Ahhhh, so you broke it off with her/fell out of love (only time a man feels that way).
Been there. 4 1/2 years with my first ride/die (she gave me her everything and i was a horrible human being during the duration, so it was better I called it off in lieu of staying in it for convenience/the benefits/fearing of breaking her heart - on some D. Jones "Where I Wanna Be/ 98* "Hardest Thing I Ever Had To Do" type steeze).
She used the breakup to fuel her fire and went being a paralegal, to going to law school and is now a prestigious corporate attorney for the Boeing co. (I reached out to her right when the pandemic/first lockdown hit, that's how i know - but we never reconnected, she was done... and i was hurt, but reap what you sow/live with your consequence --- all ragrets for your boy).
The guilt, shame and resentment towards myself had me going through it (didn't help that it was during the pandemic as well).
Fast fwd - 2 anos later:
So when I thought that it was over for me to find a true love (especially, at the time, at my very late 30's)... i gave up on it/love, right after my 40th beeday, momma from up above blessed me with a second chance.
Met a gal back in June and, while it's semi long distance (3 1/2 hours her locale from moi)... i'm willing to be patient to make it work (she's a recent divorcee, so we both have trauma/recent issues we're both unpacking). But she has a very kind heart, loving eyes, extremely family orientaled (she's a latina specimen) and has a tremendously succulent frame (well, she's kinda pear-shaped/refridgerator style built body... but it's food to me! Hee hee hee).
The crazy thing is... this one was also a paralegal is now the county court office something (she oversees all the paralegals for her county, forgot the title. lol).
Even though I only get to see her once a month, i always try to wear some pair of Off -Whites (but usually, it just ends up being one of my dingy shoes because I only have a couple Virgil-led/inspired designs).
Short story short... that sucks that your order got cancelled.
*hugs?*
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