- i give great advice but rarely apply it to myself
-academics and sports have always come easy to me but i am reluctant to push myself to the limits b/c i fear failure (this is a rough habit to work on in lawschool...)
- Lately I feel like if my life is at a standstill..
- I feel like I lost my drive
- I'm starting to realize that I depend on people for way to much (meeting girls, going out, being motivated towards anything)
- My confidence has been shook big time ever since I botched a date with this girl I'm digging worse than Trey Junkin in the 2002 NFC Wildcard game for theg-men...
- I honestly have no clue what I am doing with my life ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I'm afraid of being wrong about everything I've told you. I'm a realest holding onto idealist beliefs. If I embrace the reality of life and love, I get afraid. I get afraid that I'll never have the right girl, or that when I do get her, I won't have her for long -- so I accept inadequacies in my lady. I even cherish them. I tell her we'd last forever if it were up to me. Those flaws, and my uncanny willingness to accept them unconditionally, are what keeps her near to me. Without them, she could do much better than me. I'm afraid she'll realize this soon enough. This is all because I lost my mother (of course). My biggest fear is not that she'll have sex with another guy. It's that she'll actually love another guy. I hate to admit, but it's not my trusting her that allows me to "forgive and forget" certain suspect $++! she's done. It's my fear of being right. The "me" before her, before March 28, 2007 -- the day my mom died, wouldn't be like this. That "me" would deal with the reality of my suspicions and act accordingly. That me was also scarred beyond recovery by embracing the reality of terminal illness in a parent. when my brother's looked away, I STARED. I wanted to see Death for what it was. I wanted to learn from it. I wanted it to mold me into a strong person. Instead, it crippled me. Death is winning and I'm losing. Death claims a little more of me every day. So, though it's true that I've been forged into steel by the fires of Death, that's not to say I prefer the heat. Sometimes it's easier to cope by placing my belief and trust in ideals themselves, rather than the person assigned with upholding them. I look at the word "integrity" and I act as if everyone has it. Golden Rule, right? I justify that thought by saying, "Well, since I have it, and I have no reason to believe she doesn't, then I'll place my trust in [that]...". It's like sub-leasing your trust by way of deductive reasoning. It's not practical, but it keeps me from imploding and losing hope. I'm emotionally needy, deep, DEEP down and I surmise it's because I was ripped from my mother 3 months prematurely.... and then she died before I fully matured into a man. The two strongest bonds-- mother-to-son and son-to-mother, were BOTH interrupted while I was still "downloading". So now I have emotional "bugs". I realize some part of me will always suffer because of that. So I seek reciprocity in my woman for these feelings of neediness.
I said that to say this:
One can't expect another to reciprocate their feelings. All you can do is appreciate it. Know that and don't question it, ever. Don't ever feel entitled to love if you plan on perusing that girl or any other.
I hear you fam. Me and you have a lot in common, but we differ on one main thing.
You've dealt with loss and I haven't. I come from an extensive, tight-nit family and everyone I've grown up around is still alive.Because of this, I know that I'm going to get hit rather hard when death comes around because they're all growing older. Because of this, I feel as though I'm gonna be alone one day when they're all dead and gone. As a result, I subconsciously put added emphasis on the women I get involved with. Now that I'm older, I feel as though I'm looking for someone I can do grow old with... not because I their love, but rather because I'll wantneedthe compassion and affection of another person. You can almost say I'm looking for a replacement.. which is ridiculous because no woman'll replace my grand mom, mom, aunt, etc. I look past a lot of things in women out of the idea that everyone has to make compromises. But what I've been realizing lately is that you shouldn't haveto compromise your happiness. I've come to the realization that me and my lady won't make it and I plan on putting my cards on the table today when we speak again. I've realized that I can't expect to use someone just to help me cope. If I have a girlfriend, or wife, then it's because I love her and in the event of me losing someone, then she's happen to be there.
This thing called life is a fickle thing my man. I've got to stop thinking years from now and start taking it one day at a time. It's easy to fool the world, but fooling yourself is a bit tricky and I'm not trying to do that anymore.
Whoa... that's Atlas-heavy. Did I type that? You know what... it's almost like you live in an alternate reality of what my life is like, except weend up with the same results for different reasons. I can't shake that. It's digging at my brain. I need to think on that.. . I can't even begin tounravel the science behind my neediness as opposed to your "wantiness".... this rabbit hole is deep as hell... no doubt it'll lead to mehypothesizing about some "fundemental human truth" and starting a thread to se if I'm right
i broke up with my ex on a sunday, i had thoughts about getting back with him until he called me monday night telling me he got "laid off" (fired,recession opportunist smh) and that cemented it.
i broke up with my ex on a sunday, i had thoughts about getting back with him until he called me monday night telling me he got "laid off" (fired, recession opportunist smh) and that cemented it.
i broke up with my ex on a sunday, i had thoughts about getting back with him until he called me monday night telling me he got "laid off" (fired, recession opportunist smh) and that cemented it.
i broke up with my ex on a sunday, i had thoughts about getting back with him until he called me monday night telling me he got "laid off" (fired, recession opportunist smh) and that cemented it.
i think some of it gets to him at times but i think it kinda keeps things exciting at the same time...
like simply i wish i could save the world...i always look for the good side of a situation/person and i can't stand people who are disrespectful or thinkthe world is about them
for that reason i really don't like some of you alot of the time...sometimes i laugh at myself for disliking someone i don't know so much...i wouldlist names but i don't want anyone to catch feelings cuz i don't dislike them all the time...just alot of the time...
kinda felt like posting so why not...and i'm procrastinating.
-i don't trust people, period. i always feel people have ulterior motives and might not like me, or have something else behind them. there's only like1 person i 100% trust in school right now. maybe it's because one of my closest friends in college completely shafted me in a housing situation last year,but i dunno.
starting school tomorrow nervous, have a girl friend but kinda want to be single. And im surviving w/ very small amountsof clothes i.e. 3 pairs of boxers, I don't know what happened to all my clothes.
I procrastinate way too much
I never give a full hearted effort
I probably wont live up to my potential
I think everything will fall into my lap
I think my belief in Karma is actually contributing to my actions having more severe consequences
I dont care enough about my future
I'm far from a virgin, but I never had a "real" girlfriend
