the thread about nothing...
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by Renaldo Balkman,
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Oh right, the daily posting.
Today's piece of my mind is on how bad a female I would be. Enjoy, try not to get too many mental images, and remember to thank whoever decides these things for making you male each day.
http://undermyfitted.blogspot.com/2013/04/aj-moses-worlds-worst-woman.html
When I'm not doing anything in particular in the morning, I like watching Shannon get dressed. Not just for those two reasons, but because actually observing a female get primped, polished and prepared to appear in public is an activity worthy of study in its' own right.
It's a ritual I've never been privy to (or really interested in) before very recently, but when the same thing happens pretty much every day, you can kind of watch it in pieces over the course of a week like a new release movie on HBO. After seeing enough things that stimulated my curiosity, I decided to watch the whole show once or twice.
The version of her I wake up squeezing doesn't look drastically different from the one you may encounter in the streets of Philadelphia, at least not to me. Her nails and eyelids are painted a prettier color, her eyelashes apparently extend and retract, sometimes she puts this stuff on her cheeks that makes her look a little embarrassed and she's wearing more clothes, but pretty much, it's just an outdoors Shannon. (Kinda like me in whole pants is outdoors AJ.)
You'd never know how much hard labor goes into making her look just different enough to know she did...something.
For the record, I don't know all of her procedures. I still wonder if she's somehow removing hair from her legs or if she's naturally hairless. One thing I do know is this: just the everyday routine of being a woman would be way too much for me.
I'm lucky I was born into blue blankets, because I'm convinced I'd be the worst chick ever. If I woke up tomorrow as a woman...well, I'd cry myself back to sleep while feeling myself up, but things would be really awkward.
All that painting and poofing and washing and combing and accessorizing just seems inefficient as all hell. She has to wake up over an hour before she has to go to work in order to be properly decorated, and I'm just not sure that's an effective use of my time. At 6 in the morning, I'd much rather be doing something more enjoyable with my time, like sleeping.
I can just picture it. I'd roll out of bed half an hour before I had to be to work and realize I hadn't washed my hair last night. Then I'd say "**** that", comb it enough times to force it into a ponytail, and be done with it until the weekend.
I'd also probably never do my eyebrows. Shannon claims to get hers done often, and I've even watched her in a salon pretending to get something done to her forehead, but she looks the same to me before and after. (If she asks tho, tell her I said they do a great job.) Evidently if you don't do that every 3 days or so you start to look like you have a mustache over your eyes or something, but since I really can't tell the difference, I don't think I would waste my time.
After that, I'd head into the bathroom and take a 5 minute shower, not the 3 hour tour she's been known to take. Of course, I'd likely miss vital areas of myself in my express shower, so I'd just have to hope my pH stayed balanced--or...whatever it is that y'all do--until I got back home.
Post-shower, I'd come back into my bedroom and take a long look at all the makeup, hair products and moisturizing cream to decide what look I wanted to go with today. After my makeup regimen of hand lotion (used on face and body as well, no doubt) and ChapStick, I'd look in the closet to see if I could find some fly feminine fashion to grace the urban catwalk.
Of course, then I would see that all my lady clothes had buttons, hooks, sashes, garters, ties and zippers, and this is after I install that really uncomfortable looking polka-dotted chest protector thing on myself. I'd decide that fighting with a bra was enough work (or maybe even skip the bra entirely if I didn't have much gravity to fight) and throw on a pair of gray sweatpants and a t-shirt. My colorful scarves, headdresses, elaborate jewelry and other possessions of an Egyptian queen would have to be left for another day. Ain't nobody got time for that.
I'd take exactly one-half a glance at my heels before deciding against walking around on my toes with a dull cork spike in the back of my foot in favor of ground-level footwear.
Right before I left, I'd stop to think about how happy I was with the extra storage space of a handbag, but then remember that I'm only breaking even because most of my pants don't have pockets for some weird reason. After a breakfast that I wouldn't care would go straight to my hips, I'd struggle the front door open with my inferior upper body strength and prepare to face the day as the world's worst woman.
(Somebody would still beg me for my number that day tho, I've seen it.)
All this is without my least favorite part of being (or seeing) a woman. I don't even have to go too far into what that is, let's just say if it happened to me as a boy, I'd seek immediate medical attention and prepare to die (either from exsanguination or suicide).
The interesting part about the whole concept is everything I just typed is perfectly fine as a man. We generally don't live very manicured lives. Hell, 37% of the reason I have a beard is because it's low-maintenance. I shower in 5 minutes, pick my hair in 2 (and even less when I finally get these locs twisted), brush my facial hair into a human state, pick the superhero shirt of the day and I'm ready for action in 15 minutes. I look just fine, too.
I wouldn't get off so easy as a chick, and it makes me feel luckier every day that I'm not.
I think one day soon, when she hasn't just read this and isn't expecting it, I'm going to stop her mid-makeover and sincerely thank her (and by extension, all women who go through with the process) for putting that much effort into changing that little. I think she's beautiful as-is, but if the pageantry pleases her, unless we're running late for something I'm only too happy to enjoy the show.
I'm just glad I don't have to do that **** myself.
Today's piece of my mind is on how bad a female I would be. Enjoy, try not to get too many mental images, and remember to thank whoever decides these things for making you male each day.
http://undermyfitted.blogspot.com/2013/04/aj-moses-worlds-worst-woman.html
When I'm not doing anything in particular in the morning, I like watching Shannon get dressed. Not just for those two reasons, but because actually observing a female get primped, polished and prepared to appear in public is an activity worthy of study in its' own right.
It's a ritual I've never been privy to (or really interested in) before very recently, but when the same thing happens pretty much every day, you can kind of watch it in pieces over the course of a week like a new release movie on HBO. After seeing enough things that stimulated my curiosity, I decided to watch the whole show once or twice.
The version of her I wake up squeezing doesn't look drastically different from the one you may encounter in the streets of Philadelphia, at least not to me. Her nails and eyelids are painted a prettier color, her eyelashes apparently extend and retract, sometimes she puts this stuff on her cheeks that makes her look a little embarrassed and she's wearing more clothes, but pretty much, it's just an outdoors Shannon. (Kinda like me in whole pants is outdoors AJ.)
You'd never know how much hard labor goes into making her look just different enough to know she did...something.
For the record, I don't know all of her procedures. I still wonder if she's somehow removing hair from her legs or if she's naturally hairless. One thing I do know is this: just the everyday routine of being a woman would be way too much for me.
I'm lucky I was born into blue blankets, because I'm convinced I'd be the worst chick ever. If I woke up tomorrow as a woman...well, I'd cry myself back to sleep while feeling myself up, but things would be really awkward.
All that painting and poofing and washing and combing and accessorizing just seems inefficient as all hell. She has to wake up over an hour before she has to go to work in order to be properly decorated, and I'm just not sure that's an effective use of my time. At 6 in the morning, I'd much rather be doing something more enjoyable with my time, like sleeping.
I can just picture it. I'd roll out of bed half an hour before I had to be to work and realize I hadn't washed my hair last night. Then I'd say "**** that", comb it enough times to force it into a ponytail, and be done with it until the weekend.
I'd also probably never do my eyebrows. Shannon claims to get hers done often, and I've even watched her in a salon pretending to get something done to her forehead, but she looks the same to me before and after. (If she asks tho, tell her I said they do a great job.) Evidently if you don't do that every 3 days or so you start to look like you have a mustache over your eyes or something, but since I really can't tell the difference, I don't think I would waste my time.
After that, I'd head into the bathroom and take a 5 minute shower, not the 3 hour tour she's been known to take. Of course, I'd likely miss vital areas of myself in my express shower, so I'd just have to hope my pH stayed balanced--or...whatever it is that y'all do--until I got back home.
Post-shower, I'd come back into my bedroom and take a long look at all the makeup, hair products and moisturizing cream to decide what look I wanted to go with today. After my makeup regimen of hand lotion (used on face and body as well, no doubt) and ChapStick, I'd look in the closet to see if I could find some fly feminine fashion to grace the urban catwalk.
Of course, then I would see that all my lady clothes had buttons, hooks, sashes, garters, ties and zippers, and this is after I install that really uncomfortable looking polka-dotted chest protector thing on myself. I'd decide that fighting with a bra was enough work (or maybe even skip the bra entirely if I didn't have much gravity to fight) and throw on a pair of gray sweatpants and a t-shirt. My colorful scarves, headdresses, elaborate jewelry and other possessions of an Egyptian queen would have to be left for another day. Ain't nobody got time for that.
I'd take exactly one-half a glance at my heels before deciding against walking around on my toes with a dull cork spike in the back of my foot in favor of ground-level footwear.
Right before I left, I'd stop to think about how happy I was with the extra storage space of a handbag, but then remember that I'm only breaking even because most of my pants don't have pockets for some weird reason. After a breakfast that I wouldn't care would go straight to my hips, I'd struggle the front door open with my inferior upper body strength and prepare to face the day as the world's worst woman.
(Somebody would still beg me for my number that day tho, I've seen it.)
All this is without my least favorite part of being (or seeing) a woman. I don't even have to go too far into what that is, let's just say if it happened to me as a boy, I'd seek immediate medical attention and prepare to die (either from exsanguination or suicide).
The interesting part about the whole concept is everything I just typed is perfectly fine as a man. We generally don't live very manicured lives. Hell, 37% of the reason I have a beard is because it's low-maintenance. I shower in 5 minutes, pick my hair in 2 (and even less when I finally get these locs twisted), brush my facial hair into a human state, pick the superhero shirt of the day and I'm ready for action in 15 minutes. I look just fine, too.
I wouldn't get off so easy as a chick, and it makes me feel luckier every day that I'm not.
I think one day soon, when she hasn't just read this and isn't expecting it, I'm going to stop her mid-makeover and sincerely thank her (and by extension, all women who go through with the process) for putting that much effort into changing that little. I think she's beautiful as-is, but if the pageantry pleases her, unless we're running late for something I'm only too happy to enjoy the show.
I'm just glad I don't have to do that **** myself.
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Got to Mike one time.
One punch KO
Dat one hitter quitter
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiii
I never got that far.
.@Rck2, I'm not even going to get into that. Every place has it's unique distinction and each place has it's pros and cons. I'll leave it at that.
I will say this NYC women
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elpablo21
Supporter
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Well duh. The west coast is basically a million times better than everything else on the planet. From Anchorage to Seattle to San Diego... West coast >*I'm jealous of west coast food now. Go figure.....
Luckily this is fact, so it's not really debatable.
Unless you're Antidope and think New Jersey is one of the 7 wonders of the world....
D
Deleted member 38182
Guest
it ain't slander....
@RCK leave the jersey slander alone
And nope
Just saying it ain't one of the 7 wonders of the world
And puhleasssse pics or MS Paint or description of your sister and/or her friend?!?!?!?
Got to Mike one time.
One punch KO
Dat one hitter quitter
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiii
I never got that far.
@Rck2, I'm not even going to get into that. Every place has it's unique distinction and each place has it's pros and cons. I'll leave it at that.
I will say this NYC women
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at that post from POTUS, good stuff man.
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@Rck2, I'm not even going to get into that. Every place has it's unique distinction and each place has it's pros and cons. I'll leave it at that.
I will say this NYC women
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gllahone84
Banned
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Is it the attitude or what?
I like NYC chicks.
I like NYC chicks.
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@Rck2, I'm not even going to get into that. Every place has it's unique distinction and each place has it's pros and cons. I'll leave it at that.
I will say this NYC women
thadocta
Banned
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need gifs.
that girl is so fat :x
My coworker is such a dummy that i look like a superstar to my boss
boss doesnt believe i never seen star wars
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My statement was not an indictment on all NYC women. Please don't run wild with it. We've seen that argurment before on here
D
Deleted member 38182
Guest
Well duh. The west coast is basically a million times better than everything else on the planet. From Anchorage to Seattle to San Diego... West coast >*I'm jealous of west coast food now. Go figure.....
Luckily this is fact, so it's not really debatable.
Unless you're Antidope and think New Jersey is one of the 7 wonders of the world....
thadocta
Banned
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- 1,144
women from all regions have their pros / cons
what about trannies?
if thats your thing
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Whodidwhattoatrannynah?
thadocta
Banned
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twas a joke. and whats gucci with all those hapy faces?
no idea
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WATAGATAPITUSBERRY!
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Thanks man, glad you dug it...it's all truth too, I could NEVER.at that post from POTUS, good stuff man.
Oh, I'll try to get your book to you (+baby blocking bonuses
Ox.
formerly oxpenguin
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good morning
craving a raspado
craving a raspado
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women from all regions have their pros / cons
what about trannies?
All pros... no cons.
word to the ladyboy logic lesson meme
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Well, if your ever in town and in the mood for a tour of a Midwestern city that looks like its eternally stuck in the mid 90s just holler
Lol... Ima get you those 3s one way or another ... I guess Ill just have to make sure Im your "not so" secret santa this NTxmas
Touche.
Don't remind me of the utterly unfulfilling NT Secret Santa experience.
I gave a NT Member:
-a hand made/hand written card
-the complete full set of SOA on DVD
-a pair of Cole Haan Dressing Better shoes
-a pair of Adidas (UK warm up shoes/colors)
-a home made t-shirt by Derek Anderson's family (I dated his neice and college and when "Uncle Derek" came to Thanksgiving Dinner....I was mad surprised) when he played at UK and blew his knee out. (WHY NO 3 Peat!?)
-a MJ rookie card from when he played baseball
-a vintage MJ SI cover from way back in the day
-and some other stuff....
to this day I have no idea if this guy even received it.
It was never about the value/materials....I just wanted to know that it went to someone who needed it/could use it/appreciate it. I drew some spoiled little brat from Michigan whose Dad played golf with Tiger Woods. F outta here.
BrockBo is a scumbag in my eyes.....until otherwise clarified.
I saw he didn't even send anything out to someone and had the nerve to ask for "BIG APPLE LEBRONS" or some dumb s***. Negro please.
D
Deleted member 38182
Guest
what i raspado?
so BrockBo is his SN??? have you seen him post since? whats his address??
he seems like a giant piece of adolescent piece of garbage
I wish you were my
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