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[oidreez]

Damn I just got hit the with no “sparks” after 2 dates with one of those dates being out of my control.

Short story, was talking to this girl for 3 weeks, first date was Memorial Day and I thought it went well, drinks and watched the fireworks at downtown Disney.

2nd date was last Friday because she was in NY the weekend before so couldn’t do anything about that. 2nd date was tough because her friends who are a couple showed up at the night market (outdoor food festival) and it became an impromptu double date. Honestly that threw me off because I tried to balance both getting to know her and her friends while not being disrespectful but now that I think about, I was destined for failure before that date could really start.

Gonna chill for a bit before I hop back on Hinge.

Is it possible she planned for those two friends to show up there?

I feel like you should have taken leave when they showed up and said something came up or just snuck off to the bathroom then sent her a text saying "saw you were with your friends, didnt want to interrupt" or something to that effect

 

[nike4kja05]

Is it possible she planned for those two friends to show up there?

I feel like you should have taken leave when they showed up and said something came up or just snuck off to the bathroom then sent her a text saying "saw you were with your friends, didnt want to interrupt" or something to that effect

I’m with you on that because how she told me was telling. We were in the lot to go park when she said, oh my friends are gonna be here too, they texted me asking what I was doing so I told them where were at. I should’ve bailed but I was so caught off guard by that ****. Lesson learned from that one. 29 year old pulling stuff like that

 

[storm2006]

Is it possible she planned for those two friends to show up there?

I feel like you should have taken leave when they showed up and said something came up or just snuck off to the bathroom then sent her a text saying "saw you were with your friends, didnt want to interrupt" or something to that effect

I’m with you on that because how she told me was telling. We were in the lot to go park when she said, oh my friends are gonna be here too, they texted me asking what I was doing so I told them where were at. I should’ve bailed but I was so caught off guard by that ****. Lesson learned from that one. 29 year old pulling stuff like that

It was definitely a setup but it probably wasn't done maliciously IMO. Something similar happened to me on my FIRST date with my last long-term GF. We went out to dinner then after about ~2.5 hours she came back from the bathroom and said her coworker was with his girl were at a drinks spot down the street and asked if I wanted to go (restaurant and drinks spot were both on 14th St for all the DMV heads so it wasn't THAT improbable that they'd be there). I went and it wasn't awkward at all. After we made it official a few months later she told me that it was kind of built in that her friend was going post up so if the date was ****ty she could bounce or if it panned out we both could come through (which we did).

I don't know if second opinion is the right word but maybe she wanted to see how you acted around her friends/other people when it's not just you and her. Even if it is early on, I wouldn't think too much about balancing getting to know her and her friends in that situation. The best move is just to be yourself and act like you would around friends/a couple you knew already.

If anything, friends are equally as important in that scenario tbh because if you successfully entertained them and afterwards she said "IDK if there's a spark" they would go to bat for you with something along the lines of "What are you talking about? He's so fun! You should see him again." then you'd get an interruption free third date.

 

[nike4kja05]

It was definitely a setup but it probably wasn't done maliciously IMO. Something similar happened to me on my FIRST date with my last long-term GF. We went out to dinner then after about ~2.5 hours she came back from the bathroom and said her coworker was with his girl were at a drinks spot down the street and asked if I wanted to go (restaurant and drinks spot were both on 14th St for all the DMV heads so it wasn't THAT improbable that they'd be there). I went and it wasn't awkward at all. After we made it official a few months later she told me that it was kind of built in that her friend was going post up so if the date was ****ty she could bounce or if it panned out we both could come through (which we did).

I don't know if second opinion is the right word but maybe she wanted to see how you acted around her friends/other people when it's not just you and her. Even if it is early on, I wouldn't think too much about balancing getting to know her and her friends in that situation. The best move is just to be yourself and act like you would around friends/a couple you knew already.

If anything, friends are equally as important in that scenario tbh because if you successfully entertained them and afterwards she said "IDK if there's a spark" they would go to bat for you with something along the lines of "What are you talking about? He's so fun! You should see him again." then you'd get an interruption free third date.

I interpreted it as a vibe check because they are her best friends so I when I found that out, I was myself. We basically split food the whole night with them, and I had equally enough time getting to know each of them individually and her. Bought them drinks to lighten the mood towards the end of the night too.

We’ll see where this goes, I told her I’m not gonna press for another date if she’s not feeling it so it’s up to her to come find me. Told her thanks for being communicative/honest and left it as is.

 

[oidreez]

Men dont invite their male friends to come along the date or meet up at the second location as some sort of buffer if the date doesnt go well.

No one is inviting their friends on the second date because they want you to meet them

I probably would have stuck around too though. I'm already there

 

[Based Jesus]

Worst date I've ever been on invited her friends because they lived close. It was so awkward just having these people I didn't know and didn't want to hang out with on a first date and I already wasn't happy with the way she showed up and put 0 effort into her appearance. Played it cool enough that she invited me in at the end but I just wanted to go home after that.

 

[storm2006]

I interpreted it as a vibe check because they are her best friends so I when I found that out, I was myself. We basically split food the whole night with them, and I had equally enough time getting to know each of them individually and her. Bought them drinks to lighten the mood towards the end of the night too.

We’ll see where this goes, I told her I’m not gonna press for another date if she’s not feeling it so it’s up to her to come find me. Told her thanks for being communicative/honest and left it as is.

Never heard "vibe check" before but that sounds accurate Sounds like you made all the right moves so I wouldn't sweat it. If she hits you up again, cool. If not, plenty of other yambs out there

Men dont invite their male friends to come along the date or meet up at the second location as some sort of buffer if the date doesnt go well.

No one is inviting their friends on the second date because they want you to meet them

I probably would have stuck around too though. I'm already there

I agree with all of this and after reading your post, meeting friends in that type of situation is definitely for a second opinion. We all know women are hella nosy and obviously request pics like us NTers then if there are multiple dates they get super curious and want to meet you

Worst date I've ever been on invited her friends because they lived close. It was so awkward just having these people I didn't know and didn't want to hang out with on a first date and I already wasn't happy with the way she showed up and put 0 effort into her appearance. Played it cool enough that she invited me in at the end but I just wanted to go home after that.

 

[Present]

Are we out here dating/paying for dates just to be ambushed by a kangaroo court & judged by a rigged jury vote now?

The audacity

Her:

Me:

 

[tr1ll]

Meh one of my exes had a friend tag a long for the first date. *shrugs* Usually the friend gives the ok before hand.

 

[storm2006]

Are we out here dating/paying for dates just to be ambushed by a kangaroo court & judged by a rigged jury vote now?

The audacity

Her:

Me:

The game is changing bruh But based on topics that come up in here, I would rather be asked to meet with friends than asked for a tank of gas or some other gift.

In thinking about it, this dude Zion had to go public with the baby shower AND he’s probably gonna get her a ‘push present’ that is 6-7 figures

 

[TSCQ]

The delusional era.

 

[Present]

Meh one of my exes had a friend tag a long for the first date. *shrugs* Usually the friend gives the ok before hand.

Did you pay for both of them?

 

[Based Jesus]

but I just wanted to go home after that.

 

[storm2006]

My bad Based Jesus - I interpreted it as “I wanted to go home but I went in anyway” because if I’m getting invite in then 11 times out of 10 I’m going in…literally and figuratively Thats the perfect set up for some “I usually don’t this” yambs

Did you pay for both of them?

Bringing a tagalong muddies the financial waters but I would have just paid for both them even though it’s not a requirement. It’s either that or split it 3-ways. Chalk it up to the cost of the doing business and gain an ally in the process

 

[frshstunna]

If shorty bringing friends around she gotta give me the heads up or I ain’t with it…No hour before or on the way there type of bs

 

[tr1ll]

Did you pay for both of them?

Man please...this was the good ol days. They paid for themselves. That used to be a flex for women, now they wouldn't dare.

 

[Based Jesus]

My bad Based Jesus - I interpreted it as “I wanted to go home but I went in anyway” because if I’m getting invite in then 11 times out of 10 I’m going in…literally and figuratively Thats the perfect set up for some “I usually don’t this” yambs

Nah man, she was a completely different woman than the one I initially met. Was so done I didn't even take the train home, just ordered an uber from brooklyn to the bronx

 

[ballinsam23]

Nothing wrong if a couple tags along after the first date.

99% of the time its exactly that, a "vibe check" or to see if you "fit in" with her people

If there's no heads up and just a friend tags along, yea I wouldnt like that.

 

[Present]

Imagine if the reverse was to happen.

A man invites a woman out on a date.

She shows up to find him and his friends sitting at the table looking dead at her.

Even worse, he brings his best female "friend" along.

You know, just for a "vibe check"

 

[tomdiginson]

Damn I just got hit the with no “sparks” after 2 dates with one of those dates being out of my control.

Short story, was talking to this girl for 3 weeks, first date was Memorial Day and I thought it went well, drinks and watched the fireworks at downtown Disney.

2nd date was last Friday because she was in NY the weekend before so couldn’t do anything about that. 2nd date was tough because her friends who are a couple showed up at the night market (outdoor food festival) and it became an impromptu double date. Honestly that threw me off because I tried to balance both getting to know her and her friends while not being disrespectful but now that I think about, I was destined for failure before that date could really start.

Gonna chill for a bit before I hop back on Hinge.

Once you saw the friends lingering about, I would have left.

 

[tr1ll]

Once you saw the friends lingering about, I would have left.

Sounds like you're plotting an abduction.

 

[Mark Antony]

Sounds like she got some D that weekend in NY.

 

[Comparison Ford]

Had a girl try to pull a stunt like that on me way back when. We were gonna meet at a bar for a drink and then about 2-3 hours before meeting up she conveniently slipped in "I'm excited for you to meet my friends." I told her I didn't really feel comfortable going on a first date like that and she was NOT happy with me.

She ended up giving me another chance, but it was obvious she was a little resentful over the fact that I didn't play ball the first time around. Saw the writing on the wall and deaded it.

 

[Based Jesus]

It's just WEIRD. I don't even know you yet and you're already surrounding me with other people I don't know?

 

[storm2006]

Sounds like you're plotting an abduction.

Right? I am not trying to be obtuse or contrarian but why is everyone violently against “The Vibe Check” especially if it is unannounced, announced at the last minute or staged? I can understand feeling “ambushed” but in general meeting up with an unknown dude can be intimidating for some women based on prior experiences, stories from friends, etc. I don’t think it’s an insult or anything. Although the first date is kind of pushing it IMO.

EDIT:

It's just WEIRD. I don't even know you yet and you're already surrounding me with other people I don't know?

Yeah, like I said, first date is a lot in most cases. That should at least be a 1-on-1 pre-screen