Official NT dad thread: can the dads get love

So uhh my 6 year old is in 1st grade. He's heard the standard curse words (f***, b****, s***) etc...but he told my wife someone told him a new bad word (N word). My wife told him that's unacceptable to say etc...I'm at work and going to talk to him when I get home. What's the best way to approach this? Like best way for a 6 year old to understand ...I know sounds like a stupid question, but as a white dude I want to make sure he understands that's unacceptable to say, and I know I can get some legit advice from this thread.

Side note, he's never really asked about why people look different or anything. All his friends are all different races etc...
 
jrp44 said:
So uhh my 6 year old is in 1st grade. He's heard the standard curse words (f***, b****, s***) etc...but he told my wife someone told him a new bad word (N word). My wife told him that's unacceptable to say etc...I'm at work and going to talk to him when I get home. What's the best way to approach this? Like best way for a 6 year old to understand ...I know sounds like a stupid question, but as a white dude I want to make sure he understands that's unacceptable to say, and I know I can get some legit advice from this thread.

Side note, he's never really asked about why people look different or anything. All his friends are all different races etc...
Click to expand...
This is going to be very long because it's the conversation I had with my kiddo, and my single proudest moment in his life, related to the question you're asking.

My son never said that word, but he did straight up ask me once why he hears people say it but then he also hears people say it's a bad word, and this is our convo, damn near verbatim:

-me: "No, dude, WE don't say it."
-him: :What, like our family?"
-me: "No. White people."
-him: "Wait so just white people aren't supposed to say it?"
-me: "I'm not speaking for Asians or Hispanics or anyone else, but I'm telling you, WE don't say it."
-him: "Why not? How come black people say it if we're not supposed to?"
*I had already taught him elements of slavery, segregation, and systemic oppression*
-me: "It comes from an extremely traumatic history between white people and black people, so it comes off extremely disrespectful when a white person uses it compared to a black person using it. Think about how you can trip at home and I could be like 'You're an idiot. lololol' and we laugh, but if you're in public and you trip and someone is like 'lolol What a effing idiot.' You'd feel disrespected. They aren't bonded with you. They are being hurtful and mean even though it's the same word I could use and you're fine."
-him: "So what if it's a black person that knows me? What about Zion?" (They are best friends, literally having grown up together.) "What if I wasn't being mean and I called him the n-word just like his black friends?"
-me: "I'm telling you right now, if you ever want to change the relationship between you and Zion for the worst, go ahead. He will never look at you the same again. Right now he knows that you respect him; that will change in an instant if you say that word, even casually. And you will never get that respect back. He will most likely always look at YOU as someone who doesn't respect HIM."

Fast forward to him in 6th grade. I get called to school because he was in trouble for fighting a girl. I get off work. I'm heated. As soon as soon as I walk in the office, the principal meets me at the door and tells me "OK, this isn't going to be what you think. Let me tell you what happened first." Turns out they were playing dodgeball and this black girl was hit by a ball so she was supposed to be out, but she was standing in the middle of the game refusing to leave. This white girl was standing with one of the dodgeballs under her arm and said, "Get out, stupid n-word." My son raised his hand and smacked the ball out from under the white girl's arm and said "Hey! You can't say that!" The white girl hit him back and they kept hitting each other then the proctor came over and got between both of them.
As the principal was telling me this, tears of pride started welling up in my eyes. So the principal got my son and he was suspended for the day for fighting, but when he first saw me, he goes "Daddy, I didn't get in a fight! This girl said..." and I just gave him a hug and said "I know. You did great. You did get in a fight but you fight that fight every time."

So that's the conversation I had with him, and that's evidence that I guess it stuck.
 
jrp44 said:
So uhh my 6 year old is in 1st grade. He's heard the standard curse words (f***, b****, s***) etc...but he told my wife someone told him a new bad word (N word). My wife told him that's unacceptable to say etc...I'm at work and going to talk to him when I get home. What's the best way to approach this? Like best way for a 6 year old to understand ...I know sounds like a stupid question, but as a white dude I want to make sure he understands that's unacceptable to say, and I know I can get some legit advice from this thread.

Side note, he's never really asked about why people look different or anything. All his friends are all different races etc...
Click to expand...
Long reply above. Short reply here, from my FB a couple years ago:
Screenshot_20231124_185233_Facebook.jpg
 
being puerto rican from nyc that word is so embedded in my everyday speech. i was told i got the ghetto gold card so my credit's good there :lol:

just gotta watch myself at work around white people, go figure ...
 
darthska said:
This is going to be very long because it's the conversation I had with my kiddo, and my single proudest moment in his life, related to the question you're asking.

My son never said that word, but he did straight up ask me once why he hears people say it but then he also hears people say it's a bad word, and this is our convo, damn near verbatim:

-me: "No, dude, WE don't say it."
-him: :What, like our family?"
-me: "No. White people."
-him: "Wait so just white people aren't supposed to say it?"
-me: "I'm not speaking for Asians or Hispanics or anyone else, but I'm telling you, WE don't say it."
-him: "Why not? How come black people say it if we're not supposed to?"
*I had already taught him elements of slavery, segregation, and systemic oppression*
-me: "It comes from an extremely traumatic history between white people and black people, so it comes off extremely disrespectful when a white person uses it compared to a black person using it. Think about how you can trip at home and I could be like 'You're an idiot. lololol' and we laugh, but if you're in public and you trip and someone is like 'lolol What a effing idiot.' You'd feel disrespected. They aren't bonded with you. They are being hurtful and mean even though it's the same word I could use and you're fine."
-him: "So what if it's a black person that knows me? What about Zion?" (They are best friends, literally having grown up together.) "What if I wasn't being mean and I called him the n-word just like his black friends?"
-me: "I'm telling you right now, if you ever want to change the relationship between you and Zion for the worst, go ahead. He will never look at you the same again. Right now he knows that you respect him; that will change in an instant if you say that word, even casually. And you will never get that respect back. He will most likely always look at YOU as someone who doesn't respect HIM."

Fast forward to him in 6th grade. I get called to school because he was in trouble for fighting a girl. I get off work. I'm heated. As soon as soon as I walk in the office, the principal meets me at the door and tells me "OK, this isn't going to be what you think. Let me tell you what happened first." Turns out they were playing dodgeball and this black girl was hit by a ball so she was supposed to be out, but she was standing in the middle of the game refusing to leave. This white girl was standing with one of the dodgeballs under her arm and said, "Get out, stupid n-word." My son raised his hand and smacked the ball out from under the white girl's arm and said "Hey! You can't say that!" The white girl hit him back and they kept hitting each other then the proctor came over and got between both of them.
As the principal was telling me this, tears of pride started welling up in my eyes. So the principal got my son and he was suspended for the day for fighting, but when he first saw me, he goes "Daddy, I didn't get in a fight! This girl said..." and I just gave him a hug and said "I know. You did great. You did get in a fight but you fight that fight every time."

So that's the conversation I had with him, and that's evidence that I guess it stuck.
Click to expand...
Thanks for this.
 
My 15 month old has been getting hella ear infections since she started daycare in Aug. She’s currently on #6 after spending almost her entire first year at home and never being sick. Having tubes put in tomorrow morning and I know it’s a simple procedure but I’m hoping we see immediate results. She’s been acting more and more pathetic each ear infection. Currently she is hardly eating anything, wakes up screaming in the night (assuming after meds wear off), and only wants to be held and comforted by mom for the past week. I’m ready to have her back to her old, upbeat self
 
Update

On procedure day she woke up dumb early and we were instructed not to feed her for 4 hrs before her procedure but she crying and wailing at like 4AM and the procedure wasn’t until 8ish. Wife ended up feeding her the tiniest amount of milk and when we told the nurse she told us had to wait 2 hrs after our procedure was scheduled before she could go in. Meanwhile she was HANGRY. Procedure itself was super straightforward and she has already been more like her old self. She has angry moments but overall she is much more upbeat and chatty again. Other folks can hold her besides mom and her appetite has been returning 🙌🏼
 
Last edited:
DCAllAfrican said:
Thoughts?

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I’ve did it a few times as like a bet
Get all A’s whole year u get this or that
I mean I get why u would
Or wouldn’t want to
But I instill in my kids
That they should want good grades for themselves
Not anyone else
Son in his senior year of high school
And has had A’s since the 5th grade
He just sent off his applications for the UC’s
He wants to go to Stanford
So he’s finishing up one of his essays
To turn into Stanford in Jan
My daughter an A and B student
She’s a junior
She wants to either go to Berkeley
Or a hbcu
 
Grine said:
My princess finally made 18… Got accepted into Howard, Hampton, Xavier. Waiting on the other schools.

She travels all over the country to do her cosplay passion.

IMG_6617.jpeg
IMG_2917.jpeg
Click to expand...
Congrats man
That’s crazy
I just asked how ur daughter was doin
In the food thread
Glad to see she doing good
I’m happy for you and her
 
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