pops for example. When I was your age he would be the same, but once he realised theres not much he can do hejust toned it down. I would just listen for a couple minutes, then give him one word answers like "yeah" or "no" and just do my thing.

My parents divorced too when I was a kid, Im 23 right now. I had my ups and downs with both of them, but none ever hit me with the "leave the housenow!" line. Im stubborn as hell and they know it, so the time any of them would say it and mean it, it would be the last time they see me. Im sure theyboth knew about it, so thats why they never really touched that subject.

I been through a lot in life, and Im just graduating college and starting my own business, so my life is doing pretty well. If you need some more advice justhit me up.
 
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Just gotta deal with all that bs for now.. But in the mean time stack ya paper n when u hit 18 bounce out of there. Better yourself without their help..Pressure either bust pipes or make diamonds so you choose.
 
^ not might get, i did get scholarships. not trying to be disrespectful. just clarifying

and thanks for evrything. i feel that way too, i just need to focus on what i really need to do.
 
Originally Posted by ThizzBaby

thanks guys. im just really trying hard to stay positive but its hard....
for me, a positive state of mind only comes when i take positive actions in my life, so continue the path you have started (i.e. college, making
something of yourself) even if your mind state is negative, positive actions lead to positive results no matter what the state of mind is. life
truly has its ups and downs, feelings change, people change sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly...but no matter what, remember that you will be
okay.
 
^ man if you trying to make me laugh, mission accomplished.

and thanks ballin i feel you, and everybody else that responded to this thread. I'm literally right now going to my grandmas, I'll probably stay theweekend and help out around the house. gonna call my mom up later see if we can talk about things maturely.
 
Yo keep your head up man...stay positive and I can feel you on all the stuff you going through..but like you wanna do, get your education on..go back to thehouse..they didn't kick you out. You could have just taken a walk to calm yourself down..if you have fam members around you can have them talk to your momson your behalf..but get home ASAP. Just stay in your room and you know your moms better than any body..juss get home man..the more you stay out there theharder it's gonna be for you to get back in.
 
Go back home and talk to both of them. I mean sit them both down and air everything out. If they dont care, just ignore them for the time being.

As far as im concerned they cant kick you out of the hosue.... they would have to pry my cold, frozen fingers on the door. You did nothign wrong really
 
forrel dont live with your friend a friend can say yeah u can stay here as long as u want once things get settle it will get worse im telling u little things udo that u think is ok will piss off your friend
 
Hey OP, I haven't been through your situation, but I'm always the guy that helps out my friends that in this situation. I think what you might have todo is holla at one of your boys or friends that might let you stay at their place for a minute for you to get on your feet. Your 1st option is to just hang inthere with your parents. And everytime she keeps going off on you, just be quiet after the fact she keeps going on. Maybe, that, will make your mom think afterwhat she has said to you and feel guilty. Some people are just like that and they need to let off their steam, and then they cool down and reflect. If all elsefails, you need to move out and see if one of your boys got a place for u. You should try to see if you can rent out a room for a cheap price. With tough timeslike this, I know you can probably get rent out a room for 300 to 500, to help somebody else pay for their morgage. I'm just saying all of this cause itsounds like you got some money stacked up. All I know is this is a Down part in your life. Watch when you're 24 or 25, you're gonna sit down with yourmom and talk about this and laugh. It sounds like you and your mom got good communication. You should holla at your real dad too. Maybe he's getting highand drunk cause he feels like he Fing up in life. Let him know what's up. You his son. No matter what happens in his life, he's thinking about you. Iknow it sounds cliche, but one day he's gonna pass away and you gonna wish you had a relationship with him or try to change his life. If you given all yougot, then there is no regrets. You need to be making moves right now. Never know when you might get into one of those crazy arguments again. Peace and GL toyou.
 
^ i feel what your saying about my real dad man, but I've tried to talk to him and he's pulling the "its my life i can do what i want"he's alienated the whole family because he doesn't want to hear what anytone has to say... I've really tried with him, just to let him no idon't aprove of anything he's doing, and dude really doesn't care...
 
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