Do you have any unpopular opinions???VOL....2

[WASHED KING]

Again, gender roles or general expectations? Me thinks it's more of the latter.

Now, to be completely honest, jf a young lady asked out my son, I would still give my son the same advice Darth gave his.

Using "friend" you're removing the romantic aspect of this conversation. That's key here.

The initial video started with wife not homies friend.

 

[WASHED KING]

So there it is. Question answered.
Default to assumed societal norms from yesteryear until you can establish a shared norm.

So if your woman said "I'll take out the trash sometimes, no problem" anybody got an issue with that?

If we polled 100 heterosexual women and asked them who the expect to take the trash out and they live with a man what do you think they would say?

 

[maq25060]

You know what? I love this question. When you phrase it like that, I think both elements (go to the door; pay) were more about showing interest in her.
Because honestly, I don't FULLY subscribe to gender norms, so I definitely wasn't trying to put it in his head, "You're the guy, you pay," but I did want to tell him "Go up to the door. Don't text her that you're here. And there's no point in fighting about who's paying. You're paying."
All that wasn't about, "Because you're a guy."
I like the way you phrased this.
All that was about "You show her that you're really interested."
And then having the conversation with her moving forward shows that they're in this together, not that he decides everything that goes on in their relationship.

It's as if no one ever provided a reason WHY a man should do the things he's expected to do. I know, most of us would never even think of questioning our parents and if we did, we were most likely told "cuz I said so". But that doesn't mean we can't reason WHY certain expectations are the way they are.

 

[maq25060]

Using "friend" you're removing the romantic aspect of this conversation. That's key here.

The initial video started with wife not homies friend.

Right, but again, is it a gender norm for a man to pay or is it a social norm for the person who invited to pay? Did he give his son a gender norm or a societal norm?

 

[WASHED KING]

Right, but again, is it a gender norm for a man to pay or is it a social norm for the person who invited to pay? Did he give his son a gender norm or a societal norm?

Gender norm. The context was it was his son's girlfriend.

He literally told him and I quote "She isn't one of your homebois"

 

[darthska]

If we polled 100 heterosexual women and asked them who the expect to take the trash out and they live with a man what do you think they would say?

I'm positive than a majority (over 51%) would say that yes, they think their man is supposed to do that.

To be clear, though, that doesn't negate the person you quoted.

Question answered.
Default to assumed societal norms from yesteryear until you can establish a shared norm.

This is pretty locktight.

So if your woman said "I'll take out the trash sometimes, no problem" anybody got an issue with that?

Somebody will always have an issue with whatever solution is presented in any conversation on anything... ever.

 

[maq25060]

Gender norm. The context was it was his son's girlfriend.

He literally told him and I quote "She isn't one of your homebois"

Agree to disagree. His son and his girl are still apart of society. His son is being taught how to interact. This is specific to a girlfriend, yes, but it applies beyond that, imo.

 

[darthska]

most of us would never even think of questioning our parents and if we did

Completely different topic but I've told my son countless times, "I've tried to focus on teaching you HOW to think, not WHAT to think."
I have never, ever suppressed his questions on ANYTHING that I've told him.
He has asked "Why?" 1,000 times these past 17 years, and I've given my reason 1,001 times.

 

[darthska]

Gender norm. The context was it was his son's girlfriend.

He literally told him and I quote "She isn't one of your homebois"

You're choosing that to see that through a context of gender norms.
What I meant by "She isn't one of your boys" is less important to you than your filter.
I meant "The interest level is different than it is for one of your boys," but you're filtering that through "There it is: gender norms!"

 

[maq25060]

Completely different topic but I've told my son a countless times, "I've always tried to focus on teaching you HOW to think, not WHAT to think."
I have never, ever suppressed his questions on ANYTHING that I've told him.
He has asked why 1,000 times these past 17 years, and I've given my reason 1,001 times.

I'm not this liberal. Extra conservative here. I said it, now do it. Why? Cuz...that's why. No go do it.

You'll figure it out later, but for now, do.

Sorry, I'm not the talker,/sharing type.

 

[darthska]

I'm not this liberal. Extra conservative here. I said it, now do it. Why? Cuz...that's why. No go do it.

You'll figure it out later, but for now, do.

Sorry, I'm not the talker,/sharing type.

Nothing to say sorry about.
My way doesn't have to be your way.
As long as that works for you and yours, do your thing.
My way has led to a lot of frustrating arguments, I can tell you that.

 

[darthska]

Solid conversation.
Love this.

 

[MakeNTGreatAgain]

I come in peace.

But do we have any examples of heterosexual relationships that work when the woman does the "man" stuff?

this how i look at it
ill gladly take out the trash, clean the outside, take care of the whips etc, just so i dont hafve to be in the kitchen doing that stuff

 

[Rootin4EverybodyBlack]

At the end of the day do what works for YOU.

I have no issues with taking the trash out, my point is when people approach chores from a level of ingrained entitlement on some “I’m not gonna do this because ima man/woman” . That sounds ridiculous to me, because if you were by yourself, you’d have to do it

Sidenote: my 60+ year old female neighbor rolls her trash bins to and from the curb every week. It ain’t that difficult.

 

[Mark Antony]

ingrained entitlement

Relationship killer.

 

[frankmatthews]

What is it about taking out the trash or filling up a gas tank that makes it a man's duty? Like why these specific activities? Is there any logic to this? Is it just "women are frail and dainty so they shouldn't do dirty work"? Seems ridiculous to me. Any adult can and does do these things with no problem, I don't get why it's one person's responsibility to do these things when every adult is responsible for maintaining their household regardless of who is living with you. It literally takes 60 seconds and very little physical exertion to fill up a tank or take out the trash. Idk, I feel like having an expectation of me to do things for you without any logic or reasoning as to why, is a red flag.

I get fighting off an intruder or changing a tire is something men are usually more capable of just based off being a male alone. But something we are both perfectly capable of doing should just be done as necessary when it comes up. If she's going to make an issue out of it, like I said red flag.

 

[Public Enemy]

What is it about taking out the trash or filling up a gas tank that makes it a man's duty? Like why these specific activities? Is there any logic to this? Is it just "women are frail and dainty so they shouldn't do dirty work"? Seems ridiculous to me. Any adult can and does do these things with no problem, I don't get why it's one person's responsibility to do these things when every adult is responsible for maintaining their household regardless of who is living with you. It literally takes 60 seconds and very little physical exertion to fill up a tank or take out the trash. Idk, I feel like having an expectation of me to do things for you without any logic or reasoning as to why, is a red flag.

I get fighting off an intruder or changing a tire is something men are usually more capable of just based off being a male alone. But something we are both perfectly capable of doing should just be done as necessary when it comes up. If she's going to make an issue out of it, like I said red flag.

Yep. That's what I was trying to get at with DC. I just don't get the logic of why that one thing (trash) just HAS to be done by a man. I still feel like there's an untold story in there somewhere.

Cause like you said, filling up the gas, taking out the trash, washing a dish, changing a baby, all of that any adult can do and there's no real reason to limit it to men only or women only. All it really is, is "previous generations did this, and I want to not have to think, so lets just do what they did". Which I'm fine with as a starting point as long as its understood that's what's going on and there's no real logic or reason behind it in the slightest. I mean we can make some up after the fact on some "they just knew", and while sure I believe in 'if it aint broke, don't fix it', lets not act like the societies of the 1900s were overall fair or well thought out. Like if we go down the "well, they just had it right and knew what they were doing", a lot of that argument is going to get eviscerated in short order the moment we start talking about how society treated us black folk. So leaning on that is a big fail.

 

[Spectacular23]

Not sure if this is right or wrong, but I don't care what trump does if it doesnt affect me or my friends/family.

Deportation ? Im american and so is everyone else i personally know, I cant worry about a problem that doesnt affect me.

 

[Public Enemy]

Not sure if this is right or wrong, but I don't care what trump does if it doesnt affect me or my friends/family.

Deportation ? Im american and so is everyone else i personally know, I cant worry about a problem that doesnt affect me.

There's a saying about that

First they came ... - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Public Enemy]

See also: https://www.azcentral.com/story/new...of-ice-detaining-tribal-citizens/77911978007/

Which is crazy. Imagine detaining the people that were on the land prior to your people's arrival, and acting like they don't belong here.

Navajo - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Southern Athabaskan peoples, including the Navajo, are thought to have descended from a southward migration of Athabaskan peoples from subarctic North America around 1,000 years ago.[9] It has been suggested that the Navajo and Apaches may have migrated due to the effects of a volcanic explosion in the Saint Elias Mountains of Alaska around 803 AD. Part of the migration was along the Rocky Mountains before arriving in the present-day southwest United States.

 

[fluid hips]

Same. We’re very picky about what we buy from there.. but one thing I’ll always put in my mouth while I’m there is a glizzy

From da food court

The Costco food court always gives me diarrhea and I've gone to different ones too

 

[fluid hips]

It's as if no one ever provided a reason WHY a man should do the things he's expected to do. I know, most of us would never even think of questioning our parents and if we did, we were most likely told "cuz I said so". But that doesn't mean we can't reason WHY certain expectations are the way they are.

Like religion. Most people don't chose. They are told what to follow when born