What Are Your Thoughts On "Taking Breaks" While In A Relationship

[ksteezy]

Folks speaking like its pausing that old video game on NES to go play Sega right quick and get back to it later.....all before memory cards came out to save one's progress.

I don't think you understand....I really doubt anyone wanting a break is doing it with the intentions of staying together....everyone knows the risks involved...the only thing a break does is salvage the trust....THAT'S IT....other than that is no different than a break up, with the heartbreak and all....she goes her way, meets different men, I go my way meet different women....have sex with other people, etc....at any given time in life you guys happen to run into each other or get in touch with one another...go on a friendly date, 2 dates, start talking again...sparks fly again...you get that new relationship feeling all over again with the person you love...this is the positive outcome of a break for a relationship...gives you space to miss each other and refresh, reboost your old relationship...totally worth it when it works out that way....but it has to be effortless and not planned.

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

you're actually comparing a job to a relationship? a job is something you have to do, not something that you want to do. you have to make a living. if you're failing at a job, you figure out what you need to do to be successful because you need the pay to survive. you don't need to be in a relationship. you should be around someone for the rest of your life because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. if a relationship is failing, that should be a sign that the individuals in the relationship are not compatible. it should be a pretty big sign if you have to put in significant effort to get along with someone you think you want to be in a relationship with.

You were taking the example to literal to the minute detail...


To be more blunt: If given an opportunity to fix/work on something.....you would quit? If you are married for 6 years and you just wake up one day and feel you have grown apart from your wife and no longer desire her, do you throw in the towel?

There are no right/wrong answers to this.....purely discussion.

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

I don't think you understand....I really doubt anyone wanting a break is doing it with the intentions of staying together....everyone knows the risks involved...the only thing a break does is salvage the trust....THAT'S IT....other than that is no different than a break up, with the heartbreak and all....she goes her way, meets different men, I go my way meet different women....have sex with other people, etc....at any given time in life you guys happen to run into each other or get in touch with one another...go on a friendly date, 2 dates, start talking again...sparks fly again...you get that new relationship feeling all over again with the person you love...this is the positive outcome of a break for a relationship...gives you space to miss each other and refresh, reboost your old relationship...totally worth it when it works out that way....but it has to be effortless and not planned.

I read this like 3 or 4 times and it was all over the place....like one huge contradiction in the same post. Elaborate or clarify that. You are projecting your outlook on the general population? Man, people take "breaks" for a variety of reasons I bet....some I probably cannot even fathom. I'm sure some dudes have girls with low self esteem who allow them to come and go as they please or they share a child and she feels obligated to have him come back whenever he is done with his "break." There are too many situations/circumstances to this.


What is your general point?

 

[so nyuh shi dae]

You were taking the example to literal to the minute detail...
To be more blunt: If given an opportunity to fix/work on something.....you would quit? If you are married for 6 years and you just wake up one day and feel you have grown apart from your wife and no longer desire her, do you throw in the towel?
There are no right/wrong answers to this.....purely discussion.

but my original post specifically stated a "dying relationship" which would be different than something that just needs some work.

 

[datdude0903]

So someone explain the difference between a breakup and a "break", please.
A breakup on a good terms btw, no cheating or trust broken. The way i see break, is like, let me get my life together and you do the same, if in a few months/years the feelings are still there, well try again.

 

[tonelow]

So if your boss comes to you at work and tells you that you are failing.......you just quit?

It seems like a lot of NT just live in a black and white world with no grey area.....life happens, people change, circumstances change. Your viewpoints, thoughts, feelings are constantly changing.
You are allowed to leave something and come back to it whenever you feel like it....but there is no saying what you left will still be there exactly how you left it. One shouldn't take a "break" and expect things to remain the same.
Use rationale and logic when making your decisions....if you base all your actions on your emotions, good luck with that.

you're actually comparing a job to a relationship? a job is something you have to do, not something that you want to do. you have to make a living. if you're failing at a job, you figure out what you need to do to be successful because you need the pay to survive. you don't need to be in a relationship. you should be around someone for the rest of your life because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. if a relationship is failing, that should be a sign that the individuals in the relationship are not compatible. it should be a pretty big sign if you have to put in significant effort to get along with someone you think you want to be in a relationship with.

I'm with you on that. But just because it isnt working doesnt mean that she isnt the person for you. In my case it didnt have much to do with her..it was all me, I needed to change. No matter how good to me or how compatible we were, I just wasnt ready at the time.

Putting in significant time is a big sign of what?? That you're two different human beings that have their own perspective on things? You have to put in significant effort into relationships. That's mandatory.

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

but my original post specifically stated a "dying relationship" which would be different than something that just needs some work.

I must have skimmed over that...alas then yes, no need to beat a dead horse. And what signifies a dying relationship? Loss of feeling...grew apart....just don't like the person anymore?


But a relationship is work....straight up. Any successful long term relationhsip/marriage requires tons of work, sacrafice, communication etc. Hence why most people call it quits and throw in the towel.

 

[tonelow]

So someone explain the difference between a breakup and a "break", please.
A breakup on a good terms btw, no cheating or trust broken. The way i see break, is like, let me get my life together and you do the same, if in a few months/years the feelings are still there, well try again.

Thats still a breakup. It just doesnt sound as definite, but its essentially the same thing.

And most people dont use "taking a break" in that way, they use it as a way to do what they want while still having some attachment to the other person.

 

[so nyuh shi dae]

I'm with you on that. But just because it isnt working doesnt mean that she isnt the person for you. In my case it didnt have much to do with her..it was all me, I needed to change. No matter how good to me or how compatible we were, I just wasnt ready at the time.

it depends on what isn't working. if it's a clash of principles, beliefs, etc., not much is going to fix that unless you decide to completely alter who you are. if it's a matter of poor allocation of time, yeah, that's something that can be changed.

[quote name=""]Putting in significant time is a big sign of what?? That you're two different human beings that have their own perspective on things? You have to put in significant effort into relationships. That's mandatory.[/quote]

i don't think anyone disagrees that you have to put in significant effort into a relationship. what i said was that putting in significant effort to try to get along with someone in a relationship is a sign of a dying relationship. if you have to look past important principles to keep your significant other happy, you probably aren't compatible.

 

[illphillip]

^You always say " you have no real life experiences" maybe you have had too much, and bad ones at that.

So many of you settle for crap because thats whats all around you.

Im not a book, you cant put me on the shelf when you are done reading me, and come back when you realize all the other books have the same climaxes
You see how ksteezy said his chick never wanted the break ups. 




Also I wasnt talking about the person you are taking a break from, I was talking about the people you guys are using during these breaks. 

My comments keep getting push back, this wont show till an hour later

There is such a thing as "too much" life experience? Did you really just say that? Have you looked around at the world you live in? Where is the fairy tale?

Even the bad experiences help mold you. I by no means think I'm perfect. But I'm happily married to a beautiful, successful (Dr.) woman. Family on deck.

I am professionally successful and have achieved everything I set out to in my field, while adding new goals every day.

If you think I'm doing it wrong, so be it. If my life (or hers) didn't follow the fairy tale you all believe that life is, oh well. It's working damn well for me.

I don't say "YOU have no real life experiences". Who did I say that to in here? But I know how people are. They like to say what they think is right, even if it ain't real.

Sure, if a guy is going to give me his opinions on, say, marriage or weddings, while having never been married, I'ma tell him to keep that to himself. How much could he possibly know without experiencing it firsthand? I bet he THINKS he knows a lot. Nope.

What I see is people giving textbook (and basically....naive) responses that indicate no genuine life experience and providing absolutely NOTHING that support their opinions. I gave you my opinion and clearly explained how my experiences formed that opinion. That is how an educated opinion is formed IMO.

 

[babyfreakshoe]

 blah blah blah So you are allowed to laugh at dirk opinion but I cant say anything to you.........

Yes they can mold you, but they can also taint you, if every dude you dated cheated on you, you will begin to think everyone has to deal with it.

If every girl that has tried to get with you always asked for money, you will begin to think that it is the norm for women to get at them pockets.

I never said you were doing it wrong, but anytime someone says something different from you, you throw the "naive" word around

 

[ksteezy]

I read this like 3 or 4 times and it was all over the place....like one huge contradiction in the same post. Elaborate or clarify that. You are projecting your outlook on the general population? Man, people take "breaks" for a variety of reasons I bet....some I probably cannot even fathom. I'm sure some dudes have girls with low self esteem who allow them to come and go as they please or they share a child and she feels obligated to have him come back whenever he is done with his "break." There are too many situations/circumstances to this.
What is your general point?

Practically there is no difference between a breakup or a break...the outcome is still two single individuals, I just like to think that a break just happens between two people who still love each other, perhaps see each other together in the future, but for whatever reason (school, distance, family, carreers, fear of comittment) just ate not ready at the moment and one or both parties make the decision, rather than sticking it out at a time when is just not right or possible, end up cheating or growing resentful and things come crashing down in a way that had no fix in the future....reason I said this idea of "breaks" is very common in your 20's passed your 30's things start to become far more permanent I believe.

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

taking a break makes no sense to me. Why not give each other some space for a couple days and either get over the problem or work through it.

I can see how taking a break can work for two people on the same page....they both like each other but want to have more "experiences" before they commit....but if your on the same page like that from the get then why not just stay with each other.

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

There is such a thing as "too much" life experience? Did you really just say that? Have you looked around at the world you live in? Where is the fairy tale?
Even the bad experiences help mold you. I by no means think I'm perfect. But I'm happily married to a beautiful, successful (Dr.) woman. Family on deck.
I am professionally successful and have achieved everything I set out to in my field, while adding new goals every day.
If you think I'm doing it wrong, so be it. If my life (or hers) didn't follow the fairy tale you all believe that life is, oh well. It's working damn well for me.
I don't say "YOU have no real life experiences". Who did I say that to in here? But I know how people are. They like to say what they think is right, even if it ain't real.
Sure, if a guy is going to give me his opinions on, say, marriage or weddings, while having never been married, I'ma tell him to keep that to himself. How much could he possibly know without experiencing it firsthand? I bet he THINKS he knows a lot. Nope.
What I see is people giving textbook (and basically....naive) responses that indicate no genuine life experience and providing absolutely NOTHING that support their opinions. I gave you my opinion and clearly explained how my experiences formed that opinion. That is how an educated opinion is formed IMO.

man the psuedointellectualism you drop is unprecedented

don't try so hard.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

I personally think they are nonsense. If you want to break up, just do it, if not, tough it out and make it work. Communication is key and if a lot of you guys communicated well you'd have no need for a "break."

I can't agree with the last statement. I don't see what communication has to do with a desire to want to be with other women. You and your lady can have excellent communication but you still want to see other females.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

you're actually comparing a job to a relationship? a job is something you have to do, not something that you want to do. you have to make a living. if you're failing at a job, you figure out what you need to do to be successful because you need the pay to survive. you don't need to be in a relationship. you should be around someone for the rest of your life because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. if a relationship is failing, that should be a sign that the individuals in the relationship are not compatible. it should be a pretty big sign if you have to put in significant effort to get along with someone you think you want to be in a relationship with.

See, the thing is this.

Just because someone wants to have sex with other women doesn't mean that the current relationship they are in is failing. It simply means they want to have sex with other women. That desire doesn't have to (it could though) reflect on the lack of love or ____- (fill in blank) that the man has for his woman.

 

[imreallydirknowitzki]

I can't agree with the last statement. I don't see what communication has to do with a desire to want to be with other women. You and your lady can have excellent communication but you still want to see other females.

Well then you break up with her. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If I'm in a relationship with a girl and I decide to go on a "break" because I want to smash other girls, what's stopping me from feeling that way again once said "break" is over? If you constantly want to smash other chicks enough that you take action to do so, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Well then you break up with her. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If I'm in a relationship with a girl and I decide to go on a "break" because I want to smash other girls, what's stopping me from feeling that way again once said "break" is over? If you constantly want to smash other chicks enough that you take action to do so, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.

I am following the KSteezy model. He got 3 chances at it right.

But that is a good point.

 

[babyfreakshoe]

I am following the KSteezy model. He got 3 chances at it right.
But that is a good point.

No flame, butt hat is just depressing . Im happy it "ended" well though

This is why you shouldnt get in a serious relationship in gradeschool.

Every girl wants her first to be her last and will do anything to make that happen 

Dirk, they want the pie the cake and the cookie, and if you tell them other wise they will say you are not being realistic 

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

Pointless!!

 

[truthgetsbusy]

DC basically you gotta fight the urges or pick your spots when to creep. Its that or never be in a relationship. Every man deals with these issues and how we choose to deal with them determines who we are.

 

[kix4kix]

At the end of the day you gotta ask yourself is it worth it? A break is a pretty vague term, which serves convenient as it can be applied in various contexts. I recently went on a "break" with a girl I had been dating for a year and a half. In every way I made it clear that the break meant we were no longer together, but women are slick boy. They will have you convinced no conversation ever took place. The key is you have to be firm, think trying to cancel your tmobile contract, but tougher.Set boundaries and illustrate that you want a break, but in no way does this mean that you guarantee to resume the relationship. To be honest, it has given me an objective outlook on the situation, and given me a more calm certainty about my original decision.



Or in laymans terms breaks serve you well if you want to smash with no emotional or monetary investment.

 

[waitwut]

i see it as a test
its a free for all though so i aint even mad
get to see their true intentions

 

[wisepharoah]

It boggles my mind how people live this life and yet they still don't come to a certain understanding of what's going to be is what's going to be. All you have to do is do what your heart tells you and think logically about what you think the most likely outcome will be and whether or not you can accept that. Your experience is an experience because on a certain level you have some form of control. The control aspect is how you react to a situation not the situation itself. O.p. if you can live with the possibility of losing this girl forever then go for it. On the other hand you can stay together and grow deeper in love or 5 years from now you break up for good. There are literally hundreds of scenarios and everyone is going to give you biased advice based off their limited experience. Truth is you don't owe this girl anything nor does she to you. If you aren't giving her your best and you know it don't waste her time. It's all she has in this world that she will never be able to get back. One of the biggest misconceptions I think modern man has is the belief that life is incomplete without something else. It's this desire for love,wealth, power and adoration that destroys and builds civilizations. We just have to figure out if we are builders or destroyers. Look no further than a man with a broken heart. He is either the most destructive ugly thing or he becomes an fully evolved beautiful being. I'm completely off topic now............... Sorry. O.P. meditate on it and be true to yourself.

 

[pepper]

I tried to take a few breaks, not because I wanted to smang..my dude wanted to stuff me in the trunk of his Honda