My Cat Keeps Raping Me, What Should I Do?

[dopeness]

So for about a two months, my cat has been pouncing on me with highly advanced and predatory sneak attacks then ejaculating on me within seconds. He sleeps in my bed, so sometimes I wake up and he's on top of me purring, starring into my eyes and kneading into my skin with his paws.

We used to be homies, like watch TV together, let him bag female cats through the window, we used to be able to have conversations. 

Now, if I try to pet him he just wrestles my arm, nibbles on me then humps me. He even growls at me.

I feel bad, I want my homie back...

 

[SAINIDIIvIIAINI]

Your first mistake is you have a cat. Just put him to sleep, its just a cat. On a serious note, just get him fixed.

-SAlNlDllvllAlNl-

 

[Los Angeles]

I agree cats are only meant to be strays.

Do whats right, find a box, put that monster inside, tape it up, poke some holes, drive to the nearest dumping ground.

 

[macbk]

View media item 1903858

 

[SC kid]

Get ol buddy some mid catnip.

Hell be chillin watchin sports center b

 

[Master Zik]

Don't feel bad. You are the victim.

Don't sympathize with your abuser.

You need a hotline b? This seems serious.

 

[dopeness]

Your first mistake is you have a cat. Just put him to sleep, its just a cat. On a serious note, just get him fixed.

-SAlNlDllvllAlNl-

He's not just any cat, during the hurricane my neighborhood became overran with mice. My cat was like Batman defending Gotham. Hans Zimmer's "A Dark Knight" might have well been playing as he zipped through the house catching Gotham's criminals. He's very human like, he has favorite TV shows, favorite songs, he even calls me to the window if he wants me to see the female cats he likes. He wakes me up to play by bringing his toys to me. I love my little dude. My kids love him too, he wrestles with them carefully. He's an integral part of our family.

It's a really tough time because I don't know what to do for him. Thinking of getting him a mate, but it would seem too much like an arranged marriage. What if he doesn't like her?

 

[nawghtyhare]

Pics

 

[Barbados Slim]

wait a minute. You're talking about a cat right? What cat does any of those things? 

 

[dopeness]

 
wait a minute. You're talking about a cat right? What cat does any of those things? 

My cat, seriously.

 

[RustyShackleford]

So for about a two months, my cat has been pouncing on me with highly advanced and predatory sneak attacks then ejaculating on me within seconds. He sleeps in my bed, so sometimes I wake up and he's on top of me purring, starring into my eyes and kneading into my skin with his paws.


We used to be homies, like watch TV together, let him bag female cats through the window, we used to be able to have conversations. 


Now, if I try to pet him he just wrestles my arm, nibbles on me then humps me. He even growls at me.


I feel bad, I want my homie back... https://statich.niketalk.com/smilies/nerd.gif

Does he pull "Da Steezy" and clean up after himself too?

 

[Master Zik]

wait a minute. You're talking about a cat right? What cat does any of those things? 

A rapist cat.

 

[dopeness]

Pics

The next time he rapes me...

 

[Barbados Slim]

It's your fault OP. Stop dressing in a way that attracts attention from your cat. 

 

[dopeness]

 
It's your fault OP. Stop dressing in a way that attracts attention from your cat. 

He rapes my wife too. She's more aggressive though, like pushing him off the bed or yelling "no" at him. He usually just hisses and charges at her full force, then commences to humping her some more.

 

[dat dude chris]

at this thread

 

[AZwildcats]

Hire Gloria Alred to represent you OP, she will help you get that scumbag cat for all he's worth

 

[grandtheftbike]

Clean those paws up before letting him in da sheets

 

[All_$tar1997]

Obviously not dealing with an authentic street cat.

 

[SC kid]

Just pay dat cat dat fiteen dollas op hell stop buggin u

 

[macbk]

NT is on some sh today. 

My friend copped a rabbit that used to pretty much rape anything in sight 24/7 until she got it neutered. 

Who even goes for a rabbit as a pet anymore .

 

[be easy]

View media item 1904003

 

[blacklion23]

Pet Condoms?

 

[noskey]

Pepper your angus.

 

[youngwolf]

Rape it back.