Post your most embarrassing sexual encounters Vol. 2012

[jordanfan04]

Went to my fiancées crib a couple months ago and she began giving me the sloppy top. I'm talking the works. Mind you though, I haven't had a bowel movement in a day or two and my stomach was in shambles, but that could wait until afterwards. Anyways, I start to feel the glorious splurge begin to build and I'm powering up. Right as I'm releasing on the tittays I let out the longest, wettest fart. Like the sound when someone is blowing up a balloon and accidentally let's it go and it flies crazily across a room. I immediately try to let out a "Ahhhhhhhhh" to try to cover the sound, then book it to her bathroom. She never said anything about it, but that I never came that verbal before. True champ.


My other one was us smashing s few years back in my room at my moms house. Im going IN on that +%+ in my bed. This was right around the time I taught her to squirt. So she's reaching her peak and I hit her with the final death stroke, you know the dagger strike where you stab it, step out and give her the "Yeah I Murked it look". So she started shaking and squirting violently and rolls off the bed. Immediately to left off my bed was a wooden desk. She smacked her head and just fell silent. I'm talking comatose. She wakes up a couple minutes in a fog. Got up, came to, and let me finish.

 

[mitchellicious]

Originally Posted by iHust1e

Originally Posted by akajaedeuce

Originally Posted by MisterP0315

And finally...I was smashing my then GF, she breathed hard one time while we were kissing and a booger came down on my lip. I didn't want to ruin the moment so I ate it.

I got to this page, read that quote, saw that gif and lost it. Good times.

 

[tr1ll]

Originally Posted by JordanFan04

Went to my fiancées crib a couple months ago and she began giving me the sloppy top. I'm talking the works. Mind you though, I haven't had a bowel movement in a day or two and my stomach was in shambles, but that could wait until afterwards..

Why?

Originally Posted by JordanFan04

This was right around the time I taught her to squirt. finish

You taught her?

 

[tim teufel]

Was seeing a married chic and we always agreed to meet in queens center mall so her husband think she was shopping. We would then go to the haven motel and I would proceed to do filthy things to her face. One day her husband decided to check up on her and called her saying he was at the mall looking for her,so she panics and tells me to hurry up and finish so I skeet in her mouth and I run out the Telly to drop her off the mall. I drop her off and she meets up with her man and I see her giving dude the only tongue kiss after she had just swallowed my seeds. I didn't know this man but I have never felt worse for someone in my life as I did for him that very moment.

 

[midnight hype]

I was doing the nasty nasty at my girls crib. she was riding my pogo stick like it was her last day on earth. And she was turning red like a killer tomato, I told her to breath mamsita and she refused. One of her eyes poped out of her socket, I was so pissed that she didn't listen to me i told her the only person that would have a spot in ur heart is professor x because he's looking for a replacemt for cyclops.

 

[ravagebx]

Originally Posted by Midnight Hype

I was doing the nasty nasty at my girls crib. she was riding my pogo stick like it was her last day on earth. And she was turning red like a killer tomato, I told her to breath mamsita and she refused. One of her eyes poped out of her socket, I was so pissed that she didn't listen to me i told her the only person that would have a spot in ur heart is professor x because he's looking for a replacemt for cyclops.

 

[grizzly hebert]

Originally Posted by JordanFan04

Went to my fiancées crib a couple months ago and she began giving me the sloppy top. I'm talking the works. Mind you though, I haven't had a bowel movement in a day or two and my stomach was in shambles, but that could wait until afterwards. Anyways, I start to feel the glorious splurge begin to build and I'm powering up. Right as I'm releasing on the tittays I let out the longest, wettest fart. Like the sound when someone is blowing up a balloon and accidentally let's it go and it flies crazily across a room. I immediately try to let out a "Ahhhhhhhhh" to try to cover the sound, then book it to her bathroom. She never said anything about it, but that I never came that verbal before. True champ.


My other one was us smashing s few years back in my room at my moms house. Im going IN on that +%+ in my bed. This was right around the time I taught her to squirt. So she's reaching her peak and I hit her with the final death stroke, you know the dagger strike where you stab it, step out and give her the "Yeah I Murked it look". So she started shaking and squirting violently and rolls off the bed. Immediately to left off my bed was a wooden desk. She smacked her head and just fell silent. I'm talking comatose. She wakes up a couple minutes in a fog. Got up, came to, and let me finish.

Muerto

  

 

[kalikid23]

This happened on NYE actually.

Met a chick, she took me back to the hotel, we start getting down etc...

Anyway against my better judgement i decide im gonna eat the box

... But not the regular way... I seen this prono where dude has the chick sat on his shoulders while he's stood up and he's just nyammin that thang... +%%$ looked boss so i thought i'd try it out. However i'm not as brolic as this dude was so i thought i'll do it against the wall for some support. So i lift this girl up on my shoulders and go to lean her up against what i thought was a wall....

Unfortunately all the Jack and red wine caused me to make a slight misjudgment....what i thought to be a wall was infact a doorway. So as i plant her against fresh air this erotic sexual act suddenly becomes a running powerbomb

This chick hits the canvas HARD with my full weight to follow. She's goes into a semi foetal position and starts wimpering quietly, complaining that her side hurts. I didn't know whether to apologise to this girl or pin her shoulders down for the 3 count. Needless to say i got dressed and left the hotel shortly afterward.

 
WINNER WINNER ......

Im at work while reading this, Im laughing so damn hard (no pun) Fam almost got me in trouble!

 

[nawghtyhare]

Had to bump
Was just talking to NTers about this at the NT summit thing

 

[heliumclinton]

I didn't know whether to apologise to this girl or pin her shoulders down for the 3 count. Needless to say i got dressed and left the hotel shortly afterward.

CRINE

 

[a blinkin]

As for me, I have two stories I can think of. About a year ago, i was chasing this one broad heavy. I still want her to this very day. On April 16, my persistence paid off. She came over to chill with a few friends, and I had some of my boys over. Drinks get to flowing and she tells me flat out "tell them to leave. I really want to f." She proceeds to tell her friends they should go check out some party and I tell my boys they gotta go. Shorty was summertime fine. So they leave, we get to kissing, I go from 6 to midnight in about 2 seconds. Strip her down, get the condom and all systems shut down. I started to panic because I've never had trouble with ED. I figured I wanted her so bad it wouldn't eek be a problem to ravish the broad. But I couldn't. I tried fapping without her noticing, didn't work. After About 15 mins of freaking out I pretend to hear my phone vibrate and I pretend to hold a conversation. End the "conversation" and I go back to the room. She's getting dressed as I walk in. Gives me this whole thing about how her friends didn't like the party so they gotta pick her up. I Walk her to the door and as soon as she walks out I hear her friend ask her "so how was it?" she responds "Girrrrrrrl let me tell you". My heart dropped. We still talk but I've never even gotten a chance to redeem myself.

Nearly six years later and I still feel ashamed that I couldn't get it up. Actually went to go kick it in Houston last May and she came through to chill... But she's got a girlfriend now. Funny story about her again actually. Let me type it up.

 

[lamekilla]

Lol I got a couple but one that immediately jumps to mind was around 2011. The previous night I was out at the club with my boys and me and one of my boys basically had a drinking contest and we passed off a full bottle of dry gin to each other. First person to tap out loses and has to give the other $20. We finished off the whole bottle straight in about 15 minutes. About an hour later I was throwing my life up. So much so that we had to leave and my boys were trying to take me to the hospital because they thought I had alcohol poisoning. I insisted that I just needed to go home and that I would be ok, while still making them stop the car every 3 minutes to throw up. The next morning was one of the worst days of my life. I felt like I had the flu and my stomach was so sensitive that if I moved I was ready to throw up. At this time I was messing with this chick that was letting me hit her and put it anywhere. She called me up and asked if I was feeling ok. Told her I felt awful and that I needed her to come nurse me. She came through and brought some deli sandwiches and some pepto bismal. I'm like "look at her tryna be wifey material" lol. So a couple hours pass by while she's over there and I'm laying down watching TV and she's beside me rubbing my tummy. Her hands get a little lower and I'm telling her don't start something she isn't ready to finish. Of course she starts it and now I'm rock hard. I was still feeling a little nauseous but at this point I'm ready to get some. She starts topping me off for a little and I'm loving it grabbing her head and everything and then she slides off her pants and the most putrid smell I've ever smelled from a woman came out of her. She puts a condom on me and starts riding and the smell keeps getting heavier and worse. My stomach is hurting from all the movement and the smell is making me more nauseous. At this point the smell has filled the ENTIRE room and she's on top just bouncing and then she looks at me and sees I'm frowning. I black out for a quick second and then when I come back too she screams "Oh my god" I threw up all on myself and her arm. I throw her off me and I'm get up and run to the bathroom. The sudden movements have me throwing up all down the hall then I get to the toilet humped over naked throwing up my soul. This ***** has the nerve to come in the bathroom and says "I can't believe you threw up on me!" And I told her "I can't believe you came over here and smelled like that" she got sooooooooo upset. She washed herself off in the downstairs bathroom and dipped. I actually felt better after that last throw up session but my room smelled like vomit and a Korean fish market. Had to bleach bomb everything. Shorty hit me up through text saying how mad she was. Started smashing her again about a week later

 

[kingfoamnyc]

The last time I saw this thread was back in 08 or so and it was full of lulz. I remember dude got his ribs broken after smashing shorty in the bathroom at her pops house or something like that

it's been 4 years, so I know some of you have had a few odd incidents in that time frame.


As for me, I have two stories I can think of. About a year ago, i was chasing this one broad heavy. I still want her to this very day. On April 16, my persistence paid off. She came over to chill with a few friends, and I had some of my boys over. Drinks get to flowing and she tells me flat out "tell them to leave. I really want to f." She proceeds to tell her friends they should go check out some party and I tell my boys they gotta go. Shorty was summertime fine. So they leave, we get to kissing, I go from 6 to midnight in about 2 seconds. Strip her down, get the condom and all systems shut down. I started to panic because I've never had trouble with ED. I figured I wanted her so bad it wouldn't eek be a problem to ravish the broad. But I couldn't. I tried fapping without her noticing, didn't work. After About 15 mins of freaking out I pretend to hear my phone vibrate and I pretend to hold a conversation. End the "conversation" and I go back to the room. She's getting dressed as I walk in. Gives me this whole thing about how her friends didn't like the party so they gotta pick her up. I Walk her to the door and as soon as she walks out I hear her friend ask her "so how was it?" she responds "Girrrrrrrl let me tell you". My heart dropped. We still talk but I've never even gotten a chance to redeem myself.

Same exact **** happened to me. Shorty was way too bad and I was way too young. Wanted the yambs way too much and when I finally got the opportunity my joint ain't want to get up

 

[AZwildcats]

Jesus Christ, I hope that never happens to me (I know it will though)

 

[waitwut]

nutted in under 60 seconds raw ya boy gave NO DAMBS didnt use a single fiber in my body to hold back

 

[Master Zik]

Lame throwing up on ******* messing with rancid kitty :x

 

[lamekilla]

lemme lone Zik 

 

[BrandNewWithTags]

fat middle aged Albanian women tried to get into my pants. Whispered in my ear "I give great head". Never felt so awkward in my life.

 

[nawghtyhare]

As for me, I have two stories I can think of. About a year ago, i was chasing this one broad heavy. I still want her to this very day. On April 16, my persistence paid off. She came over to chill with a few friends, and I had some of my boys over. Drinks get to flowing and she tells me flat out "tell them to leave. I really want to f." She proceeds to tell her friends they should go check out some party and I tell my boys they gotta go. Shorty was summertime fine. So they leave, we get to kissing, I go from 6 to midnight in about 2 seconds. Strip her down, get the condom and all systems shut down. I started to panic because I've never had trouble with ED. I figured I wanted her so bad it wouldn't eek be a problem to ravish the broad. But I couldn't. I tried fapping without her noticing, didn't work. After About 15 mins of freaking out I pretend to hear my phone vibrate and I pretend to hold a conversation. End the "conversation" and I go back to the room. She's getting dressed as I walk in. Gives me this whole thing about how her friends didn't like the party so they gotta pick her up. I Walk her to the door and as soon as she walks out I hear her friend ask her "so how was it?" she responds "Girrrrrrrl let me tell you". My heart dropped. We still talk but I've never even gotten a chance to redeem myself.

Nearly six years later and I still feel ashamed that I couldn't get it up. Actually went to go kick it in Houston last May and she came through to chill... But she's got a girlfriend now. Funny story about her again actually. Let me type it up.

a blinkin
still waiting

 

[gentrification]

No fap ruined my sex life. Made everything else great, makes you really think.

 

[adobecs4]

Classic thread.

 

[DB Cooper]

I would have to say it was during my first time. Took my newly GF to a hotel. While trying to slide on the jimmy in the bathroom, it ripped. Luckily I had another one on me. But the fact that I had to come out of the bathroom and grab another one from my bag was embarrassing. She was already stripped down waiting on the bed. Surprised she didn't fall asleep.

 

[ahat]

Embarassing and weird at the same time. Was a long time ago...


Was smashing this chick, her 2 kids were in their room sleep. Guess she was a lil too loud, next thing i know the door opens and in walks her like 4 or 5 year old daughter. I was like wtf!!

This ***** gets up and starts yellin at her... ____(childs name) i thought i told you stay in your room!! Go lay in your bed!! Go to sleep!

So she comes back and im feelin mad awkward thinking to myself like sooo should i leave? This ***** gets back on the bed, bawty cock up in the air and tells me to continue. Shoot, continue i did.



Her kids were half black half middle eastern. I remember going there once and one of her neighbors was like "oh you the daddy!"


nah...

 

[sooperhooper]

This was an epic thread. Thought it got locked.