Confessions

So that J chick from before is now in a relationship. Imnokay with it though. In the not too distant future I will be in New York. She made her choice and I made the choice to be really successful. Im better off without all these chicks I met in illinois. Realized that after being ignored by that other chick.
 
So that J chick from before is now in a relationship. Imnokay with it though. In the not too distant future I will be in New York. She made her choice and I made the choice to be really successful. Im better off without all these chicks I met in illinois. Realized that after being ignored by that other chick.

**** her, she ain't worried bout you and what you're doing.
 
think i just read my future lol. yeah man i feel like the older i get the bubble turns into a shell that i cant crack out of cause the past haunt me also. and these obstacles life gives is just too hard to fight off, if its not one thing then it another thing.I want make new friends but just dont know how because i just keep to myself and i have the awkwardness feel whenever i do talk to people. i live in a decent city, born and raised, tired of living here feels like everyone knows everyone words gets around fast, just want to move out the city/country and start over again but then i could only go so far with my HS degree. my mom always tell me to find a girl to settle down with and have kids. I just wanna stay home and rote my life away and wish no one knew me. no matter how happy you wake up  theres one person that'll always bring you down and it just makes it worst. and your on point about being camouflage for so long making it feel like its your true identity. putting on a clown face everyday and go about the day happy and jolly to make sure no one knows about your inner pain and the stuff thats been dragging you down. life just sucks as a whole.
Damn man I fell like ish now lol.... But today was a good day.... Also I am so aloof and rusty I don't even know when a chick is interested anymore
But thinking about doing a challenge I saw on a website to talk to 30 women in 30 days... Just to start getting my footing back
First time( besides driving,houston traffic and drivers are the worst) that I actually smiled genuinely all day... Feels good
 
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I seriously have the urge to catch a body! Not anybody specific either just anybody that pisses me off, I seriously want to become a cold blooded murderer and maybe sell some drugs. I'm tired of living in the hood, I'm tired of being broke, I'm tired of having this pint up rage to do harm to people, I'm tired of being quiet and N's not knowing how I can really get down if I let my temper loose and just say fuk it! I have this deep seated urge to just become this savage criminal and not give a damn no more but I know it will ruin my life and I'll end up like my father. The only other thing stopping me is that I'm 19 years old and I feel like if I haven't gotten into that life by now then I shouldn't at all since I'm old enough to know better. I can't help this disgusting urge though and I feel like I have a beast inside of me. You people are the only ones I have told of this, I need help, almost teared up while writing this. Dead srs :{

Looks at first statement, then location. It all makes sense now.
 
I skim this post from time to time and I have to say two things; if you guys are serious with what you post, it's scary and some of you really need help. Secondly, you guys are 18,19, 20 years old. Y'all haven't even begun to live life. Hell, I'm older than y'all (31), but still young looking at the big picture. Idk what to say except take a step back and don't let minor frustrations make you think your world is over. There's so much more out there, don't cut yourself short of it.
 
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Yeah some of you need to stop worrying so much about sex and dates and relationships. Just live life and that stuff will happen naturally.

Some of you especially need to work on yourselves before you even think of getting in relationships. Go to the gym, get your money straight, be happy.

Y'all are really going down an unhealthy path by focusing so damn much on stuff that isn't THAT important like sex or what your ex is doing or if this chick said Hi to you or not. Sex won't make you guys happy. Some chick won do that for you. You need to make yourself happy. Period.
 
Finally went off my path of health the other day, got high as hell. At the time, I gave no damns, my nerves were out of line and it was there. Shrug.

Right now I'm simpin kinda hard on this girl, my mind is tellin me no, but my body, my body is tellin me yeah! I want it to work, but it's kind of hard. I can either cope with giving up on her, or just keep going for her and get something else on the side until that day. I'm thinking the latter, she isn't the kind you just give up on. :hat :(

I'm feeling really depressed right now. Everything that made me happy then, is no longer appealing to me. Now, that simple fact is bothering me so much it's making it worse. I'm usually very cognitive with these types of issues, but I can't even convince myself of the better logics anymore.

I've spent the past three or four days of my life golfing. Yet, I'm so angry that I swing down so hard the ball always ends up cut. Had to reduce myself to the range.
 
Look my peeps being positive is hard as hell but I have been trying really hard and it feels so much better to smile then be depressed... No matter what you are going through... Ish could be so much worst...I am still battling anger but after work I went grocery shopping and saw this pyt and said uck and just struck up a convo.... Got them digits and whatever happens shall be... I am learning to stop putting expectations on people and just go with the flow... On my solo dolo, cut my only homeboy a loose but it feels so good to not have that dead, negative weight
So put some n.e.r.d. In and thank god you saw another day and let's turn this thread into funny confessions and stop with the self loathing, it's hard but just try it like I am
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=P_eiTbZ1_qE&desktop_uri=/watch?v=P_eiTbZ1_qE
 
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no one in my real life knows that I wrestle, simply because i dont tell them. i hide the videos and pictures that get posted on Facebook too.
 
ate a 3 day old veggie patty that was sitting in my car and it was delicious.
my girlfriend is really sweet but boring and ditzy
I care about going to the gym more than my social life
I think my older sister's constant relationship issues stem from being overweight/low self esteem issues
I don't think Sunshine by JayZ is that bad
I'll never stop rocking Bape ever.
I want to impregnate my ex
I can't remember the first time I had sex
I think Manhattan is overrated
 
Finally went off my path of health the other day, got high as hell. At the time, I gave no damns, my nerves were out of line and it was there. Shrug.

Right now I'm simpin kinda hard on this girl, my mind is tellin me no, but my body, my body is tellin me yeah! I want it to work, but it's kind of hard. I can either cope with giving up on her, or just keep going for her and get something else on the side until that day. I'm thinking the latter, she isn't the kind you just give up on. :hat :(

I'm feeling really depressed right now. Everything that made me happy then, is no longer appealing to me. Now, that simple fact is bothering me so much it's making it worse. I'm usually very cognitive with these types of issues, but I can't even convince myself of the better logics anymore.

I've spent the past three or four days of my life golfing. Yet, I'm so angry that I swing down so hard the ball always ends up cut. Had to reduce myself to the range.


Honestly? go ghost on her and work on you. Drop the mentality of "she isn't the kind you give up on", she is, they all are. Only way to keep her is to be willing to leave her, and you're not in the mindframe right now. You're clinging to this tiny spark of light she gives you because your life is **** right now, it's not real. She can feel your energy overwhelming her and she doesn't want it. You're trying to hitch your happiness on another person, not good. Break now before it gets harder. You're gonna keep going and fall for the "side" (shorty ain't even your main, look how you're talking) and she's gonna treat you well, you're gonna cling to that too and wash, rinse, repeat.
 
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I've been applying for jobs since December............of 2011 (I've worked for temp agencies in between, but not consistently). I'm slowly, but surely losing the perseverance to keep going. My apt lease is up in july and my savings is going fast, if I don't get a job soon it's back to my 9 x 10 room in my dad's crib :x

Oh and I'm dating a stripper...she's great in every other category and we were talking before she started stripping....but it still blows me that she's a stripper :{
 
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Finally went off my path of health the other day, got high as hell. At the time, I gave no damns, my nerves were out of line and it was there. Shrug.

Right now I'm simpin kinda hard on this girl, my mind is tellin me no, but my body, my body is tellin me yeah! I want it to work, but it's kind of hard. I can either cope with giving up on her, or just keep going for her and get something else on the side until that day. I'm thinking the latter, she isn't the kind you just give up on.
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I'm feeling really depressed right now. Everything that made me happy then, is no longer appealing to me. Now, that simple fact is bothering me so much it's making it worse. I'm usually very cognitive with these types of issues, but I can't even convince myself of the better logics anymore.

I've spent the past three or four days of my life golfing. Yet, I'm so angry that I swing down so hard the ball always ends up cut. Had to reduce myself to the range.

Honestly? go ghost on her and work on you. Drop the mentality of "she isn't the kind you give up on", she is, they all are. Only way to keep her is to be willing to leave her, and you're not in the mindframe right now. You're clinging to this tiny spark of light she gives you because your life is **** right now, it's not real. She can feel your energy overwhelming her and she doesn't want it. You're trying to hitch your happiness on another person, not good. Break now before it gets harder. You're gonna keep going and fall for the "side" (shorty ain't even your main, look how you're talking) and she's gonna treat you well, you're gonna cling to that too and wash, rinse, repeat.
There is a whole big logic behind it, my life motivation, etc. I don't want to get into it. It would be a very long post.

I had already decided there is no point in flooding her with my pointless words if nobody is going to listen. So I had stopped. If she wants me, it will come in due time. 

After evaluation my life however, I am again depressed. Cognition therapy isn't helping. 

I'll live.
 
I've been applying for jobs since December............of 2011 (I've worked for temp agencies in between, but not consistently). I'm slowly, but surely losing the perseverance to keep going. My apt lease is up in july and my savings is going fast, if I don't get a job soon it's back to my 9 x 10 room in my dad's crib :x

Oh and I'm dating a stripper...she's great in every other category and we were talking before she started stripping....but it still blows me that she's a stripper :{
Everybody deserves a second chance, not saying be a captain save'm but just because she is a stripper doesn't mean she won't change, take it slow... And the job situation will get better, looking for a new job myself but I refuse to be self defeated, gotta stay on this positive tip broham
 
Everybody deserves a second chance, not saying be a captain save'm but just because she is a stripper doesn't mean she won't change, take it slow... And the job situation will get better, looking for a new job myself but I refuse to be self defeated, gotta stay on this positive tip broham

I knew her before she's started stripping so I know for a fact she's a stripper by "necessity" and not a stripper by choice, if you know what I mean, which is why I can still semi-tolerate it. **** still bothers me sometimes tho. If she had a "regular job" that paid all her bills she'd be a solid chick.

And yeah looking for employment is b-word. Especially when you don't get a job because you't "don't sound excited enough" :rolleyes. I'm a black dude with a deep voice, I can only sound so excited without sounding ridiculous.

*End Rant* :lol
 
I knew her before she's started stripping so I know for a fact she's a stripper by "necessity" and not a stripper by choice, if you know what I mean, which is why I can still semi-tolerate it. **** still bothers me sometimes tho. If she had a "regular job" that paid all her bills she'd be a solid chick.

And yeah looking for employment is b-word. Especially when you don't get a job because you't "don't sound excited enough" :rolleyes. I'm a black dude with a deep voice, I can only sound so excited without sounding ridiculous.

*End Rant* :lol
I feel you, dated a stripper before but she was one of "those" if you get me that did it because of her past, man learned that lesson hard lol, but she sounds different, no shots thrown
See I am the opposite, the black guy with the Donald glover voice and when they see me in the interview( my size and stature) I have seen the kanye shrugs lol
 
Need a f'ing job
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Dont want to work fast food,rather work retail,but if it comes down to it, Ill cop a fast food place.

Havent burned in a yr, I'm slowly wanting to get lifted. 
 
******* aint **** but **** and tricks

Also I found this quote in arabic that I really like. I know I want an arabic script tattoo. And I have a list of things I might get but this one fit so perfectly. Definitely adding to the list.

Translated into english it says:

“Oh, So many people are waiting for lovers on the crossroads! And then it rains, and they have umbrellas! & me, even on sunny days no one is waiting for me!”

Sounds sad but I rely on no one but myself. i trust no one either so it is honest. Not sad. Doesn't bother me.

I'd kill my whole family if I could.
You just said you wouldnt strike your sister cuz you dont want to stoop to her level a couple post back.

Havent burned in a yr, I'm slowly wanting to get lifted. 

High is how I get through life
 
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¥
I'd kill my whole family if I could.
You just said you wouldnt strike your sister cuz you dont want to stoop to her level a couple post back.

Of course I wouldn't hit my sisters. That's wrong, so is killing.

It's all about context. I would never randomly punch my sisters like dudes were telling me to, but what I mean was of I could make them disappear with the press of a button I wouldn't give it a second thought.
 
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