I need help with my anxiety NT vol. in desperation mode

[celticsfan9783]

For starters, I have a history of depression and anxiety (the double whamee). I think it originates from my low self esteem, self image, fear of my future, career, failed relationships, lack of relationships, guilt etc. Sounds pathetic, I know.

Sometimes I can't tell depression and anxiety apart because the symptoms tend to be very similar. I've been seeing a shrink. Have been prescribed Lexapro since '07 and Clonozepam since last winter. It just seems like I have the bouts of depression/anxiety waaay too often.

It's 10x worse in the morning. At night, I'm actually at peace with myself. I can kick back, relax, hang out with family, my dog, watch some TV, go out with friends, whatever. However, it's a complete 180 upon waking in the morning. I feel a sense of sheer terror, impending doom. sadness (maybe about the terror), I get emotional easily, can't fall back asleep even when I have nothing to do. When I do get up I have ZERO appetite. Little motivation and feel pretty dam hopeless about everything. I almost feel like I won't be able to make it through the morning.

I'd love for some NT'ers to shed some light on their experiences with this if they have any, maybe give some advice on wtf I can do to alleviate this physical and emotional PAIN. I've considered finding a nice strain of herb (I'm not a user), but am afraid it will make things worse.

 

[Majorbread]

L-Tyrosine

 

[kiiing]

Only you can change this, OP. You should really try to get out have fun. Work out. Focus your mind on something. Set some goals. You're the only person who can pull him self out of this. Focus on positive things. I know how you feel .. just have to stay positive.

 

[airdhazzal]

Exercise is good for depression. Go for a morning walk/jog.

Other than that, get some weed. & laugh once in a while.

 

[sw00shm4n]

Not to scare you OP, but I had a friend of mine who supposedly had a combo bipolar/insomnia/schizophrenic problem. Maybe it was just the doctor's excuse to come up with a diagnosis so the doc didn't look stupid, because even though I thought he was a little odd at times, I never thought he had any legitimate mental issue. Bottom line was, when my friend got heavily into weed, he eventually got hooked on it to the point that he was perma-high. He was seeing, hearing things, couldn't go to sleep, and after a bad trip where he pretty much destroyed his entire apartment, he was arrested and sent to therapy. And before you ask, yes, it was only weed to my knowledge. Not trying to play doctor here, but from personal experience and others', weed may help in the beginning, but I believe it has the potential to lead to worse problems if you can't control it as well as having mental issues.

 

[sw00shm4n]

I would personally just try and stay active with anything. Pick up a hobby, go exercise, eat, just go do something.

 

[the abstract]

I go through the same thing as far as the anxiety/sleep apnea/ depression homie.. Never been on any kind of meds for more than a week it though as I tend to stay away from the doctor..  Believe i'm self prescribed daily though not pushing it upon you but it's the only thing that brings a little relief sometimes.

 

[the abstract]

, he eventually got hooked on it to the point that he was perma-high. He was seeing, hearing things, couldn't go to sleep, and after a bad trip where he pretty much destroyed his entire apartment, he was arrested and sent to therapy. And before you ask, yes, it was only weed to my knowledge. Not trying to play doctor here, but from personal experience and others', weed may help in the beginning, but I believe it has the potential to lead to worse problems if you can't control it as well as having mental issues.

Nah trust me on this one folks there is no perma-high because I would be at that point my damn self.. personally it's never effected me like that but I guess if you have a fragile mind anything could potentially push you over that limit.. Never heard of anyone with these side effects from just bud.. Tell your boy to lay off the K3 and all of those synthetics or anything heavier he isn't telling you about.

 

[petezahut]

my sis has S.A.D and anxiety, the only real advice i can give you is try to get off the meds. Its a bit different considering you're year round but as was mentioned only you can help yourself, get an outlet or hobby where you can express your feelings [maybe something artistic] and focus on the little things in life that you enjoy. and make sure you got someone you can call or have them visit you at an time for when stuff gets really bad.

 

[spitface]

I do not, I repeat, I do NOT promote self medication, BUT, I can say it does work for me. I do not have an addictive personality, so I can abuse herb for weeks and months at a time an just cold turk (been completly sober for 3.5 months now). Your post described me to a T.  I honestly felt like you've been watching my moves. The sluggish mornings, the long nights, relationship issues. Every now and then I go weeks, sometimes months just isilating. For me it helps. That's the norm for me when I have an episode (I stress, I'm pretty sure I don't have an anxiety issue). I can see why others say "go out with friends, enjoy life, get over yourself" because it makes it sound about right. I know it's not that easy. It's all about when your nervous system is ready to shake the isht. See if your doctor has anything that can wien you off your meds because you might be slightly dependent. I can say though, imo, jogging for about 10 minutes, 2 times a day will help you. You can move at your own pace, no pressure, you dont even have to be completly motivated. It's your game, play it your way. Screw all the other stuff. JOG.

 

[af1 1982]

Like dude said, exercise.

I too get slight anxiety due to stress. Then I just take a few minutes during the day to calm myself and take deep breaths. And then I go hard in the gym after work. Pushing your body to it's limits will have you feeling amazing

 

[spitface]

Watch Animal Planet and Nat Geo. I've found those networks to be highly stimulating.

get well.

 

[dt43]

Meditation, my man.

 

[celticsfan9783]

Thank you for your responses and suggestions so far guys. I think a lot of my issues lately spur from my lack of having a career path and fear of leaving my comfort zone to dabble in fields I'm not sure about. My friends and family always reassure me that these are tough times, share stories about people who are worse off, and remind me that everyone has these uncertainties at one point or another. But being prone to these symptoms, I really don't get much relief from their words (as appreciative a I am of their support). I literally get nauseous, tingly, and scared at the thought of having hardly any direction when I wake up everyday. I'm at a stressful job (juvenile justice), working miserable hours, making low pay, and overall there is nothing redeeming about it. Bachelor's degree not really helping at this point. I know the job is not conducive to my mental health.

All of this fear and anxiety during the morning slowly develops into depression, but by evening-night time when I'm ready to knock out, I'm okay. Wake up in the morning and vicious cycle resumes. For those of you that have experiences similar to this, you know it gets old QUICK. Hope is almost non-existent and in your mind you'll do anything to feel better. Sometimes I hear myself saying in my head, "ohhhh this is why people do heroin." You just want to be numb if nothing else.

 

[bigbootyho]

start volunteering, it keeps your mind and energy focused elsewhere. volunteering can lead to new job opportunities and it puts less pressure on you if you have performance/anxiety issues. 

next just start walking, walk anywhere...just keep walking and don't stop until you can't recognize where you are. do this everyday and eventually it will turn into running/biking/etc. get back in touch with nature to help center yourself. go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. make use of the time you have. i once read in a book (not entirely religious btw) that to be "idle is a sin" and i haven't looked back since. 

weed may actually help you get out of a cloudy rut, but i would not recc doing it daily. maybe 1-2x a week to clear your head and give you positive motivation. good luck! PM me if you want more ideas; i have a lot of experience/knowledge with this. 

 

[lver of jordan]

You to start messing with the herbs my brotha

 

[pdino]

Workout, the endorphins will help you feel better. A natural high. Working out will also help your self-esteem, you will look better. If you work hard at it, you can be what you want to be

 

[luong1209]

Exercise wil help you; hopefully you can gain some confidence when getting in better shape.

Here's an article if you're not too familiar with exercise and depression: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression

 

[johnny cakes]

Ok first thing is first, people are mentioning weed, it DOES NOT HELP, I repeat, IT DOES NOT HELP..In your situation you need to fix the root of the problem, not the symptoms. Going to weed will probably make your situation worse, you have the potential of getting into legal trouble as well as gaining an addiction and becoming lazy from smoking too much. At the end of the day, when the high dies down, you are right back to the same situation..Don't look to escape a couple hours, look to fix it. It's a shame people would even recommend weed to you, given your situation.

I have a couple of questions, how old are you? And also I see you say you work with Juveniles, are you happy at your job? (despite the miserable hours and low pay) I experienced something very similar to you in high school, when I had no path in life. The mornings and days were really bad, I didn't know if it was depression or anxiety, or a mixture, but I basically fell into an unexplained slump out of nowhere. But the nights were ok, I still felt a little bothered, but nowhere near like the day time. In hindsight, it probably was S.A.D. I was suffering from, but I honestly felt like I was losing control. I know feeling like this makes you want to be alone, and makes you too unmotivated to go out and enjoy yourself, but how I got out of this was I actually gained some friends. Once I started hanging with my friends, doing things, I gradually felt better. I got off the stupid medication (which did NOTHING) and eventually I regained control, the mornings felt fine, I stopped having the feelings of impending doom.

The key is to GET OUT and do things (I know it sounds cliche, but you don't realize how true it is until you do it, take this from someone who was in your position, not just a random person). I found things to keep me occupied, and I realized that I am lucky to be alive and I have the potential of being happy and exploring the world, eating new foods, doing new awesome things, all if I worked hard. So I got into school real heavy, met friends there as well, and just got on beast mode. I now have my DPT in physical therapy and I'm feeling great, I can actually look at the past and just smile to see where I was to where I am now.

You control your own destiny bro, you are the only one that can make up your mind to get out of the slump and get your life back on track. Get into the gym, work on your body,build your self esteem, design a plan that you want to do with your life, keep your friends and family close, this world is YOURS for the taking, you need to grab it by its horns and kick ***. Anytime you do start to feel like something bad is going to happen, or if you feel anxious, just breath and tell yourself literally NOTHING is going to happen, and you will look around and realize those feelings are fake and silly. There are MILLIONS of people (either dead or in jail) who wish they can be in your position, why? Because you have a chance to do some great things, you have a chance at life dude, go and do something about it!

 

[rudemiester]

The key is to GET OUT and do things (I know it sounds cliche, but you don't realize how true it is until you do it, take this from someone who was in your position, not just a random person). I found things to keep me occupied, and I realized that I am lucky to be alive and I have the potential of being happy and exploring the world, eating new foods, doing new awesome things, all if I worked hard. So I got into school real heavy, met friends there as well, and just got on beast mode. I now have my DPT in physical therapy and I'm feeling great, I can actually look at the past and just smile to see where I was to where I am now.


You control your own destiny bro, you are the only one that can make up your mind to get out of the slump and get your life back on track. Get into the gym, work on your body,build your self esteem, design a plan that you want to do with your life, keep your friends and family close, this world is YOURS for the taking, you need to grab it by its horns and kick ***. Anytime you do start to feel like something bad is going to happen, or if you feel anxious, just breath and tell yourself literally NOTHING is going to happen, and you will look around and realize those feelings are fake and silly. There are MILLIONS of people (either dead or in jail) who wish they can be in your position, why? Because you have a chance to do some great things, you have a chance at life dude, go and do something about it!

QFT. The answer to dealing with anxiety and despair isn't going to be found in drugs or doing anything extreme to yourself. The only way to deal with those types of feelings are through positive action. People often suggest exercise and that's apart of the answer. It's all about helping yourself get where you truly want to be. Doing anything outside of this will drive your morale into the ground and leave you wondering what happened. When you're not doing exactly what you want to be doing once you get out of childhood it starts to wear on you, mentally. Start planning accordingly and living your life positively. Good luck.

 

[celticsfan9783]

start volunteering, it keeps your mind and energy focused elsewhere. volunteering can lead to new job opportunities and it puts less pressure on you if you have performance/anxiety issues. 


next just start walking, walk anywhere...just keep walking and don't stop until you can't recognize where you are. do this everyday and eventually it will turn into running/biking/etc. get back in touch with nature to help center yourself. go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. make use of the time you have. i once read in a book (not entirely religious btw) that to be "idle is a sin" and i haven't looked back since. 

weed may actually help you get out of a cloudy rut, but i would not recc doing it daily. maybe 1-2x a week to clear your head and give you positive motivation. good luck! PM me if you want more ideas; i have a lot of experience/knowledge with this. 

Good advice. If my schedule was conducive to hiking, snowboarding, etc I would absolutely do those types of activities to be out in the elements. Unfortunately, my days off are Tuesday and Thursday, so it would be a chore to find a friend with the ability to do those things during the week. A HUGE part of my issue is loneliness due to my work schedule. Hating the work I'm doing doesn't help.

I have a couple of questions, how old are you? And also I see you say you work with Juveniles, are you happy at your job? (despite the miserable hours and low pay) I experienced something very similar to you in high school, when I had no path in life. The mornings and days were really bad, I didn't know if it was depression or anxiety, or a mixture, but I basically fell into an unexplained slump out of nowhere. But the nights were ok, I still felt a little bothered, but nowhere near like the day time. In hindsight, it probably was S.A.D. I was suffering from, but I honestly felt like I was losing control. I know feeling like this makes you want to be alone, and makes you too unmotivated to go out and enjoy yourself, but how I got out of this was I actually gained some friends. Once I started hanging with my friends, doing things, I gradually felt better. I got off the stupid medication (which did NOTHING) and eventually I regained control, the mornings felt fine, I stopped having the feelings of impending doom.

Thanks for asking. I'm 29 and HATE everything about my job. My schedule is Thursday, Friday, Saturday 3-11 PM & Sunday, Monday 7 AM-3 PM. To make matters worse, the boss completely disregarded my seniority and gave the Friday/Saturday off schedule that recently became available to a complete rookie who has not worked one shift. Having the middle of the week off SUCKS. All of my friends go out on the weekends like normal folk and I'm missing out. Makes me feel pretty damn lonely. To top it off, I don't even like my job. Picture being stuck in a room with 15-19 year olds being verbally abused for hours on end. Sucks the life out of you. And the pay is crap.

I have to have surgery on my sternum (a condition called Pectus Excavatum that has effected me physically, mentally, emotionally since as long as I can remember) in January, so the benefits are somewhat important. I know I could Cobra for a bit, but I need to lock something down to pay for it before I leave this place.

But the way you described your symptoms pretty much mirror mine man. Not knowing if it's depression/anxiety, wanting to crawl into a hole, mornings severely kicking my @ss, waking up nauseous/nervous/terrified/in a state of panic...

 

[elcatfisho]

i feel your pain, although you've probably have had to deal with it much more than I've had to (you're older than me).

Today I woke up later than I said I was going to and did not feel like studying or doing anything. I just wanted to sit idly and think about ****. But I know I can't because I have so many priorities to meet. I'm really fortunate to be going to school and having supportive parents but I have similar thoughts to OP about the past and I literally can't shake them. I was studying physics in the library and all I could think about was other people and my life. That class has been stressing me out so much because I'm afraid of failing and I have a midterm this Thursday. But I know my problems are nothing compared to other people's, which only makes me feel stupid inside.

Likewise, I don't get the college yambs NT advises everyone to get, because I just am too wrapped up with myself that I just stopped being social. I've also felt that some of the people I've met used me for favors and as a result I don't want to make new acquaintances with people who make friends for the purpose of using other people. So establishing relationships has just been impossible. On the other hand I've been getting good grades which is more important than having fun, but it's disappointing to look back and realize that I've just fallen apart socially because of my lack of trust in people and can't connect regularly with people other than my peers in class and through NT.

I smoked a lot of weed last year as a freshman and I will vouch for the opposite argument that you shouldn't have to smoke to enjoy life. Smoking weed as of recently intensifies my emotions and one time my anxiety got so bad while inebriated that I started shaking. I don't think it is a panacea for any type of mental health issue. Maybe jogging would help our problems, but I feel lethargic like 95% of the time; it's pathetic. Exercise is a good idea though.

 

[kingflintstone6]

Them tonka toys do the trick

 

[al audi]

all i can say is gym

its been my anti drug for a long time now

 

[af1 1982]

all i can say is gym
its been my anti drug for a long time now

 This. I used to dabble in the trees a lot but had to stop because of work.

Those natural endorphins>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>