NT Real Relationship Talk Vol. I Cant Change Who I Am.

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not sure if anybody else can understand where im coming from, but im bout to vent a lil bit.

Im 26, and i got married this year. I was with wifey for 4 years before we decided to get married, and truthfully she means more to me than any chick i everdealt with.
i thought i was ready.
the pressure of what is traditional as in... you been with someone for so long the enivetable next step is to get married, wanting to not have kids out ofwedlock, the whole religious thing of being married etc. all this.

Im starting to come to realization that i am not cut for this @##%.
this is my problem

She makes me happy in the sense of having someone you love and care about, and vice versa... the companionship, the things we share in common, we have funtogether etc.
but there are certain things that can happen that makes you really less happy then anything else.... i can deal with certain things, but these are core thingsthat are key to me remaining happy and she steps on the lines...
#1.she complains when i watch sports, i mean Sunday comes its "OMG, i guess your going to be watching football all day" or basketball season"How many games can you watch?" I AM A SPORTS JUNKIE, i dont care what it is... Basketball, football, baseball, hockey (playoff time), boxing, imall in... ESPN on the TV 80% of the time. Thats something so fundamental and simple... men = sports.... and her "arguement" is she likes to watchsports... just not all the time. me personal i dont care what her sports watching capacity is. Why ruin something so simple that gives me enjoyment in a lifewhere all i do is work.

#2. Video Games.... my whole life i have been a video game nerd. I mean every system i had it, gaming is my source of comfort, my retreat. All i hear iscomplaints of how i play the game too much, Like when i play games (2k, madden, COD.) i get into it...
the thing thats so stupid is that, she LIKES to play video games, but once again, her thing is, i do it WAY more than she does. and once again, i dont carewhat her video game playing capacity is.

#3. Time... i barely have enough time in a day as it is, so besides work and sleep i have to divide that little bit of time left to spend time with her, andthen do the things i like... but its becoming to be, unbalanced... its ok for her when all the time and attention is on her, but when i do anything i likedoing... im not "paying her any attention". Drives me insane. The bad part is, i make a concious effort to do things with her, like i will just saywhat do you want to do? lets go walk, lets watch a movie, play pool, ANYTHING. She never has an idea of what she wants to do. I feel like her only form ofentertainment is through me.... and when im not doing something i want to do, and just try to give her attention, we are sitting there.... not really talkinabout nothing... and bored.... when i go to do something else, she gets an attitude.

#4. starting random arguements for nothing. like seriously, i hate arguing.... id rather debate an issue and she brings her point to the table, i bring minesto the table... and we come to a resolution... but when the arguement makes NO SENSE, or she has the dumbest point of view which she knows is dumb but yetholds on to it for the sake of not wanting to lose an arguement.... it makes me want to rock bottom her through the coffee table.

#5. and this is probably the most complex thing in my brain. I miss being in the game. I go out rarely, i havent been to a club in like a year, i dont reallyhang with my boys no more, and when it comes to females... i feel like im breaking a law just saying hi, or having small talk. My whole career i have been aman +#$#@, my numbers are rediculously too high, but it is something that is a natural gift, i insticntivly have the gift of gab... and its not the fact ofsmashing chicks, its just the challenge of "can i bag this chick" "do i still got it" i see dudes out and they be running wack game onchicks or they pull a chick and i look and im like "SMH, i use to be that dude, but my game was WAY colder". I think im not built for monogomy, i ama natural flirt, and i become unhappy with myself, when i see a chick and she is giving me all the signs in the world, and i ignore it like she wasnt eventhere.... i cant even explain it to where it makes sense, but its like a guy retiring from the sport he loves and he still feels like he can play (MJ, BrettFarve etc)

i know i put myself into this position, and its not fair to her to cheat... so i dont, but i wonder to myself.... *%% am i doing? was i ready to give it allup.... NO MORE CHICKS the rest of my life... can i do that? Im only 26, i havent reached my prime yet... even though ive done alot already... i miss just beingin the game.
I have pretty much been a male +#$#@ my entire career,

I've thought about just calling it quits and going back to my old self, not having to deal with none of the negatives i have mentioned... .but at the sametime, i feel like im an +@*%+%+ for feeling this way. And in the same breathe i feel like my happiness should be the most important thing to me. dont get mewrong the girl is wonderfull, she is ... besides the negatives i just mentioned we are fine. At the end of the day... im probably not going to do anythingabout it, because i love her, and i have a vagina (sarcasm), i dont want to lose out on something or someone special because of feelings that i may or may notthink is important in the future looking back on it all.

i know this was long, but anybody else going through something similar, or have any input?
 
you need to talk to your girl about issues 1-4.

but you're going to have to deal with issue #5 on your own
 
Infryno you a cool dude and we are friends on FB. I seen all the pics you and your girl has taken. You guys look good together fam. Keep her, my gee
 
maybe you gotta cut your video game + sports time and hang out with your boys.

and also, try to spend some more time with your wife. also, man up. Your sounding like a little girl. If you love her and shes means more to you then any chickthen try to keep her.
smh.gif
at you....
 
1. tivo can fix that.

2. take care of business first, then you can go play cod
wink.gif


i didn't feel like reading the rest haha.
 
Only way to stay faithful is to cheat.

human nature
Thats messed up to say, and even more messed up is that i understand it


Infryno you a cool dude and we are friends on FB. I seen all the pics you and your girl has taken. You guys look good together fam. Keep her, my gee
Im assuming that marriage is like this... alot of people tell me its tough in the beginning, so im trying to convince myself things will getbetter with time.


you need to talk to your girl about issues 1-4.

but you're going to have to deal with issue #5 on your own

I do bring it up... and when i do it turns into an arguement.... cuz truly if thats something that bothers her, wether she accepts it or not it still willbother her, i mean sacrifices are made in any relationship, so i guess my problem is patience

#5. yeah, i am dealing with that... its not easy though
 
it seems like you know the stuff you typed isnt worth you ending your marriage...

you need to sit your girl down and seriously tell her how you feel...tell her to shut up until you are done talking...

you say you haven't reached your prime? what do you mean by that? bagging more girls? if thats your prime good luck w/that...
 
get married when ur in your 30s bro. still got time to find a broad that will watch sports and play video games witchu.

or just cut down the sports and video games and pick up new hobbies that she will be into.
 
The biggest problem you have is #5. I really don't care how old you are, temptation will always be present.
I don't know if you will ever be "ready"...you know what I mean?

As for #1-4, you and her need to sit down and come to an agreement on balance. Are you the kinda guy who's
glued to the tv all weekend long because there's games on? I'll give you an example of my relationship.
My girl understands I am a huge Raider fan/Laker fan. I will clear my schedule, take off work, drives 100s of miles, pay
100s of dollars to watch and attend their games. But if the Bears and Packers are playing on Sunday Night Football and
she wants to get something to eat, We are going to get something to eat. SNF is not more important than spending a sunday
evening with my girl. It's all about compromise.

As far as time, someone once told me that you can do everything you want to do. You just have to manage your time wisely.
That's different for everyone, but usually it has to do with being responsible and realizing what you must do today and what can wait.

It sounds like you need to talk to your girl and get her to understand that you need some "me" time. Time to do whatever you want...
video games, hella sports, whatever. That's good for you and ultimately good for your relationship.

I hope this helps some. I think yall main problem is communication. If yall can communicate to where yall see eye to eye then I think
you'd be a lot happier.
 
Wow...yea you def dove in there and you don't sound quite ready. And that's the scarey thing about tying the knot at such a young age. But like the oldheads say, "us, young people think marriage is just all peaches and cream, the first signs of trouble and unhappiness, we're ready to leave and giveup. Marriage takes hard work and you have to work at your marriage EVERYDAY."
 
i always thought i wouldnt get married till im like in my 40's

i sit and talk to her about $%$%, but it seems like things be ok for awhile, then go back to the way it was.
as far as my time spent... i try to balance it as best as possible... .and i try to make sure she is on the bigger side of the time frame. It just be like itsnot enough.

I wonder how people stay married for 30-40 years... thats an achievment!

*edit, when it comes to the sports im glued to EVERY Laker game, Patriots game, Tigers game, Red Wings... i mean if they are playing doing anything else is outof the question.
Anything other than those, i dont really care... id do anything else... but she doesnt come with anything... sometimes i run out of ideas, cuz i am contentsitting at home watching football all sunday.... if i dont say "Hey lets go do something" she wont say anything, just sit there with an attitude.

and yea all the old heads told me, marriage is bigger than what you think it is, i didnt know what they meant until now.... its constant every day work.
 
you want my input? you 26.... put down the gaming sticks, you a grown *%@ man you shouldnt feel the need to rely on the idiot box for escape, cut back on thesports. Relationship is about compromise, watch monday night football but do you really need to catch all the games on sunday? i follow my team on sunday, illcatch mnl and the rest i tune into sportscenter to catch up. If you feel you need to retreat and kick it wit the fellas go shoot some hoops/toss around thepigskin, if they all busy join an intramural league. Pretty sure wifey would be more accepting of your hobbies if they were more productive. No disrespect butc'mon you venting to niketalk so that tells me you either don't got any boys you can reach out too or you spend way too much time on this site. Mostimportantly you keep her happy she has nothing to complain about, meaning take your wife out once a week. Don't gotta spend all your hard earned dough butgo catch a flick grab a bite to eat at the local pizza joint, coffee house to catch that local band what not... and after take her back to the cribz and spreadthose legs. I suspect she'll be less inclined to complain next time you and Tyrone are playing halo.
 
Originally Posted by AG 47

The biggest problem you have is #5. I really don't care how old you are, temptation will always be present.
I don't know if you will ever be "ready"...you know what I mean?
I was JUST about to say this

But yea, if 5 is the underlined problem, maybe you locked yourself down too fast, hopefully it's just the feeling for now, but if it's not, yourweren't ready 4 it man.
 
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