Coping With a Difficult Breakup PART 2. UPDATE - Im Breaking Down Guys.....

[politics as usual 22]

So guys I'm really hurt right now. On late friday night some $%@# popped off between us. We were still kinda together and this crazy girl was beingextremely indecisive about what she wants in this relationship. The whole week prior to this has just been a mess between us. She's just being extremelyunlike herself, blatantly distancing herself from the relationship, flaking on me when she promises to meet and discuss things, ignoring calls/texts, blatantlygoing out and drinking when she knows I don't like when she does and she agreed to not go get drunk if she wants to be with me. All of these actions are SOunlike her and my dudes it leaves me

to see that the woman I fell in love with has changed so much. Before, she'd do anything to keep our relationship going, drop whatever she'sdoing if I needed her and vice versa.We were in love for 2 years. We broke up once before for a month, and when I asked why she's being so differentrecently she replies by saying "shes afraid that I'm going to leave her and hurt her again" even though she was the one pushing to get backtogether

.

So, on to friday night, we were texting mildly throughout the day and it stopped towards night time. I'll paste a email I sent to my boy the next day afterall the events: Ill change the names just for privacy purposes

***

So...it's finally done, like forever.

She calls me at like 230am, shes at some party. She sounds a little stupid, so the first thing I ask "Jane, did you drink?" her: No...
Me: Did you drink Jane....?
Her: no Nick
Me: well was there a reason you called me?
her: I just miss you and wanted to talk to you
Me: well if you wanna talk you can come over
Her: I can't...
Me: what the %$$+ do you mean you can't
Her: I just can't..i really can't
Me:Why the %$$+ can you not drive here if you call me and wanna see me at 230am.
Her: Fine, I'll come.

So she comes, she tells me when she's outside. Immediately when she pulls up and I walk up and open her door, it reaks like alc. So I say, %+@ you reak....She goes hahah No I don't. Then I smell her breath and she reaks. I say Jane, did you @@@@*%% drink tonight. She goes Yeah. I say wow, what the %$$+ hashappened to you. She goes, what do you mean. I say You've changed, You're not the girl I fell in love with anymore. You can just lie straight to myface.

Then she gets a text message. Her hand is covering half the screen so all I see if dude's first name. Jordan. Didn't see the last name. So I ask, heywho is that.
Her: My friend , Alex.
Me: Jane %+@? who is that.
Her: Its Alex.
Me: Lemme see it.
Her: Really Nick? Youre not my @@@@*%% dad.
Me: Who the %$$+ is that.
Her: Alex!

So I know she's blatantly lying, so I snatch her phone from the its chord, and shes flipping out "OMG gimme back my @@@@*%% phone, you're beingpsycho" crawling all over me to try to not let me see.

I hold her off and flip into her messages. Who do I see. Jordan Gonzales or something . Idk who the %$$+ this dude is, nor do I care. Im not mad at him. Soshes still flipping out on me and Im holding her back as I scroll through what they were talking about. First text I see from her to him "somethingsomething, baby

"
Him: Aw baby, do you need a ride home?

Right when I saw that I throw her phone across the car onto her side's door I get out and start yelling at her "How the %$$+ could you do this to me.How the %$$+ COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, YOU @@@@*%% LIAR." Now she starts trying to play it off like I hurt her when I snatched the phone. Her: Ow you hurtme!

Complete @@@@*%% +#$#@$#+, shes just trying to hang on to anything for dear life. So I get outta the @@@@*%% car. and walk around. Shes bawling her eyes out inguilt. I go over to her side of the car and open the door in sadness keep saying how the %$$+ could you do this to me.

She goes: Get away from me you hurt me!

I slam the door and storm inside

10 minutes later I get a text from her : You're the biggest @@@@*%% a-hole on this planet
I answer: And to think I bought you that stupid @@@@*%% bangle you wanted.(I bought her this braclet she wanted online, some nelson mandella $%@# I thoughtI'd surprise her with) I cant believe how many times Id defend you to my friends and family. How could I be this blind.
her: %$$+ you. u %##%$$ hit me.
Me: Keep letting yourself believe that. Please, leave me alone forever.
Her: Ur @@@@*%% horrible. U let me bawl my eyes out because u hit me. Ur psycho.

I seriously think this crazy %!$$% is gonna try to get back at me by claiming I chris browned her. Thats so ridiucclous. She @@@@*%% goes to the extremes foreverything to keep me and hurt me. I just want her out of my @@@@*%% life, and to move on and grow from her. She made me depreciate in so many aspects of life.

****

So yeah guys, I'm hurt like hell and shes stabbed me in the back. She's told me she loves me at least 50 times in the last week, but actions speakextremely louder than words. And now, I'm so heart broken, but writing this has helped me feel a little better. I miss her alot, but I realize I miss thegirl she was. Word to song cry, she's gone

. I feel a hugeemptiness in me and unbearable pain. I defriended her on facebook , and a few of my friends have said she's been uploading pics to blatantly try to piss meoff, like having pics being all drunk at parties and kissing dudes on the cheek

. I really don't see how I'll ever get over her, we were so attached, we were damn near married. If any of you guys have gone throughsomething similar, how long did it take to subside, and where did you get your strength from because I'm melting down guys...

Thanks

 

[dirtylicious]

simply judging by your responses early in the conversation...doesn't seem like you were the best boyfriend in terms of treating her with respect

 

[offbad]

ducktales.

 

[eight2one]

You seem like a cool dude from your other posts, so I read it instead of asking cliffnotes of it....

Man your still young, she still young. Girls go thru that phase where they feel their missing out on their partyin/"golden" years soo they changeup.....They wanna go out and act like their single friends do. There is no fixing that

ask yourself this, whats a relationship without trust? exactly......its hard my dude, but move on. Start hoopin or something to forget about this broad...sheisnt gonna change back to what you want till its too late....and another dude in the picture? It's done.

What I realized is the person in a relationship who cares the least has all the power.

 

[politics as usual 22]

Obviously after being completely hurt and enraged on paper I'm going to sound extremely angry and jaded towards her.

I literally gave this girl everything I could. She was extremely emotionally unstable and didn't have the greatest communication skills.

I did EVERYTHING I could to make us work and be happy the way we were not too long ago. Just a few weeks ago we were SO HAPPY together. Now it's over, andI'm really struggling to wonder how to go about things to heal. I miss her to death, because we had amazing chemistry and she was my companion, but enoughis enough.

 

[nawth21]

You snatched her phone?

together or not, thats a **$$@ move

 

[p mac one]

She shoulda never been talkin to son (Jordan) in the first place, so you're definitely on point with removing her from your life.

That said, getting into a physical altercation late at night outside ur house is ALL BAD.

And I'm not sure why you're trying to prohibit her from drinking, she's right. You're not her dad

 

[silverswoosh]

Ah, so that's why she couldn't drive....

She was drunk.

 

[politics as usual 22]

Originally Posted by P MAC ONE

She shoulda never been talkin to son (Jordan) in the first place, so you're definitely on point with removing her from your life.

That said, getting into a physical altercation late at night outside ur house is ALL BAD.

And I'm not sure why you're trying to prohibit her from drinking, she's right. You're not her dad

Well we had an agreement, she understood how she gets when she drinks, and agreed that she'd rather not for the good of us. She said soo manytimes, I don't want this anymore, I don't like it, the smell makes me gag, blah blah blah. The other times she's drank, she really doesn't knowhow to handle herself, and ends up making me have to babysit her for the night, or she makes a stupid decision.

 

[p mac one]

Originally Posted by Nawth21

You snatched her phone?

together or not, thats a **$$@ move

Normally I'd agree but in this situation I feel like dude had every right to snatch her phone.

CLEARLY, she was trying to hide something. In that situation he should've deaded the situation because of not being able to trust ol girl, grabbing thephone was just for confirmation that she was triflin

 

[p mac one]

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22

Originally Posted by P MAC ONE

She shoulda never been talkin to son (Jordan) in the first place, so you're definitely on point with removing her from your life.

That said, getting into a physical altercation late at night outside ur house is ALL BAD.

And I'm not sure why you're trying to prohibit her from drinking, she's right. You're not her dad

Well we had an agreement, she understood how she gets when she drinks, and agreed that she'd rather not for the good of us. She said soo many times, I don't want this anymore, I don't like it, the smell makes me gag, blah blah blah. The other times she's drank, she really doesn't know how to handle herself, and ends up making me have to babysit her for the night, or she makes a stupid decision.

Honestly that's par for the course for most girls under say 25, and even then most girls act dumb as +*!* when they drink.

I just think you trying to restrict her most likely made her want to break free even more.

You should be done with this girl anyways. Lack of trust kills it, like dude above said.

But for future references, putting a restriction on ur girl, then checkin up on her like ur Pops is probably a bad way to go about things.

 

[stixx]

Don't stress shhhh out homie...

We've all been there (or are going to get there) @ some point or another in life...

Hold ya head....

 

[dirtylicious]

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22

Obviously after being completely hurt and enraged on paper I'm going to sound extremely angry and jaded towards her.

I literally gave this girl everything I could. She was extremely emotionally unstable and didn't have the greatest communication skills.

I did EVERYTHING I could to make us work and be happy the way we were not too long ago. Just a few weeks ago we were SO HAPPY together. Now it's over, and I'm really struggling to wonder how to go about things to heal. I miss her to death, because we had amazing chemistry and she was my companion, but enough is enough.

understood...but...

She calls me at like 230am, shes at some party. She sounds a little stupid, so the first thing I ask "Jane, did you drink?" her: No...
Me: Did you drink Jane....?
Her: no Nick
Me: well was there a reason you called me?
her: I just miss you and wanted to talk to you
Me: well if you wanna talk you can come over
Her: I can't...
Me: what the !%#@ do you mean you can't
Her: I just can't..i really can't
Me:Why the !%#@ can you not drive here if you call me and wanna see me at 230am.
Her: Fine, I'll come.

she didn't want to come over in the 1st place... it's almost as if you forced her.
and if you knew how she was when she drank...why'd you tell her to come over?... come on now, you know you didn't believe her when she said shewasn't drinking.

 

[politics as usual 22]

Originally Posted by P MAC ONE

Originally Posted by Nawth21

You snatched her phone?

together or not, thats a **$$@ move

Normally I'd agree but in this situation I feel like dude had every right to snatch her phone.

CLEARLY, she was trying to hide something. In that situation he should've deaded the situation because of not being able to trust ol girl, grabbing the phone was just for confirmation that she was triflin

I could not be lied to anymore. The fact that she drank with complete disregard of her promise kinda already made me want to end it, after all thebuild up. Seeing those texts just sealed it.

Doesn't make me feel any better though. I've lost probably 10 pounds in the last week, I can't eat +%*%, I can't lift eveyday like I used to. Ihave a constant lingering anxiety throughout the day, and it only briefly subsides. I can't wait for this feeling to alleviate.

It's killing me

 

[redbrim]

Your situation reminds me of my FIRST break-up, not my recent one. The hardest one to cope with, because it was the first time a girl left me.

Oddly enough, the same situation where after 1.5 years together . . . things started to change and sure enough, the distance between us two kept growing. Inthe end, I caught her red handed when I saw a text on her phone from another man: "I miss you, baby"

It angered me and hurt at the same time.

But it ended it the hard way. I reacted with anger and after this situation I learned to never act like that after a breakup (no, I didn't touch her or didsomething 'extreme').


She started to go clubbing, doing all this etc. to show that she's "better off without me" although she committed the initial wrong-doing for ourbreak up.


It's a long story, but I will tell you one thing: If you were a good guy to her, she'll remember you but only after time:

This relationship ended February 2008, the 4th exactly. It was cold turkey after a week of trying to "talk things over" (she said she need"space," time for herself, etc.) but after the last time speaking to her on the 4th . . . never saw her face again nor tried to contact her. Thestrangest thing happened . . . this past September 13th (2009), I bumped into this ex-girlfriend on the street (she was walking). I stopped and pulled up nextto her. We talked, gave her ride to where she was going . . . and that was that. 4 hours later, get a text from an unfamiliar telephone number to call back. Itwas her. I call and it's her: She called to say sorry for what she did to me and she was wrong. She wasn't trying to ask me to take her back, but justto get her to go out of her way and call me to say 'sorry' meant a lot: Proved that I am a good guy.




Time is the only thing that will help. Sucks man . . .but it will make you stronger. This first break-up I'm speaking about has helped deal with my currentbreak-up.




Peace

 

[politics as usual 22]

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22

Obviously after being completely hurt and enraged on paper I'm going to sound extremely angry and jaded towards her.

I literally gave this girl everything I could. She was extremely emotionally unstable and didn't have the greatest communication skills.

I did EVERYTHING I could to make us work and be happy the way we were not too long ago. Just a few weeks ago we were SO HAPPY together. Now it's over, and I'm really struggling to wonder how to go about things to heal. I miss her to death, because we had amazing chemistry and she was my companion, but enough is enough.

understood...but...

She calls me at like 230am, shes at some party. She sounds a little stupid, so the first thing I ask "Jane, did you drink?" her: No...
Me: Did you drink Jane....?
Her: no Nick
Me: well was there a reason you called me?
her: I just miss you and wanted to talk to you
Me: well if you wanna talk you can come over
Her: I can't...
Me: what the !%#@ do you mean you can't
Her: I just can't..i really can't
Me:Why the !%#@ can you not drive here if you call me and wanna see me at 230am.
Her: Fine, I'll come.

she didn't want to come over in the 1st place... it's almost as if you forced her.
and if you knew how she was when she drank...why'd you tell her to come over?... come on now, you know you didn't believe her when she said she wasn't drinking.



I needed confirmation man. If she's gonna wake me up at damn near 3am to tell me she misses me and wants to see me and expects me to come seeher, that's pretty ridiculous to me.

 

[dirtylicious]

putting a restriction on ur girl, then checkin up on her like ur Pops is probably a bad way to go about things.
indeed.

 

[nawth21]

Originally Posted by P MAC ONE

Originally Posted by Nawth21

You snatched her phone?

together or not, thats a **$$@ move

Normally I'd agree but in this situation I feel like dude had every right to snatch her phone.

CLEARLY, she was trying to hide something. In that situation he should've deaded the situation because of not being able to trust ol girl, grabbing the phone was just for confirmation that she was triflin

Doesn't matter. No one has a right to get up on another person like that and take something of theirs out of their possession.

 

[dirtylicious]

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22

Obviously after being completely hurt and enraged on paper I'm going to sound extremely angry and jaded towards her.

I literally gave this girl everything I could. She was extremely emotionally unstable and didn't have the greatest communication skills.

I did EVERYTHING I could to make us work and be happy the way we were not too long ago. Just a few weeks ago we were SO HAPPY together. Now it's over, and I'm really struggling to wonder how to go about things to heal. I miss her to death, because we had amazing chemistry and she was my companion, but enough is enough.

understood...but...

She calls me at like 230am, shes at some party. She sounds a little stupid, so the first thing I ask "Jane, did you drink?" her: No...
Me: Did you drink Jane....?
Her: no Nick
Me: well was there a reason you called me?
her: I just miss you and wanted to talk to you
Me: well if you wanna talk you can come over
Her: I can't...
Me: what the !%#@ do you mean you can't
Her: I just can't..i really can't
Me:Why the !%#@ can you not drive here if you call me and wanna see me at 230am.
Her: Fine, I'll come.

she didn't want to come over in the 1st place... it's almost as if you forced her.
and if you knew how she was when she drank...why'd you tell her to come over?... come on now, you know you didn't believe her when she said she wasn't drinking.

I needed confirmation man. If she's gonna wake me up at damn near 3am to tell me she misses me and wants to see me and expects me to come see her, that's pretty ridiculous to me.


... did you truncate the convo when you posted?..

her: I just miss you and wanted to talk to you
Me: well if you wanna talk you can come over
seems like you wanted her to come over.....not her

 

[cb94]

Man I'ma keep it real G. Taken from personal experience, it's much easier if you just kill the chick. It don't even matter what happened. Trust me.Just off the chick. Real talk. I ain't saying it's the right thing to do, but it's much easier.

 

[redbrim]

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22

Obviously after being completely hurt and enraged on paper I'm going to sound extremely angry and jaded towards her.

I literally gave this girl everything I could. She was extremely emotionally unstable and didn't have the greatest communication skills.

I did EVERYTHING I could to make us work and be happy the way we were not too long ago. Just a few weeks ago we were SO HAPPY together. Now it's over, and I'm really struggling to wonder how to go about things to heal. I miss her to death, because we had amazing chemistry and she was my companion, but enough is enough.

I know how that is. I still can't come to grips as to how one week we're blessed together . . . and a week after it's all over. It's not likewe kept fighting or breaking-up on and off . . . just blind shot me.

It's going to be hard, my man. But only way is to FORCE yourself to be strong. Cold-turkey, stop communications . . . stop trying to find out whatshe's doing.

Although you can't convince yourself, it's better to start working on yourself now . . . realize it's over. If you ARE a good man . . . whatevershe's doing now (partying, messing with other guys, etc.) will fade away, then she will remember you. She may not come back to you, but she will start toremember all those good times and most likely miss them.

The BEST revenge is living well....




Peace

 

[politics as usual 22]

Nah dirty, I'm not trying to stir #%@! up, but she asked me to come over there after I asked her to come to me and she resisted. I told her if you wannasee me you can come here. She said, I really can't right now, come over here. That's when I got angry and said how are you gonna call me at 3 am andtell me you wanna see me and expect me to come to you. This all happened during me asking why the !%%+ she can't drive.

This is all besides the point though, it seems like you're trying to point at me for wrong-doing in the relationship, when all I seek is support and helpon how to deal with this. It hurts like I've never hurt before, and it's quite overwhelming.

 

[avid boss]

Best thing you can do is to take youre own advice and go through with it.. she isnt the girl you fell in love with anymore and you feel like its done, then bea man and walk away, i mean you said you did everything you could, theres isnt anything to feel bad about.

 

[suprduperfly]

Originally Posted by Nawth21

Originally Posted by P MAC ONE

Originally Posted by Nawth21

You snatched her phone?

together or not, thats a **$$@ move

Normally I'd agree but in this situation I feel like dude had every right to snatch her phone.

CLEARLY, she was trying to hide something. In that situation he should've deaded the situation because of not being able to trust ol girl, grabbing the phone was just for confirmation that she was triflin

Doesn't matter. No one has a right to get up on another person like that and take something of theirs out of their possession.

I was gonna quote your fist response Nawth but I saw you second one about taking something out of their possession, so I ask: Remember that threadwhere another guy on here wanted to look at his girl's phone? And you said something along the lines of, "If you find something (in the phone), wellgood for you, If you don't now your guilty of suspecting her" (last part is hazy for me).

Now I am not saying the snatching the phone thing is right but he saved himself a lot of prolonged grief by looking at her phone, so are you against the phonesnatching only? or do you dislike the whole scenario?

 

[retro23j]

Originally Posted by REDBRIM

If you were a good guy to her, she'll remember you but only after time

Truth

and I know this all too well...