Anyone In/Been In A Serious Relationship? ADVISE PLZ!

[misdemeanor]

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no recordof being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, andendures through every circumstance."

1 Cornithians 13: 4-7

Since no one or nothing is perfect, how many of you are in successful relationships and at least one of the above has been or are currently being violated?
What is a good enough reason to end a serious relationship?
What's the breaking point for you?
How much is enough?

Sorry so many questions, almost like life or death here...

 

[qpitfighter]

I've been in a serious relationship for the past 3 years. My girl can get jealous too cuz she knows it ain't that difficult for me to pull chics.We've been through a lot. But the one thing I don't think either one of us could tolerate is if the other cheated. Meaning had sexual relations withsomeone else.

 

[dathbgboy]

Everyone's reasons are different. But my breaking point would have to be if my girl got knocked up by another dude, caught somethin from a dude, or he gotbuckets and filmed the whole thing and put it on the internet w/ her sayin some wild %+@. It's principles and egos and what not that determines aperson's breaking point .

 

[yungmatt]

My tolerance is extra low for %%*@+%%#

 

[fl0eticnostalgia]

I just can't tolerate being cheated on or lied to. It takes a lot for me to trust someone, so there are no second chances.

 

[dajoka004]

The quote is speaking on love, not the characteristics about the people in love.

I had a breaking point, and I reached it. But it's funny how things work out sometimes. Be smart and most importantly, don't be a simp. Turn your cheekthe other way and ignore. Maintaining control is probably the most important thing you can do during a rough time.

 

[elboricua 6]

Qpitfighter wrote:

---

I've been in a serious relationship for the past 3 years. My girl can get jealous too cuz she knows it ain't that difficult for me to pull chics. We've been through a lot. But the one thing I don't think either one of us could tolerate is if the other cheated. Meaning had sexual relations with someone else.

Real Talk

Cheating is more than sexual relations and at times a emotional bond with someone else is 10x worst than a fling ...

Not that I would tolerate either .. Just pointing out the fact that cheating is more than sexual intercouse with another person IMO!

 

[rko2004]

Originally Posted by elboricua 6

Qpitfighter wrote:

---

I've been in a serious relationship for the past 3 years. My girl can get jealous too cuz she knows it ain't that difficult for me to pull chics. We've been through a lot. But the one thing I don't think either one of us could tolerate is if the other cheated. Meaning had sexual relations with someone else.

Real Talk

Cheating is more than sexual relations and at times a emotional bond with someone else is 10x worst than a fling ...

Not that I would tolerate either .. Just pointing out the fact that cheating is more than sexual intercouse with another person IMO!

What exactly is emotional cheating. I never knew the root definition.

 

[brandonb2005]

Originally Posted by misdemeanor

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

1 Cornithians 13: 4-7

Since no one or nothing is perfect, how many of you are in successful relationships and at least one of the above has been or are currently being violated?
What is a good enough reason to end a serious relationship?
What's the breaking point for you?
How much is enough?

Sorry so many questions, almost like life or death here...

 

[chockiwi]

Like someone said the scripture is talking about the qualitiesof love...
The only perfect love is (in this case) is the love God has for mankind...
In my relationship I think some of the things we've done have violated love in two ways
-Love does not keep any record of wrong (me)

-does not demand its own way (both of us)
I guess the whole point is to just strive to have a pure love which would mean a love like the love in 1 Corinthians...
One of my best friends told me that when it comes to relationships "don't play the game, do what makes you happy"

 

[chockiwi]

Originally Posted by RKO2004

Originally Posted by elboricua 6

Qpitfighter wrote:

---

I've been in a serious relationship for the past 3 years. My girl can get jealous too cuz she knows it ain't that difficult for me to pull chics. We've been through a lot. But the one thing I don't think either one of us could tolerate is if the other cheated. Meaning had sexual relations with someone else.

Real Talk

Cheating is more than sexual relations and at times a emotional bond with someone else is 10x worst than a fling ...

Not that I would tolerate either .. Just pointing out the fact that cheating is more than sexual intercouse with another person IMO!

What exactly is emotional cheating. I never knew the root definition.


There's alot of articles on it but here's one I just found...
[h3]Emotional cheating is:[/h3]

• Flirting "harmlessly" with people of the opposite sex.
• Having lunch or drinks after work with members of the opposite sex.
• Discussing your work problems thoroughly at work, leaving nothing to talk about with your spouse.
• Sharing jokes and gossip with colleagues or friends of the opposite sex, not with your partner.
• Spending as much time buying the right gift for a colleague of the opposite sex as you do for your spouse.
• Sharing intimate issues with people other than your partner.

"When a spouse places his or her primary emotional needs in the hands of someone outside the marriage, it breaks the bond of marriage just as adulterydoes," he says. "An emotional affair can be just as dangerous to a marriage [as a sexual affair], and often a more complicated situation toremedy."

This definition of emotional cheating comes from Emotional Infidelity: How to Avoid it by Gary Neuman.
How Emotional Cheating Starts

 

[kaycurrency]

I've been with my Girl for 4 years...I know I can trust her and she trusts me...

...The only problems we have are; we're both spoiled and selfish

I wouldnt even be with her if I had any type of emotional feelings for any other female because I love her too much to see her hurt...She knows I look at other"attractive" females...but she doesnt care becuse shes confident enough to know that she has me "locked up", she walks around with aBeyonce swagg like "these B's dont have +%* on me!"...which is VERY attrative to me...

 

[elboricua 6]

Originally Posted by chockiwi

Originally Posted by RKO2004

Originally Posted by elboricua 6

Qpitfighter wrote:

---

I've been in a serious relationship for the past 3 years. My girl can get jealous too cuz she knows it ain't that difficult for me to pull chics. We've been through a lot. But the one thing I don't think either one of us could tolerate is if the other cheated. Meaning had sexual relations with someone else.

Real Talk

Cheating is more than sexual relations and at times a emotional bond with someone else is 10x worst than a fling ...

Not that I would tolerate either .. Just pointing out the fact that cheating is more than sexual intercouse with another person IMO!

What exactly is emotional cheating. I never knew the root definition.

There's alot of articles on it but here's one I just found...
[h3]Emotional cheating is:[/h3]

• Flirting "harmlessly" with people of the opposite sex.
• Having lunch or drinks after work with members of the opposite sex.
• Discussing your work problems thoroughly at work, leaving nothing to talk about with your spouse.
• Sharing jokes and gossip with colleagues or friends of the opposite sex, not with your partner.
• Spending as much time buying the right gift for a colleague of the opposite sex as you do for your spouse.
• Sharing intimate issues with people other than your partner.

"When a spouse places his or her primary emotional needs in the hands of someone outside the marriage, it breaks the bond of marriage just as adultery does," he says. "An emotional affair can be just as dangerous to a marriage [as a sexual affair], and often a more complicated situation to remedy."

This definition of emotional cheating comes from Emotional Infidelity: How to Avoid it by Gary Neuman.
How Emotional Cheating Starts



Thanks - saved me time writting some stuff out!

 

[mrmoneyindabank]

Originally Posted by Dathbgboy

Everyone's reasons are different. But my breaking point would have to be if my girl got knocked up by another dude, caught somethin from a dude, or he got buckets and filmed the whole thing and put it on the internet w/ her sayin some wild %+@. It's principles and egos and what not that determines a person's breaking point .

So what your saying is its ok for other dudes to smash your girl as long as they use protection?

 

[rko2004]

OK since this is turning into a nice relationship advice thread, how do you all feel about your girl/guy hanging with her friends and her "ex"? Likeyour girl is at the mall or somewhere with her girls and the ex is also present.

Oh and another thing. My girls' friend wanted to have a party or whatever last weekend. So she told them to invite some people in their phones. My girlinvites some people but among these people... You guessed it, the ex boyfriend and out of the people she invited He was the only one to show up. How wouldy'all have reacted? Oh and my girl hit me with the 'females keep up too much drama. And I wont be secluded to just female friends".

1. Avoid friendships with members of the opposite sex.
2. Foster codependence (need for one another).
3. Have clear, realistic goals and a specific plan.
4. Define your roles.
5. Put your marriage before your kids, jobs, and anything else.
6. Appreciate your partner, don't just tolerate him or her.
7. Understand the connection between your childhood and your marriage.
8. Share your deepest, most vulnerable self during intimate moments (deal with your fear of intimacy).
9. Accept the many stages of love in a marriage or partnership.
10. Focus your energy on building a strong marriage (and you'll have no energy for emotional cheating).

Oh sweet chocolate pops finally someone feels where I'm coming from.

 

[chockiwi]

Originally Posted by RKO2004

OK since this is turning into a nice relationship advice thread, how do you all feel about your girl/guy hanging with her friends and her "ex"? Like your girl is at the mall or somewhere with her girls and the ex is also present.

Oh and another thing. My girls' friend wanted to have a party or whatever last weekend. So she told them to invite some people in their phones. My girl invites some people but among these people... You guessed it, the ex boyfriend and out of the people she invited He was the only one to show up. How would y'all have reacted? Oh and my girl hit me with the 'females keep up too much drama. And I wont be secluded to just female friends".

1. Avoid friendships with members of the opposite sex.
2. Foster codependence (need for one another).
3. Have clear, realistic goals and a specific plan.
4. Define your roles.
5. Put your marriage before your kids, jobs, and anything else.
6. Appreciate your partner, don't just tolerate him or her.
7. Understand the connection between your childhood and your marriage.
8. Share your deepest, most vulnerable self during intimate moments (deal with your fear of intimacy).
9. Accept the many stages of love in a marriage or partnership.
10. Focus your energy on building a strong marriage (and you'll have no energy for emotional cheating).

Oh sweet chocolate pops finally someone feels where I'm coming from.


Well... idk...
This advice is mostly for married couples but there are still very important principles to be learned from the advice.
However, in a dating relationship, even though an "ex" is REALLY annoying, it may be unreasonable to ask your partner not to talk to anyone of theopposite sex.
Believe me I understand how frustrating it is and it make it hard to trust your partner but that's just it, you have to learn to if they will not stoptalking to their ex.
I personally feel like talking to an ex on a constant basis is opening the door to a risky situation that otherwise could have been avoided.
But I also recognize that if they are going to be un - faithful... they will be!
As for married couples, close relationships with memebers of the opposite sex is a no no, ESPECIALLY if the friend is single.
As with dating relationships I feel like my bf's friends should atleast TRY to extend the hand of friendship to me (And I in turn)
and if not friendship atleast a respect, the same for married couples

 

[springfieldxd]

you will never get that kind of love from a person.

if you want to experience that kind of love, go smack the crap out of your dog, and try to pet him/her 10 minutes later.

its like you never slapped him.

thats true unconditional love, or "Agape" love.

try getting that same love from a broad, you probably won't, because loyalty is underrated nowadays...

 

[sherwin100s]

wow great thread.

 

[rko2004]

Originally Posted by chockiwi

Originally Posted by RKO2004

OK since this is turning into a nice relationship advice thread, how do you all feel about your girl/guy hanging with her friends and her "ex"? Like your girl is at the mall or somewhere with her girls and the ex is also present.

Oh and another thing. My girls' friend wanted to have a party or whatever last weekend. So she told them to invite some people in their phones. My girl invites some people but among these people... You guessed it, the ex boyfriend and out of the people she invited He was the only one to show up. How would y'all have reacted? Oh and my girl hit me with the 'females keep up too much drama. And I wont be secluded to just female friends".

1. Avoid friendships with members of the opposite sex.
2. Foster codependence (need for one another).
3. Have clear, realistic goals and a specific plan.
4. Define your roles.
5. Put your marriage before your kids, jobs, and anything else.
6. Appreciate your partner, don't just tolerate him or her.
7. Understand the connection between your childhood and your marriage.
8. Share your deepest, most vulnerable self during intimate moments (deal with your fear of intimacy).
9. Accept the many stages of love in a marriage or partnership.
10. Focus your energy on building a strong marriage (and you'll have no energy for emotional cheating).

Oh sweet chocolate pops finally someone feels where I'm coming from.

Well... idk...
This advice is mostly for married couples but there are still very important principles to be learned from the advice.
However, in a dating relationship, even though an "ex" is REALLY annoying, it may be unreasonable to ask your partner not to talk to anyone of the opposite sex.
Believe me I understand how frustrating it is and it make it hard to trust your partner but that's just it, you have to learn to if they will not stop talking to their ex.
I personally feel like talking to an ex on a constant basis is opening the door to a risky situation that otherwise could have been avoided.
But I also recognize that if they are going to be un - faithful... they will be!
As for married couples, close relationships with memebers of the opposite sex is a no no, ESPECIALLY if the friend is single.
As with dating relationships I feel like my bf's friends should atleast TRY to extend the hand of friendship to me (And I in turn)
and if not friendship atleast a respect, the same for married couples
Well I don't have a problem with the talking as long as its not on some crazy hours steez. My thing is/was, some things aren't appropriatefor a relationship. Like she doesn't see a problem if they are friends (friends as in hanging with her and her friends I guess) but my thing is, "whywould you want to hang with your ex? Who does that?". Male friends aren't a issue until they start crossing that border line where they stepping on mytoes.

wow great thread.
It can be epic if the children stay away.

But just so those that care know, me and my girl cool. We just had a skirmish of words last week about this issue. And whats up with people being habitual linesteppers nowadays like its the in things to do?

 

[elboricua 6]

chockiwi wrote:

---

Well... idk...
This advice is mostly for married couples but there are still very important principles to be learned from the advice.
However, in a dating relationship, even though an "ex" is REALLY annoying, it may be unreasonable to ask your partner not to talk to anyone of the opposite sex.
Believe me I understand how frustrating it is and it make it hard to trust your partner but that's just it, you have to learn to if they will not stop talking to their ex.
I personally feel like talking to an ex on a constant basis is opening the door to a risky situation that otherwise could have been avoided.
But I also recognize that if they are going to be un - faithful... they will be!
As for married couples, close relationships with memebers of the opposite sex is a no no, ESPECIALLY if the friend is single.
As with dating relationships I feel like my bf's friends should atleast TRY to extend the hand of friendship to me (And I in turn)
and if not friendship atleast a respect, the same for married couples


I have to disagree with you

That's a principle that applies to everyone in a relationship not just married couple. I'm sorry but unless there's a child in the way, you can andshould ask for your partner to stop communication with their ex's. It's more of a respect factor than anything else .. Not to mention this is a guythat screwed your girl and at one point or another they liked each other - So no I'm not stupid and no I'm not having that %@!*!

If they talk once in a blue moon on some hi - how are you - how are things - ok goodbye then that's different! But as a friend - Naw partner is nothappening on my watch!

Like I said before sex is a form of cheating, but when you are constantly talking to someone of the opposite sex and sharing everything you might as well screwthat person in my eyes because now you broke all emotional tides with me and now are sharing it with someone else ...

But I also recognize that if they are going to be un - faithful... they will be!

That's true, however if a junkie came out of rehab will you let him go to the corner to chill with his boys? Come on .. Naw partner ..Sometimes precoutions prevents poor judment!

A person might not want to cheat but sometimes temptation and/or persuation is a !%%$@ .... You can trust your partner but can you really trust your partnersex's? NOPE!

 

[DeadsetAce]

about 2500 miles

 

[rko2004]

Originally Posted by elboricua 6

chockiwi wrote:

---

Well... idk...
This advice is mostly for married couples but there are still very important principles to be learned from the advice.
However, in a dating relationship, even though an "ex" is REALLY annoying, it may be unreasonable to ask your partner not to talk to anyone of the opposite sex.
Believe me I understand how frustrating it is and it make it hard to trust your partner but that's just it, you have to learn to if they will not stop talking to their ex.
I personally feel like talking to an ex on a constant basis is opening the door to a risky situation that otherwise could have been avoided.
But I also recognize that if they are going to be un - faithful... they will be!
As for married couples, close relationships with memebers of the opposite sex is a no no, ESPECIALLY if the friend is single.
As with dating relationships I feel like my bf's friends should atleast TRY to extend the hand of friendship to me (And I in turn)
and if not friendship atleast a respect, the same for married couples

I have to disagree with you

That's a principle that applies to everyone in a relationship not just married couple. I'm sorry but unless there's a child in the way, you can and should ask for your partner to stop communication with their ex's. It's more of a respect factor than anything else .. Not to mention this is a guy that screwed your girl and at one point or another they liked each other - So no I'm not stupid and no I'm not having that %@!*!

If they talk once in a blue moon on some hi - how are you - how are things - ok goodbye then that's different! But as a friend - Naw partner is not happening on my watch!

Like I said before sex is a form of cheating, but when you are constantly talking to someone of the opposite sex and sharing everything you might as well screw that person in my eyes because now you broke all emotional tides with me and now are sharing it with someone else ...

But I also recognize that if they are going to be un - faithful... they will be!

That's true, however if a junkie came out of rehab will you let him go to the corner to chill with his boys? Come on .. Naw partner .. Sometimes precoutions prevents poor judment!

A person might not want to cheat but sometimes temptation and/or persuation is a !%%$@ .... You can trust your partner but can you really trust your partners ex's? NOPE!

Well my girl and duke didn't get that far. But man I agree with everything. If he the past then let him stay there.Don't be inviting duke places and trying to play TV life. "Oh we ended on good terms so we're still friends."

Preach! Why do people always say, "well don't you trust me not to let it get to that point?". My response is"why even let it get anywhere near that point?".

Oh and fellas why do we treat these girls like jackets? Wear em, pass em and then throw em away after a while? Like man that could be our daughters one day.

 

[ericberry14]

Originally Posted by RKO2004

1. Avoid friendships with members of the opposite sex.
2. Foster codependence (need for one another).
3. Have clear, realistic goals and a specific plan.
4. Define your roles.
5. Put your marriage before your kids, jobs, and anything else.
6. Appreciate your partner, don't just tolerate him or her.
7. Understand the connection between your childhood and your marriage.
8. Share your deepest, most vulnerable self during intimate moments (deal with your fear of intimacy).
9. Accept the many stages of love in a marriage or partnership.
10. Focus your energy on building a strong marriage (and you'll have no energy for emotional cheating).

Oh sweet chocolate pops finally someone feels where I'm coming from.

personally i tihnk its completely ridiculous to expect your significant other to avoid friendships with the opposite sex. that seems like the typeof thing that a girl who is very paranoid & very controlling would say. & honestly if a girl ever said i couldnt have female friends, i'd respondwith i couldnt be with her anymore if she felt likt that.

 

[rko2004]

Originally Posted by ericberry14

Originally Posted by RKO2004

1. Avoid friendships with members of the opposite sex.
2. Foster codependence (need for one another).
3. Have clear, realistic goals and a specific plan.
4. Define your roles.
5. Put your marriage before your kids, jobs, and anything else.
6. Appreciate your partner, don't just tolerate him or her.
7. Understand the connection between your childhood and your marriage.
8. Share your deepest, most vulnerable self during intimate moments (deal with your fear of intimacy).
9. Accept the many stages of love in a marriage or partnership.
10. Focus your energy on building a strong marriage (and you'll have no energy for emotional cheating).

Oh sweet chocolate pops finally someone feels where I'm coming from.

personally i tihnk its completely ridiculous to expect your significant other to avoid friendships with the opposite sex. that seems like the type of thing that a girl who is very paranoid & very controlling would say. & honestly if a girl ever said i couldnt have female friends, i'd respond with i couldnt be with her anymore if she felt likt that.


No no no. Read my other post. The male friends who don't over step their boundaries aren't the problem. If they are respectable then theyare cool. Its the dudes who can't find a girl so they try to become besties with your chick. Like if a dude is texting your girl non stop while y'allchilling and having together time. And this also includes inviting your chick/dude places. Like "Bro you do know she has a dude right?". I'm notinsecure but its just irritating when people see all these other SINGLE people just looking to be scooped up but they'd rather be BFF with your spouse.Doesn't make any sense. "I see 5 single good looking girls but I want to be friends with this one whose taken. Maybe she will dump him for me".Lol if they dump one for the other then they are liable to do it again.

 

[elboricua 6]

ericberry14 wrote:

---

RKO2004 wrote:

---

1. Avoid friendships with members of the opposite sex.
2. Foster codependence (need for one another).
3. Have clear, realistic goals and a specific plan.
4. Define your roles.
5. Put your marriage before your kids, jobs, and anything else.
6. Appreciate your partner, don't just tolerate him or her.
7. Understand the connection between your childhood and your marriage.
8. Share your deepest, most vulnerable self during intimate moments (deal with your fear of intimacy).
9. Accept the many stages of love in a marriage or partnership.
10. Focus your energy on building a strong marriage (and you'll have no energy for emotional cheating).

Oh sweet chocolate pops finally someone feels where I'm coming from.

personally i tihnk its completely ridiculous to expect your significant other to avoid friendships with the opposite sex. that seems like the type of thing that a girl who is very paranoid & very controlling would say. & honestly if a girl ever said i couldnt have female friends, i'd respond with i couldnt be with her anymore if she felt likt that.



ITS OBVIOUS YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ - AVOID DOES NOT MEAN "DO NOT"


BTW, I do not think it's ridiculous .. Friends are hard to come by to begging with (unless you are the type of person that after a few months can callanyone a friend) what makes you think a dude out of the blue will want to be "just friends" with my girl .. It's not happening - Dudes on a dailybasis approach Fems that they find attractive on some "I'll smash that chick" but once a fem say they have a man - the very next lines are either

Is he jealousWhat that means we cant be friends

or something along those lines - Like yeah he really just want to be friends ... so don't come with that - because you know better!

Now if they have been friends for ever I'm not going to step in the scene and be like hey stop all friendship with your boys .. because I know better!However the more we get intimate the less their going out and hanging out should be, because that's why we are a couple to enjoy those things.