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- Jun 16, 2008
Been two years since my father passed away. Been having an existential mini-crisis lately.
Now I'm an agnostic. I don't really prescribe to any mainstream religion's ideas on the hereafter, but I don't really have any explanations myself other than I feel like there's really nothing after this.
Few reasons.
- There's been approximately 100.8 BILLION humans who have ever lived according to Carl Haub, senior demographer for the Population Reference Bureau. It's incredibly hard for me to helieve that there's some higher power that has created some place for this mass of humanity postmortem.
- The sheer amount of ****** up ways people die. From warfare to brutal massacres. You spend enough time on liveleak and you have to question at some point how a higher power would just let his creations get murked out like that. I mean just look at what happened to the kid in Aleppo. Folks butchering each other in the name of God and country while I'm just sitting here wondering how people can throw away life so carelessly. That was someone's kid man. He ain't never coming back.
- Witnessing death firsthand. You spend years, decades with someone you love and one day they're gone. You're left looking at their lifeless body on a hospital bed or in a casket and you bury them. Nothing was as affirming for me of the idea that there's nothing after this life than seeing my pops lowered into the ground.
I can't really explain how or why, but I just knew. Now he was a Muslim, I left that path a long time ago but everyone who showed up to the funeral was Muslim. I hadn't been to a mosque in years, nor prayed. Not since I had left. It was at that moment i saw with real clarity, people needed faith for moments like this. I wish I could indulge in that, even for just a moment of comfort, but I couldn't. Something in my mind would not let me.
Now I'm a father. Two of my own. I feel like that's it, that's the closest I'll ever get to living forever.
But still that feels like a defense mechanism. Truth is when you're gone you just don't know what'll become of your family, your kids, your lineage. Really at some point your bloodline will be so far gone it won't really matter in the grand scheme.
I feel fortunate, being able to spend my life with the people I have but at the same time it hurts. It hurts knowing you created life and you won't be there when it's their time. Now no parent wants to bury their child but at the same time you want to always be there for them.
***** crazy. Some folks think that our energy, our spirits, our conscious will go on. I don't know though man, I honestly can't say for certain what happens. I just personally believe it's nothing and that just sucks because so many people are out here offing one another because they legit think they're going to respawn.
What do y'all think happens when we're gone? Honestly.
And thanks, for letting me ramble out these thoughts. I appreciate that NT.
Now I'm an agnostic. I don't really prescribe to any mainstream religion's ideas on the hereafter, but I don't really have any explanations myself other than I feel like there's really nothing after this.
Few reasons.
- There's been approximately 100.8 BILLION humans who have ever lived according to Carl Haub, senior demographer for the Population Reference Bureau. It's incredibly hard for me to helieve that there's some higher power that has created some place for this mass of humanity postmortem.
- The sheer amount of ****** up ways people die. From warfare to brutal massacres. You spend enough time on liveleak and you have to question at some point how a higher power would just let his creations get murked out like that. I mean just look at what happened to the kid in Aleppo. Folks butchering each other in the name of God and country while I'm just sitting here wondering how people can throw away life so carelessly. That was someone's kid man. He ain't never coming back.
- Witnessing death firsthand. You spend years, decades with someone you love and one day they're gone. You're left looking at their lifeless body on a hospital bed or in a casket and you bury them. Nothing was as affirming for me of the idea that there's nothing after this life than seeing my pops lowered into the ground.
I can't really explain how or why, but I just knew. Now he was a Muslim, I left that path a long time ago but everyone who showed up to the funeral was Muslim. I hadn't been to a mosque in years, nor prayed. Not since I had left. It was at that moment i saw with real clarity, people needed faith for moments like this. I wish I could indulge in that, even for just a moment of comfort, but I couldn't. Something in my mind would not let me.
Now I'm a father. Two of my own. I feel like that's it, that's the closest I'll ever get to living forever.
But still that feels like a defense mechanism. Truth is when you're gone you just don't know what'll become of your family, your kids, your lineage. Really at some point your bloodline will be so far gone it won't really matter in the grand scheme.
I feel fortunate, being able to spend my life with the people I have but at the same time it hurts. It hurts knowing you created life and you won't be there when it's their time. Now no parent wants to bury their child but at the same time you want to always be there for them.
***** crazy. Some folks think that our energy, our spirits, our conscious will go on. I don't know though man, I honestly can't say for certain what happens. I just personally believe it's nothing and that just sucks because so many people are out here offing one another because they legit think they're going to respawn.
What do y'all think happens when we're gone? Honestly.
And thanks, for letting me ramble out these thoughts. I appreciate that NT.
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