Originally Posted by
So Slickening
Originally Posted by
RaWeX05
Originally Posted by So Slickening
Ever since my significant other of 4 years broke up with me in the summer, I haven't had interest in anyone else. Not even any sexual, no-strings-attached desires. The break-up was my fault and sometimes I think of offing myself because every day, I feel the heartache and regret first thing when I wake up and last thing before I fall asleep. Going out and having a good time doesn't distract me from thoughts of her anymore – she's always in the back of my mind somehow. We broke up in the summer and I haven't progressed a step in getting over it... I keep having hope that the whole "true love conquers all" thing is true and we'll end up together, because she said she'll always love me. And I know for a fact that she does. The note on which we ended things proved it, which is another story, but I know it's real.
And everything I feel is involuntary. I hate when people say that I'm doing this to myself. I wake up and feel these things, it's not my choice to. I can't force my emotions to change and I don't have the drive/heart/interest to get someone else. It's weird, I'm constantly down because of this, but I'm content because of the fact that they're feelings for her. She's all I want. Until the time comes that it changes though, or everything works out, I'm stuck with this weight on my shoulders. A good friend told me that the only thing I can do in this situation is weather the storm, cause there's no convincing my heart at this point. This is in God's hands now, and only time will tell.
As I'm going through all this, though, she's doing great. We still talk, and I told her that I'm happy for her, which is true. But that doesn't mean I'm happy.
Damn, I can't believe I was such an idiot and lost her. She had everything I ever needed.
Well, that felt better getting it out. That was a longer post than I intended to make when I started to reply to this thread. Meh.
Damn...is she with someone else?
No, but she was close to dating someone. It was one of her co-workers... well, he worked at different branch. But that's how they met, and he really liked her. She put him in the friendzone, though, cause she was fresh off the breakup with me. Then, she realized her feelings for him in October, but by that time he was already talking to another girl. She was really bummed out for a good two weeks about it, but got over him. I was crushed to find out she was already interested in someone else, but if they actually began dating I honestly don't know what I would do with myself.
When she told me, thoughts like, "What does she like about him more than me?" or "What does he have?" came up in my head. Those are the worst. I'm still bracing myself for when she meets someone and it works out... I'm starting to feel anxious thinking about it.
Oh, another important detail – we were a long distance relationship. She lives in San Diego, CA. I'm in Philly. Don't ask. We had a "love has no distance" type of thing.