RUMOR: VINCE MCMAHON HAVING AFFAIR WITH STAMFORD SUPERCUTS EMPLOYEE
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By RD Reynolds[/font]
Stamford, CT – Fans the world over were questioning why Dolph Ziggler abandoned his greasy three-dollar gigolo haircut this past Monday during
Raw in favor of a very ordinary brunette crop. Others noted that this was just the latest in a long-line of perforrmers dating back to men like Test who sported unique hair styles suddenly dropping them for more standard cuts. It's a move that's baffled both fans and wrestlers alike for years, but one WWE Superstar thinks he has the answer as to why the changes are being made.
"Now don't quote me on this," offered Cody Rhodes, "but I am pretty sure that (WWE Owner) Vince (McMahon) is having an affair with one of the stylists at the local Supercuts. I was in there last week and I saw a picture of Vince on the counter of one of the girls. I thought that was weird, since most of them have shots of their kids or dogs or whatever."
His curiosity piqued, Rhodes wanted to look into things a bit so he fabricated an elaborate plot to investigate the scene. "I told her I needed a special styling gel called "CLR" they use at BoRics. She said she had no idea what that was so I told her to go ask the other girls. I was just glad she didn't figure out I was referring to the cleaner I use for my shower at home."
The distraction worked perfectly, and it gave Rhodes plenty of time to examine the counter more closely. "While she was up there, I found another picture of Vince, this one autographed. It read "To Mindy - I always like getting trim from you. Vince.' So I am pretty sure something is going on there."
"When you think about it, that makes a lot of sense," offered Ted DiBiase on the condition of anonymity. "I remember when I was coming in I asked Vince if I could do a feathered look. I thought it would be unique and could bring back memories to fans of my dad. Vince shook his head no and said, 'Teddy, we need you to appeal to every man. And how better can you do it than to look like every man?' He then took me down to accounting and introduced me to some guy named Phil and said I should try to look just like him. Apparently he was 'every man'. That didn't make sense to me, as I thought to stand out you needed to look different, but he is the boss so I did what he said."
DiBiase continued: "Vince then handed me a Supercuts gift card and told me to go ask for "Mindy". I told him that was ok and that I could pay for the hair cut myself. But he was adamant that I go see her, because they had some kind of 'special arrangement' worked out. I guess now we know what that arrangement was."
Still, DiBiase sees the benefits of everyone on the roster looking exactly the same. "The post WrestleMania cuts are coming up, and I think this will make it harder for Vince to decide exactly who to let go. I mean, there's me, Evan Bourne, Alex Riley, and now Ziggler...put us all in a row and I bet he can't even tell us apart. That's got to work in my favor."
"Yeah, if I looked completely different, I'd be a lot more worried," Rhodes added. "I bet Kofi Kingston is pissing himself right about now."