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Originally Posted by ServeChilled81
Whenever I read Mitch Hedberg I have to do it in his voiceOriginally Posted by omgitswes
It's been so long since I've actually listened to him, so I'm going through some of his quotes
Originally Posted by DMoney82
Three women are on an airplane. One's a blonde, one's a redhead, and one's a brunette. Unfortunately, the plane was going to crash and there was nothing they could do but jump out and parachute to safety. So the captain said to each of the three ladies, "You can only take one of your possessions when you parachute out of the plane." The blonde says "I will take my watch becau--" But before she could finish her sentence the plane exploded because the flames on the wing had ignited the fuel tank. No one survived.
Originally Posted by supeRsiC97
What did Hitler say to his men just before they invaded Poland?
OK men, lets invade Poland
How do you get a black man out of a tree?
You set a ladder against the tree for him to climb down on.
How do you get 500 midgets into a Volkswagon?
You have to manufacture a Volkswagon large enough to accommodate 500 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 500 midgets into a Volkswagon is solved.
Originally Posted by Xplicit213
Why can't Mike drive a bus?
Because Mike is a fish.
DEADPAN comedy. i love it.Originally Posted by supeRsiC97
What did Hitler say to his men just before they invaded Poland?
OK men, lets invade Poland
How do you get a black man out of a tree?
You set a ladder against the tree for him to climb down on.
How do you get 500 midgets into a Volkswagon?
You have to manufacture a Volkswagon large enough to accommodate 500 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 500 midgets into a Volkswagon is solved.
Person 1: Did you hear about what happened at work today?
Person 2: (Confused expression)
Person 1: Oh that's right you're deaf.....never mind