Crazy stories from your job.

[alp]

That would not fly in 2017

 

[djaward]

That would not fly in 2017

Just to give you an idea, this was way before flat screens tvs.

 

[alp]

Yea different times, getting over was significantly easier in some regards.

 

[dathbgboy]

Yea, the way logistics and cameras and systems are set up now, wouldn't fly but pretty conniving

 

[$tatus $ymbol]

I'm almost positive I know the company homie is talking about. Even with the security they had back in the day I've heard they used taken up & through there by employees. What's funny is ive heard managers would say they'd prosecute even for small things like gum but allegedly they were getting cleaned out on the backend.

 

[Black Lotus]

 

 

[alp]

 

[John Wick]

I remember this kid who used to work at a circuit city a long time ago. He worked on the floor we would give him cash and he would bring it out of the store in a bag and receipt and all. Remember dude was selling off $300+ flip out car stereo's when they were hot in the streets for like $100. Went up there a couple more times to get some stuff and dude was gone never seen em since and now all the circuit cities are closed. Happened awhile ago.

 

[mplsdunk]

Yeah we would get psp and iPods for like 40 bucks in high school from the friends at Best Buy who didn't give a damn if they got fired.

 

[joe billionaire]

Worked as a manager at a local grocery store chain, one night there was a drive by I had to keep the customers calm I closed the sliding doors then I went outside and watched his soul leave his body as he spewed up blood

 

[sooperhooper]

We should add to the thread title (that don't include death), Sheesh, the story about the kid dying in page 2 had me messed up .

 

[Black Lotus]

We should add to the thread title (that don't include death), Sheesh, the story about the kid dying in page 2 had me messed up .

 

[smedroc]

Yeah they all real.

And i don't pull them out of fine air. I literally documented almost every funny thing that happened at my jobs, especially Sports Authority because I actually sent a pitch into Fox and NBC for a comedy about working in retail. Fox rejected it, NBC never heard back. I was documenting every funny story because I can't make **** up on the fly and I found the job to be constant lulz.

I have literally have notebooks filled with **** I found funny at the time and wild stuff that happened. So I been going through them and picking out the best ones. I just add in a lil hyperbole (not as much as you would think too) and metaphors to make them more readable.

My memory ain't that good to remember details from that far back, except the rape story, I remember that **** vividly to this day. And my imagination ain't that good for me to be making this **** up.

All these stories 100% happened. LP was a wild dude, home used to get physical with customer word to Olivia Newton

And even worse I use to try to put myself into awkward situation to get material to come up with pitches for shows. I swore i could make the next Seinfeld.

So i got crazy work stories
Crazy travelling stories
Crazy relationship stories
Embarrassing sex stories: Like the time I started to wear boots to bed wit girls to see what the they would say, word to Justin Slayer. Didn't want to drop money on some timbs so I got some knock off South Pole construction boots.
Tons of awkward convo with me and strangers

I wanted to be a comic but couldn't write so i would use my life as material, document everything and put myself in weird situations.

You ever considered making your own content??

Would be criminal to not share those stories to a broader audience. It's perfect for the internet.

At the very least you should drop this stuff on a blog. NT would blow that **** up from the jump.

 

[shogun]

People dying are near the top of craziest stories.

 

[joe billionaire]

It was real he a had a hole in his stomach but his clothes didn't fill with blood like I thought it would it all started spewing out his mouth if that ain't crazy idk what is

 

[sooperhooper]

When I was 17-18, I worked at this jersey store during the peak of the jersey fad. U had a coworker who was in his early 30's that provided some of the most hilarious and disgusting moments I've ever seen. Dude had a few screws loose and ultimately got fired for fighting a customer but he did way worse.

This guy was a die hard Laker fan to the point of obsession. He also hated the Sacramento kings, San Antonio spurs, Oakland raiders, and 49ers. This is where things get disgusting.

He told me one day that he wiped his butt with Sacramento jerseys. I laugh it off thinking he's joking. He told me to smell one of the bibby jerseys we had and I did and ill never forget the smell I smelt. It reeked of death, poo, and dirty unwiped booty.

At this point I'm disgusted and shocked at the same time and am thinking this dude is crazy.

Fast forward to the day after the spurs eliminate the lakers from the 03 playoffs. People are buying spurs stuff and he's damn near violating each and every one of them calling them every name in the book and telling them they could go outside and handle things.

Later that day he talks all the spurs stuff to the back, Mitchell and ness, authentics, swingmans, replicas, and kids jerseys and he's in the back for about 2 hours. He comes out with this twisted grin and pulls his pants up and says "inventory has been finished". He wiped his butt with every spurs jersey in the store.

Some lady bought a jersey and came back to the store screaming the next day talking about how it stunk and the guy that was real rude to her probably did something to it. She took the jersey out the bag and it reeked.

This guy would put boggers on the jerseys of annoying customers that got him mad and got into countless arguments while he was there and never got fired.

The worst part was, we had these beer mugs and coffee mugs in the store. This guy would pee in the raider mugs and he took a dump in one of the mugs. He told me and my coworker to check the suprise out in the bathroom. It was a log of poop just staring at us from one of those raiders beer mugs. This dude would put extra stickers on the mugs he did stuff to and make sure to sell them to customers.

I remember during laker games or USC football games he would just stand by the tv and scream at it and tell customers to leave him alone because he was watching the game.

I got annoyed with this so I left the store and walked around the mall for an hour and when I got back he was flipping out about how I left and he had to work instead of watch the game.

Funniest thing ever was when Kobe caught that rape charge he sold all his Kobe jerseys because in his words "he had morals" and "couldn't support Kobe".

Fast forward to right after Christmas, a customer tries to return and item, words were exchanged, he ended up punching the customer In the face, clocking out and leaving and never came back.

But yeah he was defenitely crazy and screwed up in the head. He was a big dude too and he had me shook at times off some of the stuff he said.

Its other stuff he did that I'm tryig to remember but damn dude was a straight nut

For whatever reason, this is the post that sticks out throughout the years whenever I think of this thread.

 

[Black Lotus]

For whatever reason, this is the post that sticks out throughout the years whenever I think of this thread.

 

[j2legend]

Wow, this thread is full of gold. Hilarious stuff. I guess I'll share a story. It has to do with my car more than my job, but I was at work at the time and involved some co-workers (locations, names and descriptions changed for this alleged act):

Sorry for the long post. Please bear with me, it's alot lol.

Backstory:

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

I was huge into import cars, even before the Fast & Furious series kicked off. But mind you though, I was in my late teens when the movie finally came out and I was impressionable, so the movie amplified my interest in import cars ten-fold and I was "all-in" from there. I drove a beat up hatchback when I was 16. Slowly worked on it when I could afford it - buying little things at first like shift-knobs, new tail markers, cold-air intake etc.

When I turned 18, I got settlement money from a car accident that happened when I was a child and was entitled to a large sum of money. I used a portion of it to get an engine swap. And throughout the years, I slowly turned my beater into an actual car I could be proud of - new paint, lips, carbon parts, bucket seats, new gauge clusters, suspension etc. I didn't 'rice' it out, to be honest, going JDM was the cheaper route and I loved the clean, non-ricey look.

Along the way, it was broken into a couple times and was stolen once and written off. To which I bought back and continued my work on the car. Needless to say I was obsessed with it to the point where, when I graduated high school, I took a year off to work instead of going to college, so I can continue buying parts and taking the time to install and commission them.

Part I:

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

I used to work in a small office in uptown during college off-days in the early 2000s. The building where my office is in is directly across a pay-per-day and long-term pay parking garage. The way they used to tag and ticket was to collect license plate numbers from the cars in the parking garage that weren't on the list of plate numbers that have paid for long-term parking. I used to park my car in long-term and park backwards and go right up against the wall so they couldn't see my plate on the off chance that they might just think that one of the plate numbers belonged to me. Mind you, not everyone used this parking garage everyday, so it was hard to narrow down my plate from a huge list of plate numbers that were left over come ticket time. And it worked. So for 4 months straight, I parked for free.

I was at work with a colleague one day and we decide to go for lunch. Usually, I can reach my car with my 2-way remote starter to start it and warm it up (it was cold that morning). It wouldn't work this time, which was weird. Best case, I ran the battery out from maybe an open door OR they got wise and towed my car. We leave the office and go to the parking garage and I see my car is not in the stall. The floors are identical, so we hopped down a floor, checked the same spot to see if I parked on that floor. No car. Went a floor up from the original floor. No car either. At this point, I'm thinking they towed it finally. Thinking even if they towed it, I parked there for free for 4 months and the impound fee would be like $150 at the time. The way I saw it, parking there for 4 months for $150 is a steal. We happily took the metro to the impound lot across town to pick up my car. Waited 2 hours there until they finally tell me the car isn't there. So I report it stolen.

Couple days pass and the police still haven't found the car. So a friend, fellow local forum member posted on said local online car forum that I frequent to let them know that my car has been stolen and to keep an eye out. I put my license plate number, pictures, my cell phone number and the time I lost it. It went viral locally, but silently. The car community actually went out looking for the car and we'd have meet ups and text each other updates. I get a call one day from a random number. Let's call him "Teggy". He tells me he's a forum member and he may have found my car. I don't recall what was said exactly but it went along lines of:

Teggy: "Some guy approached me at a 7-11 and asked if I wanted to buy a carbon fiber hood. I asked him "for what?" and he said a 92-95 Honda Civic. I told him that if he had more parts, I'd like to buy them and he said I could come see the car"
Me: "Seen it yet?"
Teggy: "No, but I'm going to his place to see if it's yours"

I tell him to be careful in his travels and I offered to compensate him for his troubles in any event I get the car back safe and sound. He declines and says he is just happy to help out another forum member and he would update me regardless of the result. I waited a couple hours at the house and I get a call back from Teggy.

Teggy: "It's yours!"
Me: "You sure?"
Teggy: "Same rims, color, everything."
Me: "I'll call the cops right now!"
Teggy: "..Don't...Meet me somewhere tonight at around 10-11?"
Me: "Meet at *********, my office uptown"

This is where it gets interesting. I meet him and his girlfriend at said spot and the convo went something like this:

Teggy: "It's your car for sure, one rim is missing"
Me: "What are we gonna do?"
Teggy: "I had an idea. I said I'd offer to buy the car and told him to put a donut wheel on and I'd take it off his hands for $2000"
Me: "We're gonna buy it?!"
Teggy: "I'll make him think so, he gets the car ready and we steal it back"

At this point I'm nervous, wanting to just call the police. He mentions the red tape that comes with it and the forms we have to fill out and statements and such. By the time the police gets a green light to investigate, the car could be parted out further or long gone, especially if suspicion arises. He tells me to round up some people and we can take matters into our own hands and get the car back. So I whip out the flip phone like Ben Affleck rounding up the Justice League. There were about 12 of us from the company and few close friends I can trust. I ask them to meet at the office where most of us work. I told them all to "come at 12 and dress in black, bring masks, I'll explain later."

The plan
Teggy is supposed to call the thief confirming the asking price. If he agrees, the thief is to start the car, get it ready for pick up. Teggy and his girl is going to drive to his house (middle of no-where acreage). The plan is to make thief think that this obviously-stolen car (broken steering column and hot wired) will be sold to Teggy and Teggy is supposed to drive it out and his girlfriend is going to drive Teggys car and be on their merry way. All the while we wait in the darkness like Red Hood to pounce, jack him and take the car back.

Execution
There were 12 of us total, not including Teggy and his girl. We took about 3 carpool cars, 1 getaway van and followed Teggy/GF in his car to the acreage out side of the county. I was nervous at first of getting caught, but the Gods blessed us with a thief that owns an acreage is in the middle of nowhere, dark and his 'neighbors' were neighboring acreages hundreds of yards away. There was a long *** driveway leading to his house off the main highway. Less than a mile but long. The 3 carpool cars and a van parked along the highway next to the entrance to his house. Teggy/GF also waiting near the entrance for a signal to drive up.

11 of us get out of the cars. 12th in the van waiting. We see the house with a single porch light on, in the distance facing east of where we are looking. Perfect. Main windows at the front of the house aren't facing the line of cars parked near the highway, we are actually facing the SW rear of the house. Cue Nas.gif. Masks on, black on black. Other than the house there is nothing but tall crabgrass on his property leading up to the back of the house. My co-worker, let's call him "Jay", turns to me jokingly "You ready to get extreme?!" I turn to him, nervous and sweaty, pull out my inhaler and take a puff "Yup!".

I brought with me a emergency jack and a tire iron just in case. We gather our composure. We dip down army style reminiscent of a war movie trying to rescue a captured/injured soldier, and discreetly crawl through the crab grass towards the south west corner of the house. About half way, one of us flashes a light and signals Teggy to start driving up the long drive way to his house. As he's driving up, we're approaching the side of the house waiting. We hear the thief answer the door as Teggy is on the porch. One of thief's friends takes the car out of the garage and leaves it idling. Great. Donut wheel is on. Less work. The A-team leader co-worker, let's call him "Hammer Time", looks back at us and begins to countdown from 5.

Part II:

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

HT counts down to 5. We get amp'd up. As Teggy agrees to purchase the car, he tells the thief that he's going to his ride (parked beside mine) to grab the money. As soon as he leaves the porch, it became clear that's when we pounce. All of us, let by HT, pop out of the dark and rush the porch. HT in the process, being the first one out gets caught in barbed wire that was laid out around the house that we couldn't see. While he's tangled up, the following 5 or 6 of my other co-workers end up on the porch swinging. All I see in the midst of the chaos is the initial flying superman fist cracking the thief in the face, hat flying off onto the lawn in front of my car. And it began, looked like a Royal Rumble scenario where all the participants gang up on the "Big Show" to try and get him out of the ring and out of commission. Not gonna go into more detail. The rest of us made sure all exits were secure, and made sure no one else was in the house, a couple look outs, one signaler and one slightly-off co-worker "Klue" smashing windows of all the other cars on the property that isn't mine (we did NOT green light this, he just felt like it).

I hear another co-worker yell out "J, get your car!" Mind you, thief had a friend there. Knowing he'd get lit up if he did anything, he sat cross legged on the front lawn with his head down hoping no one would notice. I noticed him as I ran back to my car, I didn't care, I just wanted my ride back. I open the car, while it's idling, stereo gone, subs gone, steering column and dash smashed up from the hot wiring. My instinct is to shut the door and join everybody else, I'm pissed at this point. Klue stops me as I rush the porch and says "Just take the car and go". I agreed, right before he says "You want me to smash more windows?!" I yell "No! We need to leave before the neighbors wake up". Although, there are pretty far from the action, the thief is trying to yell for help making all kinds of noise.

Thief laying on the ground, looking like a scarecrow that had fallen over and picked at by birds and racoons, Teggy on the sidelines yells out "Take his phone! Take his phone!". A co-worker searches his pockets, finds the phone, Teggy grabs it and deletes his numbers and texts. Smashes the phone and takes the SIM card. The signaler flashes the light signalling "It's done, come for rescue". Shortly the getaway van, a large panel van we borrowed, swiftly speeds up the drive way.

As soon as it pulls up, the 12th man in the van rolls down the windows yelling "Let's go! Let's go!". I get in my car with Klue, not before I see thiefs hat in front of my car. I put it on. It's mine now lol. Teggy/GF get in his car, and the other 9 guys hop into the van and we convoyed out of there with the quickness. Being the last one to leave the property, I see the thief faced down on the porch trying to get up. I see him in the rear view mirror, bruised and beaten as he gets up. We ride into the night.

The getaway van stops by the other cars to drop everyone off. They all hop out into their respective cars and we part ways with the exception of HT, Jay and another co-worker, let's say "Mr. Donut" in a car. They followed me and Klue in my retrieved payload until we get to county limits where I get a phone call.

Mr Donut: "You can't get caught with your own car with a stolen status"
Me: "I know I have an idea"

It's about 3-4am at this time and we arrive into the city. There is a neighborhood skirting the outter limits of the country, so we drive in and I see a school and a dumpster. Where I'm from, anyone who parks in front of a dumpster gets towed right away, I figured because it's a school night, park the car in front of it and wait for teachers to report it the next day. I park the car in front, pop the clutch to stall it. Hopped in HT's car with the rest of the guys and book it into the city. Along the way we started to dump our clothes in random trash bins to get rid of evidence of soiled clothes and shoes.

The next day I get a call around 7am. Police, with enthusiasm, notifies me they found my car. Acting like a bunch of heroes. I act all excited telling them "THANK YOU SO MUCH". They towed the car to the impound where I initially reported it stolen. Waited for the appraiser before taking home. It was written off a second time for theft. To which I bought back and sold a year later.

TL;DR
- built a car from the ground up
- gets stolen at work
- reports it stolen
- ask local forum for help
- forum member finds the car
- didn't want to deal with law enforcement
- co-workers band together to retrieve car
- thief meets karma
- dump car and evidence
- police find dumped car
- police call me next day saying they found it


Epilogue

Some months later, I had already quit. A new hire comes through. One my ex co-workers who was there the night of the event was chatting with the new guy. The new guy tells him a crazy story about his neighbor in the boonies (where thief lives) who got his *** beat in the middle in the night for stealing a car and went into graphic detail. Co-worker is laughing his *** off the entire time new guy is telling this story. To this day the new guy had no idea employees of the company were involved in the incident.

 

[MetalMario]

very dope story dude. Love your use of alias'

 

[frank mucus]

View media item 1740788

 

[Fong$tarr]

My job is just full of typical corporate cliches. Women gets hired cause she's attractive and has big ****, white old manager hires nothing but female asian employees, secretary sleeps with boss, etc. There is a guy at my old job that as the man ***** of the company. We had about 200 employees at the time and I would say from the people I know, he's slept with at least 20 of the women there from young, old, married, etc. One day I was at a happy hour and with some coworkers and I see him laughing showing his phone to people. A guy from the group comes back to our group and tells us he's showing a naked photo of a girl at our company. I find out later that the girl is a friend of mine and found out they were hooking up. Little did I know, another girl buddy of mine found out about her and told her that she was sleeping with him too. The guy was juggling women like crazy. Pretty nuts and more so that the whole company and even HR knew about him and yet there was no way he could get fired and to this day, he still works there and continues to hit on the next batch of women that get hired.

 

[shogun]

Damn. dude is teflon and swimming through company yambs. Surprised there's not more drama of jealous women. I've had a girl hit me in public over some minor thing she was mad at me about.

 

[D Fly]

Wow, this thread is full of gold. Hilarious stuff. I guess I'll share a story. It has to do with my car more than my job, but I was at work at the time and involved some co-workers (locations, names and descriptions changed for this alleged act):

Sorry for the long post. Please bear with me, it's alot lol.

Backstory:

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

I was huge into import cars, even before the Fast & Furious series kicked off. But mind you though, I was in my late teens when the movie finally came out and I was impressionable, so the movie amplified my interest in import cars ten-fold and I was "all-in" from there. I drove a beat up hatchback when I was 16. Slowly worked on it when I could afford it - buying little things at first like shift-knobs, new tail markers, cold-air intake etc.

When I turned 18, I got settlement money from a car accident that happened when I was a child and was entitled to a large sum of money. I used a portion of it to get an engine swap. And throughout the years, I slowly turned my beater into an actual car I could be proud of - new paint, lips, carbon parts, bucket seats, new gauge clusters, suspension etc. I didn't 'rice' it out, to be honest, going JDM was the cheaper route and I loved the clean, non-ricey look.

Along the way, it was broken into a couple times and was stolen once and written off. To which I bought back and continued my work on the car. Needless to say I was obsessed with it to the point where, when I graduated high school, I took a year off to work instead of going to college, so I can continue buying parts and taking the time to install and commission them.

Part I:

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

I used to work in a small office in uptown during college off-days in the early 2000s. The building where my office is in is directly across a pay-per-day and long-term pay parking garage. The way they used to tag and ticket was to collect license plate numbers from the cars in the parking garage that weren't on the list of plate numbers that have paid for long-term parking. I used to park my car in long-term and park backwards and go right up against the wall so they couldn't see my plate on the off chance that they might just think that one of the plate numbers belonged to me. Mind you, not everyone used this parking garage everyday, so it was hard to narrow down my plate from a huge list of plate numbers that were left over come ticket time. And it worked. So for 4 months straight, I parked for free.

I was at work with a colleague one day and we decide to go for lunch. Usually, I can reach my car with my 2-way remote starter to start it and warm it up (it was cold that morning). It wouldn't work this time, which was weird. Best case, I ran the battery out from maybe an open door OR they got wise and towed my car. We leave the office and go to the parking garage and I see my car is not in the stall. The floors are identical, so we hopped down a floor, checked the same spot to see if I parked on that floor. No car. Went a floor up from the original floor. No car either. At this point, I'm thinking they towed it finally. Thinking even if they towed it, I parked there for free for 4 months and the impound fee would be like $150 at the time. The way I saw it, parking there for 4 months for $150 is a steal. We happily took the metro to the impound lot across town to pick up my car. Waited 2 hours there until they finally tell me the car isn't there. So I report it stolen.

Couple days pass and the police still haven't found the car. So a friend, fellow local forum member posted on said local online car forum that I frequent to let them know that my car has been stolen and to keep an eye out. I put my license plate number, pictures, my cell phone number and the time I lost it. It went viral locally, but silently. The car community actually went out looking for the car and we'd have meet ups and text each other updates. I get a call one day from a random number. Let's call him "Teggy". He tells me he's a forum member and he may have found my car. I don't recall what was said exactly but it went along lines of:

Teggy: "Some guy approached me at a 7-11 and asked if I wanted to buy a carbon fiber hood. I asked him "for what?" and he said a 92-95 Honda Civic. I told him that if he had more parts, I'd like to buy them and he said I could come see the car"
Me: "Seen it yet?"
Teggy: "No, but I'm going to his place to see if it's yours"

I tell him to be careful in his travels and I offered to compensate him for his troubles in any event I get the car back safe and sound. He declines and says he is just happy to help out another forum member and he would update me regardless of the result. I waited a couple hours at the house and I get a call back from Teggy.

Teggy: "It's yours!"
Me: "You sure?"
Teggy: "Same rims, color, everything."
Me: "I'll call the cops right now!"
Teggy: "..Don't...Meet me somewhere tonight at around 10-11?"
Me: "Meet at *********, my office uptown"

This is where it gets interesting. I meet him and his girlfriend at said spot and the convo went something like this:

Teggy: "It's your car for sure, one rim is missing"
Me: "What are we gonna do?"
Teggy: "I had an idea. I said I'd offer to buy the car and told him to put a donut wheel on and I'd take it off his hands for $2000"
Me: "We're gonna buy it?!"
Teggy: "I'll make him think so, he gets the car ready and we steal it back"

At this point I'm nervous, wanting to just call the police. He mentions the red tape that comes with it and the forms we have to fill out and statements and such. By the time the police gets a green light to investigate, the car could be parted out further or long gone, especially if suspicion arises. He tells me to round up some people and we can take matters into our own hands and get the car back. So I whip out the flip phone like Ben Affleck rounding up the Justice League. There were about 12 of us from the company and few close friends I can trust. I ask them to meet at the office where most of us work. I told them all to "come at 12 and dress in black, bring masks, I'll explain later."

The plan
Teggy is supposed to call the thief confirming the asking price. If he agrees, the thief is to start the car, get it ready for pick up. Teggy and his girl is going to drive to his house (middle of no-where acreage). The plan is to make thief think that this obviously-stolen car (broken steering column and hot wired) will be sold to Teggy and Teggy is supposed to drive it out and his girlfriend is going to drive Teggys car and be on their merry way. All the while we wait in the darkness like Red Hood to pounce, jack him and take the car back.

Execution
There were 12 of us total, not including Teggy and his girl. We took about 3 carpool cars, 1 getaway van and followed Teggy/GF in his car to the acreage out side of the county. I was nervous at first of getting caught, but the Gods blessed us with a thief that owns an acreage is in the middle of nowhere, dark and his 'neighbors' were neighboring acreages hundreds of yards away. There was a long *** driveway leading to his house off the main highway. Less than a mile but long. The 3 carpool cars and a van parked along the highway next to the entrance to his house. Teggy/GF also waiting near the entrance for a signal to drive up.

11 of us get out of the cars. 12th in the van waiting. We see the house with a single porch light on, in the distance facing east of where we are looking. Perfect. Main windows at the front of the house aren't facing the line of cars parked near the highway, we are actually facing the SW rear of the house. Cue Nas.gif. Masks on, black on black. Other than the house there is nothing but tall crabgrass on his property leading up to the back of the house. My co-worker, let's call him "Jay", turns to me jokingly "You ready to get extreme?!" I turn to him, nervous and sweaty, pull out my inhaler and take a puff "Yup!".

I brought with me a emergency jack and a tire iron just in case. We gather our composure. We dip down army style reminiscent of a war movie trying to rescue a captured/injured soldier, and discreetly crawl through the crab grass towards the south west corner of the house. About half way, one of us flashes a light and signals Teggy to start driving up the long drive way to his house. As he's driving up, we're approaching the side of the house waiting. We hear the thief answer the door as Teggy is on the porch. One of thief's friends takes the car out of the garage and leaves it idling. Great. Donut wheel is on. Less work. The A-team leader co-worker, let's call him "Hammer Time", looks back at us and begins to countdown from 5.

Part II:

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

HT counts down to 5. We get amp'd up. As Teggy agrees to purchase the car, he tells the thief that he's going to his ride (parked beside mine) to grab the money. As soon as he leaves the porch, it became clear that's when we pounce. All of us, let by HT, pop out of the dark and rush the porch. HT in the process, being the first one out gets caught in barbed wire that was laid out around the house that we couldn't see. While he's tangled up, the following 5 or 6 of my other co-workers end up on the porch swinging. All I see in the midst of the chaos is the initial flying superman fist cracking the thief in the face, hat flying off onto the lawn in front of my car. And it began, looked like a Royal Rumble scenario where all the participants gang up on the "Big Show" to try and get him out of the ring and out of commission. Not gonna go into more detail. The rest of us made sure all exits were secure, and made sure no one else was in the house, a couple look outs, one signaler and one slightly-off co-worker "Klue" smashing windows of all the other cars on the property that isn't mine (we did NOT green light this, he just felt like it).

I hear another co-worker yell out "J, get your car!" Mind you, thief had a friend there. Knowing he'd get lit up if he did anything, he sat cross legged on the front lawn with his head down hoping no one would notice. I noticed him as I ran back to my car, I didn't care, I just wanted my ride back. I open the car, while it's idling, stereo gone, subs gone, steering column and dash smashed up from the hot wiring. My instinct is to shut the door and join everybody else, I'm pissed at this point. Klue stops me as I rush the porch and says "Just take the car and go". I agreed, right before he says "You want me to smash more windows?!" I yell "No! We need to leave before the neighbors wake up". Although, there are pretty far from the action, the thief is trying to yell for help making all kinds of noise.

Thief laying on the ground, looking like a scarecrow that had fallen over and picked at by birds and racoons, Teggy on the sidelines yells out "Take his phone! Take his phone!". A co-worker searches his pockets, finds the phone, Teggy grabs it and deletes his numbers and texts. Smashes the phone and takes the SIM card. The signaler flashes the light signalling "It's done, come for rescue". Shortly the getaway van, a large panel van we borrowed, swiftly speeds up the drive way.

As soon as it pulls up, the 12th man in the van rolls down the windows yelling "Let's go! Let's go!". I get in my car with Klue, not before I see thiefs hat in front of my car. I put it on. It's mine now lol. Teggy/GF get in his car, and the other 9 guys hop into the van and we convoyed out of there with the quickness. Being the last one to leave the property, I see the thief faced down on the porch trying to get up. I see him in the rear view mirror, bruised and beaten as he gets up. We ride into the night.

The getaway van stops by the other cars to drop everyone off. They all hop out into their respective cars and we part ways with the exception of HT, Jay and another co-worker, let's say "Mr. Donut" in a car. They followed me and Klue in my retrieved payload until we get to county limits where I get a phone call.

Mr Donut: "You can't get caught with your own car with a stolen status"
Me: "I know I have an idea"

It's about 3-4am at this time and we arrive into the city. There is a neighborhood skirting the outter limits of the country, so we drive in and I see a school and a dumpster. Where I'm from, anyone who parks in front of a dumpster gets towed right away, I figured because it's a school night, park the car in front of it and wait for teachers to report it the next day. I park the car in front, pop the clutch to stall it. Hopped in HT's car with the rest of the guys and book it into the city. Along the way we started to dump our clothes in random trash bins to get rid of evidence of soiled clothes and shoes.

The next day I get a call around 7am. Police, with enthusiasm, notifies me they found my car. Acting like a bunch of heroes. I act all excited telling them "THANK YOU SO MUCH". They towed the car to the impound where I initially reported it stolen. Waited for the appraiser before taking home. It was written off a second time for theft. To which I bought back and sold a year later.

TL;DR
- built a car from the ground up
- gets stolen at work
- reports it stolen
- ask local forum for help
- forum member finds the car
- didn't want to deal with law enforcement
- co-workers band together to retrieve car
- thief meets karma
- dump car and evidence
- police find dumped car
- police call me next day saying they found it


Epilogue

Some months later, I had already quit. A new hire comes through. One my ex co-workers who was there the night of the event was chatting with the new guy. The new guy tells him a crazy story about his neighbor in the boonies (where thief lives) who got his *** beat in the middle in the night for stealing a car and went into graphic detail. Co-worker is laughing his *** off the entire time new guy is telling this story. To this day the new guy had no idea employees of the company were involved in the incident.

This would be the illest GTA mission.

 

[rollout]

I work in a manufacturing plant that makes airplane parts. Most of the crazy stories at my work happened before I got there...

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

1. Our office is on the 2nd floor, and there's no bathroom up here, you have to go downstairs. There's no elevator, so tough luck to handicapped folks. I guess some old guy that used to work here hated going up and down the stairs to take a piss, so he'd take a leak in his trash can. I guess the janitors got tired of it and complained to management and they fired him.

2. The guy I replaced was a real beta (let's call him Steve). Apparently he was intimidated by a real mean German ***** who was in here for one of our customers, visiting our plant... he decided he had enough of her and wandered off during the tour, and someone had to find him and bring him back. Apparently she chewed him out and told him "Never walk away from me again" 

  Anyway, our former boss was a real d-bag and didn't seem to care about his employees, he wouldn't bother to even talk to you unless one of your projects got "hot". To illustrate how out of touch with his workers he was, it was Steve's birthday one day... someone brought in a cake, people sang happy birthday, all that. My old boss had no clue and came in and fired his *** that same day... had no clue it was this guy's birthday 

 So now our department always jokes about getting fired when it's someone's birthday (though that ******* boss got fired, himself).

3. Probably the best story involves a cat. I dunno if anyone has heard of an autoclave, but it's basically a huge (you can walk inside) pressure cooker that you use to bake carbon fiber parts under pressure (think 350 degrees, 40-100 psi). Well, it was a cold winter morning, and I guess a stray cat had wandered inside and was looking for a warm place to curl up. Apparently the operator didn't see the cat creep inside the autoclave before they shut the door. Well, when they opened the door, they found the remains of the cat.... apparently the pressure had smashed it into a flat furry disc that looked kinda burned. 

 I guess that's one way to control the stray population...

Since I've been here:

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

4. There's a loading area up here on the 2nd floor, with a gate that opens up for forklifts to pick up big trash carts or other heavy stuff you can't bring up by hand. Well, I guess someone forgot to close the gate one day, and a big trash cart rolled off the edge, falling 15-20 feet down to the shop floor. Bad news is it landed directly on top of a $10k part, destroying it 

 It also landed right next to a warehouse area, scaring the **** out of the people sitting there 

 Needless to say, management was NOT amused...

5. Some lady was up in a scissor lift, elevated all the way up. She didn't realize she was in the path of a bigger machine that came by and knocked it over... scissor lift fell all the way to the ground with her in it 

 Apparently, she didn't have any major injuries besides mentally being shook up... I heard the company figured out some way to avoid writing it up as an accident 

6. Maintenance guy was suppose to add chemical A to chemical B... well, apparently he added chemical B to chemical A, and it created a huge plume of hydrocloric acid fumes... he ran like hell, but the smoke cloud drifted up and instantly corroded 10s or maybe even 100 thousand dollars worth of equipment (same machine that knocked that lady off the scissor lift)

7. Recently, some random woman (doesn't work here) drove her car into our parking lot and was acting crazy. This was before I made it in to work 

 Apparently she was doing donuts, and then driving around real fast trying to hit people walking into work. At some point she parked the car and got out, and started stripping off her clothes... my (current) boss says he saw her bra laying out in the road when he pulled up, and someone else said they saw socks. This chick strips completely naked and is running around... I didn't hear what ol boy was doing, but apparently she comes up and sweeps the leg, word to Karate Kid, taking him down, and is about to start pummeling him, when his coworkers see this and run over to his aid. Guess it takes 4 or 5 guys to subdue this (naked) chick, and supposedly she was only like 5'6" 150 lbs... they hold her down til the cops show up and take her away. Later we heard that the test came back positive for PCP  

Good times...

 

[late registrant]

#5 and #6 with the callback to #5 had me .