Post your most embarrassing sexual encounters Vol. 2012

[mycoldyourdone]

@smedroc im $!$#%$+ dying hahahaahahahhaha

 

[rusty shackelford]

Originally Posted by Smedroc

This happened on NYE actually.

Met a chick, she took me back to the hotel, we start getting down etc...

Anyway against my better judgement i decide im gonna eat the box

... But not the regular way... I seen this prono where dude has the chick sat on his shoulders while he's stood up and he's just nyammin that thang... +%%$ looked boss so i thought i'd try it out. However i'm not as brolic as this dude was so i thought i'll do it against the wall for some support. So i lift this girl up on my shoulders and go to lean her up against what i thought was a wall....

Unfortunately all the Jack and red wine caused me to make a slight misjudgment....what i thought to be a wall was infact a doorway. So as i plant her against fresh air this erotic sexual act suddenly becomes a running powerbomb

This chick hits the canvas HARD with my full weight to follow. She's goes into a semi foetal position and starts wimpering quietly, complaining that her side hurts. I didn't know whether to apologise to this girl or pin her shoulders down for the 3 count. Needless to say i got dressed and left the hotel shortly afterward.

 

[grypr33]

I was with my ex.  Smashing at her house with her step father home so I'm already sweating bullets

She had this daybed setup, twin sized and up against the wall. Just the right height too. I've never had such perfect traction and footing as I had with that damn bed

So I'm putting in work and I'm finally ready to bust. Thinking it's gonna be a tummy shot I pull out....but I was drunk off that good vagina and misjudged the intensity of the upcoming nut.
The initial shot flew to the right, above her head and onto her wall.......and the trail lead down into her hair to her face to her chest.
Keep in mind we were doing our best to be silent this whole time. She had a pillow over her face for most of the encounter.
She screams out "@*$%!" and her stepdad starts to walk over.
At this point I'm already getting dressed as fast as Clark Kent in a phone booth, ready to leap out her window in a single bound.
I'm dressed. She's not, and hiding her nakedness under her blankets
I'm thinking I'm about to die...but her stepdad never comes through the door.
He was going to the bathroom slightly up the hall from her room

So I tell her it was fun and I'd call her later and just left.
In the end I left her frightened, cowering under the covers, with semen dripping from her hair

Another time, same girl. Mid blowjob I comment on how she's good with both her hands.
She takes my penis out of her mouth and says "Yeah I'm ambidextrous! Don't hold it against me, but one time....." and makes motions in the air indicating that one time, she had whacked two guys off at the same time.
Instant softie. Could not continue. On strike. Shortly thereafter I broke up with her

 

[ksteezy]

Originally Posted by Rusty Shackelford

Originally Posted by Smedroc

This happened on NYE actually.

Met a chick, she took me back to the hotel, we start getting down etc...

Anyway against my better judgement i decide im gonna eat the box

... But not the regular way... I seen this prono where dude has the chick sat on his shoulders while he's stood up and he's just nyammin that thang... +%%$ looked boss so i thought i'd try it out. However i'm not as brolic as this dude was so i thought i'll do it against the wall for some support. So i lift this girl up on my shoulders and go to lean her up against what i thought was a wall....

Unfortunately all the Jack and red wine caused me to make a slight misjudgment....what i thought to be a wall was infact a doorway. So as i plant her against fresh air this erotic sexual act suddenly becomes a running powerbomb

This chick hits the canvas HARD with my full weight to follow. She's goes into a semi foetal position and starts wimpering quietly, complaining that her side hurts. I didn't know whether to apologise to this girl or pin her shoulders down for the 3 count. Needless to say i got dressed and left the hotel shortly afterward.

The visual in my headdddd I DIEZ!!!!!I think this one is by far the funniest...girls getting hurt like this cracks me up for some reason...lmao

 

[yallayalla]

^ perfect GIF

 

[lieutenantdan93]

Originally Posted by af1 1982

Was chillin with my roommates slightly heavy Filipino friend because he needed the room with his girl. We smoked a bowl and I expected her to go to bed afterwards while I watched Boy Meets World in the lounge of my dorm. I just wanted to watch it in peace but she insisted she join me. We watch a few episodes and I'm starting to get horny after watching Topanga. Then my roommate texts me saying it's cool to come back to the room. We stand up and she grabs my face and started making out without me. I was in such shock because I wasn't attracted to her in the slightest. I literally stood there for 5 minutes while she made out with me. Had she not known I wasn't kissing her back? Who knows. Then all standards went out the window...when I got a boner. It was game over from there. I grabbed her !#+. She grabbed the pipe. I took her to the study room next door and turned off the lights. Within 3 minutes my fingers were up there. She knew the true meaning of my nickname, "Sticky Fingaz". I asked the girl "Can I get some head?". She proceeded to give me fellatio and she was damn good at it. I guess the urban legends were true that fat girls gave the best head. She then proceeded to ask if I wanted to smash. I thought to myself, I don't have a condom so now I really don't have to go any further than this. Then she whipped one out. It was really game over. I asked her to put on the condom because that is a turnon when girls do that for me. She proceeded to play dumb. It took my high !#+ about 2 minutes to put the damn thing on. She spread her legs and I proceeded to smash. At this point I was blueballed from the fellatio and I just wanted my nut ASAP! She wasn't my girlfriend so it didn't matter to me whether she got hers or not. I then proceeded to pound like I've never before. It sounded like lard smacking back and forth. Within 30 seconds, I easily came. At that point I realized what I had done. I @%%*%! a fatty. She turned to me and asked, "You're done already?". I said, "Yessir, time for bed". We put our clothes on and proceeded to the elevator. She turned and tried giving me a kiss. I turned my head in disgust, not so much because of her but because of me and what I had done. 
After that night, I came to realize that I truly don't have any standards. Vagina is vagina to me. They call me "Sticky Fingaz" for a reason

 

[antidope]

Originally Posted by Rusty Shackelford

Originally Posted by Smedroc

This happened on NYE actually.

Met a chick, she took me back to the hotel, we start getting down etc...

Anyway against my better judgement i decide im gonna eat the box

... But not the regular way... I seen this prono where dude has the chick sat on his shoulders while he's stood up and he's just nyammin that thang... +%%$ looked boss so i thought i'd try it out. However i'm not as brolic as this dude was so i thought i'll do it against the wall for some support. So i lift this girl up on my shoulders and go to lean her up against what i thought was a wall....

Unfortunately all the Jack and red wine caused me to make a slight misjudgment....what i thought to be a wall was infact a doorway. So as i plant her against fresh air this erotic sexual act suddenly becomes a running powerbomb

This chick hits the canvas HARD with my full weight to follow. She's goes into a semi foetal position and starts wimpering quietly, complaining that her side hurts. I didn't know whether to apologise to this girl or pin her shoulders down for the 3 count. Needless to say i got dressed and left the hotel shortly afterward.

This killed me

 

[ispeakjewleo]

Originally Posted by Antidope

Originally Posted by Rusty Shackelford

Originally Posted by Smedroc

This happened on NYE actually.

Met a chick, she took me back to the hotel, we start getting down etc...

Anyway against my better judgement i decide im gonna eat the box

... But not the regular way... I seen this prono where dude has the chick sat on his shoulders while he's stood up and he's just nyammin that thang... +%%$ looked boss so i thought i'd try it out. However i'm not as brolic as this dude was so i thought i'll do it against the wall for some support. So i lift this girl up on my shoulders and go to lean her up against what i thought was a wall....

Unfortunately all the Jack and red wine caused me to make a slight misjudgment....what i thought to be a wall was infact a doorway. So as i plant her against fresh air this erotic sexual act suddenly becomes a running powerbomb

This chick hits the canvas HARD with my full weight to follow. She's goes into a semi foetal position and starts wimpering quietly, complaining that her side hurts. I didn't know whether to apologise to this girl or pin her shoulders down for the 3 count. Needless to say i got dressed and left the hotel shortly afterward.

This killed me

 

[tony montana]

69ed wit a chick and i still had my tank top on.. i didnt even had a shirt on that day so i went home at like 5am, feel asleep woke up the next day and noticed +%#% stains on my tank top 

 you shoulda the disgusted look on my face 

 

[whyhellothere]

Originally Posted by DajonDondo


Ummmmmm..

only embarassing 1 is when these 2 chicks told me that they were down to have a 3sum. I was 17 and they were 19....... I was talking to one of them and somehow they both came together to my crib... So they told asked me if i eat the box... i said NO... i asked them if they suck ... they said Yes , but only if the guy goes on them first... so..... skip over to where they wanted to experience a 3 sum.... so they both said eat us out.. start it out.. i said 

 .. ok we...  im adventerous... i like to try new things... so i ate both of them out.. 1 by 1... I didnt know how to eat @%*%@, so i did it the way i ate my ex's butt... than i go get the condom... and they say that was the 3sum.... and left 

 ... i was puzzled, lost , confused, terrified, scared, embarassed, and had the taste of @%*%@ in my mouth.... they basically set me up....

http://

 

[ravagebx]

Originally Posted by ispeakjewleo

Originally Posted by Antidope

Originally Posted by Rusty Shackelford

This killed me

Had me too weak

 

[T Lo Sweater]

well this girl came over to my house last week to smash. so im taking her clothes off and her back was ASHY AS HELL. ive never seen someones back so ashy before. like there was skin chips there. shes a dark skinned cuban, but her back was gray. disgusting

edit: got another one.

im had plans with this girl to go out. so i arrive at her house but she invites me inside. and i head to her room. she sits next to me on her bed and then we started making out. put some fingers in there and got to work. even made her lick my fingers afterwards. i wasnt planning on smashing cause i had no protection on me. but i mean she was begging for it and i was in the mood like hell. i went up in there raw. felt good

. so after about an hour of that, we finished and i went to the bathroom. i wash my hands first and i noticed dried blood on my fingers. im confused like how did i get scratched? so i brushed it off. i went to pee and i whip it out and theres blood on that too! im so nervous now. im thinking it broke or i cut it somehow. but then it hit me, i had my fingers and my thing in her.. its her blood. i felt so disgusted. i washed off with hot soapy water. ill never forget that

 

[celticspride34]

Caught a nose bleed one time while kissing all up and down face and neck... neither of us noticed anything... opened eyes to move her hair and saw what I done did... face completely smeared with my blood... African war paint style... I looked down kinda shocked for like 5 seconds trying to figure out what the hell happened... saw blood drip down an figured it out... now I to k a full beard so I had #*#! caked up in there too... girl opens eyes and sees my face... same 5 second shock pause... I tell her to take a shower and what happened... grade A $#*!+... took it in stride never freaked out... lost desire to !%%! bit still blew till completion once we were both all clean...

 

[jayhood23]

I was smashing my ex and she was playing with herself, I pulled out for a sec and went to put and she slit the tip of my penis and there was blood everywhere. I sat there holding it as blood was seeping through my hand

 

[celticsfan9783]

Originally Posted by Space DooDoo Pistols

oh man, this is where i shine.

about 3 years ago i was getting my meat washed by this 32 year old virgin... i wasn't too terribly impressed but then the thought of the fact that my meat was in a virgin's mouth made me erupt... i said "oh fudge my bad" and she coughed up a storm that made my lap look like ghetto gaggers was in the house... apparently eating spicy foods makes your baby batter spicy too.

christmas eve '99... i took this chick home from work, and she wasn't attractive but 'tis the season. she starts to buff the pickle and i, feeling generous, tell her to drop trou and start 69ing... in my truck. right about the time that i start washing her dirt button (it was immaculate) a light shines and a cop knocks on my window. he's trying not to laugh and asks us to dress and get out of the truck. he starts trying to ask us questions but can't get anything out. he's laughing at seeing me eat this chick's mass. after he composes himself he says "i was your age once. finish and get home. merry christmas." what a great guy.

there's more but i want to pace myself.

 

[big j 33]

Originally Posted by Mr Marcus

bruh ate butt before but was confused about eating #$$$+.....


what girl would have you eat butt before #$$$+?

That was my question, it seems like he skipped a step

 

[mister916]

Candidate for thread of the year.

 

[dominikid]

Was getting dome from the current gf for the first time back when we first started dating. I felt like I was about to come and I started releasing, then all of a sudden she stops, turns around and runs to the bathroom... Apparently what had released from my unit was not sperm but was actually urine....

 

[Fresh Like Will]

Originally Posted by Smedroc

This happened on NYE actually.

Met a chick, she took me back to the hotel, we start getting down etc...

Anyway against my better judgement i decide im gonna eat the box

... But not the regular way... I seen this prono where dude has the chick sat on his shoulders while he's stood up and he's just nyammin that thang... +%%$ looked boss so i thought i'd try it out. However i'm not as brolic as this dude was so i thought i'll do it against the wall for some support. So i lift this girl up on my shoulders and go to lean her up against what i thought was a wall....

Originally Posted by Smedroc

Unfortunately all the Jack and red wine caused me to make a slight misjudgment....what i thought to be a wall was infact a doorway. So as i plant her against fresh air this erotic sexual act suddenly becomes a running powerbomb

This chick hits the canvas HARD with my full weight to follow. She's goes into a semi foetal position and starts wimpering quietly, complaining that her side hurts. I didn't know whether to apologise to this girl or pin her shoulders down for the 3 count. Needless to say i got dressed and left the hotel shortly afterward.

Spoiler

 

[celticsfan9783]

First time I ever got a HJ in high school. She squeezed it out in like 18 seconds all over her black leggings. Immediately went to her friends downstairs at the party and showed them the Lewinsky stains and told of my record setting nut. Contemplated talking my parents into moving.

 

[lieutenant kif]

Originally Posted by Based Mod

Originally Posted by Lpheat22

Originally Posted by megatron

Girl was on top.
Aggressive
Tore my frenulum
I shed a few tears

I've had this happen, so painful especially showering after

i dont know about tearing, but she stretched mine to its limits.  she wasn't even lubricated enough, yet she still proceeded to bounce up and down to force it in

my brothers... i thought i was alone

 

[coldcity]

gettin some knockback in the car from my fb & she was performing better than usual so i ended up shooting her in the throat , she yanked me out to cough & i shot again all over her glasses she was pissed but i dont think ive ever laughed so hard.......

 

[coldcity]

Originally Posted by DajonDondo

only embarassing 1 is when these 2 chicks told me that they were down to have a 3sum. I was 17 and they were 19....... I was talking to one of them and somehow they both came together to my crib... So they told asked me if i eat the box... i said NO... i asked them if they suck ... they said Yes , but only if the guy goes on them first... so..... skip over to where they wanted to experience a 3 sum.... so they both said eat us out.. start it out.. i said 

 .. ok we...  im adventerous... i like to try new things... so i ate both of them out.. 1 by 1... I didnt know how to eat @%*%@, so i did it the way i ate my ex's butt... than i go get the condom... and they say that was the 3sum.... and left 

 ... i was puzzled, lost , confused, terrified, scared, embarassed, and had the taste of @%*%@ in my mouth.... they basically set me up....

SET UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

 

[jordanscrub]

Originally Posted by Rusty Shackelford

Originally Posted by Smedroc

This happened on NYE actually.

Met a chick, she took me back to the hotel, we start getting down etc...

Anyway against my better judgement i decide im gonna eat the box

... But not the regular way... I seen this prono where dude has the chick sat on his shoulders while he's stood up and he's just nyammin that thang... +%%$ looked boss so i thought i'd try it out. However i'm not as brolic as this dude was so i thought i'll do it against the wall for some support. So i lift this girl up on my shoulders and go to lean her up against what i thought was a wall....

Unfortunately all the Jack and red wine caused me to make a slight misjudgment....what i thought to be a wall was infact a doorway. So as i plant her against fresh air this erotic sexual act suddenly becomes a running powerbomb

This chick hits the canvas HARD with my full weight to follow. She's goes into a semi foetal position and starts wimpering quietly, complaining that her side hurts. I didn't know whether to apologise to this girl or pin her shoulders down for the 3 count. Needless to say i got dressed and left the hotel shortly afterward.

 @%^# Has me doing the "No noise and clapping" laugh

 

[coldcity]

Originally Posted by Smedroc

This happened on NYE actually.

Met a chick, she took me back to the hotel, we start getting down etc...

Anyway against my better judgement i decide im gonna eat the box

... But not the regular way... I seen this prono where dude has the chick sat on his shoulders while he's stood up and he's just nyammin that thang... +%%$ looked boss so i thought i'd try it out. However i'm not as brolic as this dude was so i thought i'll do it against the wall for some support. So i lift this girl up on my shoulders and go to lean her up against what i thought was a wall....

Unfortunately all the Jack and red wine caused me to make a slight misjudgment....what i thought to be a wall was infact a doorway. So as i plant her against fresh air this erotic sexual act suddenly becomes a running powerbomb

This chick hits the canvas HARD with my full weight to follow. She's goes into a semi foetal position and starts wimpering quietly, complaining that her side hurts. I didn't know whether to apologise to this girl or pin her shoulders down for the 3 count. Needless to say i got dressed and left the hotel shortly afterward.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!