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NT Older crew 25+ up and/or Married...need some advice...
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by Gill Baka Esq. LLC.,
- Start date
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You don't want to marry her. You would know if you did and your mind wouldn't battle with your heart.
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Does the girl have a Social Security card. if not, I would dead that relationship.
Moheezy
formerly mizzoe33
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Agreed here. I don't see any red flags in the cons you listed. Even meeting the parents thing should not be a big deal. The difference I see here is that she is 100% in this relationship but you're 60%-70% in.
The housewife thing is really your preference. If that's a no go for you then make her understand that without forcing her to change who she is. The one thing I know is that if you want to marry someone, marry them for who they are right now, not what they can potentially be in the future.
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Great post. This is for further explanation!
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Don't do it OP.
Her dream is to stay home and chill...
Her dream is to stay home and chill...
Gill Baka Esq. LLC.
formerly grimlock
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I just wanted to update this thread.
I really tried to let the replies sink in because a lot of poster wrote some really good perspectives.
I gotta admit, one of my worst flaws is that I can be indecisive about something. I really have to thoroughly research something and feel really positive about it before I am able to make a choice. Especially in a stuation like this where a potential future is concerned I feel like I really want to look at everything and see how it works for me and for her. Problem is that I work a lot and I got some family things going on and on top of that I like to take my space from things otherwise I can't function. All of this takes me out of thinking about me and this girls situation critically.
I'm gonna meet her today and we're gonna talk. We've been talking this whole time but just separated. I told her we should pick an issue at a time and go over it. Here are the issues:
1) Me wanting to take some space at times because it's what I need to do to function
2) Her education/career and where she wants to go in her life
3) My level of commitment...a poster above pointed out that it seems shes 100% in and i'm only 60-70% in and I feel that is true probably because I want more time to know her and see how well we get along
4) What we want for our futures, individually and together, and if we ultimately want the same things or can compromise without feeling regret about it in the future
5) Family involvement....I really like when family stays out of the equation 1) because i've had previous bad experiences with my ex gf's families and 2) not that my family or her family are bad, but that I feel a respect for my family that I don't bring anyone around unless I am super serious about them, otherwise why waste time...
6) If she is able to understand I work a hectic schedule and I can't text/talk often during the day, and when I get home I'm pretty drained and need to recollect myself before calling her.
I know some NT'ers might say that if I gotta write all this stuff out and then talk to her about it that it's doomed, but as a person i'm not willing to let something go when there is even a shot at great potential.
It's a serious war between my head and my heart right now.
Let me know what you guys think....The posts thus far have helped me look at my situation a bit better. Pray for yah boy NT.
I really tried to let the replies sink in because a lot of poster wrote some really good perspectives.
I gotta admit, one of my worst flaws is that I can be indecisive about something. I really have to thoroughly research something and feel really positive about it before I am able to make a choice. Especially in a stuation like this where a potential future is concerned I feel like I really want to look at everything and see how it works for me and for her. Problem is that I work a lot and I got some family things going on and on top of that I like to take my space from things otherwise I can't function. All of this takes me out of thinking about me and this girls situation critically.
I'm gonna meet her today and we're gonna talk. We've been talking this whole time but just separated. I told her we should pick an issue at a time and go over it. Here are the issues:
1) Me wanting to take some space at times because it's what I need to do to function
2) Her education/career and where she wants to go in her life
3) My level of commitment...a poster above pointed out that it seems shes 100% in and i'm only 60-70% in and I feel that is true probably because I want more time to know her and see how well we get along
4) What we want for our futures, individually and together, and if we ultimately want the same things or can compromise without feeling regret about it in the future
5) Family involvement....I really like when family stays out of the equation 1) because i've had previous bad experiences with my ex gf's families and 2) not that my family or her family are bad, but that I feel a respect for my family that I don't bring anyone around unless I am super serious about them, otherwise why waste time...
6) If she is able to understand I work a hectic schedule and I can't text/talk often during the day, and when I get home I'm pretty drained and need to recollect myself before calling her.
I know some NT'ers might say that if I gotta write all this stuff out and then talk to her about it that it's doomed, but as a person i'm not willing to let something go when there is even a shot at great potential.
It's a serious war between my head and my heart right now.
Let me know what you guys think....The posts thus far have helped me look at my situation a bit better. Pray for yah boy NT.
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It looks like I am in the minority here but that girls sounds like a dream. It is so rare in this day and age to meet women who truly want to be a mother, a wife, and have a real family. There is nothing more important than having stability at home if you expect to succeed in your career while still having a family.
Also, you guys are 31 and 30. Your window to have the best possible kids is pretty small. Under 35 for women and 35-40 for men is the max. Of course you can have kids when older but biologically speaking you are giving them not ur best set of genes. Actually, I think that is a big problem in our generation - healthiest age to have kids is 17-25 or something like that (only talking genes and biology here).
I would sit down with her though and have a serious discussion about what you want to have happen in the next two years. If it was me I'd say i need community college + figuring out how to be legal for her to show her responsibility toward the future.
It's all moot tho if u don't have the right feeling about her. Our generation is weak at going all in on something and learning that life is mainly about trying to have more good than bad (or at least the perspective of contentment). There is no happier or better out there necessarily. Only you know this though for yourself.
Also, you guys are 31 and 30. Your window to have the best possible kids is pretty small. Under 35 for women and 35-40 for men is the max. Of course you can have kids when older but biologically speaking you are giving them not ur best set of genes. Actually, I think that is a big problem in our generation - healthiest age to have kids is 17-25 or something like that (only talking genes and biology here).
I would sit down with her though and have a serious discussion about what you want to have happen in the next two years. If it was me I'd say i need community college + figuring out how to be legal for her to show her responsibility toward the future.
It's all moot tho if u don't have the right feeling about her. Our generation is weak at going all in on something and learning that life is mainly about trying to have more good than bad (or at least the perspective of contentment). There is no happier or better out there necessarily. Only you know this though for yourself.
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OP, you're not being indecisive.
This is a major life decision and with any important decisions in life, you have to do extensive due diligence and vet appropriately. This is just smart thinking overall.
Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.
This is a major life decision and with any important decisions in life, you have to do extensive due diligence and vet appropriately. This is just smart thinking overall.
Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.
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As you get older you begin to realize that marriage is less about pros and cons and more about spaces. If I met my girl 6 years ago we would have been broken up and hated eachother by now. But due to our experiences and age you realize that holding on to meaningful people is more valuable than when you are 20-25.
You have to ask yourself if you woke up married/pregnant with that person tomm what are the first feelings that come to mind? Nerves? Sure. Worry? Of course. But if you aren't about to throw up and get hives just thinking about it, she is probably someone you could make a life with eventually.
You have to ask yourself if you woke up married/pregnant with that person tomm what are the first feelings that come to mind? Nerves? Sure. Worry? Of course. But if you aren't about to throw up and get hives just thinking about it, she is probably someone you could make a life with eventually.
BR0 MONTANA
formerly imanikehead
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My wife got laid off from work back in 2018. She hasn’t worked since and tells me she doesn’t plan on ever going back to work. We decide to buy a house. I ask her to contribute and find a job. Nothing stressful just something to help take care of the everyday expenses like utilities, insurance, gas, food etc. but she still refuses to work cause she says I make enough for the both of us. Am I in the wrong for wanting her to work?
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Does she hold the house down? Do y’all have kids?
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I see this a lot from women in the south. I'm more of a 2 income household type of guy but hear the other side from friends back home.
I do not have a wife or kids so my views are different.
I do not have a wife or kids so my views are different.
BR0 MONTANA
formerly imanikehead
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No kids just me and her. She makes me coffee in the morning and gets my lunch ready for work but when I get home she’s laid out on the couch or talking on the phone. Sometimes I have to make dinner sometimes she makes it. Really depends on how she feels. She really has no motivation to do better and is content at where she is in life.
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If that's the case I don't think you're in the wrong at all. Like you said, even a laid back job somewhere to contribute towards the bills etc... Can't imagine not having kids and not working...I would go outta my mind all day.
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What does she do all day?
BR0 MONTANA
formerly imanikehead
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Nothing. I believe she has some sort of depression but doesn’t want to see a therapist. I told her to start working out or find some sort of daily schedule to have some structure throughout the day. That’s why I want her to get a job so she can get back into a groove. I think her being home is safe for her and she doesn’t feel the need to venture out of it.
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You about to soon the way you been out in these streets!
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You’re her therapist bruh. Sickness and in health
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Sounds like a discussion needs to take, explain to her you're unhappy. Instead of sending her to a therapist. Why don't you guys go to marriage counseling?
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She was lazy/unmotivated when you got her bro…. You should’ve saw the red flags. Laziness doesn’t just happen over night. How’s her family? Her mother and father? Was her mother a stay at home mom? Ya’ll gotta screen these women bro
I’ll never take care of a woman. Used to see my mom get up and bust her a*** everyday for over 30 years.
If you fall ill, what’re y’all going to do?
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No kids but married to a full time house wife. Sheesh. Some of y'all man...
D
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Guest
Why did you buy a house w/ someone who told you beforehand that she never plans on working?
She has all the leverage here and she knows it.
As far as the depression, sounds to me like all she has is terminal laziness.
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Hopefully you signed a prenup before you married her. Y'all gotta make better decisions man. She said she didn't want to work and then you went and purchased a house thinking she would. You don't have children, yet she wants to be a full time housewife? So many redflags.
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Had a guy working for me relocate to Arizona cause he wanted a house.
His wife has two kids with two other dudes, and he is baby daddy number 3. They have full custody of all 3 kids.
They both had great jobs, and before the pandemic she quit her job because she didn’t like her coworkers.
She had no motivation to get another Job, just all these get rich quick ideas. breeding dogs, (have no clue about dogs at all). Pyramid schemes, you name it.
She would spend money like crazy when her husband wasnt making enough to support her habits.
He was always a yes man and didn’t put his foot down and that kept on enabling her to spend more.
Peloton, another dog, family trips, she had a BBL lined up also.
I work directly with the guy and I do his payroll so I know how much he gets paid.
Anyways. Our boss relocated to Arizona so we all kept in touch and he would show us how much cheaper it is than The Bay Area. My coworker decided to follow our boss and was able to finally get a house.
We tried to negotiate him to stay. We offered him $55 an hour plus bonuses. He ended up declining and moved to Arizona making $35 an hour.
His wife still don’t want to work because in that span of him busting his aaaaaa during the pandemic he was able to somehow provide for the family. So she had it in her head that she don’t have to work anymore because their mortgage is cheaper than what they were paying rent when living in the bay. A lot of this could’ve gotten figured out if he stayed, took what we offered, and his wife got a part time job.
But I saw the struggle this guy was going through.
They were trying to refinance all their junk car loans she signed up for. $900 month for a busted used Range Rover.
He had a used Benz $750 month.
The peloton she never used.
The 2 dogs with no insurance they tried to breed. BBL,
It just goes on and on.
Plus they have 3 kids to take care of.
I still talk to him and he hates it out there. Still complains about his wife not having a job.
His wife has two kids with two other dudes, and he is baby daddy number 3. They have full custody of all 3 kids.
They both had great jobs, and before the pandemic she quit her job because she didn’t like her coworkers.
She had no motivation to get another Job, just all these get rich quick ideas. breeding dogs, (have no clue about dogs at all). Pyramid schemes, you name it.
She would spend money like crazy when her husband wasnt making enough to support her habits.
He was always a yes man and didn’t put his foot down and that kept on enabling her to spend more.
Peloton, another dog, family trips, she had a BBL lined up also.
I work directly with the guy and I do his payroll so I know how much he gets paid.
Anyways. Our boss relocated to Arizona so we all kept in touch and he would show us how much cheaper it is than The Bay Area. My coworker decided to follow our boss and was able to finally get a house.
We tried to negotiate him to stay. We offered him $55 an hour plus bonuses. He ended up declining and moved to Arizona making $35 an hour.
His wife still don’t want to work because in that span of him busting his aaaaaa during the pandemic he was able to somehow provide for the family. So she had it in her head that she don’t have to work anymore because their mortgage is cheaper than what they were paying rent when living in the bay. A lot of this could’ve gotten figured out if he stayed, took what we offered, and his wife got a part time job.
But I saw the struggle this guy was going through.
They were trying to refinance all their junk car loans she signed up for. $900 month for a busted used Range Rover.
He had a used Benz $750 month.
The peloton she never used.
The 2 dogs with no insurance they tried to breed. BBL,
It just goes on and on.
Plus they have 3 kids to take care of.
I still talk to him and he hates it out there. Still complains about his wife not having a job.
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