Mature Members Only Please, Lowest Point in my life**update pg4

[powerballin]

yes. I would make time but i could always feel that there should be more. Do i believe me working nights play a factor in it as well yes... But i think the biggest issue was communication. The relationship felt at times like i was dealing with 2 diffferent people. One time she would be happy and down for what ever then the next day its like **** everything but let me complain i am bored yet when i mention what we could do then she would shoot it down. Also i have gotten the feeling that some times when i was off she would be just mad at the world yet at other times she would be ride of die for me.

I really felt like it was 2 different people. I would take her out to eat, we would cook, i would pay for her to see her fam 4 hours away yet i can honestly say it never felt like enough. I'm not saying that this is on one single entitiy but this situation could have been avoided and made easier with communication which i swear i would talk with her about that like every 3 months. She acts more like a child and i am more like a work first play later type of guy. I would push her to get paperwork done for our son, and to take care of responsibilities that she doesn't seem to have any motivation for. I helped her get her ged and i was helping her pass college. Literally i would teach her the material, help her with homework, and just about carry her over the finish line in all responsible venues of life. At times she would be on point and on top of it and then at others she would just say f it or not do it.

i'm in the mist of this right now so maybe other things will hit me in the future, but anytime i seen any issue i would try to resolve it and make her happy, i was happy when she was happy, yea guess that was simp but thats what brings me joy, putting a smile on the ones i love...

Man it sounds you were in love and she was in like.  Thats a long time to have somebody not fully connect with you and vibe the majority of the time.  You can't change people or force them to mature its impossible.  The best thing you can do is learn from that but don't be bitter.  While she cheated on you and that was wrong you kind of played yourself and you know it.  Don't drag her name through the mud or say stuff to the kid just let her rock.  Honestly, she MIGHT be happier right now.  Its possible.  Goodluck on the custody thing and stay strong man.  Just don't play games with her, the other dude, or her friends. 

 

[dayman]

It's good that you're trying to get custody of your son because your ex does not seem like a good/stable mother right now...but I do believe every son needs a mom.

I dont have a child, but if I did and I happened to get a divorce, I would allow my son to go with his mother as long as she is a good and responsible person.

But, this separation is probably the best for both of you and your son. It would be horrible for your son to witness constant fights and arguments and this would affect him later on in life.

I know because my parents would fight every damn night and the word 'divorce' was thrown around so many times, it had little affect on me later on. I just wanted them to get a divorce already and I truly believe my childhood affected me as an adult now. Try to be the better, mature person and be calm when handling the situation from now on.

No more bad mouthing that bish. lol I 100% agree that she is a bish and once a cheater, always a cheater. But be the better person and just let things go. You cant force her to stay with you. Just tell her that you were happy when you were with her and you want to do whatever it takes to raise your son properly. If she says anything about getting back together, tell her no, but you do want her to be in your son's life. Don't show weakness!!! Next time you see her, stay calm and  apologize about the things you said and tell her to enjoy her life.

Just wondering, if you dont mind, how old are you two?

 

[desent]

It's good that you're trying to get custody of your son because your ex does not seem like a good/stable mother right now...but I do believe every son needs a mom.
I dont have a child, but if I did and I happened to get a divorce, I would allow my son to go with his mother as long as she is a good and responsible person.
But, this separation is probably the best for both of you and your son. It would be horrible for your son to witness constant fights and arguments and this would affect him later on in life.
I know because my parents would fight every damn night and the word 'divorce' was thrown around so many times, it had little affect on me later on. I just wanted them to get a divorce already and I truly believe my childhood affected me as an adult now. Try to be the better, mature person and be calm when handling the situation from now on.

No more bad mouthing that bish. lol I 100% agree that she is a bish and once a cheater, always a cheater. But be the better person and just let things go. You cant force her to stay with you. Just tell her that you were happy when you were with her and you want to do whatever it takes to raise your son properly. If she says anything about getting back together, tell her no, but you do want her to be in your son's life. Don't show weakness!!! Next time you see her, stay calm and  apologize about the things you said and tell her to enjoy her life.

Just wondering, if you dont mind, how old are you two?

i'm 27 just turned in nov. she is 25 since sept. everything u said we just got done texting about.. she texted me out of know where about an hour ago and told me she messed up and won;t ever be happy and tried to make me feel bad (yea i love her 8 years of love and i can't just throw it out in a couple nights) i told her there is no us but we can communicate and talk for the childs sake as i want him to know his mother... some other details and hopefully this works out for the best. i want to thank everyone in this thread... u see these relationship threads all the time and u think it can't be u then things come to light. I truely value all inputs and it helps me to be at ease a little... appreciate it

 

[dayman]

i understand throwing away 8 years of relationship with someone you love and have a child with is going to be very difficult and it may take looooong time to get over. You seem like you're taking this pretty well. I think you need to meet and talk things over face to face. Texting can only do so much. It's good to have closure and just stay strong, relax and dont show any weakness.

And you two were together when she was only 17. That is really young and she probably didn't date that many guys, but then again, this is no excuse to cheat. Seems like she just wanted to explore what's out there....

You're still very young and only 27, you will have plenty of time to meet new girls later on.

 

[desent]

actually 7+(couple months) years... rounded up to 8...

 

[11wordisbond]

Hold your head brother. Respect for manning up and wanting to take full custody. You a good dude, blessings will come.

 

[michigan]

i'm 27 just turned in nov. she is 25 since sept. everything u said we just got done texting about.. she texted me out of know where about an hour ago and told me she messed up and won;t ever be happy and tried to make me feel bad (yea i love her 8 years of love and i can't just throw it out in a couple nights) i told her there is no us but we can communicate and talk for the childs sake as i want him to know his mother... some other details and hopefully this works out for the best. i want to thank everyone in this thread... u see these relationship threads all the time and u think it can't be u then things come to light. I truely value all inputs and it helps me to be at ease a little... appreciate it

Sorry to hear about what happened.   If I was you I'd lawyer up and get full custody of your son.   It would suck for her to get a lawyer first and kick you while you are down by taking your son away from you and by making you pay child support.    Don't ever take her back.   Be respectful to her for your son but don't ever get back with her.   I don't want to sound negative but I bet she has been cheating on you with more than 1 guy throughout your relationship.   Once a cheater always a cheater.   It hurts but focus on school and your son.  Its only gonna get better for you.  There's millions of beautiful women in the world who will be down for you that won't cheat.    Next time to test a woman that your feeling look for red flags with her.  From what I've learned if a girl your dating or talking to likes to go out drinking without you or likes to stay out all night its normally a bad sign that she is either seeing someone else or that she is out looking for someone else.   Keep ya head up you sound like a good guy trust me it will get better for you.  You will meet a better looking woman then her that's gonna be more down for you.

 

[ihatemondayz]

Get custody of your son. Work hard and give him a life you never had. Don't ever let a girl get you down. Success is the best revenge.

 

[equality]

Read every word of it. All I can say is sorry OP. Nobody deserves that. I'm mad just reading it.

Remember, no matter how hard it gets DO NOT take her back. You're better of without her. Take your son too, being a single parent will be hard but you will make it man. You will.

Stay strong, PM me if you ever need someone to vent to.

 

[forgot about jae]

You need to prepare for the worst days of your life, just in case.

What I mean is the custody and child support parts coming up, if they do indeed come.

If you end up in court fighting this out, you're likely to get slaughtered because men are second-class citizens in situations like this. You need to look into a good lawyer and ways to ruin her before she gets the chance to do it to you, because she easily can.

Get her friends on your side and DOCUMENT the evidence, video-tape it secretly if you have to. You need to fight for your child to not be around an animal like this girl.

She sounds like the mother no child deserves to be raised by and no man deserves to have as a ball and chain for the rest of his life...straight up.

Check out http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights and post your story there, ask for advice. It may seem like an "extremist" messageboard full of bitter men, but it's not. You need to be aware of your place in this society as a betrayed man and know what to do to stay afloat.

I truly feel for you. And I'm sorry for this to happen to you.

 

[nocomment6]

Sorry to hear all this OP. I wish the best to you, however it is great to see that you must be a great dad!

 

[ryda421]

save the texts and all that stuff and have her friend say to the judge that she left the child at her friends house while she called off work to hang out with him.

 

[blakep267]

save the texts and all that stuff and have her friend say to the judge that she left the child at her friends house while she called off work to hang out with him.

but is that really neglect, leaving your kid with a friend?

 

[Y4BBZY]

Hoping for the best in your situation OP, hold your head up brah. Props for manning up and taking care of your responsibility as a parent.

 

[whoshotcha]

Damn sorry to hear that man, sounds like some Blue Valentine type ish 

.. I pray and hope you can get your son man, because if she's anything like the type of mother you described her as in your post, then she doesnt seem fit at all.

 

[sk8eddunks]

you are now going through the hardest part. Ive been through it all and the hardest slap in the face is making it seem like you are better off without her. Make it seem like you are happy, talk to other girls even if it just to have a good time, focus on school, improve your life, and just don't let what happened get you down. Once she sees how better off you are without her, she is going to flip out and the tables would then have turned. Best of luck fam!

 

[ryda421]

but is that really neglect, leaving your kid with a friend?

it's neglect when you are lying about it. OP didn't even know where his kid was until the friend texted him

 

[curbsideprophet]

Damn, 8 years just for that.....

Eh, the blessing is in your son. Nothing can compare to how much you will mean in his life as he grows up....

Sucks he's gonna learn that his mama was a cheating floozie though.

Stay up man and love that kid of yours.

 

[desent]

Damn tried to type something out and the web app messed it all up.

Update

Last night she texted me saying she is sorry and will be moving back with her fam for a couple months to get her self situated and then come back down to see her son. She said that she will sign and notarize a paper stating I have temp custody. I was already going to a lawyer in the morning we talked and exchanged tears through text. I went to the lawyer this morn wanted the agreement made up within 2 hours. I figure they have some generic one and I gt raped but I dropped 525 for it to make sure I can keep my son she read and signed and we notarized without a prob then we spent an hour packing her things into a rented car and I told my son he should let our 9 month pit pup to with her so be can protect her. It was the only way he would let her take the dog and it was my idea because I can't give that dog the lifestyle he needs and she is moving with her fam who take care of them all the time. She cried to me when we talked face to face. U know the cry when u gasp for breathe. It felt real but I know lies were mixed in. I told her I love her and I want to be with her but I know I can't. I'm a man of my word when I say I am going to do something I do it. I always told her if she cheats I would be out. Besides if I take her back I would be on her and looking over every detail its not worth it for both of us. I asked her what did I do to push her to this she said nothing it was just her thinking she wasn't happy.

So she left. I feel empty. I have my son and I put in a show for him and he's my little soldier he is staying strong but I feel he just doesn't understand. In due time. If she can get help from constantly lying she would be a great woman. She knows I'm a good guy and made this process as easy as possible as opposed to other woman which may run with the child and screw the man. She offered me money over time I told her no I don't want it. I made more than her and she is basically without job. Much more but I gave up enough info to the web. I really just vent because I need it but meh

Me and my son I will do everything I can to make sure he isn't effected dramatically by all this and that he will have a better life than me

Thanks all

 

[guzzy]

Good Luck OP in your new life.

Glad you got custody of your son.

Now just focus on the adjustments you guys are gonna go through without her, I'm sure youll get through it

 

[executive76]

I'm just here for the pics

 

[balloonoboy]

I commend the way you handled yourself with grace and poise.

 

[gatzbygordon]

I commend the way you handled yourself with grace and poise.

word OP keeping it civil shows that you're truly the better person, 

im surprised you kept it so cool when it first happened..it seems like she got caught up in the moment with homeboy, shes obviously having issues feeling insecure so she needed that outside validation...

it wasnt anything wrong with you fam..thats messed up that she can even think its ok for her to be away from her son for any kind of time...

its time to step it up all the way and man way the fudge up...

kid needs you now more than ever,

stay focused and just remember

what you're doing right now in your life, is going to have a major impact on the quality of life your son has, do whatever it takes for him to have an awesome life and father..

the mother is going to have to build all that trust up

 in the end, little man is going to remember when mama left and daddy did anything and everything for him..

 

[killthehype]

Good Luck OP in your new life.
Glad you got custody of your son.
Now just focus on the adjustments you guys are gonna go through without her, I'm sure youll get through it

These sort of things happen but the best thing you can do is live a happy life for your son. I'm sure it would have been hell growing up to see your dad depressed constantly and all of that. People screw us over, so we have to live life as best as we can.

 

[decemberlove]

Didn't read through everything but was there a motive behind the cheating?

Or she just did it?

Edit: That sucks because I've always been mistrusting of females and if you had a content 8 year relationship and this happens it makes me a little wary of mine (been with my girl for a year)