tmukg21
Banned
- 4,017
- 10
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2008
1. Pick a Verb. Preferably a verb about running away from the law or from an assailant. I.E. Duck, Run, Dodge or maybe Stop, Drop or Roll. L'il Wayne LOVESstopping, dropping and rolling. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
2. Connnect the verb to some sort of simile. This is crucial. Every single L'il Wayne line must contain some sort of relatively obvious simile. So maybeyou can "duck like Scrooge." "Run like a bloody nose." Or even "Dodge like Kansas." You can do metaphors but try to steer awayfrom doing this too often, lest people think that you are a different ghost-writer. That is bad. Also for bonus points talk about how "sweet" youare. L'il Wayne loves talking about being sweet like a Tahitian Treat or some other delicacy high in sucrose.
3. Mention "Slanging Keys." This is crucial to establish street cred. Don't pay attention to the fact that Lil Wayne's been famous since 12and the only thing he knows about slangin' is that he speaks with it. After all, if you don't talk drugs how else can you impress the translucent DairyQueen-white music critics. This way they can also compare you to the Wire. (Just remember to connect all that "slanging keys" talk with a simile).
4. Declare that you are Weezy F. Baby. This will tell listeners who you are. Sure, they probably already know, but adding The "F" in the middle ofthe name uncertainly adds to Wayne's level of class. It makes him seem like F. Scott Fitzgerald. Exactly like F. Scott Fitzgerald. Whatever you do,don't attempt to ascertain what the "F" stands for. That my friends is a slippery slope. And whatever you do, don't think about what the"F" stands for while looking at a picture of Wayne and Baby making out.
5. Talk about hustling. Music critics love hustling. Presumably, they are devotees to the energetic style of basketball popularized by players like BenWallace, Kurt Rambis and Mark Madsen. This will make them feel at home. If there's anything music writers know about, it's hustling.
6. Talk about Baby. Call him your Daddy. Forget the fact that he's not actually your Daddy. Forget the fact that the majority of people that call other men"daddy" are prostitutes. It's unimportant. Mention something that Baby told you. Maybe that he told you that "these __ is _." Or thathe told you to "Turn around and stick out." (Maybe, he was just quoting Sir-Mix-A-Lot.) Ignore the fact that you call a man named "Baby,""Daddy." Let's just chalk that up to being a New Orleans thing.
7. Make some sort of obvious pop culture technology reference. Talk about IPods. Or Myspace. Or gigabytes. Something remotely technological. It will show thatWayne is not completely ******ed (just partially) and might have actually read a newspaper once or twice. Which clearly means he is a genius.
8. Talk about how poorly you treat women. Perhaps you can claim how you'll "never love a ____." Or how you'll "never give a __ a damnthing." The more misogynistic the better. This will definitely do much to steer people away from those nasty "gay" rumors.
9. Apropos to nothing, make some sort of remark about Hurricane Katrina. No need to bother making it have anything to do with the rest of the verse. After all,never underestimate white liberal guilt. Any sort of name-dropping will make white liberals feel bad and they will forget the fact that Wayne is amulti-millionaire and anoint him the voice of the people. Also, be sure to make wild ridiculous conspiracy theories like claiming that you heard George Bushblew up the levees. The more absurd the better. Go for it.
10. Proclaim yourself the "Greatest Rapper Alive."Forget the Fact that Wayne would be lucky to be included in a list of the Top 20 rappers workingright now. Most music critics haven't listened to Hip Hop Made Before 1999 anyway (other than Public Enemy). If you proclaim yourself the greatest, youwill be the greatest. Or at least people will be foolish enough to buy this canard.
2. Connnect the verb to some sort of simile. This is crucial. Every single L'il Wayne line must contain some sort of relatively obvious simile. So maybeyou can "duck like Scrooge." "Run like a bloody nose." Or even "Dodge like Kansas." You can do metaphors but try to steer awayfrom doing this too often, lest people think that you are a different ghost-writer. That is bad. Also for bonus points talk about how "sweet" youare. L'il Wayne loves talking about being sweet like a Tahitian Treat or some other delicacy high in sucrose.
3. Mention "Slanging Keys." This is crucial to establish street cred. Don't pay attention to the fact that Lil Wayne's been famous since 12and the only thing he knows about slangin' is that he speaks with it. After all, if you don't talk drugs how else can you impress the translucent DairyQueen-white music critics. This way they can also compare you to the Wire. (Just remember to connect all that "slanging keys" talk with a simile).
4. Declare that you are Weezy F. Baby. This will tell listeners who you are. Sure, they probably already know, but adding The "F" in the middle ofthe name uncertainly adds to Wayne's level of class. It makes him seem like F. Scott Fitzgerald. Exactly like F. Scott Fitzgerald. Whatever you do,don't attempt to ascertain what the "F" stands for. That my friends is a slippery slope. And whatever you do, don't think about what the"F" stands for while looking at a picture of Wayne and Baby making out.
5. Talk about hustling. Music critics love hustling. Presumably, they are devotees to the energetic style of basketball popularized by players like BenWallace, Kurt Rambis and Mark Madsen. This will make them feel at home. If there's anything music writers know about, it's hustling.
6. Talk about Baby. Call him your Daddy. Forget the fact that he's not actually your Daddy. Forget the fact that the majority of people that call other men"daddy" are prostitutes. It's unimportant. Mention something that Baby told you. Maybe that he told you that "these __ is _." Or thathe told you to "Turn around and stick out." (Maybe, he was just quoting Sir-Mix-A-Lot.) Ignore the fact that you call a man named "Baby,""Daddy." Let's just chalk that up to being a New Orleans thing.
7. Make some sort of obvious pop culture technology reference. Talk about IPods. Or Myspace. Or gigabytes. Something remotely technological. It will show thatWayne is not completely ******ed (just partially) and might have actually read a newspaper once or twice. Which clearly means he is a genius.
8. Talk about how poorly you treat women. Perhaps you can claim how you'll "never love a ____." Or how you'll "never give a __ a damnthing." The more misogynistic the better. This will definitely do much to steer people away from those nasty "gay" rumors.
9. Apropos to nothing, make some sort of remark about Hurricane Katrina. No need to bother making it have anything to do with the rest of the verse. After all,never underestimate white liberal guilt. Any sort of name-dropping will make white liberals feel bad and they will forget the fact that Wayne is amulti-millionaire and anoint him the voice of the people. Also, be sure to make wild ridiculous conspiracy theories like claiming that you heard George Bushblew up the levees. The more absurd the better. Go for it.
10. Proclaim yourself the "Greatest Rapper Alive."Forget the Fact that Wayne would be lucky to be included in a list of the Top 20 rappers workingright now. Most music critics haven't listened to Hip Hop Made Before 1999 anyway (other than Public Enemy). If you proclaim yourself the greatest, youwill be the greatest. Or at least people will be foolish enough to buy this canard.
