NT Confessions 2009

[jayhood23]

Originally Posted by DearWinter219

here's a serious confession to just you iBlink...

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

I'm afraid of being wrong about everything I've told you. I'm a realest holding onto idealist beliefs. If I embrace the reality of life and love, I get afraid. I get afraid that I'll never have the right girl, or that when I do get her, I won't have her for long -- so I accept inadequacies in my lady. I even cherish them. I tell her we'd last forever if it were up to me. Those flaws, and my uncanny willingness to accept them unconditionally, are what keeps her near to me. Without them, she could do much better than me. I'm afraid she'll realize this soon enough. This is all because I lost my mother (of course). My biggest fear is not that she'll have sex with another guy. It's that she'll actually love another guy. I hate to admit, but it's not my trusting her that allows me to "forgive and forget" certain suspect $++! she's done. It's my fear of being right. The "me" before her, before March 28, 2007 -- the day my mom died, wouldn't be like this. That "me" would deal with the reality of my suspicions and act accordingly. That me was also scarred beyond recovery by embracing the reality of terminal illness in a parent. when my brother's looked away, I STARED. I wanted to see Death for what it was. I wanted to learn from it. I wanted it to mold me into a strong person. Instead, it crippled me. Death is winning and I'm losing. Death claims a little more of me every day. So, though it's true that I've been forged into steel by the fires of Death, that's not to say I prefer the heat. Sometimes it's easier to cope by placing my belief and trust in ideals themselves, rather than the person assigned with upholding them. I look at the word "integrity" and I act as if everyone has it. Golden Rule, right? I justify that thought by saying, "Well, since I have it, and I have no reason to believe she doesn't, then I'll place my trust in [that]...". It's like sub-leasing your trust by way of deductive reasoning. It's not practical, but it keeps me from imploding and losing hope. I'm emotionally needy, deep, DEEP down and I surmise it's because I was ripped from my mother 3 months prematurely.... and then she died before I fully matured into a man. The two strongest bonds-- mother-to-son and son-to-mother, were BOTH interrupted while I was still "downloading". So now I have emotional "bugs". I realize some part of me will always suffer because of that. So I seek reciprocity in my woman for these feelings of neediness.

I said that to say this:

One can't expect another to reciprocate their feelings. All you can do is appreciate it. Know that and don't question it, ever. Don't ever feel entitled to love if you plan on perusing that girl or any other.

My man put it all out there on that Dr. Phil tip

 

[dearwinter219]

I had to... I can breathe now...

 

[executive76]

I hate when I allow ppl to affect me this much. That ain't the me I'm used to. I've changed

I feel you!

I miss the old me

 

[jayhood23]

Originally Posted by DearWinter219

I had to... I can breathe now...

Sometimes thats all it takes....glad to see you feel better. Don't let the situation get to you, I didn't read your post cuz it was toolong but I've been in a situation to where I actually did cheat but only because I was cheated on first. It didn't justify what I did but I felt better

 

[dearwinter219]

I post %!%@ like that so that others can relate and learn. But honestly, I need help. You of all people SHOULD read that post. Maybe you can "fix"me.

 

[nawth21]

Originally Posted by DearWinter219

I post %!%@ like that so that others can relate and learn. But honestly, I need help. You of all people SHOULD read that post. Maybe you can "fix" me.

You don't need fixing. Becoming a better person is a life long event, it just gives us something to strive for. In the meantime you just got to beyourself, acknowledge your short comings and keep it moving

 

[dearwinter219]

^But....... meh, you're always right. No use questioning it now, I guess..... I feel "broken" though. I feel fractured. Incomplete. Damaged.

 

[nawth21]

Like I said, work in progress.

 

[jayhood23]

Originally Posted by DearWinter219

^But....... meh, you're always right. No use questioning it now, I guess..... I feel "broken" though. I feel fractured. Incomplete. Damaged.

From the way you're feeling it sounds like you're invested in this relationship. IMO ending it will answer a lot of questions you have andany doubts will be confirmed. Just remember time heals and it seems like you need to take a few steps back from the situation and be alone.

 

[executive76]

Maybe he's just tired of being the bigger person in the situation...

I know I am

I'm a spiteful dude and I don't feel right until things are even

 

[jayadict92]

haven't been in your situation so i have little to offer, but i wish you the best and hope that in time, all will be well.

oh and dearwinter, i wasn't laughing at your post, i was laughing at the post above yours. sidekicks are slow and take some time to post...

 

[dearwinter219]

Originally Posted by Executive76

Maybe he's just tired of being the bigger person in the situation...

I know I am

Yeah man.

The thing is, she's a better person than me by all measurable statistics. School, ethics, spirituality, outlook onlife-- she's more positive with ALL of that. but at the end of the day, all of that *+%* dissolves and I'm the guy left with more WISDOM. It'shard man... it's really, really hard. I'm not a great person, but I want to be. She is a great person, but she doesn't appreciate that quality because she's always had it. So when we fight, I try way harder thanshe does to pull my punches and look past the argument. Then I end up pissed off, PMing Nawth and *+%*

 

[went248whee227]

I've fallen in love with a woman out in DC and she wants me to move and live with her when she moves to NY with her firm in a 2 years but I don't knowhow to break it to my ex who I have been with for almost 5 years. My family loves her and everything(damn) My ex wants to get back with me but I'm tryingto break the crushing news to her that I have moved on mentally and emotionally. Jesus

 

[frijolero]

Originally Posted by went248whee227

I've fallen in love with a woman out in DC and she wants me to move and live with her when she moves to NY with her firm in a 2 years but I don't know how to break it to my ex who I have been with for almost 5 years. My family loves her and everything(damn) My ex wants to get back with me but I'm trying to break the crushing news to her that I have moved on mentally and emotionally. Jesus

 

[just reason]

.. i am infatuated with death but afraid to die
... i am a true "virgo".. a perfectionist (914 is my area code and bday.. the same as nas)
.. i want to be buried in Cairo, Egypt (<--see)
.. i want to change the state of mind for blacks like Huey P, Malcolm
.. I hope that my poetry become famous and help people in various ways
.. I am a philosophy major and constantly watch the history channel

church.

 

[sdfbheat]

Gotta crush on a co worker but we both have spouses and both live with us

i want to leave Shorty im with not feeling the sex game like i used to Ie Not enough Oral
but cant shes the BM

I wanna smash her sister But that aint Right

I wanna Smash like 4 other birds thats throwing it at me

Im about to cut all me !##!%% off and get my Lonley loner popping. ( !##!%% aint in it to win it) slacking

Ive let like 5 chicks top me off since ive been with the BM

Ive been realy smoking weed since i was 10 i tell every one 13 cus i used to feel Embarrassed to have started at such a young age.

I'm the Best Rapper Alive Had to throw that in there

Got out of two Speeding tickets by saying i was on the way to a Funeral (i was on my way to work) some cops have a heart.

 

[chi ill]

- I have never used "the new smilies" since we moved to Yuku ... I keep it classic .

3. One of my ex'es was one of the most hated NT'ers in NT history...cerca 2005
who ?

 

[keithahundred]

I like getting in to disputes with other nters

I like joking on nters


I can't flex I kind of like being flamed


On the low I should be the spokes person for the south on nt

 

[frijolero]

Originally Posted by Keithahundred

I like getting in to disputes with other nters

I like joking on nters


I can't flex I kind of like being flamed


On the low I should be the spokes person for the south on nt

 

[jayhood23]

Originally Posted by Keithahundred

I like getting in to disputes with other nters

I like joking on nters


I can't flex I kind of like being flamed


On the low I should be the spokes person for the south on nt

I've noticed

 

[cucumbercool]

-My life feels like it is at a stand still and I honestly hate it.
-I feel as though my parents are literally destroying our home with this add-ons and taking away. It doesn't feel like home anymore and I greatly wouldlike to move out and make my own home even if it is in an apartment.
-Ive lost my temper numerous times the past few days after keeping it under control for months. Most recently it has led me to a swollen knuckle and someburning pain in my stomach
-I want this girl and for once I am going to try to pursue her.

 

[jayhood23]

-The chick that is paying my cell phone bill and gives me money is coming into to town this weekend and she wants to get it poppin but I'm not feeling herlike that so I'm gonna tell her that I have to go to the dr and cant have sex til next week.

-I'm not quite sure where my life is headed

 

[ericberry14]

Originally Posted by Frijolero

Originally Posted by Keithahundred

I like getting in to disputes with other nters

I like joking on nters


I can't flex I kind of like being flamed


On the low I should be the spokes person for the south on nt

that emoticon is the !+!!...

dudes comin out the woodwork wit the fresh emoticons now...

yep its definitely summer time on NT

 

[buckwheat21]

-I HATE my job, and can not wait to quit at the end of the month
-I never thought after graduating college that I would be where I am now
-I still trip over my ex, but now I am finally able to go out and socialize with other girls
-After a 4 year relationship, I feel like it will take sometime to get my swag back
-I have no idea what I want to do with my life
-Most nights I will drink the night away and wake up hungover as $*#% and go to work
-I'm pretty sprung on this one chick right now, but I feel like im not aggressive like I used to be...damn relationships mess your game up baaad

-I miss my family
-I realized that I have some of the best friends in the world, except when they get drunk there always seems to be a fight brewing...im 23 SMH at theimmaturity

-Being single again made me realize that you need to focus on doing what YOU want to do and not worry about anyone else
-I want to make a change in the world and possibly teach, but I feel like I need to make some money first and look out for myself...it is a conflictingfeeling, because being selfish can not go hand in hand with making a difference...
-I really hate my job and I think about quitting earlier and earlier than what I said

 

[iblink]

Originally Posted by DearWinter219

here's a serious confession to just you iBlink...

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler [+]

Spoiler

I'm afraid of being wrong about everything I've told you. I'm a realest holding onto idealist beliefs. If I embrace the reality of life and love, I get afraid. I get afraid that I'll never have the right girl, or that when I do get her, I won't have her for long -- so I accept inadequacies in my lady. I even cherish them. I tell her we'd last forever if it were up to me. Those flaws, and my uncanny willingness to accept them unconditionally, are what keeps her near to me. Without them, she could do much better than me. I'm afraid she'll realize this soon enough. This is all because I lost my mother (of course). My biggest fear is not that she'll have sex with another guy. It's that she'll actually love another guy. I hate to admit, but it's not my trusting her that allows me to "forgive and forget" certain suspect $++! she's done. It's my fear of being right. The "me" before her, before March 28, 2007 -- the day my mom died, wouldn't be like this. That "me" would deal with the reality of my suspicions and act accordingly. That me was also scarred beyond recovery by embracing the reality of terminal illness in a parent. when my brother's looked away, I STARED. I wanted to see Death for what it was. I wanted to learn from it. I wanted it to mold me into a strong person. Instead, it crippled me. Death is winning and I'm losing. Death claims a little more of me every day. So, though it's true that I've been forged into steel by the fires of Death, that's not to say I prefer the heat. Sometimes it's easier to cope by placing my belief and trust in ideals themselves, rather than the person assigned with upholding them. I look at the word "integrity" and I act as if everyone has it. Golden Rule, right? I justify that thought by saying, "Well, since I have it, and I have no reason to believe she doesn't, then I'll place my trust in [that]...". It's like sub-leasing your trust by way of deductive reasoning. It's not practical, but it keeps me from imploding and losing hope. I'm emotionally needy, deep, DEEP down and I surmise it's because I was ripped from my mother 3 months prematurely.... and then she died before I fully matured into a man. The two strongest bonds-- mother-to-son and son-to-mother, were BOTH interrupted while I was still "downloading". So now I have emotional "bugs". I realize some part of me will always suffer because of that. So I seek reciprocity in my woman for these feelings of neediness.

I said that to say this:

One can't expect another to reciprocate their feelings. All you can do is appreciate it. Know that and don't question it, ever. Don't ever feel entitled to love if you plan on perusing that girl or any other.

I hear you fam. Me and you have a lot in common, but we differ on one main thing.

You've dealt with loss and I haven't. I come from an extensive, tight-nit family and everyone I've grown up around is still alive.Because of this,I know that I'm going to get hit rather hard when death comes around because they're all growing older. Because of this, I feel as though I'm gonnabe alone one day when they're all dead and gone. As a result, I subconsciously put added emphasis on the women I get involved with. Now that I'm older,I feel as though I'm looking for someone I can do grow old with... not because I want their love, but ratherbecause I'll need the compassion and affection of another person. You can almost say I'm looking for areplacement.. which is ridiculous because no woman'll replace my grand mom, mom, aunt, etc. I look past a lot of things in women out of the idea thateveryone has to make compromises. But what I've been realizing lately is that you shouldn't have to compromiseyour happiness. I've come to the realization that me and my lady won't make it and I plan on putting my cards on the table today when we speak again.I've realized that I can't expect to use someone just to help me cope. If I have a girlfriend, or wife, thenit's because I love her and in the event of me losing someone, then she's happen to be there.

This thing called life is a fickle thing my man. I've got to stop thinking years from now and start taking it one day at a time. It's easy to fool theworld, but fooling yourself is a bit tricky and I'm not trying to do that anymore.