Confessions

[fluid hips]

I have a confession and a major issue on my hands.

I have been married for 7+ years and with the same girl for 15+ years. earlier this year I started hanging out with a "friend" at the hotel I stay out while out of town for work. She worked the front desk there and we began talking. We messed around for a while and my wife found out, said I have to leave her and I didn't. Well my wife ended up moving out and leaving me while this has been going on. We sold our dream home together that we just bought last year together and I've basically given up everything for this new girl. My wife filed for divorce and it is still going on but she is begging me to come back and I refuse to try and make it better wth my wife because of my own guilt inside. I feel like my wife would never forgive me completely or let it go but she swears she would and we would attend a counselor together. The girl I am currently with makes me feel happy but my parents have already told me they will never accept her into our family nor will my sister and brother in-law. I fell in love with this new girl but it's like I am basically living a double life still because I have to keep it separate. I believe that this is almost to the end with my divorce but part of me doesn't want it to happen still and I am just torn on what to do. I would feel awful leaving this "girlfriend" because she's been through some awful relationships with past guys and says that I've treated her like no other loser guy she's been with. Also there is an age difference between her and I, I am 34 and she's 25. I don't know if I want to get remarried soon but I do want to have kids which my wife and I were in the process of trying for but we had found out some unfortunate news during the process of not being able to get pregnant. I am not sure if that was my escape to start seeing someone new and try to satisfy my needs or if it was something else.

Live your life for yourself not for others. Societal pressure is telling you it is taboo but at the end of the day if this new girl really makes you happy, I don't see what the big deal is. Just give it time to see if this new girl is really a keeper.

 

[lamekilla]

Been messing around with this girl for about a 2 months, messed around and got her pregnant. She already had 3 kids by two different fathers and just gotten her life headed in the right direction but still struggling to get by. We made the decision to not go through with the pregnancy. Well of course continuing our irresponsible behavior she ends up right back pregnant less than 2 months later. The twist in this is in that time the relationship fizzled. She hits me up to tell me she's pregnant and wants to keep the baby. I told her I don't think it's a good idea to bring another child into this world in this situation and we shouldn't go through with it. Ultimately I told her it was her decision but no matter what I'll handle my responsibilities.
She has a great job but she just started her career and a baby would possibly derail it being her job is very physical. Also it would have a huge impact on the life she has created for her other children. She is heart broken and really wants to have this baby with me, but I simply can't be in a relationship because of a baby. I feel like a scumbag for putting her back through this. I told her having this child won't impact my life a great deal and I'll be there for the baby but we will never go back to what we were. She is also a high risk pregnancy so being placed on bed rest is a very high possibility. I'm not sure where my responsibilities end? If she can't work and can't pay her bills, am I responsible to take her family in?
We have been pretty nasty to each throughout this process but we always just apologize and go right back through the cycle.
I care about this girl but I have to honest in not wanting to have this baby. We agreed it was best to just go our separate ways if she doesn't go through with the pregnancy, but I hate what I've done to her, she's a great person on the inside. I definitely feel like a scumbag for feeling this way.

This is bad fam. How could you be so careless after her having the first abortion? On top of that she has two kids, with a now third on the way and no woman wants to be by herself raising 3 children. Regardless of what she's telling you, she wants the baby for structure and she's expecting you to be that structure which is why she wants to keep the baby knowing both of you aren't on good terms. You are handling this like man in owning up to your responsibilities but if this is your first child, I can't lie this is not the best situation to bring them into. If she's not beyond a heart to heart, truly sit down with her and weigh out the pros and cons of her having this child. What ever her decision is after that is out of your control at that point. Hope all goes well fam.

 

[mangudai954]

The same way people look at and revere Pac is how I look at The Jacka.

 

[rbk93]

Live your life for yourself not for others.

If it were only that simple...

 

[theregothatman]

This is bad fam. How could you be so careless after her having the first abortion? On top of that she has two kids, with a now third on the way and no woman wants to be by herself raising 3 children. Regardless of what she's telling you, she wants the baby for structure and she's expecting you to be that structure which is why she wants to keep the baby knowing both of you aren't on good terms. You are handling this like man in owning up to your responsibilities but if this is your first child, I can't lie this is not the best situation to bring them into. If she's not beyond a heart to heart, truly sit down with her and weigh out the pros and cons of her having this child. What ever her decision is after that is out of your control at that point. Hope all goes well fam.

Yeah I've never been so irresponsible in my life. I don't have any children so definitely don't want my first to be in this situation, but I put myself here and will handle it. I've given her some very hard truths on the situation and no matter what I'll be good. She on the other hand will face 4 kids by 3 fathers and the other two are basically absent. On top of that probably loose a great career which she has the means to provide for her family due to the pregnancy and health issues. Either way I need to do better

 

[Olympus]

How does having a kid not put the fear of God in you though? Not once, but TWICE fam? I'm not trying to harp on you for it, but damn. I've been in a relationship for 4 years and I would still have a panic attack if she said she was pregnant today.

Having a kid ain't casual. Mentally, physically, financially....ish will drain you. Good luck.

 

[Sir San Diego]

I have a confession and a major issue on my hands.

I have been married for 7+ years and with the same girl for 15+ years. earlier this year I started hanging out with a "friend" at the hotel I stay out while out of town for work. She worked the front desk there and we began talking. We messed around for a while and my wife found out, said I have to leave her and I didn't. Well my wife ended up moving out and leaving me while this has been going on. We sold our dream home together that we just bought last year together and I've basically given up everything for this new girl. My wife filed for divorce and it is still going on but she is begging me to come back and I refuse to try and make it better wth my wife because of my own guilt inside. I feel like my wife would never forgive me completely or let it go but she swears she would and we would attend a counselor together. The girl I am currently with makes me feel happy but my parents have already told me they will never accept her into our family nor will my sister and brother in-law. I fell in love with this new girl but it's like I am basically living a double life still because I have to keep it separate. I believe that this is almost to the end with my divorce but part of me doesn't want it to happen still and I am just torn on what to do. I would feel awful leaving this "girlfriend" because she's been through some awful relationships with past guys and says that I've treated her like no other loser guy she's been with. Also there is an age difference between her and I, I am 34 and she's 25. I don't know if I want to get remarried soon but I do want to have kids which my wife and I were in the process of trying for but we had found out some unfortunate news during the process of not being able to get pregnant. I am not sure if that was my escape to start seeing someone new and try to satisfy my needs or if it was something else.

Words of wisdom from a divorced man 5 years after the fact. You're being stupid. All that newfound single sensation is going to wear off the moment you start going through the same motions with the new female. At some point you're going to hit rough patches with the new woman and realize that you're in the same situation with less to show for it. You need to view your marriage as an investment and think about what you gained while holding on to it versus what you'll lose getting rid of it.

If you just want to feel young and excited by life, take a trip with your boys and do that in a place where it's not going to follow you back home and **** up your situation. You need a reality check with your current course. You're chasing a high my dude. You're enjoying the infatuation stage and the moment that subsides, you'll be back on that same cycle. Go back to your wife. Go to counseling. Take your licks and know down the line she's probably gonna get some side D to get you back.

 

[theregothatman]

How does having a kid not put the fear of God in you though? Not once, but TWICE fam? I'm not trying to harp on you for it, but damn. I've been in a relationship for 4 years and I would still have a panic attack if she said she was pregnant today.

Having a kid ain't casual. Mentally, physically, financially....ish will drain you. Good luck.

Definitely scared but honestly I'll be okay.
Financially I'm in a great position in my life. I take relatively good care of myself health wise but definitely it would be a mental challenge.

 

[thekid3456]

My supervisor sucks and doesn’t know anything. I just came to a new agency and everyone comes to me instead of her for work questions. Upper management knows I’m better and that I should have her title but are not doing anything to fire her. How do I deal with this?

 

[slighted]

^ You can't actively/publicly dominate/uproot her unless you wanna deal with potential HR issues (she can throw you under the bus for some BS reason).

You gotta do this covertly: continue just being the best at your work + be the go-to guy.

Lead the team and make sure upper management sees all of this while playing "coy" to her if she acts outta pocket.

 

[ahat]

Word be careful, especially since she's a woman she could play that gender discrimination card

 

[Mark Antony]

Chicks with kids from multiple dudes be having that fire box though, that's how it happens. Shame they get bad stigma though, some are some great people, just a little sexually irresponsible like us dudes.

 

[Mark Antony]

^ You can't actively/publicly dominate/uproot her unless you wanna deal with potential HR issues (she can throw you under the bus for some BS reason).

You gotta do this covertly: continue just being the best at your work + be the go-to guy.

Lead the team and make sure upper management sees all of this while playing "coy" to her if she acts outta pocket.

This. You are ****ed if you come with any attitude or try to usurp her. The one with the most power always wins. Either she finally does the wrong thing that garners the attention of upper management, or you start looking for something else. You will lose that power struggle.

 

[thekid3456]

This. You are ****ed if you come with any attitude or try to usurp her. The one with the most power always wins. Either she finally does the wrong thing that garners the attention of upper management, or you start looking for something else. You will lose that power struggle.

I always tell the team to follow up with the supervisor when they come to me. Trust me I respect the whole chain of command. I just dislike that the team is better because I’m basically training them like I am the supervisor but I’m not getting her salary and she is speaking like they know their job cause of her. When is me, so is just frustrating.

 

[Mark Antony]

I've been there, and it didn't work out. Just find something else before it gets worse.

 

[youngthundercat]

I have a confession and a major issue on my hands.

I have been married for 7+ years and with the same girl for 15+ years. earlier this year I started hanging out with a "friend" at the hotel I stay out while out of town for work. She worked the front desk there and we began talking. We messed around for a while and my wife found out, said I have to leave her and I didn't. Well my wife ended up moving out and leaving me while this has been going on. We sold our dream home together that we just bought last year together and I've basically given up everything for this new girl. My wife filed for divorce and it is still going on but she is begging me to come back and I refuse to try and make it better wth my wife because of my own guilt inside. I feel like my wife would never forgive me completely or let it go but she swears she would and we would attend a counselor together. The girl I am currently with makes me feel happy but my parents have already told me they will never accept her into our family nor will my sister and brother in-law. I fell in love with this new girl but it's like I am basically living a double life still because I have to keep it separate. I believe that this is almost to the end with my divorce but part of me doesn't want it to happen still and I am just torn on what to do. I would feel awful leaving this "girlfriend" because she's been through some awful relationships with past guys and says that I've treated her like no other loser guy she's been with. Also there is an age difference between her and I, I am 34 and she's 25. I don't know if I want to get remarried soon but I do want to have kids which my wife and I were in the process of trying for but we had found out some unfortunate news during the process of not being able to get pregnant. I am not sure if that was my escape to start seeing someone new and try to satisfy my needs or if it was something else.

like i said in the kevin hart thread...that young box is so exciting bc its new. New chase and conversation is so damn fun once you been with the same woman a long time. But smarten up man, make it right with your wife. Go back home.

 

[jayizill12]

Been with my girl for 5+ years. About 6 or 7 months ago, I started fooling around with this girl I went to college with and she was amazing. She was everything I dreamed of and more. I ended up leaving my girl because I couldn't take the guilt of knowing what I was doing, coupled with the fact that I wasn't sure if I still cared for her strongly like I used to. Now the new girl barely talks to me, and my ex gf doesn't want anything to do with me (ex still doesn't know about new girl, just that my feelings for her have changed). I'm at a very low point in my life because of this. Barely sleeping/eating. My anxiety is through the roof. Someone tell me something good.

 

[3stheluckynumbe]

You gotta look inside for happiness ultimately. Not to say that relationships shouldn’t give you joy, but you gotta be able to be happy by yourself before you can make another smile

 

[gil23]

You gotta look inside for happiness ultimately. Not to say that relationships shouldn’t give you joy, but you gotta be able to be happy by yourself before you can make another smile

This sounds so cliche but it’s the damn truth. After being dump after a 12 yr relationship and finding out there was emotional cheating I was a mess for 3 months. I felt like dying and I didn’t care about life until I said enough was enough and started pushing myself to at least try and be happy even if it was only at times. Eventually you start seeing a different picture and you start getting out of the hole. I made mistakes in the relationship and i put a lot of blame on myself but that’s life and learned to let go of the things I did and didn’t do.

Just know that its up to you to get out of the situation you’re in. It’s no one else responsibility but yours. Ultimately you’re in charge of your happiness... push yourself, snap out of it.

You’ll be ok.

 

[AgentZero]

Edit: Decided my post was better served as a separate thread. Will probably post in here sometime about other things though.

 

[2163O1baller90]

Im out here wilding and i did my ex wrong

 

[slighted]

2017 is off to an incredibly busy, but productive start.

1) Work is very busy, but trudging along. I got a nice bonus + salary bump to cap off a solid 2016. I've been getting very close to my co-workers and showing more of my naturally funny, wise-*** personality. I'm gunning for the year-end promotion.

2) I'm not sure if No Fap has led to a placebo effect, but I'm getting more sleep + a boost of energy every morning + unbridled confidence + consistent eye contact + strong posture. I walk out of the house every morning Stone Cold Steve Austin after the glass breaks.

3) I've been going to a concert almost every day. Great times and meeting people is always good. I have a soft spot for goofy white hipster chicks.

4) I'm in that strange 25yo phase where all of my homies are making massive career moves (med/law school), leading to less contact. I've embraced my loneliness, but it would be cool to have a ride-or-die shorty to share this journey with (besides my family).

5) I'm finally doing sh-- I care about outside of work including committing more time to community service/volunteering, jazz, and lifting.

I've never been more tired, but positive about life.

Follow-up as I approach 26yo:

1) Work has only gotten busier. Sometimes, I feel like I'm barely treading water / drowning. I'm honestly not confident about the promotion either, but at the very least, I'm gunning for a salary bump.

2) Females are really whatever to me now. I hang with them, but am usually unimpressed / not really into them. I need to take a step back and stop wasting time on the no-go's. I know exactly what I want and I feel I'm settling for some yambs just to keep me company.

3) I'm tired, fam. Just mentally exhausted and haven't taken a real vacation since 2009. It's been grinding every day since then, mostly by myself. Lone wolf type.

4 + 5) I still feel the same way. I often think about how much happier I was when I was broke. Now I'm less broke, way busier, and much lonelier. The homies are all busy with life. Family is good and I'm meeting new people, but they weren't lying when they said it's nearly impossible to make real friends after college.

Not gonna lie: NT keeps me sane. For all the chaos in my life, this is the only peace and brotherhood that keeps me sane. I only vent my thoughts on here, so I'm very grateful and appreciative. I try to pay it forward too.

 

[squarianaa]

Been more satisfied/content/happy with myself as of these last few months honestly. More focused & motivated on myself, school, workouts, and becoming a better artist/photographer. Honestly just really looking forward to my potential last year at community college and the possibility of getting into art college next fall. And finally deciding to submit some works into the Sacramento State Fair next summer, after missing the last couple and friends always buggin out I didn't submit anything. Potentially getting my first tattoo by the end of this year as well, dedicated to my mom.

Just glad I'm not letting things get to me as much and finally having time for myself and the homies. It's only been 4 months since things hit the wall for me and my ex, but I've talked it out with some friends and gotten things off my mind for the most part. I know they got me when I need it, and the same with them. My mentality at this point is that things just happen, but it could be worse.

 

[$EA$ON$ Change]

Almost mentally broke down like 10 times this year. Almost ended my **** a couple times, or at least thought about it in depth. I don't know how I made it through that and am still "OK" honestly.

I'm outgrowing my old friends it seems and so are they and I'm mentally prepping myself for the inevitable.
I fall in love hella easy & it hurts lol. Gotta work on controlling my emotions better, I've come a long way though to say the least.

Was getting really deep into meditation a few months ago and realized that it cured majority of my human problems (Anxiety & Depression) so I have to make the commitment to do it for the rest of my life now. Another thing I noticed is that their is 3 points of view that you don't normally notice in day to day life until you start meditating really intensely. Human form (body), The Mind, & literally The Soul. I know, astonishing right lol? The more I meditate the "weirder the results" become, in a positive manner of course. My only real gripe about being this aware is that a lot of regular person **** doesn't interest me much anymore but this could also just be a maturity thing since I am still fairly "young".

Prayer works but you have to practice it everyday or else the connection to the Source is lost.
Being positive is easy once you disregard what most people think and say.
I hate being social. I hate having to talk. I can't succeed without either. ):
Music is my best friend that I can always talk to and rely on. <3
Weed has helped me more than anything but I think I've had some laced **** a couple times which is why I wish it was legal in my state already.

 

[Dubby]

Almost mentally broke down like 10 times this year. Almost ended my **** a couple times, or at least thought about it in depth. I don't know how I made it through that and am still "OK" honestly.

I'm outgrowing my old friends it seems and so are they and I'm mentally prepping myself for the inevitable.
I fall in love hella easy & it hurts lol. Gotta work on controlling my emotions better, I've come a long way though to say the least.

Was getting really deep into meditation a few months ago and realized that it cured majority of my human problems (Anxiety & Depression) so I have to make the commitment to do it for the rest of my life now. Another thing I noticed is that their is 3 points of view that you don't normally notice in day to day life until you start meditating really intensely. Human form (body), The Mind, & literally The Soul. I know, astonishing right lol? The more I meditate the "weirder the results" become, in a positive manner of course. My only real gripe about being this aware is that a lot of regular person **** doesn't interest me much anymore but this could also just be a maturity thing since I am still fairly "young".

Prayer works but you have to practice it everyday or else the connection to the Source is lost.
Being positive is easy once you disregard what most people think and say.
I hate being social. I hate having to talk. I can't succeed without either. ):
Music is my best friend that I can always talk to and rely on. <3
Weed has helped me more than anything but I think I've had some laced **** a couple times which is why I wish it was legal in my state already.

Stay strong bro and its good that you found meditation to be your therapy.. If you want more feedback I would suggest you post this in TAN cause this thread been dead asf for a while.