Alcoholism sends my brother to an early grave.

[lobcity]

So sorry to hear about your brother. God bless you and family bro.

 

[SC kid]

Sorry about your loss op

Condolences to you and your family.

 

[theonewskill]

Damn man so sorry for your loss. I lost my pops mid 2016, he had a heart condition that was likely brought on and definitely made worse from a lifetime of drug and alcohol abuse. Lost my aunt around that time due to alcohol abuse, same as your bro she was hospitalized time after time and they told her she would die if she didnt stop drinking...she left behind two teenage daughters. So sad....but the person has to really work hard at stopping, its not easy, i know from personal experience.

If you ever want to talk hit me up., and again my condolences to you and your family.
You will make it through this tough time brother.

 

[AZwildcats]

RIP to your brother OP

 

[shawndavinci]

Condolences OP, thanks for sharing.

I was just thinking this morning about how I need to quit drinking. Everytime I drink hard liquor I get this back pain and I know my body is telling me to stop.

 

[Belgium]

Sorry for your loss OP, you have my condolences and best wishes. My dad died of liver failure in June 2017 due to alcoholism, he was only 55.
So to some extent I have an idea of what you're going through. It's a very powerless feeling.
Blessings to you and your family.

 

[getback]

Although I have't lost kin, I've lost several friends to similar circumstances. Including my best friend in 2012. So I know what you're going through. What's even crazier to me is that my reaction is becoming less extreme with every loss. Like losing people to addiction is becoming "normal." It's really scary. In MA addiction is probably as rampant as anywhere, especially opiates and alcohol.

I'm glad I never did anything beyond smoking weed and drinking growing up. I see all these old folks that drink a case of beer per day, young dudes hooked on Percocets and ultimately heroin, being revived with narcan several times before it eventually catches up with them and they pass.

I barely drink anymore, don't smoke weed...but I deal with the stress that most of us do and can see how some people might choose the path of self-medicating with substances because life really can be a m******er, especially when you have odds stacked against you since before you were even born.

I'm sorry for you loss OP. I know it's no consolation, but you had 25+ years with a brother that you seem to cherish. That's more than many people get with a loved one. I hope you two meet again in a place better than this.

 

[shawndavinci]

Edit

 

[abubakr shaheed]

sorry for your loss. sounds like he was a great person. do him proud.

 

[hazeee and sn3akers]

Although I have't lost kin, I've lost several friends to similar circumstances. Including my best friend in 2012. So I know what you're going through. What's even crazier to me is that my reaction is becoming less extreme with every loss. Like losing people to addiction is becoming "normal." It's really scary. In MA addiction is probably as rampant as anywhere, especially opiates and alcohol.

I'm glad I never did anything beyond smoking weed and drinking growing up. I see all these old folks that drink a case of beer per day, young dudes hooked on Percocets and ultimately heroin, being revived with narcan several times before it eventually catches up with them and they pass.

I barely drink anymore, don't smoke weed...but I deal with the stress that most of us do and can see how some people might choose the path of self-medicating with substances because life really can be a m******er, especially when you have odds stacked against you since before you were even born.

I'm sorry for you loss OP. I know it's no consolation, but you had 25+ years with a brother that you seem to cherish. That's more than many people get with a loved one. I hope you two meet again in a place better than this.

Thanks again everyone for your kind words and condolences. My life really has been destroyed and I suffer everyday . He spent a lot time at work the same way I did , but he also spent a lot of time in the hospital.During his last years we didnt really hang out much because he was always doing his own thing the same way I was always doing my own thing at work. We didn't really hang out much in our adult lives and never took any pictures together except for when we were young. I have one picture below and Im on the left , my brother Ray in the middle, and my sister on the left. Even though I have friends I can talk to, and a girlfiend i've been with for 13 months, it's very diffucult not being able to see my brother in person give him a hug or pound or talk to him.I'm currently in school studying communications but it's very diffucult to focus.Especially here in New York... it's tough . I got laid off my job. I can barely afford rent at the room i'm renting because unemployment benefits is so low. Im smoking like a half a pack a day of ciggarettes because im so stressed.

I lost faith in god shortly after my borhter died , and I no longer believe. I've tried reading the bible but I feel worse.I feel like I have to work and study and follow the word of god , to go to church and get baptized and all this other stuff to "possibly see my brother again" sometime at the end of my life but my faith is so low. I feel like im wasting my time believing in something thats not real . It's kind of like....why pray and pretend to believe in something I don't? What if I do all that worshipping and praying and then don't end up seeing him? Then I think to myself "eternity"? What the heck what would I do for 999 trillion years multiplied 999 trillion years and beyond???!!! I feel like heaven is a lie. Some people always tell me "oh he's in a better place" or something like "he's in heaven...but how do I really know?Besides theres a verse in the bible that says "Drunkyards shall not enter the kingdom of heaven", or something like that and my brother was drinking so how could he be in a so called "heaven" "IF" it were actually real? Even though I hope to see him again one day I really don't believe I will..except through pictures on facebook. Im happy he's no longer in physical pain because I believe he is like we all were before we were born. "NON existence" ...not feeling anything because we never knew we would exist....I dont know for sure im just saying what I believe. Some poeple say "he's watching down on me" but how? I dont know , I look up and I dont see.The best I had was a dream of him about 7 times but I think its only because I think of him so much.

The problem is now that his pain is over the pain transfers over to me. A VERY DEEP EMOTIONAL PAIN.From the time I wake up , until the time I go to bed.Only when im sleeping im okay and sleep became my favorite part of the day. Every step I take and every second of the day I think about him, and how much I miss him.I have to be honest I found myself saying to myself... I can't believe im seriously considering killing myself with no fear or regret whatsoever...just hoping to go to sleep and never wake up.It's not even about who cares about me it's about myself and what im going through. I'm suffering and it won't come to an end. It's hard to smile.I never thought about suicide before my brother died... and I really enjoyed living. Now i'm just in a hopeless, sad, and depressing state with a feeling of no hope or purpose in life with a constant never ending pain. I wanna live for my brother like people tell me but it's so diffucult. My brother was older than me aged 29 and i'm 28. I feel so abnormal. He's supposed to be my older brother. He's supposed to be older than me! I keep thinking to myself I cant let myself grow older than Ray.I'm going to feel embarassed, and sad and destroyed. He's supposed to be the leader of the family. I don't wanna hurt my family and kill myself but im in a deep , deep , deep emotional pain, that will never end, knowing I can never Hug my brother again.

 

[the natural mystic]

So sorry to hear man. Always sad to hear someone pass and such a young age.

There is no shame is seeking therapy man. You have suffered some traumatic events, check to see if there any programs around your area to help cover the costs.

Life is hard, we can’t make it through by ourselves. It’s impossible, be around your loved ones in this tough time. Also, drop the cigs and join a gym, it’s much cheaper than a pack a day and a huge stress reliever. Do it man! Hoping for the best.

 

[doublemesh96]

Condolences bro. Thanks for sharing this because I’m going to quit drinking after reading this.

Not to be a **** but we’ve all heard you say this mess at least 40 times

 

[tkthafm]

I'm so sorry for your loss man, there are no adequate words to say, just please hang in there. I pray things get easier for you.

 

[hazeee and sn3akers]

So sorry to hear man. Always sad to hear someone pass and such a young age.

There is no shame is seeking therapy man. You have suffered some traumatic events, check to see if there any programs around your area to help cover the costs.

Life is hard, we can’t make it through by ourselves. It’s impossible, be around your loved ones in this tough time. Also, drop the cigs and join a gym, it’s much cheaper than a pack a day and a huge stress reliever. Do it man! Hoping for the best.

Thanks. Yeah it's so hard to drop the cigs because of the stress. I have an appointment set up for counseling that I will definitely show up for.I have insurance so they pay for it, know im not going to hurt myself or end my life but it's just something i've thought about sinced I lost him . Besides all you fellow Nt'ers have given me a lot of support , along with my girl and friends, and kind words of encouragment and advice.My family has been busy working (while I continue to search for a job) so we dont really talk that much and evey person is different so sometimes I feel as if they dont understand how bad im hurt.I've felt better since sharing my story here on NT and getting your words of encouragement, sympathy, and advice. I don't wanna die early, so i'm definitely going to see the doctor, go to whatever future appointments I may have.Sometimes people tell me time will heal but I still feel sad everyday constantly . It's just a never ending emotional pain missing my bro, his smile, and not being able to talk to him. I'll do the best I can as I take this one day at a time.

 

[htg designs]

I lost my father in law to stomach cancer almost a yr ago. He was an alcoholic and thats what caused the cancer. His body was highly acidic a riddled with cancer that spread to his lungs and lymphnodes. In his last days, he was heavily sedated yet, continued to rip out plugs and pull out his mouth guard. He was in agony. We watched machines keep him alive for a few days til we couldn't watch him perpetually suffer anymore. His poor decisions left us all with a huge void in our lives.

But it doesn't end there. He's gon and im still here. I miss him but I cant allow his legacy to die with him, just like you cant let your brothers legacy die. The pain you feel will never go away. Time will take some of the sting out of it, but your brother will always be a part of you. We know what you wanted for your bro when he was lying in the hospital bed. But what do you think he would want for you now? What would make him happy at this point, in regards to your life? That's is what you gotta think about to get through the days ahead, when you think of him. Your on to a new chapter where unfortunately you cant hang wit big bro, but you can take his memory and expand his reach to touch other people with kindness, like he was kind. And other the positive attributes that he possessed. Let those transcend his life and be expressed through yours. Life is a gift that you still have. And I never had the blessing to know him but im sure he would want you to live it to the fullest. Thats what real brothers do.

 

[hazeee and sn3akers]

htg designs, You're absoultely right Life is a gift and I know he would want me to live it to the fullest. He would of wanted me to live the same way I wanted him to stay alive. I'm just dissapointed and always will be.. as i've said before I know he knew better... but didn't understand he had a disease. I no longer smoke weed, but when He was smoking I was 15 he was 16. I begged him to show me how.I copped a bag and asked him to show me how to roll up. He was hesitant but I kept asking and he finally said..."i'll show you but dont overdo it". Heres a guy who was smart enough to tell me not to over use weed but then well over used the deadliest drug on the planet!
Thats something I always think about.HOw could he have enough knowledge and sense to tell me not to over use weed but then drink himself to death??!! As he was drinking I always remember what he had told me. "Don't over do it". So I thought he knew better.. being that alcohol is worse and I really thought he would stop! It's only until after he passed I realized he didn't have the ability to stop because the disease had already taken control of him.

 

[dhart48]

condolences
I'm a recovering alcoholic myself, this hit me pretty hard.
Keep your head up man.

 

[salazaro44]

Rest In Peace and positive thoughts to you and your family. Alcohol is something I struggle with every single day. Like dhart48 mentioned this hits far too close to home. Wish you guys nothing but light and strength.