Coping With a Difficult Breakup PART 2. UPDATE - Im Breaking Down Guys.....

[redbrim]

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

putting a restriction on ur girl, then checkin up on her like ur Pops is probably a bad way to go about things.

indeed.
I learned this from my first break-up. So I used it towards my most recent relationship . . . it's true. NEVER restrict someone . . . it willonly encourage them to try "new things" or "spread their wings" which will evidently distant them from you and finally break up.

I'm not saying you were doing this, just saying what I learned from my first break up because I did indeed act like this. I never TOLD her what NOT to dolike I was her father, but I did get angry when she did things instead of calmly talking things through.







Peace

 

[nawth21]

Originally Posted by SuprDuperFly

Originally Posted by Nawth21

Originally Posted by P MAC ONE

Originally Posted by Nawth21

You snatched her phone?

together or not, thats a **$$@ move

Normally I'd agree but in this situation I feel like dude had every right to snatch her phone.

CLEARLY, she was trying to hide something. In that situation he should've deaded the situation because of not being able to trust ol girl, grabbing the phone was just for confirmation that she was triflin

Doesn't matter. No one has a right to get up on another person like that and take something of theirs out of their possession.

I was gonna quote your fist response Nawth but I saw you second one about taking something out of their possession, so I ask: Remember that thread where another guy on here wanted to look at his girl's phone? And you said something along the lines of, "If you find something (in the phone), well good for you, If you don't now your guilty of suspecting her" (last part is hazy for me).

Now I am not saying the snatching the phone thing is right but he saved himself a lot of prolonged grief by looking at her phone, so are you against the phone snatching only? or do you dislike the whole scenario?

I'm not for looking thru phones, emails, anything, at all. Either by asking, taking or snooping. Because you're going to find something. Even ifit's completely innocent, you're not going to know the context of it and it's going to bother you. Even if the other person deletes all their textsyou;re going to wonder "why do they delete everything, are they hiding something?

I'm not saying ignorance is bliss but.. this is Volume 2. Therelationship was over before this incident even happened.

 

[put em up]

Yea you trying to stop her from drinking was cool...but she def sounds like a mental case. Its tough and its gonna time. Best thing to do is work on yourself,and hang with your boys.

 

[dirtylicious]

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22

Nah dirty, I'm not trying to stir #%@! up, but she asked me to come over there after I asked her to come to me and she resisted. I told her if you wanna see me you can come here. She said, I really can't right now, come over here. That's when I got angry and said how are you gonna call me at 3 am and tell me you wanna see me and expect me to come to you. This all happened during me asking why the !%%+ she can't drive.

exactly... you asked her to come see you 1st.
here's how I see it...
she was drunk... got emotional and called you
you...already knowing she was drunk told her to come there b/c you still miss her (understandable)
leads to a fight b/c you're already heated about her being drunk...which you "forbade" her to do.

This is all besides the point though, it seems like you're trying to point at me for wrong-doing in the relationship, when all I seek is support and help on how to deal with this. It hurts like I've never hurt before, and it's quite overwhelming.
actually.....what I'm trying to do is give you some perspective.
right now you believe you did everything good and she's the one who did everything bad... it's not always that clear cut.

The hurt will go away eventually and you'll move on...but take it as a learning experience of what to do and what not to do in a relationship and whenyou're fighting with someone

 

[mytmouse76]

Originally Posted by P MAC ONE

Originally Posted by Nawth21

You snatched her phone?

together or not, thats a **$$@ move

Normally I'd agree but in this situation I feel like dude had every right to snatch her phone.

CLEARLY, she was trying to hide something. In that situation he should've deaded the situation because of not being able to trust ol girl, grabbing the phone was just for confirmation that she was triflin

you don't snatch someones phone for confirmation. Like you said he's not her dad so it doesn't matter. If be thought he couldn't trust shouldhave just told her to leave. What if he didn't find anything he'd look like an ##$. OP just let it go. You're probably young and if this is yourfirst big break up you'll bounce back. It will hurt but you'll bounce back.

 

[politics as usual 22]

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22

Nah dirty, I'm not trying to stir #%@! up, but she asked me to come over there after I asked her to come to me and she resisted. I told her if you wanna see me you can come here. She said, I really can't right now, come over here. That's when I got angry and said how are you gonna call me at 3 am and tell me you wanna see me and expect me to come to you. This all happened during me asking why the !%%+ she can't drive.

exactly... you asked her to come see you 1st.
here's how I see it...
she was drunk... got emotional and called you
you...already knowing she was drunk told her to come there b/c you still miss her (understandable)
leads to a fight b/c you're already heated about her being drunk...which you "forbade" her to do.

This is all besides the point though, it seems like you're trying to point at me for wrong-doing in the relationship, when all I seek is support and help on how to deal with this. It hurts like I've never hurt before, and it's quite overwhelming.

actually.....what I'm trying to do is give you some perspective.
right now you believe you did everything good and she's the one who did everything bad... it's not always that clear cut.

The hurt will go away eventually and you'll move on...but take it as a learning experience of what to do and what not to do in a relationship and when you're fighting with someone



I understand it wasn't all her, but regardless of what I did to add to the downfall of us as a couple, you talk things out together, insteadof just going doing shady ##!% behind your partner's back. If you're unhappy, talk to me or leave me. I'm here for you and I want to fix things. Iunderstand I'll probably bounce back, but right now this pain is really getting to me. No one has contacted each other since the last text she sent me. Imiss the feeling of having someone there with me through everything, and a companion in life. It sucks when you wake up one day and they're just gone.It's hard as hell.

 

[kaycurrency]

She should have Chris Brown'd you...

 

[redbrim]

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22


This is all besides the point though, it seems like you're trying to point at me for wrong-doing in the relationship, when all I seek is support and help on how to deal with this. It hurts like I've never hurt before, and it's quite overwhelming.

I don't think he's trying to point the finger, just merely stating things from his perspective/from the outside.

Just like how I explained earlier, not that you're the cause of this . . . but when a relationship is going down, then any little ONE bad action and beblown up to be any worse. I say this because this happened to me as well: With my first break-up, when I took her phone and saw that a guy was texting hersaying "I miss you baby" it made me furious and took her phone and walked away. But my actions were wrong in which I screamed and called her namesout of frustration. The day after we tried to talk about our relationship as a whole and she brought that I overreact when we argue. See what she did? I NEVERoverreacted but the one time I do, she points it out as if I always did it. So that's something I learned.

With my recent relationship, I used this experience. I NEVER check phones, text, emails etc. If someone is going to cheat, trust me . . . they'll find away to do so.

If you want her to "remember" you, you definitely want to have the "I told you so" attitude and prove it. Such way that you don't wantany of your bad decisions to be used against you.

Wouldn't you want her to remember you: "I miss how he used to make me feel"

Instead of: "I hate the way he used to call me names or cuss at me"




Alll in all, I know none of what I'm saying is sinking in because you're still struck and confused about the break up. Sorry man, but time can onlyheal your wounds. It's going to take a lot of effort to convince yourself that it's actually over. Just like that.






Peace

 

[putting in work]

Time heals all homie... you just have to go on with your life and take it easy.

Don't rush into a relationship with someone... take your time and get to know the good and bad of that person.

I would say that you shouldn't get into a relationship if you don't see yourself being able to marry that person somewhere down the line... well notreally, but just make sure it's someone who has their heads on their shoulders properly.

Look at it this way bro, at least you didn't have a kid with her or will be stuck with her for the rest of your life.

Try playing basketball or something that will keep your mind off of her.

Break off all contact too bro... everything! Don't even get updates about her from your boys... they're probably going to try to smash on the low tooson... it is what it is.

Try not to listen to love songs or stuff that will make you think of her.

Also, don't go out trying to bag/sleep with as much females as you can to try and forget about her because it's not going to work. Talk to girls andwhat not, but don't do it and try to use it as a way to block her out. You're just going to either get into another useless relationship or end up witha STD possibly.

Trust if when you get through this the hard way by just coping with it you'll come back stronger than ever son. You'll be feeling like Superman fromhere on out and will handle it better the next time, if it happens.

Oh yeah, DO NOT try to do things to make you forget about her like drugs or drinking yourself drunk continuously because when you come down from you high ordrunkness the problems will still be there, and will hit you more harder and you might become an addict to keep doing them to make you forget about her.

You're young so you still have a way to go, but it was a good learning experience.

 

[ballislife32688]

Originally Posted by REDBRIM

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22

Obviously after being completely hurt and enraged on paper I'm going to sound extremely angry and jaded towards her.

I literally gave this girl everything I could. She was extremely emotionally unstable and didn't have the greatest communication skills.

I did EVERYTHING I could to make us work and be happy the way we were not too long ago. Just a few weeks ago we were SO HAPPY together. Now it's over, and I'm really struggling to wonder how to go about things to heal. I miss her to death, because we had amazing chemistry and she was my companion, but enough is enough.

I know how that is. I still can't come to grips as to how one week we're blessed together . . . and a week after it's all over. It's not like we kept fighting or breaking-up on and off . . . just blind shot me.

It's going to be hard, my man. But only way is to FORCE yourself to be strong. Cold-turkey, stop communications . . . stop trying to find out what she's doing.

Although you can't convince yourself, it's better to start working on yourself now . . . realize it's over. If you ARE a good man . . . whatever she's doing now (partying, messing with other guys, etc.) will fade away, then she will remember you. She may not come back to you, but she will start to remember all those good times and most likely miss them.

The BEST revenge is living well....




Peace

yes sir what he said is completely right. this is how you show people

 

[mytmouse76]

Don't do the friend thing either. Not yet. If you wanna be friends after you're over her cool but right now it would just be a way of holding on toher.

 

[ballislife32688]

. Please take my advice dead that chick right now, giving someone a second chance is fine but yall already did that. Let me teach you something I wish I knew along time ago, they always come back around this is just what they do, the problem is if you dont man up and carry her she knows she can get away with doingyou wrong.

Yea it hurts but one thing I find is after they hurt you the best thing to do is to better your self,and when they come back around, they see what they missed out on. Oh and all of yall should read this part. Dont get mad or show anger towards her even thoughit may be hard. Anger just shows you still give a damn, the best way to hurt a woman is not make her feel bad by getting mad and showing ur feelings. Play itsmooth and even wish her luck, im telling you this is what really hurts a woman. I know its hard but dont waste time being down better your self you will seethe results and so will she and everyone else.

 

[ryaneff23]

The main thing is time. Try to keep yourself busy. Weed and alcohol help too. Not sure if that's your style since you don't like her drinking, butstaying on a different level is how i dealt with it when this happened to me. Don't take her back or try to get her back. It's done bro. Good luck.

 

[politics as usual 22]

Thanks everybody.

I don't really wanna hurt her man, I just I'm hurt. I still love her too much to want to hurt her on purpose. I was avidly the type to self improveduring our relationship, and she knew that.

I'll restart that stuff soon, I'm just really out of it now. I barely eat, and I literally think about her all day, no exaggerations. I haven'tthought of anything but her in the last week. 24/7. In dreams too.

808s and Heartbreak is getting mad plays now.

 

[ballislife32688]

Originally Posted by Politics As Usual 22

Thanks everybody.

I don't really wanna hurt her man, I just I'm hurt. I still love her too much to want to hurt her on purpose. I was avidly the type to self improve during our relationship, and she knew that.

I'll restart that stuff soon, I'm just really out of it now. I barely eat, and I literally think about her all day, no exaggerations. I haven't thought of anything but her in the last week. 24/7. In dreams too.

808s and Heartbreak is getting mad plays now.

I recently went through everything you went through, and I still love my ex but at the end of the day she did me wrong flat out and, honestly yourgonna be mad at your self one day when u look back and realize the time you wasted being down. its hard but trust me get up and do what motivates you. I am abasketball player, I hope to play pro one day. after she did me wrong I got on my grind 3 workouts a day starting at 5 am with my trainer. It has helped mestay focused and im somewhat happy cuz I wake up on a mission and bettering my self. A real woman who loves me will come along, plus like I said they alwayscome back around so need to worry. Please remember this part that love u feel will slowly turn to anger trust me onthat.

lmao oh yea I dont even play R&B or sad stuff like 808, when a man plays R&B too many thoughts hit his head about his current girl or ex pop up.

check out my motivational quotes page it will help trust me http://niketalk.com/topic/212336
but

 

[redbrim]

Originally Posted by ballislife32688

. Please take my advice dead that chick right now, giving someone a second chance is fine but yall already did that. Let me teach you something I wish I knew a long time ago, they always come back around this is just what they do, the problem is if you dont man up and carry her she knows she can get away with doing you wrong.

Yea it hurts but one thing I find is after they hurt you the best thing to do is to better your self, and when they come back around, they see what they missed out on. Oh and all of yall should read this part. Dont get mad or show anger towards her even though it may be hard. Anger just shows you still give a damn, the best way to hurt a woman is not make her feel bad by getting mad and showing ur feelings. Play it smooth and even wish her luck, im telling you this is what really hurts a woman. I know its hard but dont waste time being down better your self you will see the results and so will she and everyone else.

Truth.

If a girl breaks up with you but NOT because you were a jerk or low-life . . . they have the upperhand. If they see you're angry and bitter overeverything, they're winning. BUT if you show that you're strong and even "gentle" about the situation . . . it hurts them. Especially whenthey get out of that "clubbing, flirting, etc." stage after the break up . . .

So starting to work on yourself NOW is a win-win situation. You get back up on your feet sooner and when the time comes around that she does find about youdoing well, it'll hurt her and miss the good times.

You're not going to be able to accept that it's over for a good amount of time. But CUT all communications. Don't try to call her. Nothing.



Peace

 

[mecks]

GOODLUCK.

just focus on something else. basicly everything dirty says i agree with..

 

[diego]

Originally Posted by Nawth21

Originally Posted by P MAC ONE

Originally Posted by Nawth21

You snatched her phone?

together or not, thats a **$$@ move

Normally I'd agree but in this situation I feel like dude had every right to snatch her phone.

CLEARLY, she was trying to hide something. In that situation he should've deaded the situation because of not being able to trust ol girl, grabbing the phone was just for confirmation that she was triflin

Doesn't matter. No one has a right to get up on another person like that and take something of theirs out of their possession.

Nawth is right.
OP you shouldve just continued to let yourself be lied to.
Thats the right thing to do.

/Sarcasm.

 

[putting in work]

Yo Politics...

Did you get to the part where if you got into a bad accident you wonder if she would come and see you?

I remember that... I wanted to throw myself infront of the damn bus and get hit hoping she would come to the hospital and visit me!

 

[justhotkicks]

Sounds to me that you liked her more than she liked you, and you were afraid to lose her. Insecurity in a relationship is a total B. Happens to everybody.

 

[eight2one]

Originally Posted by REDBRIM



With my recent relationship, I used this experience. I NEVER check phones, text, emails etc. If someone is going to cheat, trust me . . . they'll find a way to do so.

that is so true!

 

[mytmouse76]

He already knew she was lying so why do all that?

 

[nawth21]

Originally Posted by Diego

Originally Posted by Nawth21

Originally Posted by P MAC ONE

Originally Posted by Nawth21

You snatched her phone?

together or not, thats a **$$@ move

Normally I'd agree but in this situation I feel like dude had every right to snatch her phone.

CLEARLY, she was trying to hide something. In that situation he should've deaded the situation because of not being able to trust ol girl, grabbing the phone was just for confirmation that she was triflin

Doesn't matter. No one has a right to get up on another person like that and take something of theirs out of their possession.

Nawth is right.
OP you shouldve just continued to let yourself be lied to.
Thats the right thing to do.

/Sarcasm.

He was already being a sucker before the snatching ever took place.

 

[redbrim]

Originally Posted by ballislife32688



lmao oh yea I dont even play R&B or sad stuff like 808, when a man plays R&B too many thoughts hit his head about his current girl or ex pop up.

Yeah, there are some songs on 808's that shall be avoided at a time like this. But other tracks motivate you...

You run and tell your friends that you're leavin' me
They say that they don't see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon' see
You'll never find nobody better than me


But music is a great source to pump you up especially to workout. But NOTHING along the lines of "slow" tracks or remind you of your "love"with her. Moreso "revenge" type.



Peace

 

[politics as usual 22]

Originally Posted by Putting In Work

Yo Politics...

Did you get to the part where if you got into a bad accident you wonder if she would come and see you?

I remember that... I wanted to throw myself infront of the damn bus and get hit hoping she would come to the hospital and visit me!

I was there like a week ago. I just thought about maybe if I fell and broke something she'd care again. So stupid of me though. I don't wanther back though. I mean obviously I do, but I wouldn't allow myself.