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no it isnt. we are biologically hard wired as humans to want to procreate.
everytime you shot the club up it was because you wanted kids?
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no it isnt. we are biologically hard wired as humans to want to procreate.
In my experience people who are adamant about others having children are selfish and obtuse. Having children is a sellfish act.
I suppose that woman who wants to forgo having children because she thinks it may interfere with her career as a surgeon (takes commitment and sacrifice, she wants to help others) and she feels she can't give the child the attention it deserves is somehow less committed than that woman with 5 kids and no job, who relies on government funds and child support?
yesNo. If you can't support said kid that you bring into the world. You're sparing your potential child a life of difficulty and hardship.
Yes. People who are generally adamant about not having children are selfish people themselves. Everything about them from their lifestyle to the way they interact with people reflects that value. Having a child requires sacrifice and commitment which is something they don't want to give up.
Having children is a sellfish act.
And some how you once again blame religion
The irony is these parts of the world usually have the highest rates of HIV and other STDs, the highest rates of unwanted pregnancies. The catholic church is essentially perpetuating self-destruction.
It's crazy that all religious policies actually have the opposite effect of what they are intended to achieve.
http://www.alternet.org/belief/surprise-atheist-marriages-may-last-longer-christian-ones
if you work at mcdonalds i think its selfish to have 3 kids or any kids when you have no money to support them. especially when your mother worked at mcdonalds and she barely had enough money to support you
Rock clapping.gifYes, not having children is considered selfish, but on the flipside, having children is selfish as well, and I will give reasons for both sides.
And warning this will be long, so I already know some of you wont read it, but I hope i can shed some light for those who do read
The problem is we have been raised to associate the word "selfish" with negative connotations and it is only described to us in situations where it is to be avoided, when in reality there are situations where its beneficial. "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live" - Oscar Wilde.
Firstly having a child is a choice not an obligation, and its a shame many people grow up never realizing that they actually have this option because society tries to portray having children as a necessity, as one of the stepping stones of life following the progression of 1) Got to school. 2)Get a job. 3)Get married. 4)Buy a house. 5)Have children. also known as the LIfe Script. Any deviation from this is met with heavy resistance. When you do something, even if its harmless and in this case it is, that goes against what generally accepted by the majority of society, they will continually shame you for it until you submit and fall back in line. Usually because they never realized they had the same choices you did. People want their opinions validated and You choosing something opposite from them somehow negates their choice, makes them think their choice could somehow be wrong, which in their minds is bad and they will make you confirm to reassure themselves. Crabs in a barrel essentially
Now having children is selfish. No one has ever been able to tell me why they wanted children without using the words "I wanted" and that's if they've actually given it some thought since most people dont:
"I want to know real unconditional love for someone" "I want someone to take care of me when I am old" "I want to fix my marriage" "I want to be a 'real' adult" "I want to have my own family" "I want to pass on my genes" "I want to pass on the family name" "I want more pieces of me in the world" etc.
Others who haven't thought about it just parrot what society tells them:
"Its just what people do" "Accidents happen" "I don't want to be lonely" "Its the only reason to get married" "The bible says so" "I don't want to looked at like less of a woman/man" "You cant make a meaningful difference in a childs life unless your are a parent" "I don't want people to think I'm selfish" etc.
Rarely does anyone give a reason for the well being or benefit of the potential child . Its mainly about their own self gratification or selfish reasons which to me is crazy because having children is a whole life changing event that not only affect you but your S.O. and more importantly the child itself, but most forget that. They think about the short term but not the long term
If they have considered the child's well being and future and planned accordingly for it, then they have every right to go and be selfish and have that child. I support it because that's a good form of being selfish. They considered how it would affect not only themselves but everyone else involved in the act.
I especially hate hearing about those who only had kids to please their S.O. or to save their relationship, or to exploit their partner for child support or to game the system for welfare or other selfish situations. That child was an afterthought, just a means to an end since It was only about you. Its even worse when they know they don't have the resources to provide for the child and have them anyway because reasons or society says its the "thing to do"
Honestly the world is overpopulated and it resources are being drained. we no longer need to "be fruitful and multiply. We multiplied so much that there are those that have and those that don't. The human race is also in no danger of dying out anytime soon. We are the ones causing stress on the planet, not the reverse. Every new child born in a first world country will consume more resources and less will be available for children in other less fortunate places. Heres and interesting video and its unsettling because its true, tho I don't agree with his solution :
There are hundreds of thousands of kids in the US alone looking to be adopted, but no one wants them because they're not babies (no one wants a preteen or teenager), because they don't share the same blood/genes as potential families, because a majority of people who want children are not interested in raising other people kids because they could not love them like their own. And its sad that many of these kids will age out of the system never have a family. So where are all the selfless parents who love children? If all children are special and you actually want kids, why not adopt? Why do so many go without homes if the majority of parents or potential parents are selfless people?
Society wants you to have children because more people ensures the status quo will be enforced, especially capitalism because more children means more workers and spenders, which keep business going. its also why the govt incentivizes you to have children and are trying to reverse falling birth rates. To expand on this look at the backlash on programs for alternate Sex Ed in schools and on programs like planned parent hood. A lot of people are taught abstinence only education, yet there are a lot of teen pregnancies . These programs will help people make informed decisions, protect themselves and give people options but those that never had those options dont want the future knowing they have a choice for some reason. Crabs in a barrel again
Now not having children is also selfish. Technically a decision made for someone who does not exist cant be selfish because it does not affect them but apparently society does not think so. The person made that choice because they don't want to change the way they live, it would be an inconvenience for them. They want to be able to do what they want without having to think about, care for and provide for any one else and there's nothing wrong with that. They could have perfectly valid reasons for doing so such as not being able to afford a child, not having the resources or time to support a child, not wanting to bring a child into this world because they don't like where the future is heading, not wanting to raise a child under bad living conditions, not wanting to pass on genetic diseases that would give a child a lower quality of life, etc. Decisions that actually factor in the well being and positive future of the child, but society treats these as nonsense because everyone should have a child, even if they really shouldn't just because its the thing to do, and you are selfish if you don't
People also believe you can't make a positive difference in a child's life without being a parent. We all know bad parents negatively affecting their child's life who prove this statement wrong. But they had a child so are they selfish?
There are many people who don't have children of thier own who are unselfish who help children everyday in many ways. Teachers, Doctors, Caregivers, Volunteers for children's organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters, Toys for Tots, people who visit children in hospitals, provide food for children at food banks, Foster parents, and many countless other examples. But Society considers these people "selfish" because they don't have kids of their own? makes no sense to me :x and I dare you to call any of those people selfish to their face
Its crazy that we live in a world where more people will tell you that you shouldn't have a dog if you cant provide a good home for them, afford all the food and things they need, don't have adequate time or resources and haven't taken the time to learn to care for them properly, you like dogs but just don't want the constant responsibility for the dog but if you change "dog" to "child" more people will tell you to have the child and chastise you if you don't . Its crazy that we live in a world where its seen as ok for people to tell you that regardless of your age, you're too young to decide not have a child, but your not to young to have children or think about having them . You are too young to make a decision by yourself that affects your life, and since they know so much more about your life than you, they know whats best. Its crazy how people say "I am unable to do something I want to do, and since you can do the thing I want to do you should do it for all the people like me who cant, even if you just don't want too, even if it would make you unhappy, even if the thing it would negatively affect you, even if you given it some thought and there are more cons than pros of the situation for you, you should just do it anyway because I cant, and you are selfish if you don't because what you want doesn't matter, what I want does." |I
Honestly I would rather not have kids and regret I didnt, than have kids and regret I had them, but that's just me. There are parents who feel this way but are not vocal about it because society will shame them if they tell how they really feel. You should be able to talk about the positives and negatives of having a child and people should be able to make educated and informed decision regarding whether having a child is right for them and more importantly, is in the best interest of the child. it unfortunate the child is the one most often forgotten about in these situations
and if you actually read all that Thank You. hopefully I was able to make you think and see that you have options and to make the choice that works best for your situation
Excellent post.Yes, not having children is considered selfish, but on the flipside, having children is selfish as well, and I will give reasons for both sides.
And warning this will be long, so I already know some of you wont read it, but I hope i can shed some light for those who do read
The problem is we have been raised to associate the word "selfish" with negative connotations and it is only described to us in situations where it is to be avoided, when in reality there are situations where its beneficial. "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live" - Oscar Wilde.
Firstly having a child is a choice not an obligation, and its a shame many people grow up never realizing that they actually have this option because society tries to portray having children as a necessity, as one of the stepping stones of life following the progression of 1) Got to school. 2)Get a job. 3)Get married. 4)Buy a house. 5)Have children. also known as the LIfe Script. Any deviation from this is met with heavy resistance. When you do something, even if its harmless and in this case it is, that goes against what generally accepted by the majority of society, they will continually shame you for it until you submit and fall back in line. Usually because they never realized they had the same choices you did. People want their opinions validated and You choosing something opposite from them somehow negates their choice, makes them think their choice could somehow be wrong, which in their minds is bad and they will make you confirm to reassure themselves. Crabs in a barrel essentially
Now having children is selfish. No one has ever been able to tell me why they wanted children without using the words "I wanted" and that's if they've actually given it some thought since most people dont:
"I want to know real unconditional love for someone" "I want someone to take care of me when I am old" "I want to fix my marriage" "I want to be a 'real' adult" "I want to have my own family" "I want to pass on my genes" "I want to pass on the family name" "I want more pieces of me in the world" etc.
Others who haven't thought about it just parrot what society tells them:
"Its just what people do" "Accidents happen" "I don't want to be lonely" "Its the only reason to get married" "The bible says so" "I don't want to looked at like less of a woman/man" "You cant make a meaningful difference in a childs life unless your are a parent" "I don't want people to think I'm selfish" etc.
Rarely does anyone give a reason for the well being or benefit of the potential child. Its mainly about their own self gratification or selfish reasons which to me is crazy because having children is a whole life changing event that not only affect you but your S.O. and more importantly the child itself, but most forget that. They think about the short term but not the long term
If they have considered the child's well being and future and planned accordingly for it, then they have every right to go and be selfish and have that child. I support it because that's a good form of being selfish. They considered how it would affect not only themselves but everyone else involved in the act.
I especially hate hearing about those who only had kids to please their S.O. or to save their relationship, or to exploit their partner for child support or to game the system for welfare or other selfish situations. That child was an afterthought, just a means to an end since It was only about you. Its even worse when they know they don't have the resources to provide for the child and have them anyway because reasons or society says its the "thing to do"
Honestly the world is overpopulated and it resources are being drained. we no longer need to "be fruitful and multiply. We multiplied so much that there are those that have and those that don't. The human race is also in no danger of dying out anytime soon. We are the ones causing stress on the planet, not the reverse. Every new child born in a first world country will consume more resources and less will be available for children in other less fortunate places. Heres and interesting video and its unsettling because its true, tho I don't agree with his solution :
There are hundreds of thousands of kids in the US alone looking to be adopted, but no one wants them because they're not babies (no one wants a preteen or teenager), because they don't share the same blood/genes as potential families, because a majority of people who want children are not interested in raising other people kids because they could not love them like their own. And its sad that many of these kids will age out of the system never have a family. So where are all the selfless parents who love children? If all children are special and you actually want kids, why not adopt? Why do so many go without homes if the majority of parents or potential parents are selfless people?
Society wants you to have children because more people ensures the status quo will be enforced, especially capitalism because more children means more workers and spenders, which keep business going. its also why the govt incentivizes you to have children and are trying to reverse falling birth rates. To expand on this look at the backlash on programs for alternate Sex Ed in schools and on programs like planned parent hood. A lot of people are taught abstinence only education, yet there are a lot of teen pregnancies . These programs will help people make informed decisions, protect themselves and give people options but those that never had those options dont want the future knowing they have a choice for some reason. Crabs in a barrel again
Now not having children is also selfish. Technically a decision made for someone who does not exist cant be selfish because it does not affect them but apparently society does not think so. The person made that choice because they don't want to change the way they live, it would be an inconvenience for them. They want to be able to do what they want without having to think about, care for and provide for any one else and there's nothing wrong with that. They could have perfectly valid reasons for doing so such as not being able to afford a child, not having the resources or time to support a child, not wanting to bring a child into this world because they don't like where the future is heading, not wanting to raise a child under bad living conditions, not wanting to pass on genetic diseases that would give a child a lower quality of life, etc. Decisions that actually factor in the well being and positive future of the child, but society treats these as nonsense because everyone should have a child, even if they really shouldn't just because its the thing to do, and you are selfish if you don't
People also believe you can't make a positive difference in a child's life without being a parent. We all know bad parents negatively affecting their child's life who prove this statement wrong. But they had a child so are they selfish?
There are many people who don't have children of thier own who are unselfish who help children everyday in many ways. Teachers, Doctors, Caregivers, Volunteers for children's organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters, Toys for Tots, people who visit children in hospitals, provide food for children at food banks, Foster parents, and many countless other examples. But Society considers these people "selfish" because they don't have kids of their own? makes no sense to meand I dare you to call any of those people selfish to their face
Its crazy that we live in a world where more people will tell you that you shouldn't have a dog if you cant provide a good home for them, afford all the food and things they need, don't have adequate time or resources and haven't taken the time to learn to care for them properly, you like dogs but just don't want the constant responsibility for the dog but if you change "dog" to "child" more people will tell you to have the child and chastise you if you don't. Its crazy that we live in a world where its seen as ok for people to tell you that regardless of your age, you're too young to decide not have a child, but your not to young to have children or think about having them. You are too young to make a decision by yourself that affects your life, and since they know so much more about your life than you, they know whats best. Its crazy how people say "I am unable to do something I want to do, and since you can do the thing I want to do you should do it for all the people like me who cant, even if you just don't want too, even if it would make you unhappy, even if the thing it would negatively affect you, even if you given it some thought and there are more cons than pros of the situation for you, you should just do it anyway because I cant, and you are selfish if you don't because what you want doesn't matter, what I want does."
Honestly I would rather not have kids and regret I didnt, than have kids and regret I had them, but that's just me. There are parents who feel this way but are not vocal about it because society will shame them if they tell how they really feel. You should be able to talk about the positives and negatives of having a child and people should be able to make educated and informed decision regarding whether having a child is right for them and more importantly, is in the best interest of the child. it unfortunate the child is the one most often forgotten about in these situations
and if you actually read all that Thank You. hopefully I was able to make you think and see that you have options and to make the choice that works best for your situation