Please help me NT..Mother is a stroke victim for over 10 years now, with no help.

[serotonins]

I will try to make this as short as possible.

My mother had a stroke about a decade ago, she is semi paralyzed on the left side of her body. My mother emigrated here from another country in her 20s and her English still isn’t fluent, and she barely knows how to work a phone. Her and my dad were separated when I was young, she was a single mother raising my sister and I. My father wants nothing to do with her. She is currently living in the basement of a house with random people, me and my sister are paying the rent. She has no friends or anyone who can assist her. She can’t/won’t work, she has tried to apply for disability, but apparently they denied it, which is irritating because she is obviously disabled, maybe the paperwork was filled out wrong, not sure. I am thousands of miles away from her and see her maybe once a year, causing it to be extremely hard for her to do it by herself because she can barely speak English, and it’s difficult for me to help over the phone. To sum it up, im basically trying to see if anyone can point me in the right direction on how I can get her help, the next step is to have her move in with me. I am thinking about starting a Gofund Me, but I don’t know if it will raise any money. She is currently living in the state of Maryland.

There is a lot more details to my story, which is causing her a lot more stress but I just want to get the point across on how to get her help.

I currently DO NOT live in the US and wont be for the next 3 years.

Please any advice is appreciated.

 

[Based Jesus]

Have you considered a nursing home?

 

[picasso swerve]

Where are you?

We dont know the full story, but why didnt you just have her stay with you?

 

[Nawzlew]

Have you considered a nursing home?

Aren't they incredibly expensive?

 

[Bert.]

Aren't they incredibly expensive?

Yes they are and most aren’t even habitable IMO

I visited one once.... never again.

Also I would look into getting disability again and have her move in with you, don’t see how they can deny someone who’s paralyzed on half their body but the way this crap works I see people with real disabilities get denied while people with so called “disabilities” get approved and then some

The system makes no sense at all but I really do wish you and your mother the best of luck

 

[Based Jesus]

Aren't they incredibly expensive?

They can be, if he can get her on Medicaid it will help with the cost. Or maybe just a home aid, that's what my aunt with dementia has, 2 home aids, one for day and one for night.

 

[wanksta23]

As an EMT, going to hundreds of nursing homes, I would never put a loved one in a place like that.
However, I have been to some extremely nice ones, apartment looking ones with privacy, but those cost $$$$$

OP, sounds like you need to be physically in contact with her for a few weeks to get stuff sorted out in person. Get the disability thing sorted out, and if you have to, like you said, have her move in with you.

 

[serotonins]

She is 57 yrs old. I was young at the time the stroke happened, I didn't know much the medical effects about a stroke until I got older. Being young, I still don't have the money to support two people. Well now, I will be able to support her and I, but can you imagine being a 24 year old that has to take care of their own mother for the rest of her and my life? If she does live with me, I'll barely be able to save any money. Like I said before, I feel like I am obligated to since I am running into all these conflicts. If I was a millionaire this wouldn't be such an issue...

Nursing home, never even thought about that.

 

[Based Jesus]

Yes they are and most aren’t even habitable IMO

I visited one once.... never again.

As an EMT, going to hundreds of nursing homes, I would never put a loved one in a place like that.
However, I have been to some extremely nice ones, apartment looking ones with privacy, but those cost $$$$$

I've only ever been to the nice nursing homes. Had no idea they could be that bad.
Depressing sure, even the nice ones are, but not to the point I wouldn't consider putting a loved one in one. This is eye opening.

 

[wanksta23]

She is 57 yrs old. I was young at the time the stroke happened, I didn't know much the medical effects about a stroke until I got older. Being young, I still don't have the money to support two people. Well now, I will be able to support her and I, but can you imagine being a 24 year old that has to take care of their own mother for the rest of her and my life? Like I said before, I feel like I am obligated to since I am running into all these conflicts. If I was a millionaire this wouldn't be such an issue...

Nursing home, never even thought about that.

I hear ya. Like I said, sounds like you just need to get the whole disability situation thing done. Do some research on what you can do.
Good luck, can't imagine what you're having to go through right now

 

[serotonins]

quick google search on nursing home prices.. In 2017, the national, daily average for nursing home care for a shared room was $235. The least expensive states are located in the Southeastern US and Mid-West where the daily cost was closer to $165

I do not have that kind of money man.

 

[Bert.]

quick google search on nursing home prices.. In 2017, the national, daily average for nursing home care for a shared room was $235. The least expensive states are located in the Southeastern US and Mid-West where the daily cost was closer to $165

I do not have that kind of money man.

I would not do it regardless even if it was paid for.

not sure if you want your mother with you but like I said that would prob be best option and fight to get her disability, im sure that would help you BOTH out.

 

[myselfonline]

quick google search on nursing home prices.. In 2017, the national, daily average for nursing home care for a shared room was $235. The least expensive states are located in the Southeastern US and Mid-West where the daily cost was closer to $165

I do not have that kind of money man.

A decent one will cost closer to the $4-500 range per day. But if she qualifies for Medicaid, she might be able to get covered for it. Obviously, Medicaid approved ones are probably worse, but they are not all bad. The problem is, since you live far away, it will be hard for you to find a good one. A lot of nursing centers are pretty bad. Not ideal living conditions, but they will provide her with the assistance she needs. The transitional care and rehabilitation centers that provide long term care may be a bit better.
Problem with Medicaid is that all of her income and assets need to go towards her healthcare. If she ends up getting disability, that money will probably needto be put into an account at the healthcare provider.

 

[serotonins]

she hasn't made any income in the past few years..

 

[nawghtyhare]

She is 57 yrs old. I was young at the time the stroke happened, I didn't know much the medical effects about a stroke until I got older. Being young, I still don't have the money to support two people. Well now, I will be able to support her and I, but can you imagine being a 24 year old that has to take care of their own mother for the rest of her and my life? If she does live with me, I'll barely be able to save any money. Like I said before, I feel like I am obligated to since I am running into all these conflicts. If I was a millionaire this wouldn't be such an issue...

Nursing home, never even thought about that.

Ain’t tryna sound messed up
But this shouldn’t even be a question
U need to be figuring out how to get ur mom to ur apt.
I get money may be a issue
But I’m sure it was a issue when u were growing up
And ur mom ain’t posted nowhere about where she could put u
Get off ur shoulders and move her in with u
Go down to the social security office
And see if she can get it early
May help with bills
Make sure she gets some type of medical insurance
Get off this damn website
And support ur mom

 

[serotonins]

I don't live in the US right now, I'm going to live in Japan in 6 months. My sister lives in the states but with my dad, my dad obviously is not going to let her live in the same house as him. So she can't move in with my sister. It's not that easy man. I have to work and only have limited time off. I have been thinking about getting her SS earlier, but not sure how, I need to do more research. But i'm telling you its not that easy, its not a approve/deny process within a day or even weeks man, it took MONTHS for them to approve/deny disability.

Get off this damn website? im looking for help, maybe someone has been in the same situation as I, reason why I created this thread. It's easy to type Support your mom, but when you are a young adult trying to figure your life out, its not that easy my dude.

 

[Los Angeles]

This is strange.

How many brothers / sisters do you have?

Don’t make this sound like a burden bringing your moms on board, it sounds like a must.

Step 1) All siblings must be involved in this, whether its helping bringing her to you, money, or even monthly expenses. This all must be figured out between all of you.

Step 2) What city / state are you bringing her to? Contact ss and disability office or go there in person to find out what can be done - but before that she must go to a physician where she will be at so all of her medical problems are documented and can be provided to these offices if needed.

Step 3) Make sure your place is equipped to house your mom, stairs, slipper surfaces - sounds like she may have difficulty ambulating so you should make sure safety is a priority.

Step 4) nursing home doesnt sound needed at this time since she lives in the basement im sure she can still do her ADL’s , maybe down the line an assisted living would be feasable if the bread is right.

Step 5) welcome her, this might be hard ln you but even harder for your mom who probably feels that you have to stop your life for her, but we only have one mom and she gave us the greatest gift and that was our life.

Good luck

 

[nawghtyhare]

I don't live in the US right now, I'm going to live in Japan in 6 months. My sister lives in the states but with my dad, my dad obviously is not going to let her live in the same house as him. So she can't move in with my sister. It's not that easy man. I have to work and only have limited time off. I have been thinking about getting her SS earlier, but not sure how, I need to do more research. But i'm telling you its not that easy, its not a approve/deny process within a day or even weeks man, it took MONTHS for them to approve/deny disability.

Get off this damn website? im looking for help, maybe someone has been in the same situation as I, reason why I created this thread. It's easy to type Support your mom, but when you are a young adult trying to figure your life out, its not that easy my dude.

I know the process had to get my wife’s parents both of em
Social security early
Now does ur sister live with ur dad
Or does he live with her
Cause if it’s her house
Forget what ur dad talking about
move her in
And what city is this ur mom located

 

[nawghtyhare]

And ur mom might even qualify to where if u or ur fam take care of her
Y’all can get paid for being her caregivers
Now what city she located so we can help u
Cause if ur she out this way I may be able to help

 

[lightweight champion]

Saving money vs. saving your mom? That shouldn’t be a question. Whether you believe in the afterlife or not, money will not follow you to your grave.

SSI is available for those who are disabled. Go to the social security office and inquire. It’s not much, just a few hundred dollars a month, but it’s better than her current (lack of) income.

Don’t ever do a nursing home. Bad atmosphere, exorbitantly expensive, and many of the aides wouldn’t help the elderly or disabled if it didn’t cost them their jobs. Millions of people work at a place they don’t like, but helping people and caring is a human characteristic. The fact that many of these people still hate their job assisting the physically unfortunate says all you need to know about the type of people they are. Your mother doesn’t deserve that type of negligence.

 

[Chiron]

Only one way to be what you were meant to be OP

 

[serotonins]

My sister lives in my dad's home. My mother is living in silver spring, Maryland. Whats the process of getting SS early?

 

[serotonins]

nawghtyhare Shall we move this to PMing each other?

 

[W)taps]

Crazy because I live in MD and my mom had a stroke when I was in 7th grade.
The left side of her body was paralyzed but she healed pretty well. But these days she runs out of breath very easily and has a weak heart.
I dont know about you, but maybe you need to come back to the States and take care of your mom and find a job here in the States.
What makes this story even crazier is that I had plans to move to Korea to teach english after I graduated. Decided to stay in home instead and get a job here in MD with my parents. That way I could save money + help my parents.

 

[dirty]

Yes they are and most aren’t even habitable IMO

I visited one once.... never again.

Also I would look into getting disability again and have her move in with you, don’t see how they can deny someone who’s paralyzed on half their body but the way this crap works I see people with real disabilities get denied while people with so called “disabilities” get approved and then some

The system makes no sense at all but I really do wish you and your mother the best of luck

The very last time i went to see my grandpa two guys in wheel chairs where sitting by the door and when i opened it they took off trying to escape
2 guys ran out to get them. Didnt even make out the parking lot