Confessions

[fluid hips]

A

Long read but props to everyone reading it.



2020 has been a real rollercoaster for me for so many things. Got into it with my family to the point I lost all respect for my brother because of how he has gone about so many things. I’m cordial with my sister and father now days. My mother is the only one I’ve been close to but even then it hasn’t been much I’ve truly discussed with her.



I moved earlier in the year to spot with my good friend and I think that also strained the relationship with my family since everyone still lives in the same house (I’m the youngest btw 27). Moving gave me the space I needed to truly get away from family, have my own privacy and actually be on my own ever since college.



Had a girl I reconnected with and been on and off with since December 2018. We have/had a 8 year long history of knowing each other and in hindsight I think that blinded me to so much. We fell out in January 2017 when I tried to be more than friends but she wasn’t ready for a relationship but I found out she wound up in one 2 months later. Fast forward almost 2 years later and she’s single and looking better than ever. Things were cool between us from the reconnect to mid this year. I got into it with her about being more serious about what she wants to do in life and to actually put the same drive into her goals as she does being “on the scene” for social media. We gave each other space but still reached out to each other to see how each other were doing for about a month and half till I tested positive for covid. During that space I was able to stop being so attached and deep in it with her but once I got sick, she was constantly checking and reaching out on me and it got me to fall back in deep with her. For a solid 3 weeks things felt back to normal between us while I was quarantined. Recently as in the past week I seen her saying on social media “my boo takes me on dates constantly” and “going on double dates are great when all 4 are cool with each other”. I hadn’t been on any dates with her since mid August and never been on a double date with her either. Confronted her about it but she’s given me the silent treatment and ignoring me now. I definitely think all of that between us is done and it’s been eating me up inside because I fell so heavy for her and I thought we could always be upfront and honest with each other. My problem is I got way too attached and was fooling myself into think things were more than what they were.



All of that to say, I would’ve put my plan to work overseas on hold for her and even assisting her with accomplishing her goals. This is just a big eye opener for me to not but my life on hold for someone especially someone who isn’t truly serious about who or what they want.



Had to get this off my chest and NT has usually been my safe haven to do so. Ready for any judgement.

All these Disney movies conditioned us at a young age into these fairy tales.

Women are fickle by nature and easily swayed.

She was never yours. It was just your turn. That's the harsh realities of nature that we as males need to accept when we transition from boys to men.

 

[fluid hips]

I keep thinking about my ex. I don't want her back...at least I don't think. But I'm not over it. I know that because I keep thinking of imaginary scenarios where I would somehow I run into her and stunt on her. If I saw her tomorrow, and she was doing better than me, had a great new man, or seemed happy... I don't think I could smile, be happy for her, or even be cool/neutral. I'd be salty.

All I want her to see is how truly she screwed me over, how much it hurt, and how much I want her to hurt back.

I'm in a new relationship. We're happy. But I know the feeling isn't the same. She's a good girl. She cares about me crazy. Or so I think. And yet, I know it's not the same. When my ex and I were together, hearing her voice would light up my life. I could have the worst day, but knowing she'd be on the other end of that telephone would make it all better. We would talk for hours regularly. Time would fly. But apparently I wasn't enough. Her ex had this hold on her. I guess it hurts when the woman you love doesn't love you the same way.

The only "hold" her ex had was not treating her as the source of his happiness.

A woman should not be the source of your happiness.

Y'all dudes need to learn how to be happy on your own through hobbies and something you are passionate about.

A woman should add to your happiness. Not be the source of your happiness.

 

[willypete]

willypete we have had this conversation about her - time will heal you but you need to work on yourself. Get those runs in, plotting travel moves for next summer, etc

Yeah we did and I know. I’m working on getting the last of what I need to go overseas for a few years.

 

[アミーゴ]

Yeah we did and I know. I’m working on getting the last of what I need to go overseas for a few years.

Just need to make sure you pick the right place - overseas solo living is tough man

 

[oidreez]

Long read but props to everyone reading it.



2020 has been a real rollercoaster for me for so many things. Got into it with my family to the point I lost all respect for my brother because of how he has gone about so many things. I’m cordial with my sister and father now days. My mother is the only one I’ve been close to but even then it hasn’t been much I’ve truly discussed with her.



I moved earlier in the year to spot with my good friend and I think that also strained the relationship with my family since everyone still lives in the same house (I’m the youngest btw 27). Moving gave me the space I needed to truly get away from family, have my own privacy and actually be on my own ever since college.



Had a girl I reconnected with and been on and off with since December 2018. We have/had a 8 year long history of knowing each other and in hindsight I think that blinded me to so much. We fell out in January 2017 when I tried to be more than friends but she wasn’t ready for a relationship but I found out she wound up in one 2 months later. Fast forward almost 2 years later and she’s single and looking better than ever. Things were cool between us from the reconnect to mid this year. I got into it with her about being more serious about what she wants to do in life and to actually put the same drive into her goals as she does being “on the scene” for social media. We gave each other space but still reached out to each other to see how each other were doing for about a month and half till I tested positive for covid. During that space I was able to stop being so attached and deep in it with her but once I got sick, she was constantly checking and reaching out on me and it got me to fall back in deep with her. For a solid 3 weeks things felt back to normal between us while I was quarantined. Recently as in the past week I seen her saying on social media “my boo takes me on dates constantly” and “going on double dates are great when all 4 are cool with each other”. I hadn’t been on any dates with her since mid August and never been on a double date with her either. Confronted her about it but she’s given me the silent treatment and ignoring me now. I definitely think all of that between us is done and it’s been eating me up inside because I fell so heavy for her and I thought we could always be upfront and honest with each other. My problem is I got way too attached and was fooling myself into think things were more than what they were.



All of that to say, I would’ve put my plan to work overseas on hold for her and even assisting her with accomplishing her goals. This is just a big eye opener for me to not but my life on hold for someone especially someone who isn’t truly serious about who or what they want.



Had to get this off my chest and NT has usually been my safe haven to do so. Ready for any judgement.

so when you had the rona and she was around, it never came up whether she was seeing someone?

 

[willypete]

so when you had the rona and she was around, it never came up whether she was seeing someone?

Nah it didn’t. We talked either on the phone or through text. Haven’t seen her since before I had it.

 

[marikomorose]

You can tell who and who didn't read as a child.

 

[calypso chanta]

double.

 

[calypso chanta]

You can tell who and who didn't read as a child.

Boiiii if that aint the truth lol

 

[marikomorose]

my dream job is being an investor.

 

[NToweG]

my dream job is being an investor.

Make it a reality.

 

[marikomorose]

Make it a reality.

will do.

 

[Nouss]

You can tell who and who didn't read as a child.

Which NTers didnt read as a child?

 

[eracism]

I never found Shemar Moore attractive.

 

[marikomorose]

I never found Shemar Moore attractive.

This explains so much. You’re either bi or gay.

 

[voidemperor]

Lol what? Ain’t that a dude.

 

[kungfu koala]

Gotta let that insecurity go...
I know I never gonna be better looking than drake, don't mean I wanna mess wit him.
Jeez lol.

Spoiler

another note..
mickey got me on the spaceship...random find cleaning the whip.

 

[voidemperor]

You must be butt *** ugly son
No disrespect

 

[kungfu koala]

You must be butt *** ugly son
No disrespect

funny, I'm actually very good looking.
no offense taken.

 

[slighted]

Not sure how to properly describe this
But I have a deep disdain for clingy, needy people
As much as I enjoy the mentoring work I do (I mentor high school kids + autistic children), I'm tired of having to "save" them

Some of my mentees + family members would text me, asking for help with simple things
And I'd get irritated, but I always come through to help them -- am I just gonna let a 15yo kid fail?
I also constantly remind them to be as self-sufficient/independent as possible

It's strange -- on one hand, I often come in clutch for people in my life when they need me
But I also have built-up resentment towards them
Unsure if this is a symptom of something deeper, but I've been described as "emotionally constricted" and "avoidant"

 

[FThe45th]

I want some WAP.

You don’t dress like it

 

[marikomorose]

You don’t dress like it

This is funny. Remember you started this, but I will acknowledge the funny.

 

[kungfu koala]

Remember you started this,..

don't worry about it.
this day, we all bear witness......lol

 

[BigDom45]

My addiction to sneakers is something I NEVER want my children to have.

 

[kungfu koala]

My addiction to sneakers is something I NEVER want my children to have.

Cus u know it's ur bread they siphoning...lol