Serious question, am I wrong for not wanting to date a girl that have kids?

[fdub]

Before someone ask me, I just turned 26 last Monday, so let me answer that before someone ask me. Now a days so many people are having kids at an early age and it's becoming to be a little overwhelming to say the least. There have been a few girls that was trying to get to know from recent experiences and what not, but once I found out that they have kids, it kind of turned me off and I end up losing big interest. I guess I am a little old fashion, but I would want to date or possibly marry a lady that have absolutely no kids at the time we get acquainted with each other. Dating a girl with kids is like dating someone that have baggage from their previous relationship and I don't want no parts of that what so ever. A month ago, a friend of mine told me that I am selfish and need to lower my standards a little bit(It was girl that said that by the way that have 3 kids, so go figure). I am about to graduate in college in May and I have a possible job lined up for me, so I don't want any possible drama to stop me. So me not wanting to date a girl with kids a bad thing? I know I am not the only one that feels this way.

I think having kids is a blessing, but I just feel as though both parties should be financially stabled and comfortable before deciding to have a child. That's just my opinion.

 

[omgitswes]

I wouldn't do it either. Kids are a definite deal breaker for me. No matter how much I like a chick

Also what your friend said was dumb as hell, why would anyone need to lower their standards?

 

[joepac12]

I agree op

 

[darthdeezy]

Def cosign with OP.
I dated a girl with 3 kids for about a year and 1) you will always come second to the kids and 2) expected me to start being more of a father figure to kids that weren't mine emotionally and financially. Emotionally? Yeah sure. Financially? No. Deuces.

 

[cacique]

No.

Even though my step father took me under his wing, I will still say no.

Taking on the responsibility of father to a child(ren) that in the back of everyone's mind we know isn't yours

isn't for everyone.  It's even harder when the mother is selective about when you can be a dad.

Like when it's time to pay for ish you're daddy, but when they misbehave and it's time for discipline you may as well be a stranger.

Couldnt do it.

 

[nazdrowie]

nah fam you good...kids mess everything up in those situations. makes life much more stressful to people that dont deal with them.

i dont like dealing with kids in general, even friends and other extended family member's kids. if its a big gathering, ill be there but i stay away from situations where children are involved, like if they are just chilling at home and watching the kids and invite me over to catch up.

 

[parada45]

It's a struggle

Did it once

Never again

 

[tero]

Kids are there forever....u go down that road u aint comin back in one piece bruh..

But like u said, u gotta be financially stable. you are 26, bout to graduate.... with a job?? them baby mama's probably thinking "oh he could help me pay bills take care of lil ray ray cuz big ray ray in jail and never supports his child like a real man is supposed to"

i feel like women (non mothers) around that age have higher standards so copping one of them, worth keeping.. is probably the real issue here

 

[adobecs4]

It's all about your comfort zone. Me personally? I couldn't do it either.

 

[ScroogeMcBuckz]

Nope, don't even beat yourself up about it. There's still plenty of women out there who share your sentiments. Nobody should willfully want to carry someone else's burden. The problem in society with both men and women is the belief that having kids will make the counterpart stay, and as we are witnessing, it's the furthest thing from the truth. Now we're stuck in a age of single parents with scorned attitudes.

 

[fdub]

Nope, don't even beat yourself up about it. There's still plenty of women out there who share your sentiments. Nobody should willfully want to carry someone else's burden. The problem in society with both men and women is the belief that having kids will make the counterpart stay, and as we are witnessing, it's the furthest thing from the truth. Now we're stuck in a age of single parents with scorned attitudes.

Co-Sign on everything especially the scorned attitudes part.

 

[fdub]

Kids are there forever....u go down that road u aint comin back in one piece bruh..

But like u said, u gotta be financially stable. you are 26, bout to graduate.... with a job?? them baby mama's probably thinking "oh he could help me pay bills take care of lil ray ray cuz big ray ray in jail and never supports his child like a real man is supposed to"

i feel like women (non mothers) around that age have higher standards so copping one of them, worth keeping.. is probably the real issue here

I have a stepping stone job for the time being, but I might have a possible job that is in my field of study after I graduate in may. LMAO@ ray ray

 

[club]

chicks with kids are damaged goods

 

[illwill8710]

You are far from wrong OP. Alot of women look at men like they are foul because they won't date women with kids but its not your responsibility as a man to take care of the single mothers of the world.

 

[champcruthik]

At least you're seemingly honest and up front about your feelings. You're entitled to avoid dating women with children from previous relationships. That factor can be taxing and strenuous on the relationship. Potential baby daddy drama, different priorities, etc.

Personally, I don't think I even want children (or marriage). Everyone says I'll feel differently when the "right woman" comes around.

 

[fdub]

Good responses.. I knew I wasn't the only one..

 

[unknwn]

I wouldn't date a girl with kids.

Too much to handle

 

[dnycemodel]

OP I used to feel the same way.The right women can change that though. My wife has 3 boys and I couldnt be more happy. On the flipside i have been with chicks who had kids and thought I owed them the world. Im just saying dont let a couple mess up your chance to get with a great woman.

 

[tr1ll]

Meh, it really depends on the chick and the situation.

 

[beh235]

Ultimately, it's your choice. I was like that, but I gave in. I love my lady. Think about it, you're 26, it's not old but because people are having children at an early age, it's likely you're going to find someone you like who has children. It's a fact. The longer you wait, the odds increase of this. If you find someone and you're feeling each other and it's supposed to be, then it's something you can overcome. Certain situations can change your perspective. Is it easy? Absolutely not, but sometimes you have to change your view on certain things in life.

 

[bless]

No, you're not wrong OP.  I'm 20, and it seems like a lot of chicks my age already have a child of their own.  It's such a turn-off.

 

[jking0821]

I think if the girl were perfect for me i could handle it.

But i am 25 OP and its just too much hassle for me. Let's go out Saturday night? I can't find a babysitter...oh....uh...ok. Then if you get serious with the girl you have to go to all the kids events....bday parties, school accomplishments.

I am way too selfish right now to deal with that, and don't want that sort of baggage to worry about ie: baby daddy thinking im replacing him nonsense....no thanks.

will re evaluate when i hit 30

 

[jhawk826]

Although this question comes up a lot on NT, no you're not.

You will never be number 1. Her kids will be that. That and the possibility of her baby's father being around is enough to stay away from dating single mothers.
 

 It's even harder when the mother is selective about when you can be a dad.

Like when it's time to pay for ish you're daddy, but when they misbehave and it's time for discipline you may as well be a stranger.

Couldnt do it.

BINGO! Exactly what my dad said regarding this matter.

 

[mdwst9]

IMO her having a child has nothing to do with what YOU do with YOUR career or whether YOUR financially stable or not. Your not the father so its not your responsibility.

 

[champcruthik]

But outside of finances, children can still be potentially burdening on a relationship. Her stress and responsibilities as a mother will likely be displaced on you, often putting strain on the romance. Not always, but in a lot of cases.