Favorite quote from "The Office"?

[dunkaroos]

Dwight: And I will travel to New Zealand. And walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor.

Dwight: I keep various weaponry strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcro'd under my desk. People say, "oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the workplace". Well I say, "it's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally than by a stranger on purpose."
Post your favorites!

 

[mplsdunk]

i forget exactly, but there were like 10 of them in the cure for rabies episode.

 

[deepinthajeep]

it's waaaay too many, but this Creed gem sticks out in my mind....

Creed: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s I made love to many, many women, often outdoors in the mud and the rain, and it's possible that aman slipped in. There'd be no way of knowing.

 

[703flipfiend]

These are my top 3. They're in my AIM profile, all by Dwight.

"As you have planted your seed into the ground, I will plant my seed into you."

"Reject a woman and they'll *!%+* at you. It's one of the many defects of their kind... and weak arms."

"No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs and get a distresscall from the commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the realheroes."

 

[zerogravity23]

thats what she said

 

[shady4life]

"In the Schrute family, we have a tradition, where when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his door stepby his parents. You can use these oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don't care - they're your oats."-Dwight

 

[dunkaroos]

"No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs and get a distress call from the commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes."

I was gonna post this too.

 

[hisroyalfreshness69]

"Im always thinking one step ahead like a carpenter that builds stairs."-Andy

 

[jblackcat13]

I have a bunch of favorite quotes, but this one is always near the top.

"Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's reallynot a part of his family."
-Michael Scott

 

[m4ttj0nes]

"You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk! Waitresses - hot! Football, Cornell-Hofstra, slaughter! Then quick nap at my place, then we hit thetizzown." - Andy Bernard

 

[eaglebball1499]

Oh sooooo many...

Three of my faves:

Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?

http:// Dwight Schrute: When I was in the 6th grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word "failure".

Creed Bratton: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60's, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors... in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing.

 

[koolbarbone]

"He was just hanging brain."

 

[justhotkicks]

justhotkicks' favorite quotes from The Office: The Michael/Toby edition. (off the top of my head).

Toby: "Michael, we need to talk."
Michael: "Not now, not ever."

Michael: "Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry."

Michael: "I hate so much about the things you choose to be."

Michael: "Toby is in H.R., which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, sohe's not a part of HIS family."

 

[bastitch]

Angela has the best quote of season 3:

"I don't go into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack."

That line is flawlessly delivered.

 

[hamez3]

"It's not that children make me uncomfortable, it's just that why be a Dad when you can be a fun Uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebellingagainst their fun Uncle."
M. Scott

 

[livemyreality]

Off the top of my head... Michael: Happy Birthday (To Jan on the phone) Jan: It's not my birthday Michael. Michael: Oh, I thought we had the same birthday.Jan: Happy Birthday Michael. Michael: Thanks.

"Bears. Beats. Battlestar Gallactica." - Jim Halpert as Dwight Schrute.

 

[703flipfiend]

Andy: I am now chopping Phyllis's head with a chainsaw!

More to come.

 

[shch]

the lines where Jim coomes to work dressed as Dwight and he goes, "What kind of bear is best?" and a few more lines after.

 

[Deleted member 38182]

Toby: Me, Dan from Buffalo, Mark Chisholm, Jeff from Albany and Ryan, obviously. Made so many s'mores, that I finally had to say, "No mores'mores, no more s'mores."

Toby: Ryan invited me to go on his wilderness adventure retreat. It was this amazing, beautiful experience [Michael knocks on the window behind Toby fromoutside]
Michael: [from outside] Hey, nobody cares. Nobody cares. I need that room at some point, so just, wrap it up.
Toby: Michael wasn't invited.

Dwight: Once again, Jim, I will take care of this. I will locate the wedding crashers and report them to Phyllis. That way I won't have to get her a gift.

Michael: Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford... to a convict, to... my friend. Back to a convict. Then to... a kind of a nuisance, actually, to becompletely honest. And finally, to... a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is black.

more to come soon

 

[harlemtothebronx]

"Blue collar, white collar... who cares? Makes no difference to me, you know why? Because I'm collar blind!"

 

[krazyg]

"How would I describe myself? 3 Words. Hardworking. Alphamale. Jackhammer..Merciless. Insatiable."
- Dwight K. Schrute

 

[ipodschun]

"Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica." - Jim Halpert as Dwight Schrute.
Fixed. Was going to post this.

Some other Michael quotes in regards to Toby that I like, and are actually from the same episode:

"I'm going to give you my best man; you may have Toby. He's very, very smart, and funny, and charming... blahhhh I can't do it. Toby is theworst. That was a bluff."

"*Toby walks in with bowtie on and holding teacups* Oh. My. God... That's why people are leaving. I... I have no words."

 

[krazyg]

^Not Same episode. Jim as Dwight was Product Recall. The other one was Branch Wars.

 

[jal22588]

"Before I do anything I ask myself, 'would an idiot do this thing?' If so then I do not do that thing. "
-Dwight Schrute
"I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell likedeath."
-Creed
"I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smackher."
-Pam
"hey karen."
"hey dwight, lookin sharp."
"yeah, that's cuz i'm your boyfriend. Jim Halpert. hey...karen wanna get together later and have sexual intercourse cuz you're mygirlfriend?"

"if i had money problems would i do this?"
*takes out a dollar bill crumples it and put back into pocket*
" you just put it back in your pocket..."
"yea, but i destroyed it, it's not even usable anymore.."

"have any of you ever had a disability?"
"i had scoliosis as a girl"
"no, i've never even heard of that. no i mean a REAL disability....not some women's trouble"

 

[airmaxin1]

Michael: I want, I want people hanging from the ceilings, lampshades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to know, andspread the word, that I will have my digital camera. And I will be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be onthe cover of the newsletter. Incentive.
Pam: You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party.
Michael: Yeah, I know. Dammit. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody.