I know I've missed quite some time, in a couple different ways...(more on that later)
But indeed, it is time to kick the dust off these doors once more!!!
So...
LIVE FROM THE #NTML STUDIOS, IN CONJUNCTION WITH #5WIDE ENTERTAINMENT...
SYSTEM SPORTS NETWORK IS PROUD TO BRING YOU THE RETURN OF...
THE GAUNTLET111
WELCOME BACK!!! We have a lot to get into, so I hope you don't mind if I skip the opening pleasantries...
Because it sure as hell isn't pleasing in any way when you've been stolen from!!! >:
I know, I know...I said later...ok, I'll wait. Let's start on a lighter note...
THE PLAYOFFS ARE NEARLY UPON US!!!
Last time we met, the 2015-16 playoffs were just beginning to kick off!!! The Skins were on fire, carving out wins at a torrid pace to claim the NFCE, while knocking the Cowboys && Cards out from postseason contention, && also costing the Panthers their shot at HFA throughout!!! Nobody thought of the Baltimore Ravens as a really big threat back then, and now Shamell Patton is Jim Brown reincarnated, serving #VioletViolence nearly every week!!!
Oh yea...before his recent injury, that is...
The Chiefs were defending World Champions, and many of us (self included) expected them to return to the Super Bowl to defend their crown!!! In fact, I don't think I've seen the Chiefs since then. Been quite some time...maybe Peyton Manning has their old from in that bag of money he stole from them
....maybe they locate it soon?
The Seahawks were surging! Yes, it's true, my Carolina Panthers played a very good father role to those guys
I mean, think about it. A dad wants nothing more than for you to be better than him, right? And there the little Hawks were, staying step for step...ehh, paw for paw? Nah...wing for wing??? Man, you get the idea! The two teams were running parallel with each other, && eventually, son actually outdid dad in the NFCCG && went on to win Super Bowl 50!!! In the immortal words of Vegeta, to his son Trunks right before he sacrificed himself in battle..."You've made me proud...my son".
Now I just need you to decide if you're a bird or a wolf...
And we saw the biggest game in league history when those pesky Skins returned to Carolina to the scene of that Black Friday crime; Bank of America Stadium. Also known as The Morgue, because every soul has been laid to rest ever since that day. Oh, yall remember! Back and forth battle, I score with 11 seconds left, only to be gutted by a subsequent KR for a TD...yea, yall enjoyed that.
The rematch was even better, Twitch PPV numbers were shattered, and I, me, the Panthers, prevailed in a great 35-24 game. Might be my favorite Madden game of all!
And then there was Hulk upsetting the Jets (where were the Wright Bros when Mike needed them?), the debut of #ConnectGate (#PTPers around the world rejoice!), so on && so forth...what I'm tryna say here, is...GET READY!
But before that, let's go around the league, && highlight every other team's season...
The Falcons, once the laughingstock of the league, have.....well, still played their role as a laughingstock, and in true, honorable fashion!
But they've improved stylistically, even securing their first two-game winning streak since the Bush administration (H, not W...yea, long time, I know) behind the tireless legs of RB Betim Jamison! Could a new day be on the horizon in Atlanta? (Short answer: no. Elaborate answer : of ******* course not.
)
The Saints, king of all-time backup QB wins, appear to have been sidestepped on a cliff, resulting in them falling off && not having been heard from sense! After another hot start, their 2nd half plummetfest leaves lots of questions for the Who Dat Nation, && according to every team that beat them, they have truly embodied their city name, at last; The Big Easy....W. Big Easy Ws for all!!!
Don't know how Baltimore avoided it, but every team that dons purple (RIP to my Lakers) seems to be plagued with (Victory Intolerance, Kindly Initiating Neckbreakingly Garbage Showings) to all their fans these days. In case you hadn't realized yet, look closer; Vikings is parenthesized...oops
Forty Niners, Forty Niners...ahh, the mastermind behind Neck Roll Emporium! Madden has to become a virtual reality game soon...then maybe Niners can say he kicks footballs, && League chats kick him! If you were to bet on him missing a field goal, you'd be a dead man, I promise lol...so just bet on him missing the playoffs instead. Save a life or two
The Chargers started off good, && played tough the entire season! But after the strong start, looks like all the reports of #PTP
took the sails out of his winds...and the thunder out of those bolts, and the entire city of San Diego from NFL relevance, once again!! Special LT style helmets with the dark visor now for sale in the #SystemStore if you don't wanna be seen profusely crying in public on their behalf
The New England Patriots, improving? That's not a word you have to use with that franchise very often, but here we are. 10 wins has just been guaranteed by the Pats. Waiting to see these dreams get cut from under the Boston faithful like the sleeves on a classic Belichick hoodie...still got the Red Sox at least! Tear might be the newest imported flavor of tea at this rate tho...no charge for extra shots at Starbucks either, due to the expected abundance in supply
While we're in the AFCE, let me get this straight...so a malnourished set of horses took over a pilot && his Jet, && now he's back from under all the post-crash/choke/collapse rubble, && while in the abyss, he found a code, key, or prayer, to hack the mighty #System?
Let the war of words begin, because there's one member you've yet to cross, sir! You know, Superman could stop a legit Jet with ease, so what's the likely outcome when he goes against 53 of the paper ones that I would make out of boredom back in '98?
Lions? Two words: Michigan. Football. It ain't Speedy's fault, I swear it ain't! They been like that...especially against Ohio teams
. And since I'm Ohio in spirit, Newton's Law says I should be chaning my name to 'Panthers (1-0) #System now...just following standard procedure here...*whistles*
Can I stop the trolling momentarily to congratulate the Titans on a successful turnaround? Sam Bradford out there lighting it up! Seriously, a mile from where they were when we met last season. You just gotta teach Flash how to perform well early in the season now!
Probably the wrong time for me to say that, considering I play him soon
...
But the Skins traditionally ball in December! Like the real life Cowoys in recent years, just in reverse! Another lengthy winning streak in the season's latter stages...yall lucky he ain't playing for a shot at the playoffs this week! Then again, I would've relieved you all of that fear && ended all that again, so no worries.
I am a man of the people, after all...
Bengals...you're spared for now because, well...if only you knew your teams past history in here man.
Browns was just turning the corner until he put that Wolfpack logo in his name! Now he has as few rushing yards as I do successful 'stories'
...both cases will make a change for the better tho...hopefully
Bears, it most certainly isn't you, it's just the legions that accuse me of #PTP! You && Packers should gift wrap me a player or two before you guys turn your teams over...#TrustToretto
Jaguars, where art thou? I'm actually asking that without looking at the standings...what's left of Jag Nation do that enough for the next three Madden leagues. I kid...kinda.
Eagles, I've started a countdown for when we play in two seasons. If Keller doesnt retire after the Tampa debacle, ima have to send 59 in Blue to force him into it! Buuuuuutttttt..considering how much I suffered throughout that game, I should repay it by not ending his career...I'll let him live out his rookie contract with you instead
If your team wasn't mentioned yet...there's a Part 2 coming after advance! Gotta see who else I get to shoot on, don't know all the non-playoff participants yet
And for those participating in the tournament (whether by hook or crook...I'm looking at every NFC team not named Giants && Packers
), your section will be up tomorrow as well.
And I'll squeeze myself in this mix somewhere along the line...believe me, I will.
Keep the Gauntlet doors open for now...stay tuned...
And I forgot the Cowboys for a reason.
It's January, what'd you expect me to do?
