Confessions

pops makes me cry on a daily basis, literally. he's the only one person in the world who has that power to hit my feels so hard.

i heard him talking **** about me to my mom & calling me selfish because i didn't serve him his breakfast. 

urges to hurt myself are strong right now.. but i won't do it because i promised too many people i wouldn't do anything to harm myself.

i need to stop being so soft. |I  but little things like that makes me feel that i'm just his punching bag & that he doesn't love me.

what hurts me the most was when he didn't do anything to help me when my ex was putting his hands on me. and he cared more about my car insurance price more than my safety. and he accuses me of taking drugs because i don't leave my room... when really, i never did drugs in my life. 

#InBeforeSomeoneJokesAboutMeHavingDaddyIssues


If you're over 18...dip. It is that easy. Walk out the door and go figure stuff out. Stay with friends, family whoever, people will help you, hell if you're in Kc you can stay with me for a little bit. If Happiness ain't at home, go find it. Only you have to live your life, if you can't do that, what's the point?


To old dude tripping on his girl because shre got a 2.4...grades don't matter in the real world b, there is no reason you need to know here GPA, if she has a job and is chill, you need to chill out.
 
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I have a few things I want to share
- Ever since 2010 I've been in and out of school. I hate how lazy I've gotten after high school. Graduated top 20 percent of my class, good athlete, etc. Sometimes I wish I could wake up and it be graduation again.
- I had a good job back when I was 20, but I ended up quitting because I went back to school that year. I was working full time and my school schedule was full time, plus the school I was going to was in another city about an hour away. At first I was trying to make it work, but It got to a point where I had to choose. It was either school or work. School was already paid for and I was trying to get my s*** together so I chose school. I ended up leaving after the semester was over smh.
- Went back to school when I was 21 on a mission of trying to get my ish together again and honestly it was a waste. I think I just wanted to get away from home and the chaos that was going on back then. smh....again.
- Currently I have a ******** job just trying to pay bills.
- I feel like a big failure. Sometimes I have to remind myself I'm only going to be 23 in August, so I have plenty of time to get my life on track, but I just hate feeling like this. Plus I stay to myself so I have nobody to just talk to when I have something on my mind.
- My dream is to be a professional musician/producer. (Of course I have a back up plan if that doesn't work out for me.) I think I'm a talented person that hasn't reached my full potential yet because I'm lazy.
Last but not least...
- I've been thinking about this one girl I use to talk to back when I was 17. After a while we ended up falling off. As time passed we would hit each other up randomly on some what's going in your life right now type stuff. Fast forward to last year we were texting and I was like eff it and sent her a long text basically saying we have unfinished business. It was unexpected, but she replied back with an even longer message basically agreeing. I already knew what her general response was going to be or I would of never sent my message. I feel like what's holding us from happening is me because I'm stubborn and haven't made a move. I've gotten so use to being to myself that I wont hit her up. I'm the type of person that wont hit people up first. I dont want to get that I'm bothering you feeling. I honestly don't know what to do, but she's been on my mind like crazy. I got to get my thoughts together on this and man up.

Kind of sound like a future version of myself. Best way to overcome the friend and girl thing really is just saying "F*** It" and sending the text/dialing the #. I don't really have any friends to hang out with like that so I can't exactly relate, but I do tend to hesitate when calling my family (mainly my aunt or uncle) because I tend to feel as if I'm always bothering them. Also, we want to do the same thing as far as music goes lol. A person I know suggested to me that calling up some studios and asking them if they needed a person to help assist around is a good idea so you can just watch the people work and maybe gain some tips/tricks from it.
 
Aunts and uncle threw my grandma into a nursing home and I'm just now hearing about this. Safe to say I'm furious but I'm glad I don't have any reason to speak to any of them now, I can call/visit my grandma directly and not have to worry about seeing any of them.
 
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Man some of them nursing homes are horrible and mad boring. I'm glad you can see her without any hassle though.
 
Smashed 4 dif joints raw in a span of 2 months :{.

2 of them were first timers. Another I had only previously smashed once.
 
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Selfish because I want someone to maximize their full potential? C'mon now if I were so selfish I wouldn't go out of my way to help her get a paid internship with the state department and offer to pay for her US citizenship... I'm real selfish though

You good KG, don't waste life with someone who can't throw in a mortgage in the long run. I get fed up with mediocre women. My first childs mother is a mediocre thot. It's not worth it.
 
You good KG, don't waste life with someone who can't throw in a mortgage in the long run. I get fed up with mediocre women. My first childs mother is a mediocre thot. It's not worth it.

Man I can't sweat it any more.. I feel like I am the total package but she is stuck on stupid. Women these days think short term and never long term so it's her loss.... And thank you for the kind words brother
 
isnt it crazy/scary how easily you can hit new chicks raw?

Very. The anxiety and ish eats me up alive until I get tested. And then I say to myself "I'll never do this to myself, and put this type of unnecessary and anxiety on myself yet every now and again I'll find myself in the exact same self-inflicted position.


raw is disease. that supposed make u macho?

Ummm, no. What would make you assume that I was implying that?
 
cuz u repeated the act. hope u understand windows, next few weeks and months are importsnt
 
Very. The anxiety and ish eats me up alive until I get tested. And then I say to myself "I'll never do this to myself, and put this type of unnecessary and anxiety on myself yet every now and again I'll find myself in the exact same self-inflicted position.
Ummm, no. What would make you assume that I was implying that?

You sound like me. Like I've said those exact words.
 
I believe he's saying it's a disease (by the definition of insanity)- "repeating the same action and expecting different results"
Lmao or maybe he literally was just saying u got burnt.

And saying he hopes you understand that you can't get for an STD tmrw if you get one today. Windows of time must pass before these infections reveal themselves.
 
I believe he's saying it's a disease (by the definition of insanity)- "repeating the same action and expecting different results"
Lmao or maybe he literally was just saying u got burnt.

And saying he hopes you understand that you can't get for an STD tmrw if you get one today. Windows of time must pass before these infections reveal themselves.

This man knows and gets repped for actually understanding. It means both. You‘ve definitely repeated the act, and the girl you had sex with probably is okay going raw and thus, your risk has exponentially grown. STDs, viruses, or any type of bacteria have a window. That means, just because you had sex yesterday, and wanted to take a test the next day doesnt mean your results will be accurate.

You have to wait weeks or months before certain tests.

But yeah, if you are just gonna expose yourself again, then whats the point. Stay safe and smart. Its not worth it.
 
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This man knows and gets repped for actually understanding. It means both. You‘ve definitely repeated the act, and the girl you had sex with probably is okay going raw and thus, your risk has exponentially grown. STDs, viruses, or any type of bacteria have a window. That means, just because you had sex yesterday, and wanted to take a test the next day doesnt mean your results will be accurate.

You have to wait weeks or months before certain tests.

But yeah, if you are just gonna expose yourself again, then whats the point. Stay safe and smart. Its not worth it.

Lol, I know all of that in terms of the windows. As for "insanity", I'm very aware of the definition. That's why I was shaking my head at myself...

2 of the girls I'm 99.9% sure they're cool. 1 girl was yesterday, but before she practically begged me to put it in she told me her last test was 2 months ago and last sexual interactions was 4 months...(can't say I believe her to be honest since I was up in her and it was the first day I had actually met her)

Then there's one girl who terrified my mind after because she's from Bmore and she carried herself in a way that didn't fancy my taste.
 
got Jz, I'm tellin you you sound just like me

Yeah bein bad feels good, but this is a dangerous game you're playing
Literally Russian roulette with your health, D, and fertility

I may sound like a **** boy tellin u what I've heard a thousand times
But we are one in the same
I've never used a condom in my life
Around 30 sexual partners
Got burnt twice

So maybe you should snap out of this lil boy bs and really listen and consider what bravelude is offering to you
Yes it's fun to smash raw
Who the **** would argue that
But by sheer probablity if you get up in your body count you'll **** around and end up with something for life
I dare you to convince a girl to smash raw when that happens
Think your guilty now? Mannnnnn
 
No one is saying you have to use a condom, but be smart with who you have sex with. You can very well catch a lot of diseases and viruses with a condom. Unprotected oral is a very very common method to transmit diseases and such. You can also catch things WITH a condom. Im not trying to promote unhealthy sex, but rather the habits. I think the idea that peoplr have sex just like that CAN n WILL lead to risky behavior. So to avoid that temptation, best not put yourself in such situations.

Be in a healthy monogamous relationship if possible. Get tested together, be honest, and have fun. That peace of mind and fun factor will be a lot more rewarding.
 
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Anyone her that I can talk to right now? Need to vent and I need to do it now. PM is open bros
 
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