Confessions

[Ox.]

This.

But more importantly, first thing you need to do is step your confidence game up.

Shouldn't be calling yourself ugly.

Ox, you sound really dedicated to this skate shop. I feel like you can make it happen, but like our fellow NTers said, you have to start somewhere, just get a job, any job.

thanks, that's what I didn't want to do, I felt like I have busted my *** off enough but I'm guessing life has me here bc I need to work harder.

1) Make the skateshop happen. how you going to come up with the funds for it? how are you going to make connections?
2) Lots of places were hiring for the holidays. I guess it might be too late now, but never know. Gotta start somewhere. Even if its at the bottom. Does your mom's work hire?
3) Did you finish post-secondary school?

1.) trying to grind things out since I'm out of school now. I didn't want to go back to the "bottom" again but it seems like I have to in order to even get a start somewhere at least.

2.) I applied but my school schedule interfered with the two spots that showed interest & my mom's work doesn't hire family, I use to take her and pick her up at work everryday so they know who I am.

3.) I have an associate's in criminal justice. 

 
All of these were points/questions I was going to have

Start with trying to get a job, it'll help to instill that work ethic back into your life and you'll earn money to pay for your expenses and you could start saving money.

As for the girls you're ignoring them because you're scared like you said. If you're comfortable with it start spending some time with that one girl if she's a great girl like you said, especially since it sounds like she's interested. It doesn't have to be dates or anything, so work on it slowly and in turn it'll hopefully help you to regain your trust in girls again.

1.) needed to hear that.

&

2.) I never thought of that 

I'm torn about how I feel about the idea of just going ghost from people you call your friends. On one hand, it doesn't really see realistic to straight up tell them you're not ******g with them anymore, on the other I know whats its like to be on the other end of that(when a friend of yours goes ghost). Are are fine with potentially burning bridges with all of them? Because there is a good chance that will happen. Instead, do you think you could still keep in touch but just do your own thing from now on?

I feel you, I've been on the opposite end as well. I keep in touch still don't get me wrong but I just go a bit without chillin. all my homies now are all homies I have had since jr high/high school. I just distance myself bc I'm not really into what they're doing at the moment. I should have also mentioned that a few of these homies are drama magnets as well 

 I'm not looking into getting caught up.

thanks guys for the help, you all made really good points and made me realize some things I really need to work on. Appreciate it.

 

[airjordanseattle23]

_sometimes i tell folks what they want to hear just to get them off my back
_sometimes at work..i strategically walk around or take extra long bathroom breaks to kill time.
-people who stand on the walk side of the escalator piss me off
-double standards are probably my biggest pet peeve
-i tell myself i don't like the nab but i do I'm just mad the sonics left.

 

[sooperhooper]

I'm not as good with girls as I want to be.
I kill myself with doubt, especially with white girls. I always have this mindset that "they dont like black guys, you're wasting your time" blah blah. It's like I'm reverse racist, before I give them a chance I already count myself out Anyway, I saw this pretty little blonde last night and I had to step to her. She was with her sister. It seemed like the sister kept looking my way, but when I approached, conversation was flowing better with the one I mentioned first. I'm new to thjs city and she says she works in real estate. We chit chatted about potential living areas, then I said eff it and went for the kill and eded up getting the digits.

I think I'm too smart for my own good. Like my brain is a totally separate entity and it controls itself.

I've often felt like I'm going to worry myself to death.

 

[アミーゴ]

I'm not as good with girls as I want to be.
I kill myself with doubt, especially with white girls. I always have this mindset that "they dont like black guys, you're wasting your time" blah blah. It's like I'm reverse racist, before I give them a chance I already count myself out Anyway, I saw this pretty little blonde last night and I had to step to her. She was with her sister. It seemed like the sister kept looking my way, but when I approached, conversation was flowing better with the one I mentioned first. I'm new to thjs city and she says she works in real estate. We chit chatted about potential living areas, then I said eff it and went for the kill and eded up getting the digits.

I think I'm too smart for my own good. Like my brain is a totally separate entity and it controls itself.

I've often felt like I'm going to worry myself to death.

Yeah, they don't man...

 

[nazdrowie]

-people who stand on the walk side of the escalator piss me off
 

me toooo...but i always thought this was a DC area thing...

...people dont have enough self awareness to think to look behind them and see the 10+ people they are holding up...

...everytime im back in Chicago and start to walk up an escalator and someone steps in my way, i have to realize where i am and not say anything

 

[MetalMario]

-first time I had sex the condom ripped and didn't tell her. Scariest 3 weeks of waiting for that one text

-with everything I know and learn I fell that I "poisoned" myself. Studies show that people with higher IQs tend to have insomnia because they have more constant brain activity. not saying I'm above everyone but I do realize when some people haven't "unlocked" themselves yet. I am the tormented Genius when sometimes I'd rather be the happy go lucky simpleton

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

[/video

 

[yancancook90]

I feel like my girl and i have reached the point where its getting boring. Everything is routine. i cant see myself being with her in the long term. i think about calling it quits sometimes but i'm scared of how hurt she would be. Maybe i'm scared of being single again too. :\

Oh and i need to find a new group of friends. I don't really know how to do that either.

Update:

Called it off. Almost made it to 3 years with her. Telling her how i felt was easily one of the hardest things i've had to do.

right now i'm:
20% relieved
70% gulity
10% regretful

in other words 100% feelsbadman

 

[Velle47]

Update:

Called it off. Almost made it to 3 years with her. Telling her how i felt was easily one of the hardest things i've had to do.

right now i'm:
20% relieved
70% gulity
10% regretful

in other words 100% feelsbadman

Good for you man keep yourself busy so you won't think about her

 

[lil black jean jacket]

Just relapsed on cocaine last week, I was 2 years clean . . feels badman

 

[mr jordan04]

Just relapsed on cocaine last week, I was 2 years clean . . feels badman

What made you do it?

 

[Ox.]

Just relapsed on cocaine last week, I was 2 years clean . . feels badman

c'mon rice, you're better than that 

 

[yeezusdisciple]

Just relapsed on cocaine last week, I was 2 years clean . . feels badman

Its all good broham

U can start clean again

 

[bravo]

you'll be alright rice...

no need to be upset at yourself over what was already done.  self pity usually leads to more problems.

keep it moving and don't look back.  

 

[301216baller]

I don't like people

 

[yeezusdisciple]

Im irresponsible with money and time

 

[adobecs4]

I don't like people

Im irresponsible with money and time

 

[rook]

I have never asked a chick her body count. Not even if they want to say it.

 

[polo sport nyc]

I have never asked a chick her body count. Not even if they want to say it.

Man I knocked down this one chick from Miami and her body count was 200...

Yes, 2-0-0!... two zero zero

Still knocked it down...smh

If you not ready for that answer playboi, don't ask!

 

[bravo]

Man I knocked down this one chick from Miami and her body count was 200...

Yes, 2-0-0!... two zero zero

Still knocked it down...smh

If you not ready for that answer playboi, don't ask!

^^ how did you respond?

 

[rook]

I have never asked a chick her body count. Not even if they want to say it.

Man I knocked down this one chick from Miami and her body count was 200...

Yes, 2-0-0!... two zero zero

Still knocked it down...smh

If you not ready for that answer playboi, don't ask!

Dog 200?? Crazy. Its crazy because its cool if my body count is high because i'm a dude, thats what we do. But my girl count cant be within 5-10 of mine. Naw

 

[polo sport nyc]

^^ how did you respond?

I was in shock and she was just like she's had a crazy life..

I just wanted the yambs so I can't care to much, ya know...

But the yambs were incredible!!!!!!..

 

[zapatohead408]

man, I've been wanting to try blow. I don't think it's that bad.

I hate my job and my life, can't decide which one I hate more. I don't look at myself in the mirror when I'm at work because I hate seeing myself in a suit and tie. Growing up if you asked me what I wanted to be, I would have told you everything, except for somebody in a suit and tie.

Growing up, I learned a lot from older family members, to this day I do the same. I learned very early on, most of the time you don't stay friends with the same people from high school. Throughout high school I felt like I followed my friends and put in a lot more than they did. I was too afraid to make other friends til about senior year, by then it was too late.
Fast forward to Novemberish, I stopped calling or texting my "friends" even the ones I've known since middle school. Only the ones who I realized never hit me up. To this day, if I look at my phone log I've had NOT ONE call from most of them.
****** friends. Sometimes I would hit them up and they would make what seemed like excuses to not hang out. Realized I don't need them, and I'm fine with it. Does get lonely from time to time though. Especially on a Friday and Saturday night.

Afraid of hating life ten years from now or not being able to be a role model to my kids if I ever have kids.

I just want to work on custom motorcycles and cars.

 

[rook]

man, I've been wanting to try blow. I don't think it's that bad.

I hate my job and my life, can't decide which one I hate more. I don't look at myself in the mirror when I'm at work because I hate seeing myself in a suit and tie. Growing up if you asked me what I wanted to be, I would have told you everything, except for somebody in a suit and tie.

Growing up, I learned a lot from older family members, to this day I do the same. I learned very early on, most of the time you don't stay friends with the same people from high school. Throughout high school I felt like I followed my friends and put in a lot more than they did. I was too afraid to make other friends til about senior year, by then it was too late.
Fast forward to Novemberish, I stopped calling or texting my "friends" even the ones I've known since middle school. Only the ones who I realized never hit me up. To this day, if I look at my phone log I've had NOT ONE call from most of them.
****** friends. Sometimes I would hit them up and they would make what seemed like excuses to not hang out. Realized I don't need them, and I'm fine with it. Does get lonely from time to time though. Especially on a Friday and Saturday night.

Afraid of hating life ten years from now or not being able to be a role model to my kids if I ever have kids.

I just want to work on custom motorcycles and cars.

I feel you bruh. Real rap. I'm a loner at heart but feel somewhat obligated to go out. I real life don't like being around people. Anyone. I used to be a party dude that went out all the time and ****. But ***** changed...unread texts and people just stopped hitting me up. Girls who are literally shocked at how i dont respond to their calls or whatever. I just don't care. Maybe ill grow out this phase but I just want to **** on everybody. Everybody who think they living it up wearing the same fits every weekend and still get no *****.

 

[zapatohead408]

Also, the chick I've had the strongest feelings for EVER is with some lame *** dude. He might be super cool and ten times better than me, but he's lame imo of course. We've known each other since we were like 10 and we used to have mad crushes on each other from like 11 to now. I never tried to get at her because I was shy and didn't want it just to be little kid stuff. Fast forward to now, she's with a dude younger than her and admitted to me that if it weren't for him we'd be together. She's too good of a girl "religious family etc" to leave him for me, makes me think I'm just not good enough to make her leave. Don't know whether to dead her or at least keep trying.

Hands down the ONLY woman I see having a future with. Don't hate her like I do most other chicks.

Embarrassed to be writing this.