Letting go is the hardest part...

[jibbycanoe]

sorry to hear that brother. knowing when to call it quits on something you have put that much effort into is a very hard decision. I know it will be hard foryour girls but hopefully it will be easier then how it was. and I know that you said you are most concerned about them, as you should be, but please don'tforget to take care of yourself. being with someone from a young age and for that long may have left you not knowing who you really are. I hope you use this asan opportunity to 'find yourself' and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[sooperhooper]

my parents divorced when i was two and i can tell that i lack inner discipline because my dad was not around in my life. sad to hear about the situation, butyou being there for your kids will help them in the long run.

 

[eastnewyork80]

so why you guys calling it quits?

 

[sorkoram]

Good luck man

 

[rightguard]

JUST BE THERE FOR THE KIDS REALLY..DO YOUR BEST TO GET ALONG WITH THE BABY MAMA SO THE CHILDREN DONT SEE THE NEGATIVITY BEHIND THE DIVORCE...ITS REALLY GOINGTO SUCK WHEN SHE FINDS A NEW MANAND YOU FIND A NEW WOMAN...EXPLAIN THAT TO THEM....GOODLUCK

 

[diego]

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

Originally Posted by Diego

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

Originally Posted by Diego

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

I'm not gonna front, I think that parents that get divorced when young children are involved are selfish. The children deserve better than that. Once you have a child its your responsibility as a parent to put the best interests of your kids before whats best for you. I'm sure there are people that don't agree but I've seen what divorce does to young children. I'm not knocking you for wanting to be happy, I just think you need to put yourself in the kids shoes.

What good is it for the kids if they live in a house hold where they are exposed to constant arguing? Or to live in a place full of tension?
How can they make the kids happy if the parents are miserable?
To the OP, just be as involved as much as you can with your daughters. Dont just pay for child support, but be there for them while they grow up.
A civil relationship with your soon to be ex wife would also go along way.
Good luck.

They don't have to be together. They can see other people on the side if they choose too.

Being in a nuclear family has a positive effect on children. They don't have to keep it up forever, but at 2 years old a kid needs that.

Is it better for the kid to be around mommy, daddy, mommys man, daddys shorty? You explain that to a 2 year old. Better you come up with an answer when his 6 year old asks why daddy is kissing another woman and not mommy?

So if they stay in the same house will they not also be seeing different people?
Family dinners will be great when there are 2 mommies and 2 daddies.
Better his 6 year old asked why daddy is kissing another woman than ask why is mommy putting that knife to daddys chest.

I said keep up the image of a nuclear family, that means do your dirt outside of where you live. If the kids live with one parent when do you think they won't be around the parents new mate?

You arent giving the kids enough credit. At 3 years old the kids will already notice their parents dont kiss, dont sleep in the same bed. No affectionwhatsoever. They will grow up thinking that being detached from your mate is the way a marriage is supposed to work. SMH at you for thinking that living up aphony image of a nuclear family is better then keeping it one hundred with your kids.

My father used to hit my mother, she left him when I was 1 year old, I have NO recollection of him.
Im pretty sure having no recollection of my father is better than growing up being exposed to an abusive relationship.

 

[eddie]

sorry to hear that. the hardest part really is letting go. Taking a trip into the unknown is scary but sometimes we have to take that trip. Keep ur head up andhold ur sweet memories close to u, but more importantly u have to move on.

 

[antbanks81]

Man I'm sorry to hear aboutyour troubles. I hope that you two can be reasonable about visitation and support and $$$.

I have never agreed with young marriages. But now you are 27 and it is what it is. SO best of luck to you.

 

[urbenyouth]

I don't know much about this so is there any way you can get custody of the kids? Or is it difficult since you are the male? If so, that's a stupidrule. They should let the kids decide.

 

[tkthegirl]

7 years?
Ever tried counseling?
Did she get the proper help after having kids so close?
Knife? Her hormones in shape?
I mean have yall really exhausted every option you could to make things work? And if you did try other things would you both be willing to let the past go,because thats the biggest thing (IMO and in my observation) that has kept couples back when they're trying to get over a really bad speed-bump in arelationship. Well anyway separation time will bring up a lot answers.

 

[lurkin2long]

wow....................this thread got me kinda shook..........

makeup sex dont work anymore? man im goin on 5 years an i do plan on marryin and havin kids with my girl and we go throught some STUFF.

pre nup?

 

[ajwings23]

Did you guys to any councelling to resolve any issues?
Have you tried talking to her about the things that bug you?
Communication is the key bro.

Again u just wanna say sorry. It's going to be a lot phased you will be going through. Especially with the kids. You have to be strong tho man.

 

[crumbs]

just take care of you and yours..hope all works outfor the better.

good luck.

 

[the black james bond]

damn man, divorce isn't good. I was raised Christian, so my advice is to seek marriage counseling and talk everything out. My take on situations like thisis that both parties are just directing their passion towards the other in a wrong manner (i.e. she trying to stab you or what not) but just as most have saidbefore me, it's all about your children now and what is best for them. Sorry you had to go through this man, God help you...

 

[DownByLaw]

Originally Posted by MrMoneyInDaBank

I'm not gonna front, I think that parents that get divorced when young children are involved are selfish. The children deserve better than that. Once you have a child its your responsibility as a parent to put the best interests of your kids before whats best for you. I'm sure there are people that don't agree but I've seen what divorce does to young children. I'm not knocking you for wanting to be happy, I just think you need to put yourself in the kids shoes.

That's hands down the dumbest *+$# I have read in a long time. So the kids should be subjected to the arguing and a non-loving relationship?Great way to shape their perspective for their future relationships Einstein.

OP, the best advice I can give you is be a loving father and remain a huge part of their lives. Spending time with them will be far more important than anychild support you throw your ex wife's way. Good luck in this tough time for you.

 

[lilstarz07]

the point was you suck it up in front of the kids ...

 

[DownByLaw]

Originally Posted by LilStarZ07

the point was you suck it up in front of the kids ...

That advice is more lame than your football squad

 

[dathbgboy]

Look, I don't know if your a religious person or not, but if u are, pray on it. Sit back by yourself and think the whole situation over. Does the gainsoutweigh the costs or vice versa? Could the tension have been avoided? Things like that. You kno whats best for you in the end.

From the sound of it you are a genuine dude so fight that child support, women use that to spite the b/d or ex-husband which aint coo. I'm sure you'llstill provide for your daughters.

Just make sure that if yall decide to go all the way the w/ it that you keep joint custody of your children. Women are vindictive and spiteful and will doanything to a man that they feel w/ hurt him and takin his kids away is a big blow. I just don't want to see anyone miserable regardless of circumstances.

I wish you the best of luck and will check back in later.

 

[nawth21]

Oh and as far as child support goes, make it legal. It sucks, but it's for the best for everyone all around. It's unavoidable anyways if it's adivorce and not just breaking up with the baby momma.

That way, years down the road, she can't hit you with the CS papers and you get slammed with back support payments (even if you had been providing for yourkids). But that's more of an issue when marriage isn't involved.

 

[lilstone25]

My brother went through the same thing and had a daughter of a couple of months. He is so much happier and even bought a twin size bed, to remind him that hedoesn't need a woman in his life. Don't suffer working things out when they can't be fixed. Just keep in contact with your kids as much aspossible and when they get to a certain age they can decide which parent they want to stay with.

 

[andown goes frasier]

i feel your pain man, me and my gf/ babymoms broke up last august and its was tuff. we would have made it 6 years that sept. we only have a daughter togetherand i try to be there as much as i can for her. what sucks is that we had all these plans lined up for this year like finally getting married, moving intogether and this is what i was looking forward too. but life goes on plans change and people change. best of luck to you.

 

[651akathepaul]

Just wanted to hit on the parents being divorced thing. From my perspective (parent's divorced) it could be a blessing in disguise for your children if infact your marriage was really going to be dragged on in which case is a very unpleasant situation for children to be in. It will be tough more so for the 6year old but in the long run they will grow to understand and adjust to the situation. But ending the marriage when you know it's done is better to getthrough with it early before things get too crazy.




On another note, I wish you the best of luck in your post-marriage life. Sorry to hear about your predicament, but you'll pull through and keep your headup at all times, things happen for a reason.

 

[wallyhopp]

Originally Posted by superuntouchable

Is constant fighting and friction good for the kids? Its selfish to stay in an unhealthy relationship for the kids imho...

was it bad after the first kid? did it get better after the second? who am I to truly judge but creating a thread does bring out valid questionsto ask.. first instinct is to call out SELFISH. but i presume that wouldnt be fair

 

[nktran001]

At her trying to stab you.

For that, you should post the good pictures.

 

[11wordisbond]

I'm very sorry to hear that bro. My father left the family when I was around 4 years of age, but he always made it a point to see us every week until westarted HS. It's gonna be tough, but try to maintain a healthy relationship with your daughters.