Ok my NT brethrens. Im in a bad place. I'm desperate for some advice. Thanks in advance for whoever responds. This going to be a LONG *** post. Bare with me. Im on my phone. These quotes are direct text messages and/or spoken words.
I dunno if you guys remember my little scare like a month ago. Shot the club up after a wild night of drugs and sex(lasted for like 45 mins). Ended up being good. First time we ever did **** (wlkissed, had sex, ect). We were up north on vacation with some friends and just sorta happened. She didn't tell me to drop a bomb im her or anything it just felt too good. Haha. Anyway. Prior to that we were just kinda friends of friends(my best friend of like 15 years has been with her best friend of equal time or so for like 5 years or so) we'd occasionally see each other every other weekend or so while hanging out with them. Well after the "close call" we started hanging out more. Like a 2 or 3 a week. Once again just through our mutual friendships. My boy would have small get together, bonfires, ect at his house. Well a couple saturdays ago we ended up sleeping together, no sex just making out, cuddling, and talking. She told me how she just got out of a 4 year long relationship 6 months or so ago and that shes damageds goods and how im the first guy shes been with since her ex and how im so cool or whatever and how shes confused and doesn't kniw what to make of "us" right now. And how she wants to take it slow and talk and be friends. now im not gonna lie prior to the up north incident I started having feelings for thia girl. We were kicking like 2 days or so a week, again through our mutual friends and ****. Well 2 saturdays ago we were drinking at our friends and ended up hooking up again. She went down on me, i went down on her then we ended up ****** again. Not gonna lie I UNDER PERFORMED(to say the least SMH) and blew in her again. SMH. Only this wasnt 45 mins of magic like last time. Maybe like 5?
She wasn't like pissed or anything. She ended giving me a Handy then we ended up cuddling and fell asleep in eachothers arms. I ended up telling her how i felt and hiw i wanted a relationship. The next day i get this text saying how she just wants to be friends and how she cant be what i want. Now im not gonna lie I hit the bottle hard for like the next 6 days. Called off work all week. She asked why I was drinking this i said "the idea of having a child is freaking me out plus the girl I like wants nothing to do with me all of a sudden" She acted concerned saying "I do wanna be with you but just as friends. Its hard for me. stop drinking like this , go to work, itll be fine" and whatnot.
it was a mess of a week. I drank like 5 5ths of crown who knows how many beers. I blew her phone up and clearly sent too many texts to her.
This is where its gonna get a littlw ****d up. Im gonna be jumping back and forth. I apologize to whoever reads/ing this.
Anyways, I got her to take plan b as well. literally on the 70th hour after I blew in her. Says take within 72 hours. Paid for it and all that ****. I gave my boys girl the money to give to her. Now the chick I want went to CHI last weekend for a fam reunion. Shea hard up on loot so when I gave her friend the $ to give to her I threw in a extra 500. After she got the loot I got a text from her saying how ahe cant accept it. I said no its all good. She took it and said how "i hope its just a friendly gesture" :x I said yes, im not gonna throw it in your face or anything. I just want us to be cool.
She said "good, cause thats hiw its gonna be. Juat friends". I agreed and we proceeded to talk about some upcoming concerts we'll be attending this summer. 311 this weekend. Sublime next weekend. And like 5 more between this month and september. I sobered up and wasnt being as crazy lol
so while she was away for the weekend I talked to my boys girl abiut this situation. In all honesty her and I are really cool and I consider her a good friend.
I told her how i liked her and had more than "just friend" feelings. She said "everything's gonna fine. Just give it some time. If u need anything u can always talk to me.. dont do anythjng stupid. U have to chill out because she did say she just wanted to be friends and she still does. I don't want u guys to hate eachother. "
I hit her with the "I have enough friends" line. But how id rathee be her friend than nothing.
She said " I understand that. I just hope we can all still hangout. I don't want things to be crazy weird between u guys. You're gonna be fine. Just chill iut and let it blow over. It's not that serious. I know it's hard but u gotta let it go. Drinking is not gonna solve your problems. The right girl is out There for u."
I said how the **** she told me about just taking it slow and seeing what happens and i need time led me to belive more than what it was
She said " She does because she just got out of a long relationship. U don't understand what it's like for a girl when she really likes a guy. It's different. She said she just wants to be friends. She wants things to go back to normal. Just let it go for a while and see what happens. She has a lot of stuff going on right now and she doesn't have time nor does she want a relationship right now. Don't be mad just stay chill. u acting the way u were ****** everything up. I'm not trying to be mean but I won't lie to u." I said " great, so i ****d what chances i had up by being a drunken mess."She said " Yes u did. But if u let it go and just be cool maybe she will turn around. She liked u but wanted to take things real slow. But u ****** things up by being drunk and not understanding what she was saying. Just be cool if your ever around her. Don't expect anything just Bc she's hanging out with u. You're gonna be fine. Just chill."
so I ask you NT. What should I do? What do you make of all this? Clearly I ****d **** up but is it completely over? What should I do? Anything I should say? Like I said im desperate. I haven't had feelings for a girl like this since my ex like 5 years ago. Im not one od those dudes that just falls for chicks.
I thank anyone who chimes in in advance. And clown on me if you want. I had to go some where for more advice. Cheaper tham therapy. Lol