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Im going to have to cancel on the happy hour after work summit but still down for April 11th
@Tdogg2k is this the Wine and Beer fest and which session are you planning to attend?
@Tdogg2k is this the Wine and Beer fest and which session are you planning to attend?
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This right here..I always put that thought she was doing fine without me and I had to do my own thing. Out of sight, out of mind.
paulprince3730
Banned
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- May 23, 2013
how old r u?21.how old is she?I have kind of an interesting situation... A little lengthy and relationship based so I'll put it in a spoiler for you smash-and-dash cats who don't wanna read this.Things are going great with my girl. Been together 8 months now and she even exchanged Christmas gifts with my parents.
One of her best friends, her mom and her grandma recently told her "she can do better." With her best friend, it's because of my education/job. They go to an Ivy school and already have job offers for more than what I make a few years out of undergrad. With her mom and grandma, it's partially because she didn't meet me at the Ivy school, they think she still has a way to go before she settles/commits to somebody and that there will be a couple more after me. Remember I'm 5 years older than her and she's got a year of college left. She told me not to get offended. It's more of concern they had for her instead of knocking me, they meant well and she obviously doesn't think she needs to do better, and that's what's important.
I told her that I do agree with her mom and grandma that there may be a few more after me. And that I'm sort of a hypocrite because I don't think anyone should have a serious relationship in college but she's different and I am selfishThen told her that I know I may not be up to the academic standards of some of her friends but I like that because since I've been with her it has motivated me to improve myself. My past gf's have lacked the confidence she has and I've always had to push them to be better. She's the first person who has made me want to push myself to be like her in some ways, not the other way around. One of the things I like about her most is she's not afraid to go out and take what she wants. I was like that for a while but then I settled and waws just content where I was at a for a couple years. I never feel content/safe with her because I know how much she wants in life and that to have things work with her I'm going to have to step up as much as she has and be my best. I told her that's why I'm not afraid of committing to being in the relationship with her. Because even if it doesn't work out I know I'll be in a better position with my education and/or career after.
She was extremely happy with that response. She told me that she doesn't see a point of a relationship if she doesn't see a future with the person at this point. With her ex it was more for fun, but now, she doesn't plan to continue the path of pointless relationships. I told her that her age and inexperience with guys does scare me at times. Like she might just have that phase where she wants to just date a lot of other guys with no commitment to find out what she likes/doesn't like. I'm a little uneasy because I don't know if she's really had that stage yet, but nothing I can do except what I'm already doing and hope the relationship continues to work.
She said she might have that phase, and doesn't know what thoughts she'll have or what she'll be like in a couple of years. But once we are together for like two years she'll know whether or not she wants to continue with me because she wouldn't waste 4-5 years in a relationship with someone she'd break up with or doesn't see a future with. If she knows she doesn't to marry the person after 3 years or so she'd end it and she has pretty strong feelings on this front.
It was very thought provoking conversation and really made me think about the future. But I can't get caught up in that and I'm just enjoying the relationship a day at a time again because that's been working. It's good to know I got a good chick though. Pretty happy sticking with her in 2015.
Last time I posted in here was NYE. I have an update on this situation.
Update. Tried to make this as short as possible. Very relationship-based with a serious (and a little sappy) tone. So again, skip if you don't care:-We get closer than ever Jan-Feb
-A few days after Valentines day, she leaves the country to study abroad. We had already decided to stay together and committed during this time (5 months).
-The night I drop her off at her parents house and say final goodbye before she left I was staying at my friends apartment in a diff city. I just want to chill out but he wants to go out. He keeps handing me mixed drinks to get me drunk and eventually gets me to go out with him, which ends up us bringing two girls back to his place, you know the rest...
-I feel extremely guilty and terrible for a whole week straight but never tell my gf what happened.
-About a month passes. We still text on Whatsapp daily but I notice she stopped saying "I love you" at end of conversations and things seemed off.
-She tells me she wants to "feel" something for me again and is just "numb to me" as she's been away for a month. She says she thinks it's just a defense mechanism she has put up and does still have feelings for me but does not know how to bring them out.
-In an attempt to "feel" for me again, she offers me a hall pass to "see how I would feel after" and "how it would affect her". I tell her that this is a stupid idea and I don't want one, just want to be with her. She is insistent and I knew she wouldn't drop this topic. I told her there's no way I'm doing this because it wouldn't be fair if it was just me she'd have to have one too and I'd never allow it. She tells me it's ok and that just I can have one, she won't, and she still won't drop the topic even though I still disagree with her. So I play along and tell her, "ok, I want a hall pass." Then she says it can't be a friend or someone I know. I tell her that a few opportunities for sex have presented themselves to me and would it be ok if someone stayed with me for a weekend? She gets upset and says, "wow, you have it all figured out already don't you? I thought this would be a one night random thing. I don't want someone spending a weekend at your place, eating breakfast together in the morning, etc...".
-I tell her, "good, I'm glad you feel like crap, do you feel something now?" She cries and tells me, "yes, the thought is extremely upsetting, I love you and I'm sorry" and that she can't believe she just brought this on her self and basically made herself cry.
-I tell her not to worry because I'm not taking the hall pass.
-Few days pass and we feel good again. We revisit the topic and how silly it was. She tells me, it was silly, but she did need to tell me something else... "I love you, I love our relationship, I love every moment I spend with you and all our quriks and how we get along...but I don't think you're 'the one'".
-I'm taken a little off guard and ask if she's breaking up with me and if not, to slow down and let's just enjoy being with eachother for the now and when she gets back.
-We facetime for like three hours about this. I ask her why she felt the need to tell me this and she said it was because I said she was "wife material" in the past. I told her that didn't mean I wanted to marry her and she said she brought it up because it's been a year, and that's the longest she's been with someone and she has to start considering her future with them. And, after having a month to be away from me and objectively think, she didn't think I was the one. Her reasons why I am not are completely out of my control. Two major reasons: 1) I will never have the same close group of friends and/or interests that she does, and 2) Her family and my family would never mix because of cultural differences.
-She tells me she loves me, can't let me go, wants to stay together when she gets back from being abroad, isn't looking to hook up or find anyone else, she really loves how I was basically her first (only had sex once about two weeks before meeting me) and have taught her everything sexually and we have great physical chemistry. But then tells me things like she doesn't see a long-term future with us, really hopes we can be friends still when it ends, and that it will end.
-So I'm really confused at this point and a little hurt and tell her I need time to think about things a little more because this is all so strange to hear she never sees a serious future with me, but wants to stay together for now because she's in love with me?
-We talk again and I tell her I was not ready to propose to her, or anybody, any time soon. That I said she was "wife material" because she has everything I would want in a wife and is the best girl I've ever been with. But I told her I'm taking her down from that pedestal, although she showed me she has everything I want in a woman that doesn't mean she's "the one" for me. Things will end up how they are supposed to for me, they always have. And if she's not the one, at least I know what qualities to look for in a woman after her. She was glad we were on the same page there.
-I told her I didn't want to let her go either and really only want to be with her at this point in my life. And also, she's young and a lot can change in the future. She told me she's pretty dead set on me not being the one and was sorry I couldn't help the reasons because everything else about me is perfect. I tell her good luck finding that person you're looking for because it's going to be nearly impossible (she wants to be married before 25) and if we stay together I'd hope she would at least keep an open mind to change.
-I guess she basically wanted to make sure we were on the same footing and that I wasn't expecting to marry her when she didn't feel that way. We both want to stay together, and with no real future I guess it's out of selfishness for the happiness we share now. Although it seems it will only be one more year or so unless she has a change of heart and wants to stay together. I'm in no rush to get married myself and I am happy with her, things have gone way up for me since I've been with her and she still motivates me a lot career wise so there is no downside to being with her. And time where I have improved myself while being with some I really love will not be time wasted. But damn, I'm not going to lie I have told a couple of my homies, "I'm gonna marry that girl one day," and while part of me still sees it as a possibility. I've taken her off the pedestal I put her on, decided to enjoy as much time with her as possible without losing sight of my own goals, and be prepared for heart break at some point I guess. It was kind of a reality check for me. But she is so much different in person and as tough as a cold, outer shell she puts up to other people and tries to protect her feelings she is a softy and a romantic around me. I think that's why she can't let me go and won't end the relationship.
-I guess I'm cool for now, at 25, but this was a lot of serious conversation I wasn't expecting and it changed my perspective on things.
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My ex was at that point where she wasn't happy with herself and it wasn't just cuz of me. She felt I took all her independence, wasn't happy with where we were living, her not having as much money as she used to etc.
Carreraa
only way for you two to ever work out again would be cutting ties and reuniting down the line. Both of you need to be in a really good place. For relationships to truly work I've realized two worlds need to collide at the perfect moment and time.
Carreraa
only way for you two to ever work out again would be cutting ties and reuniting down the line. Both of you need to be in a really good place. For relationships to truly work I've realized two worlds need to collide at the perfect moment and time.- 69,474
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- Apr 30, 2010
My ex was at that point where she wasn't happy with herself and it wasn't just cuz of me. She felt I took all her independence, wasn't happy with where we were living, her not having as much money as she used to etc.
Aries bruh, they need space. Delicate balance if you're an affectionate dude who worries every now and then.
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- Mar 22, 2003
That's nearly impossible to do when...
You both hardly know anyone in the area, share one car, and are low on funds due to ur boyfriend moving there for you. Smh and lawlz at the same time.
paulprince3730
Banned
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- May 23, 2013
yall some cakin amfs
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- Nov 3, 2011
Damn. You should've let Her stay out there for a little by herself and let her establish herself before moving out there. Plus your ex sounds selfish. Relations are about sacrifice.
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- Mar 22, 2003
Bars will be packed this weekend. Hope yall stay winning like ya mans!
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- Mar 3, 2012
Damnit Alcohol, horny-ness, and a new credit card got me out here making bad decisions. just told chick i put in the "friendzone" last week let's meet up at the bar....................
too late for me to cancel. lawd let me make a good decision tonight.
Team still bring the condoms.
too late for me to cancel. lawd let me make a good decision tonight.
Team still bring the condoms.
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- Mar 22, 2003
I need some real time east coast updates lawlz.
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- Sep 11, 2013
Got home from dinner with my brother and dad, get to bed, the homie hits me up to go to bar hopping tn. Still simping over my ex but we'll see what happens tonight.
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- Feb 4, 2012
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- Aug 22, 2012
I've been dating this girl off and on for close to a year, invited her to my moms to chill and watch the final four tom. She already trying to cancel, this is becoming a trend and this could be the best reason I have to break it off with her. Thoughts bros?
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- Mar 22, 2003
Sounds like ur trying to wife it? Will ur mom be there?
OneNightDan
formerly mryoungmoney
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Not sure how interested she'd be in the Final Four?
Maybe she digs basketballs but Final Four ain't exactly worthy. If she's canceling maybe she ain't interested, let her throw out suggestions for y'all to do.
If she says "I don't or don't care" then on to the next fam'.
Maybe she digs basketballs but Final Four ain't exactly worthy. If she's canceling maybe she ain't interested, let her throw out suggestions for y'all to do.
If she says "I don't or don't care" then on to the next fam'.
paulprince3730
Banned
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OneNightDan
formerly mryoungmoney
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I don't know fam, can't turn an O into a house wife.
Keep it going until she ends it, scumbag move but oh well.
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- Mar 22, 2003
We out here winning tonight fam!!
omariwestafari
Banned
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- Dec 3, 2014
Damn brahs been thinking bout this chick all day
Need to hit her up tomo and make dem plans [emoji]128591[/emoji]
Need to hit her up tomo and make dem plans [emoji]128591[/emoji]
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- Mar 3, 2012
Lol thanks to dropten i had my in with her. We start talking about sex. And i say....so my boy was telling me white girls dont know how to kiss black dudes......hahah from there it was over
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- May 12, 2011
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- Nov 3, 2011
The true Hero of Liverpool is on. Lets see if he can make something happen
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- Mar 3, 2012
best part of the night... she told me her Tubes were tied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO BABIESSSS!!!!
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