Question for MARRIED people here

Dirty I undertstand where you are coming from, but I have to tell you, NO ONE really knows when they are ready for marriage, it's a leap of faith we takewith the person we love, it's similar to parenting, who's really ever ready to be a parent?...I think NO ONE. With that being said I have to tell youthat simply because two people are not ready to let go of their complete independence to then be dependent on each other for eery decision, it does not meanthey are NOT ready for marriage. Like I stated earlier I've been engaged for 2 years and been with my fiancée for 10, we live together and now we each haveour personal accounts along with one joint, this will not change once we get married, we will continue to each handle our own money, we respect each othersopinions on spending matters, but as long as our bills get paid and we are doing our best to stan some money away, then if she wants to spend some of her hardearned money on herself who I'm I to tell her no?...and vice-versa. Your idea of marriage may mean something completely different than mines orthe previewsposter, but that doesn't mean that you were *anymore* ready than we are. Be a little more open minded, specially about something like marriage.
 
We both have individual checking/savings accounts and the joint account that we both use for all expenses.

The logic in the single shared account is that as a married couple, what belongs to one belongs to the other.
 
Originally Posted by DC ShoeDon

We have a joint for all household bills and our previous separate accounts for our individual bills.
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My wife and I do the same thing. Joint account for the mortgage and our insurance (car, home, life). She pays the utilities and her car, and I paythe cell and cable bills and my car. We had this system from day one and it's always worked. We have individual accounts for our own spending, but forconvenience we also have the same bank.
 
Originally Posted by ksteezy

Dirty I undertstand where you are coming from, but I have to tell you, NO ONE really knows when they are ready for marriage, it's a leap of faith we take with the person we love, it's similar to parenting, who's really ever ready to be a parent?...I think NO ONE. With that being said I have to tell you that simply because two people are not ready to let go of their complete independence to then be dependent on each other for eery decision, it does not mean they are NOT ready for marriage. Like I stated earlier I've been engaged for 2 years and been with my fiancée for 10, we live together and now we each have our personal accounts along with one joint, this will not change once we get married, we will continue to each handle our own money, we respect each others opinions on spending matters, but as long as our bills get paid and we are doing our best to stan some money away, then if she wants to spend some of her hard earned money on herself who I'm I to tell her no?...and vice-versa. Your idea of marriage may mean something completely different than mines orthe previews poster, but that doesn't mean that you were ready and we are not. Be a little more open minded, specially about something like marriage.
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And here's where you missed my ultimate point...
So yes....everything is indeed "WE," but the "We" have to decide on how much of "ME" time (and/or money in this case) each other get.
From the sound of it...you both have decided that is how you want to operate when it comes toyour finances....but you've made the decision together.
....and really....I don't have to be open minded when it comes to this.. I was asked on opinion on what I believe marriage is...and I answered...I'mnot forcing my idea on anyone here.


PS.
NO ONE really knows when they are ready for marriage, it's a leap of faith we take with the person we love
I disagree with your first part. I think you have to make the mental decision to get married. Too many people just think getting married is thenatural progression in a relationship without really analyzing if that person is the best choice for you.
but marrying someone IS a leap of faith... it's the ultimate in putting your trust in someone
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Dirtylicious wrote:


...and really....I don't have to be open minded when it comes to this.. I was asked on opinion on what I believe marriage is...and I answered...I'm not forcing my idea on anyone here.

Glad I read this before replying to your earlier post ... You are right - that's your opinion and is how you view marriage is not right and its notwrong - it's whats best and ideal for you ....

How long have you been married?
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i just did this on Monday morning its basically like a bill paying source.... kept my old savings acct tho so I can have my stash
 
I say be open-minded simply because you are saying that if someone doesn't nessesarily agree with your idea of how a marriage should be handled, then theindividuals are not ready for marriage. Sorry but I pride myself in my independence and I want a woman who does as well.

Bottomline we all have different opinions, don't get defensive if someone asks you to be open minded. We are talking about "marriage" afterall.
 
defensive?...not at all...but I don't see how you can tell me to be open minded...when in the same breath, you're telling me that "we all havedifferent opinions."

isn't that the point?...like I said... I'm not telling anyone else they need to ascribe to my definition....but I wrote my own opinion what it means tobe married...
I wrote my previous post in the 3rd person on purpose...so that DC wouldn't think I was talking to him specifically

and again... If you want to harp on my opinion being incongruous with yours....but as I noted.. .you both have already agreed to handle yourexpenses...that's in line with my ultimate point... in a marriage you both have to discuss and agree how to handles things as a couple.
 
Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

defensive?...not at all...but I don't see how you can tell me to be open minded...when in the same breath, you're telling me that "we all have different opinions."
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Maybe he thinks your opinion is just wrong and you need to be open minded to the truth?

nerd.gif
nerd.gif
 
Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

I believe in having a joint account...but this is a nice arrangement too.

We have it set up where both are checks are direct deposited into each account (90% Joint, 10% personal) and we have to check with each other before we use any joint money for anything other than what I stated above. Works great for us but to each his own..
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When you get married....everything IS indeed shared. You don't have to give up your privacy, space or all your free time.... but you DO have to consider the other person when you make decisions....period.

You can't just go out whenever you want without letting the other person know
You can't just go out and buy whatever you want without letting the other person know
You HAVE to think about how your decisions whether financial or life, will affect your spouse...that's what a marriage IS

So yes....everything is indeed "WE," but the "We" have to decide on how much of "ME" time (and/or money in this case) each other get.


if someone can't handle that....then I don't think they're ready to be married.


sorry i must have missed that part. Best of wishes to you both.
 
Like he then stated that he has his belief - so lets just drop it. I too think his reasoning or the way he views marrige is wrong, but it's notright because he has his views and I have mines .. so, anyways, he did say THINK not KNOW - so let him think all he wants and you keep doing you all you wantand lets be happy!
 
Dirtylicious wrote:
in a marriage you both have to discuss and agree how to handles things as a couple.


Agree
disagree

That's life and that's marriage ..

Better way of putting it is

in a marriage you both have to discuss and compromise in how to handle things as a couple. you both are not always going to agree on things, but have tocompromise for the good of the relationship

and that statement itself its flawed because who is doing the compromising all the time ..

So as you see marriage is not as simple and its not always a clear right/wrong things .. NEVER and this is about the only true statement ..
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im the only one who works and we share a bank acct. will remain that way until i feel it should be otherwise.
 
Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

I believe in having a joint account...but this is a nice arrangement too.

We have it set up where both are checks are direct deposited into each account (90% Joint, 10% personal) and we have to check with each other before we use any joint money for anything other than what I stated above. Works great for us but to each his own..
Click to expand...
Click to expand...


When you get married....everything IS indeed shared. You don't have to give up your privacy, space or all your free time.... but you DO have to consider the other person when you make decisions....period.

You can't just go out whenever you want without letting the other person know
You can't just go out and buy whatever you want without letting the other person know
You HAVE to think about how your decisions whether financial or life, will affect your spouse...that's what a marriage IS

So yes....everything is indeed "WE," but the "We" have to decide on how much of "ME" time (and/or money in this case) each other get.


if someone can't handle that....then I don't think they're ready to be married.
To me this sounds like a chapter summary in a book.
Do you even know any married people?
 
Joint account. Its our money. Major transactions/purchases are always discussed prior. Its easy to have a joint account if you trust each other.
 
Originally Posted by RiKaN HaVoK

Better way of putting it is

in a marriage you both have to discuss and compromise in how to handle things as a couple. you both are not always going to agree on things, but have to compromise for the good of the relationship
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I'll agree to that.

as for me knowing any married couples?... lol. 80% of my friends are married with kids
 
Originally Posted by superbness

Do you guys/gal share banking accounts? I mean link do you place all your money in a joint account with your husband/wife? I want to get married but the thought of putting our money in 1 joint account does not sit right with me for lots of reasons. Would if the other empty the account and leave you with nothing and run off....


What are your thoughts and how do you handle money issues?
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Before we got married we had 1 account joint and both kept an individual.
Added each other as an authorized user to one credit card each. We were living together at the time.

Upon getting married, we have 2 accounts both of which are shared. Nothing separate.

I have no reason nor any suspicion that my wife would ever do anything that would make us financially unstable. We both monitior the accounts like hawks (notbecause of eachother) so that's not even a likely or plausible situation. If you lack that much trust, maybe don't get married. If you still want toget married, then I'd suggest discussing your concerns with your future wife and see how she feels about it.

**I believe, if memory serves me correct, in a community property state, your significant other isn't entitled to any previously existing money or propertythat hasn't been co-mingled. So basically, if you have your savings account from 1990 that she's never been a part of, she can't have it. However, if you add her or if she makes her paycheck deposits into it, then it's up for grabs.
 
My wife and I have individual accounts, joint accounts and shared credit cards. We've had the joint accounts before marriage. Both have nothing to hideand we're financially sound and on top of all our money issues.
 
I'm not married but this is how I would do it. Each party has their separate account and a then the big joint account. The separate accounts should be usedfor everyday purchases. I guess each party keeps the account they entered with.

And don't hide money or details from each other.
 
I have been married for 7 years and we started out with joint accounts. I am good with numbers/money so I did the finances. The problem was that for those 7years my wife had no idea how much money was in the account, how much she could spend at any time. This would lead to discussions about her spending too muchon non-necessities. As you can tell it wasn't good.

Now we have separate accounts (mutual decision), I think it is going well so far. We have been doing it like this for about 4 months and already I see adifference in her spending habits and mine. She is not in charge of her own money and I mine. She can now make an educated decision on whether to buy or notto. I see that one person handling all the finances is not a good thing, there must be balance.

My advice is if you do decide to have a joint account, handle it like a joint account. If bills need to be paid set out time for both of you to do it together,or separate the responsibility of bills. Make sure that there is good communication between the two of you about amounts being spent. Set a limit on the amountthat can be spent without notifying the other person first, this will vary from couple to couple because of income. Make sure that you discuss all largepurchases before you buy to avoid unwanted conversation/fights about spending habits.

If you decide to have separate accounts, still consider your mate when making purchases. Talk large purchases over with them. No matter what in marriage youmust treat your spouse as though you are one person, this includes finances. Be fair with your money and they will return the favor.

A little off topic. It starts with the Husband/man, as such we set the standard. A woman is going to look to your example and do as you do, meaning, if you area gracious person chances are she will be too. If you set a good example your marriage can be great, but on the other hand if you rule your house as king andare too harsh then chances are she won't respect your authority and you will feel the effects within your family.

That's my contribution
 
Joint accounts are great until something goes sour with the relationship. In the end, it comes down to who can dial quicker. I used to work at the ING Directcall center. Got a call once from a dude who was frantic about getting his money transferred. Moved the entire 20 stacks from the joint ING account into hispersonal chequing account at the other bank. This guy was asking me all sorts of questions, making sure I did it right.

Well as soon as I'm done that call, I get a call from the wife (the same agent gets the call if someone dials from the same number). Wife asks me transferthe 20 stacks to her personal chequing account. I tell her the account was emptied 2 minutes ago by her husband. She flips out. I transfer the call to thesupervisor who can't really do anything for her. The End.
 
My wife stays home and takes care of the house and the baby like a good woman should. She has a degree in Dental Hygiene but for now she stays home. We willprobably have another kid soon too so she wont be working for a while...

I pay all the bills and keep her living a good life.

I fund her own account so she has her own dough to get whatever she wants, but she has no access to my funds.
 
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