You'll want to approach him from behind and in a public place, to overcome any initial shyness on his part. Restaurants are ideal, especially if he seems isolated from other diners. Remember: he longs for interpersonal contact. Wait for the food to arrive, let him take a bite and, moving swiftly — the bigger the surprise the better — throw your arms around him. Squeeze tightly but not too tight. Hold Punk the way you would want to be held, complementing his arm tattoos in soothing tones. Describe the colors: “There’s a red — oh, I like that blue…That one’s new; I don’t have it yet.” Sing, if you have the voice. Should you feel him struggle, slip into a tight full nelson -- this will earn his respect, and show yours for his craft. Once he starts laughing and goes limp, submitting to your affection, pat his head then gently scratch his scalp. You will have made a new friend. Remember to check your fingernails for loose hairs to augment your album, figurine, cryogenic DNA or whatever your current Punk Project. On that note: if you plan to carve or whittle a Punk during your encounter, it is good form to give Punk a chance to admire your knife first, so he won’t be distracted later. But don’t ask to see him naked during the meal. Pace your Punk experience. Leave the knife on the table if there is reason to believe it might discourage interruption.
He will buy you pancakes, ask about your pets, and be especially interested in any suggestions you have regarding what he should or should not have done during his wrestling career. Maintain a dull, lifeless gaze throughout the encounter, as though you were staring at something not quite real. Punk can’t help but be weary of overly-excited fanboys. Be inscrutable. Make him wonder about you. Try to stay on the topic of wrestling. He will be tired of MMA, and want to relive his glory days. Ask about his friends: discuss Chris Hero's weight issues, and what could have happened if Colt Cabana had "played the game." He will be disappointed if you are less than direct with any opinions regarding his personal life. He lives to learn. Share his Pepsi, being sure to remark about how attractive AJ still is — a complementary phrase like “hot piece” could be used — and ask how long he thinks he has before she starts looking older and his eye begins to wander. You know she’ll never be good enough, but it is probably impolitic to force the issue, so don't belabor the obvious. On the other hand, perhaps it is already over, and he needs a bro. Play it by ear. Either way, mention how quickly short thin women who are attractive in their twenties can morph into a wrinkly wooden mess in a few brief years. "Before you know it, really. You just wake up one morning and…’Gahhh!'” Punk enjoys this brand of thought-provoking conversation, so don’t worry about boundaries regarding taste, or any sort of bourgeois interpersonal proprieties. He is a public figure, and willingly sacrificed that degree of privacy to entertain the public. All that is out the window with someone possessing a purely open heart, who now lives to experience what others can lend to his life.
He will of course pick up the check, no matter what you’ve ordered over the last few hours. Tell your server that they “have a vagina.” Male or female, it makes no difference: this is about proving you pay attention. Take a moment to stare even more deeply into Punk's eyes while rotating your wrists in your clasped palms, so he will be sure the fourth of the Nine Unspoken Signs has been received. Let him see you jot down his license plate number as he leaves, so he can be sure your interest was not feigned. His time may be free, but his trust is even now hard to earn. The others lack your dedication. You’ll have his number and email by now, but should he have forgotten due to concentrating on your insights, follow him home so you will know where to come for the PPV’s and holidays. Don’t feel possessive if there is a crowd waiting when you arrive, doing just as you are. There is plenty of Punk to go around.