Confession # idk17ithink:
I hate my friends, all of them. I've only had two real good homies and they're gone. one moved to Houston and was making the move back but got his gf pregnant and now he's over there for good and the other is busy with his new family, I just let him do his thing. I went from having hundreds of friends to zero in about four years, I use to go all over LA/SoCal every weekend to chill with people. I'm not much of a "party-er" anymore, got that out of my system way too young. all my friends party still, nothing wrong but that's all they look forward to, going to a damn house to drink and smoke. I rather go out to a bar or cruise to another city. if I was into partying again then I would have plenty of friends but they all act like kids. then when I do go out the attention is on me, like "omg, where have you been!?" "stop hiding" blah blah blah, I hate attention. then my mom is always asking why I don't get a gf, I tell her I don't want one but in reality I'm kinda scared. I've only loved one girl (my ex) in my life and got screwed over. I go out and have some beautiful girls looking at me (I wonder why bc I'm ugly) smiling asking me to dance or talk or giving me some kind of hint but instead I drink whiskey and go on pondering about the skate shop I hope one day of opening when I get back on my feet. my mom works with a girl that I went to high school with, the girl is always asking for me, my mom tells her we should hang out but she tells my mom I just need to ask her. she's a real nice girl, pretty, hardworking and her and my mom are super chill and I could see myself with that girl for a long time but instead I'm just sitting here on a saturday night in the confessions thread #NT. I think it's bc I'm jobless, my self confidence is really low and the urge to meet or talk to girls is at a low. I have girls throwing the yambs at my face but I choose to ignore them, idk why. on thursday some girl wanted to bone but I chose to go skate instead.
all I think about is my dream of opening a skate shop one day, and I feel a girl will ruin that for me.
I'm
dead broke, carless and jobless and have no means of income coming in, I've been skateboarding and traveling cali this whole year, maybe bc it's the end of the year and some senses are kicking in but I should have saved all that money