What do you tell your friends that get bad grades? How to sympathize?

[humpasaurus rex]

I have a friend that constantly works very hard but still can't seem to do well in a certain class. My friend puts a lot of hours into studying but comes up short. The subject is Calculus 2, but the same problems were evident in Calculus I. I'm very bad at comforting people so I usually say, "You tried your hardest", "Go over the test with your professor and ask him to critique your problem", "Don't worry it's just the first test do better next time", "I know you're capable of doing better." Something along those lines and I know that's not really that comforting. I guess I'm the type of person that just deals with something on my own and I don't really seek peoples sympathy, so it's hard for me to give it. Any advice on what I should say or do?

 

[blackdynamite]

Go seek a tutor.

 

[jfmartimcdandruff]

help him out...but yeah i'm not good at comforting people either

 

[ecruteakcityboy]

" get your crap together man"

 

[omega]

Maybe you should help him out in the math lab or something. Study with him, help him when he's having a difficult time understand a concept. i mean words are comforting but does it help?

sometimes actions speak louder than words ya know

a study group does wonders cuz me and my friend just passed my cal test today. 

 

[humpasaurus rex]

Go seek a tutor.

Yeah my friend goes to the tutor a lot. So I don't know wth the problem is.

help him out...but yeah i'm not good at comforting people either

My friend is majoring in engineering. The highest math I've taken is trig. I haven't taken cal because it's not required for my major.

***I get mad at the situation because when he gets his grades back, he gets all sad about it. It's wack because it puts a strain on our friendship.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Don't tell them a damn thing. They know what bad grades can do to their life. Sometime being a friends means shutting the hell up.

 

[freakydestroyer]

I hate to be in these types of situation like when someone's dog dies, loses their cellphone, sprain their ankle, etc. Dont know what to say.

 

[airthompson]

Not a damn thang. This ain't elementary. I know your being a good friend, but they all adults.

 

[humpasaurus rex]

Don't tell them a damn thing. They know what bad grades can do to their life. Sometime being a friends means shutting the hell up.

I agree, but then to others they take that as not caring. I have 4 brothers and no sisters so I don't do that "Everything will be ok" stunt well. I'm more of a man up and take the "L" person. Does it seem bad that I think my friend should take more responsibility and not let his academic problems affect our friendship, basically like "Keep that to yourself."

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Man whatever. If they are going to be females (emotional) and accuse you for not-caring because you didn't say anything let them just think that. They are grown men. Leave them alone. They have common sense.

 

[futuremd]

You don't sugarcoat anything and frankly you get somewhat upset with them when you tell them. 

If you really care to let them know, then tell them that you care enough to see the whole team win and that crap isn't going to fly.

Sympathizing with people in this regard is what sets them up for failure. Reassurance of their complacency doesn't motivate changes in their behavior. 

Call them out on all their flaws and be completely honest with them. Keep telling them that there is only one reason you're telling them, and its because you care. 

They were clearly happy with their performance to get those grades in the first place. 

 

[Master Zik]

I don't. My friends know better to talk to me about something like that.

 

[omega]

You'll be surprise how many people I've seen at my school lack common sense 

Your friend can always retake the course another semester. sometime people take longer than other people to learn a subject

 

[Gex the Damaja]

There is an actual math disorder. If he's going to a tutor, putting the hours in, it may be more serious than expected.

 

[DeadsetAce]

There is an actual math disorder.

really?

somewhat related, but parents are SO QUICK to chalk up a child's struggles in school to ADD/ADHD. it's sad. i'm not saying the disorder doesn't exist, but it's definitely over diagnosed (is that the right phrase? ) nowadays

 

[humpasaurus rex]

Man whatever. If they are going to be females (emotional) and accuse you for not-caring because you didn't say anything let them just think that. They are grown men. Leave them alone. They have common sense.

Thanks for the advice DC, if it were a female would you approach the situation differently?

You don't sugarcoat anything and frankly you get somewhat upset with them when you tell them. 

If you really care to let them know, then tell them that you care enough to see the whole team win and that crap isn't going to fly.

Sympathizing with people in this regard is what sets them up for failure. Reassurance of their complacency doesn't motivate changes in their behavior. 

Call them out on all their flaws and be completely honest with them. Keep telling them that there is only one reason you're telling them, and its because you care. 


They were clearly happy with their performance to get those grades in the first place. 

I agree and I'm usually not one to sugercoat. Most of my friends think I'm an A*hole because I speak my mind and tell them straight up. It's funny though because the more straight forward you are with people the more they want to resist you.

Basic situation: Friend: Do you want to go to "Chili's" to watch the game?
Me: No I don't want to go.
***Friend then attempts to convince you to go.

In the back of my mind I'm like if I told you I would think about it you would have stopped pestering me already. It's like people don't respect a person's decision now a days.

 

[thadocta]

Ur sn made me laugh

 

[Gex the Damaja]

really?
somewhat related, but parents are SO QUICK to chalk up a child's struggles in school to ADD/ADHD. it's sad. i'm not saying the disorder doesn't exist, but it's definitely over diagnosed (is that the right phrase? ) nowadays

Dyscalculia, it actually a real problem with in the brain.

Actually, it's interesting because it's not I.Q based, meaning lack of intelligence doesn't equal dyscalculia. People, with dyscalculia, can destroy other class but hit a road block in math.

 

[jjs]

I tell him, let's go out and get wasted :

Note : Still works if he got a good grade.

 

[humpasaurus rex]

There is an actual math disorder. If he's going to a tutor, putting the hours in, it may be more serious than expected.

Well he made it through Calculus 1, but had to take it twice. I've always been a believer that everyone has the mental capacity to do what they want. I don't think that one human is smarter than the next, but one has applied themselves more and works harder. Basically we all possess the mental capacity to be doctors if we wanted, because our brains have unlimited potential. It just comes down to what we decide to do with our brain.

 

[so nyuh shi dae]

you friend needs to seek help elsewhere. people learn differently and professors aren't always the best at explaining concepts like calculus. i watched a really smart friend of mine fail multiple engineering mechanics courses just because he didn't understand how to approach problems, what to look for, and the best approach to take once he had all the relevant information.

 

[humpasaurus rex]

you friend needs to seek help elsewhere. people learn differently and professors aren't always the best at explaining concepts like calculus. i watched a really smart friend of mine fail multiple engineering mechanics courses just because he didn't understand how to approach problems, what to look for, and the best approach to take once he had all the relevant information.

What became of your friend?

 

[so nyuh shi dae]

you friend needs to seek help elsewhere. people learn differently and professors aren't always the best at explaining concepts like calculus. i watched a really smart friend of mine fail multiple engineering mechanics courses just because he didn't understand how to approach problems, what to look for, and the best approach to take once he had all the relevant information.

What became of your friend?

he eventually passed. it was a matter of him studying a lot and me doing my best to explain the concepts to him. math and science professors aren't really the best teachers, imo. the way people learn doesn't always correspond to how classes are taught. have you taken calculus before? if so, try explaining the concepts to your friend the way that you are able to understand them. either way, suggest to your friend that they get involved in study groups.

 

[humpasaurus rex]

you friend needs to seek help elsewhere. people learn differently and professors aren't always the best at explaining concepts like calculus. i watched a really smart friend of mine fail multiple engineering mechanics courses just because he didn't understand how to approach problems, what to look for, and the best approach to take once he had all the relevant information.

What became of your friend?

he eventually passed. it was a matter of him studying a lot and me doing my best to explain the concepts to him. math and science professors aren't really the best teachers, imo. the way people learn doesn't always correspond to how classes are taught. have you taken calculus before? if so, try explaining the concepts to your friend the way that you are able to understand them. either way, suggest to your friend that they get involved in study groups.

No I've never taken Calculus, but from my experience I noticed that professors at a community college are better at teaching then most 4 year university professors. University professors more often than not, are more focused on their research and lack decent teaching skills. When I was taking my undergrad lower division classes, I could see that most classes were self study. You really have to go out of your way in order to get help. Thanks for the feedback.